February Blogger Basal!

Basal is a curious thing. It is the silent hero in the war we fight every day. Drip Drip Drip...it is easy to forget it is there. It is automatically programed to support our children's life...a hero for sure!

Blogger Basal is the silent hero as well. The steady stream of posts throughout the DOC blogosphere silently keep the hearts of readers pumping. It saves us emotionally. We are lifted up by the power of "same."

Today I am proud to host the February Blogger Basal and give you a sampling of the posts that steadily pumped out droplets of light into our souls. Instead of giving my take on the blogs...I'm going to let the bloggers use their own words to warm you...Let us begin!

Haley from NaturallySweett: Diabetes Camp and a Dash of Diabetesaliciousness.

"Diabetes camp is my "heaven on earth" that 2 hour drive is full of insane giggles and smiles. I know I will have the best week of the year, and it is so hard to keep in my excitement. The camp is amazing, the food is amazing, the activities are amazing, the staff is amazing, and my friends are amazing!"

Misty from Life is Like a Box of Chocolates: 2 Years Ago Today...

Haley from the above NaturallySweett wrote Ally a super sweet letter. Allison wrote her a letter back and asked her mother to post it on her blog on her Diagnosis Anniversary...Misty writes:

"My Sweet Allison has something to share. She wanted to write a letter back to Haley. The funny thing is that when we read the letter from Haley at the beginning of the week, she wanted to respond right away. Then she asked me if I could hold onto it and make sure that we sent it to her on Thursday, February 10. So here it goes..." (Click on over to read Ally's sweet letter!)

Kim from Texting my Pancreas: Reaching the Unreachable

Kim wrote a touching post about those out there in the blogosphere that we can't reach...the ones who need understanding and love the most. She writes:

"This Sister- and Brotherhood of the People With a Broken Pancreas - we have an amazing ability to help people live better by being open and honest about life with diabetes, and there are so many more that can be brought into the fold. We ourselves are proof of the power that community has, because of the changes we've seen it bring to our own lives. We have all felt that void - or recognized its existence only after having brought to light and sealed up - before." (Amen to that!)

Reyna over at Beta Buddies: Mixed Emotions on 7%

(We've all been here. We set the bar so high for ourselves!)

"A 7% is GOOD. So why in the heck am I feeling a little bummed? I realize it is ridiculous. And. I hope I am not offending anyone out there with my slightly heavy heart over a perfectly good number. I was secretly hoping for a 6.9% or a 6.8%. Yes, as I am typing this I realize I am a F*&@ Nut. 7% is fine and I should not get stuck in the "numbers trap" and I should not be hinging my emotions on a tenth or two tenth variance from my "desired" A1C. I am setting myself up for failure if I base my mental well being on a number, whether it be age related, weight related, grade related, or diabetes related."

Trev at Three2Treat: Exercise-Good or bad?

"Well, I believe it certainly helps with lowering the A1C and I must say, personally it has probably enabled me to survive 28 years with out complications, especially the first half of my life with D, prior to my understanding about tight control, MDI's, and Pump therapy." He also goes into the fact that it exercise is extremely complicated when it comes to being Type 1. He ends with..."So to answer the question; is exercise good or bad? I guess that depends on how prepared you are."

Donna over at The Sugar Kids Blog: We've Come A Long Way Baby!

Donna talks about an epic low that her son had during church service...

"All of this is not uncommon for us D peeps... we live and re-live this scenario over and over and over again. But, almost two and a half years after diagnosis I was able to do that entire scenario so quickly, so smoothly that no one around us even had a clue that there was something not right. All they saw was a tired little boy and girl sitting with their mama, and mama doing what she could to keep them quiet during mass. Only those sitting right next to us may have noticed the test being done and the juice coming out. The other difference: it used to really rattle me. This saving of my sons life in the middle of church... the grocery store... wherever. Now, its just something we handle. Quickly, quietly, and without incident."

Joanne at Death of a Pancreas: The Understudy

Joanne likens our roles as a pancreas to an unprepared understudy.

"But thankfully, I have always loved improv and I'm pretty good at thinking on my toes. And so here I am; with a pretty big role in a very important production. We're 2 1/2 years into our run and even though I've flubbed a few lines, been late to rehearsals a couple of times and had some diva moments where I've refused to come out of my dressing room, I think I'm doing a pretty adequate job in my role of pancreas."

Alexis at Justices Misbehaving Pancreas: Perception

"How things affect you can solely depend on how you perceive them. Diabetes sucks. We know this. Its bullshit. I hate it. You hate it. Our kids hate it. But tonight as much as I may want to write all the negative, all the things I hate the most I realized my mood, Justices mood, my feelings can be shifted If I change my perception." (This was a great post, and is on the exact same lines of a post I've had brewing in my head since yesterday. :)

Sara at the Ethan and Isaac Show: Grab your O.S. Handle you're in for a ride!

This analogy gave me a big smile. :)

"I'm not sure what other people call that little handle that is above all the passenger doors inside a car but I like to refer to it as the "O.S. handle." You know, the thing you grab right before you feel like yelling, "OH, S@#T!" Well, that's a bit how I feel with diabetes lately. Like stepping into the car with my husband..." (Just wondering...do all husbands drive looking at the scenery, rather than at the road?? :)

Beth at The Beth Chronicles: I'm sorrrryyy. So Sorrryyy.

This is a post where she updates after a long absence of illness, (Boy, can I relate!) One of the things she did was help clean a homeless shelter. Beth writes:

"Saturday, T and I helped our church clean up from Room in the Inn. I met some homeless men and women there, some of whom I would have never thought were homeless if I had met them on the street. That was my first time I had met a homeless person. I never knew I had these misconceptions and stereotypes until my eyes were opened."

Amy at Diabpeepees: Things that go bump.

"Yes, that's a hospital bed you see. And, no, that's not my son wearing girly leggings. It's my 2 year old daughter in the ER. We found ourselves here just days after making payment plan arrangements to cover our 3 year old son's diabetes bills. And though I agonized about going in, I agonized more about not going in and paying the consequences."

(This post speaks too all our crazy mom moments. In the end, she knew she had to take care of her little one and forget about the pocketbook. :)

Michael Hoskins at The Diabetic's Corner Booth: Keeping The Faith For a Cure

Michael wrote this after the JDRF controversy...Money for a cure? Or Money for advancements toward quality of life?

"I'm sure there are many research ideas and various funding issues to delve into, but I'm not qualified to know about that. When it comes to what the JDRF has done for me: they're trying the best they can. I think as a layperson, and as someone who they are doing this all for, that provides me comfort. Regardless of whether I understand all the decision-making and annual report confusion or not... I'll leave the rest to people much smarter than me."

Kandice at Cherished Children: An Unfair Opponent

There have been quite a few deaths in our community this year. Kandice ponders what we can do...

"The problem, however, lies in the fact that even if we were to do every single thing "correctly", T1D doesn't follow the rules. There are so many variables (growth, hormones, activities, nightmares, etc.), that we can never care for our children perfectly. It is in this helplessness, that we continue to do our best, hoping and praying that our child will always wake up the next morning. There have been so many mornings I go to wake up Joyful Monkey and I find myself holding my breath. I guess, I just know that I can't completely control it."

Ashley at Tales of SWAGing: Another Day, Another Retraction

Ashley talks about the misinformation being thrown out there in the media, and the weak retractions that are issued after our community gets up in arms...

"This misinformation, even when it’s retracted, hurts me. And it hurts my community. These people make their retractions and apologies and go about their business. My fellow PWDs and I - as well as our Type 3s - are quite literally bombarded with these myths at every turn. Everyone I come in contact with fancies himself a diabetes expert. Everyone except those of us who know that there’s no such thing."

Amy over at Three*Thirty*Three: Receiving is pretty awesome, too.

Amy won a giveaway and shares the joy with her readers. There are currently many giveaways around the blogosphere! Don't miss out! Amy says:

"Being a parent of a child with a chronic illness, I often find myself depleted and exhausted. The simple nature of T1D is you must give over and over again 24 hours a day 7 days a week 52 weeks of the year . . . you get the picture. Sometimes receiving is pretty awesome too."

Diane from Our Type 1 Trip: New View

"First there is the mom in Julia's class who, in my opinion, is determined that her daughter will have Type 1 diabetes. (I am trying my best not to punch her.) Second was the person who asked me if Julia "still had that diabetes thing." (I didn't even know how to answer that.) Finally was an acquaintance who has no idea about Julia's diagnoses that asked me if I can finally take a deep breath now that both of my kids are in school all day. (I haven't been able to breathe since November.)"

But then she met someone who "gets it!" And it made the day SO much better.

Michelle at Sugar Coated: Disappointment and Determination.

"I'm trying hard to get over my disappointment. But I'm having a hard time with it because I feel like in some ways I've failed my little girl. I know that the higher her number, the higher her risk for complications later on in life. She's been battling this for just over 5 years now and she has many, many more years ahead of her...so I want to make sure that we do the very best we can to keep her as healthy as possible!" (Man, don't we all have this same dialogue go through our head after a disappointing A1C!)

Denise from My Sweetest Boy: Give me a "D"
I liked this post so much, I'm printing it in its entirety!

Devastating diagnosis
Insulin dependent for life
Always on alert
Blood sugar roller coasters
Eat everything but count the carbs
Test throughout the day
Every day, every hour, every minute
Sugar is medicine

Tracy over at The Superhero and The Princess: Who's in charge...

Tracy writes on how she has taken over the basal adjustments for her son, while others are at the mercy of their endos...

"I have a few other T1 Mamas who I know are NOT allowed to make ANY changes on their own. Seriously. One of them was told that if she made any changes on her own or put her son back on his pump, they would call CPS. So, her son ran HIGH for days before they would call her back. The endo made her take him off the pump while he was in the hospital for ketones. He is still back on shots now, and this was a while ago."

Wendy at Candy Hearts: Candy Hearts Supports Life Of A Child

"It is estimated that there are 100,000 children with diabetes around the world who are in need of assistance to access insulin. Without insulin, these children will die within 1 week. $1 (or more) for each of these children. That's our mission. Let's get started."

Wendy has recruited vendors who are willing to give a percentage of their sales to Life Of A Child. The Candy Hearts Collection of Blue Circle Merchandise will bring in funds for insulin for the children who need it most. Click on over and check out her efforts!

Nicole at the WeCARALot Blog: Today is the day..."D" day!

Little Cara celebrated 2 years with Type 1 Diabetes...

"I realize now to mark or label a date with titles like anniversary allows us to realize and recognize how far we have come. It allows us to look back and learn from our mistakes, to find celebrations in our accomplishments and to look forward to the next coming years with new hopes and new dreams of what life will be."

Laura at Houston...we have a problem!: Tiger Mother Approach

Laura links to an article siting the Tiger Mother Approach. That is a very strict approach for managing children with Type 1. This approach was necessary back in the day when we didn't have the amazing tools we have today. Laura doesn't want to hold her son back...she wants to let go of the tiger. Laura writes:

"When Nate was diagnosed we took him out of his preschool class due to fear of the unknown. He’s spent the past year and a half with me but I took the leap last week and signed him up for pre-school starting in the fall. I am both excited and nervous at the same time. I've held him so closely to me since his diagnosis that I do believe he has missed out on things that his sisters got to experience. That stops now. Ready or not world --- here comes Nate!!"

Hallie of The Princess and the Pump: I Could Really Use That

"During the day... completely out of nowhere... came THIS conversation: Sweetpea: Dad, Do you think there will be a cure for diabetes? J: I sure hope so. We will do everything we can... and keep raising money so there can be a cure. Sweetpea: Thanks, Dad. I could really use that."

True dat Sweetpea! True dat!

Heather at Sweet to the soul: Dear Diabetes

Where Heather asks diabetes to back off for awhile. :)

"The problem is that you make my life much more complicated. My life is already complicated. I didn't need one more thing to make it even crazier. Seriously? Are you hearing me here? Especially the past week. The roller coaster you have put me and Lovebug on is just, well simply put; Hell. She doesn't feel good, I am even more exhausted then I normally am (up until now I didn't think that was possible) and my moods are as up and down as Lovebug's blood sugar numbers."

Lora at My Diabetic Child: Thanks

Lora has been having a hard time, my like myself. She posted what was in her heart, and true to form the DOC came to her side to support her in the comments section. Lora writes:

"THE purpose for this post is in response to some of the comments. I laughed through some of them, cried through some of them and then some made me think. Of course, I can relate to them all."


Jen at I Am Your Pancreas: 365:195 Here's To You

Jen blogs about the ups and downs in a 24 hour period. Her day ends with a support group meeting:

"Today, I joined in a monthly Diabetes Support Group. It always feels good to go and meet up with other parents in person and just tawlk (my NY accent is showing). One of the ladies in the group had a lot of extra insulin because she had just switched brands and brought them for some us to stock up on. It was funny to be there in the coffee shop, passing around baggies with vials of insulin like it was normal. Well, I suppose now it certainly is."

Kristi over at My Sugar Bugs: Celebrating Life

Kristi blogs about how her daughter ended up being admitted to the same hospital exactly 6 years to the day when she was admitted and diagnosed as Type 1.

"I have been asked by a couple of people in the past why we celebrate the anniversary of Bee's Type 1 Diagnosis. It must seem crazy to them to celebrate something that changed our lives, and not in a good way. So, I just explained to them that it's not the anniversary of the diagnosis we celebrate. It's the anniversary of the day her life was saved. That is how we look at it."

Heidi from D Tales: I'm Back


Where Heidi catches up on her hiatus! She begins with a heartbreaking battle that their family has been fighting on behalf of their son:

"On top of the health issues, school issues surrounding diabetes had become increasingly worse, so much so that we had to switch Jack’s teacher and place him in another class. Scratch that. We had to battle to ensure his safety at school. The process was upsetting, ridiculous and stressful. And then we had to train a new teacher. (I need to tell you, though, that it was all worth it. His new teacher is fantastic.)"

Lastly is lil' ol' me. :)

Meri at Our Diabetic Life: The most awesome thing I have done, in spite of diabetes is...

I didn't let a diagnosis stop me from having more children. That is a victory for sure!

"We were told we had a 3% chance of having a second child with diabetes. That is a 97% chance that we wouldn’t. But who cares about percentages. You never know where you will fall, so they are useless. All that is important is I have two of the most precious souls in the universe here in my home. Yes, they have diabetes. Yes, I wish they didn’t have to endure diabetes…But they are thriving. And they are happy. And they are part of a bigger picture."

Thank you for those that submitted your posts! And a double thank you to those who made it all the way through this one! Bravo!! (Holy longest post ever Batman!)

Next month Tracy at the Superhero and the Princess will be hosting the Blogger Basal. Be sure to submit your links to her!

Finding the warmth.

What do you do when you hit rock bottom?

What do you do when the wind is sucked right out of you and you’re just lost?

You can’t find the person you want to be…all you know is you are not the person you want to be.

I’m lost.

I’m in a funk.

How do I find my way back to happy?

The clutter of life is stifling my view. All I see is clutter. Where is the beauty? I know it is within my reach…I know it is right there, in front of me…but the clutter blocks the way.

Simplify?

How do you simplify a life such as ours? There is nothing simple here. Everything is complicated. Everything is harder than it should be.

I know what it is. It is my outlook. It is all within. I am creating the clutter. I am making it all harder than it needs to be. I know this because I have been here before. Too many times.

TOO MANY TIMES.

I know the part of me that sees the bigger picture is here. I know it is in my heart. I just need to turn the switch. Turn off the clutter…turn on the light.

But the darkness is overpowering. The light sits waiting behind a closed door…I can see the dim warmth shut behind the door.



I miss the warmth.

I think my family misses it too.

I know my family misses it too.

Where do I begin to like myself again?

I guess I need to start from the beginning…at the root of it all. It is just now occurring to me that I am trying to find my way back on my own, and all I’m doing is making myself more lost. I’m making a mess of things.

I need to ask for help. I’m not sure why I’m throwing this all out there, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not fighting the clutter alone.

We can’t do it alone.

We have to ask for help.

I’m going to drop to my knees now, and ask Him for help.

I know He will help me. I just don’t know why it has taken me so long to ask.

The most awesome thing I have done, in spite of diabetes is...

The most awesome thing I have done in spite of diabetes?

Hands down, easiest question ever...

These two little munchkins right here.


As most of you know, J was diagnosed when he was 8 months old. J is my second son...B and L wern't even on the radar yet.

It was scary, and deliriously confusing when we were told J had Type 1 Diabetes. We spent a week in the hospital…mostly for J to recover from his ketoacidosis…and a little bit because I needed to learn how to take care of my little boy. (The hospital obviously didn’t think this was too big of a deal, they sent me home with a book and my pediatricians home phone number. “Call him when you need to give insulin.” Yeah, that got old fast, for all of us involved.)

Anyway…back to the hospital….My husband or someone would try to come by once a day to give me a break. I would usually go down to the cafeteria and spend my time feeling guilty I wasn’t with J. I would silently sob in the corner and pick at my food.

One particular day I was in line for the food and already felt tears falling on my cheek. A friendly faced older lady put her hand on my shoulder. “What’s your story, honey?”

I told her how my second son had just been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and the new world we were being thrown in. I told her he was so sick and so skinny, it was hard to see him in such a state.

“Well at least you have two boys…since you won’t be having any more, you are very lucky to have them.”

Say what the huh?

That hit me like a ton of bricks.

Really? I’m not having any more? Was she right? I mean that was the last thing on my mind…but did this mean it was the end of the line? Two and no more?

She wasn’t the only one to make this comment. Many others made comments to the effect that I better not have more, as I didn’t want to pass this on to another child.

Pass it on? Was I really passing it on? For awhile the answer in my mind was yes. I felt like this had to be my fault. I felt like J was being punished just so that I could learn to be a better person. (Diagnosis and lack of sleep do a number on your swelly brain!)

But the passage of time is a funny thing…

Time changes perspectives.

Time heals wounds, even mental ones.

And one day, I knew…we needed to have another.


And one day, exactly two years later, God sent us another.


And then yeah, THEN we were done.

Two years after our last son came into our family…diabetes made another appearance.

And one year later…another appearance.

Do I regret having these two boys? Hell no.

Do I feel responsible for their diabetes. No, no I don’t.

We are like lottery winners; no one could have predicted our lot. NO ONE.

We were told we had a 3% chance of having a second child with diabetes.

That is a 97% chance that we wouldn’t. But who cares about percentages. You never know where you will fall, so they are useless. All that is important is I have two of the most precious souls in the universe here in my home. Yes, they have diabetes. Yes, I wish they didn’t have to endure diabetes…

But they are thriving.

And they are happy.

And they are part of a bigger picture.

I can’t imagine life without B and L. Would I have had them if I KNEW they were going to have Type 1?

I think they would have hoped…that regardless of their circumstances, I would have said yes.

This post is my February entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/introducing-the-dsma-blog-carnival

TCOYD...my report!

Last Saturday I had the honor of attending, and participating as faculty at the TCOYD conference in Santa Rosa, California.

Amy Tenderich of Diabetes Mine asked to me to sit in a forum and discuss “living with diabetes online.”

Most of you know I was extremely ill the previous weeks, and it was nothing short of a miracle that I was in good enough health to attend. I was still coughing, (I AM still coughing,) but I could walk upright…so that in itself gave me the green light to get off my couch and go.

I brought my mother with me. She is an insulin dependent type 2. She was diagnosed about 5 years ago and we have some suspicion that she may be a LADA patient, rather than type 2. LADA stands for Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults. Basically it is an adult that acquires type one, with an onset that is generally quite slow going. The beta cells are killed at a slower pace, so often those with LADA are diagnosed with Type 2. My mother has asked to be tested to see which diabetes she really has, but has been put off by her doctors. She’ll get the test eventually…but right now she is doing all she can to Take Control of HER Diabetes.

So this conference was a perfect fit for her!

We attended some sessions together. I would have to say that she gleaned much more information than I did. The conference seemed more applicable for the Type 2 community…although there were many workshops that offered help for both communities.

Some things I DID learn:

You get what you give. They showed examples of what they called, “The Extreme Diabetes Makeover.” They took a bunch of Type 2 and Type 1 Diabetics and gave them the whole gamut of support. The results in less than a year yielded A1C’s that were literally cut in half. It goes to show the right support team is invaluable when it comes to diabetes. If your endo isn’t actively trying to help you take control…if your endo or doctor is not empathetic to the cause…then it is time for a new endo.

They showed a map of the prevalence of diabetes 10 or 20 years ago. (The states with a higher than 3% diagnosis rate were colored red.) There were a few states colored red. Today the entire map is red. I knew that diabetes, both type 1 and 2 were on the rise…I wasn’t surprised at the statistics at all. But just looking at the map made it all more real. Not a fun feeling really.

In another workshop I learned that when a man gets angry, three parts of his brain light up. When a woman gets angry, SEVEN parts of her brain light up. Again…not too surprising. :) The workshop talked about our “caveman” emotions. That we all have an automatic-gut-reaction-emotions to EVERYTHING. We need to identify what the triggers are that make us angry and upset, and then we need to accept…and deal with that emotion head on.

The Happy Diabetic workshop was our favorite. He talked about his diabetes, his denial of it all and did a kick-butt cooking demonstration. We learned that if you have vegetable oil in your pantry…throw it away…and throw it away NOW. Cook only with Canola oil and olive oil. (I checked, that is what I have in my pantry...phew!)

Our conference was next. Participation was much smaller than anticipated as the main Doctor of the conference, Dr. Edelman, had his most popular workshop in the giant room the same time as ours. We were o.k. with the smaller audience. We hoped we could reach out more personally with the attendees. I don’t think I was prepared for the diversity of the audience though. There were many older type 2 adults who simply came to find out what to type on their computers to find a community that would understand them. There were parents of Type 1’s…there were adult type 1’s and there were people who simply wanted to know technically how to get their website out there.

We started out with each of us going up with our power points and giving a spiel about ourselves. I of course got all weepy talking about why I go online. I talked about the power of “same” and the relief to know there are others who 100% get it. Afterwards we opened it up to a question and answer forum and tried our best to satisfy all the answers in the audience.

All in all it was a success, and that is something! It was a good introduction for me in an advocating forum. I hope to have more opportunities to get out there and let people know they don’t have to be alone in all this anymore.

The vendor fair was pretty rockin’, although I think I missed out on some as I only walked through first thing in the morning. I had an opportunity to speak for a good five minutes with Billy Mills, the Olympic gold medalist. He is a very sweet man and it was a blast talking face to face, speaking so candidly with a legend. It was a really cool experience and I will remember it always.

Thank you TCOYD for welcoming me into your family. What you are doing is nothing short of amazing. Encouraging thousands of people to Take CONTROL of their Diabetes is an admirable cause indeed! Keep up the good work! I know many lives were changed for the better after attending the conference last week…my mother’s included!

Attention ALL bloggers!

Our Diabetic Life is in charge of the Blogger Basal this month!

What is Blogger Basal you ask? Well, it is a sampling of blogs throughout the diabetic online community. As basal insulin is a steady/constant dripping of insulin, the blogger basal is a steady/constant dripping of thoughts throughout our community. If your blog has a thousand readers, or just two...I want to link to you!

I will link to one post per participating blog. All YOU have to do is email me a link to a February blog post. One from your own blog...the one that you like best.

Easy Peasy?

Maybe...but here is the catch. I need your link by Wednesday, February 23rd. (That is less than a week away. So you might as well send it to me today. :)

Please email me at ourdiabeticlife@yahoo.com and I will make sure your blog is represented. If you were like me...and out of the loop this month due to illness or just plain life, tune in on the last day of the month for the wrap up. You won't be sorry!

I look forward to reading your submissions...mother, father, adult or child. If you blog...get your voice out there! This is a great platform to start getting people involved in your own Diabetic Life!

Don't be shy! Email me today!

Valentines Day: Wherein...I get knocked down.

Captains Log: Valentines Day…the REAL Valentines Day, was wonderful…the kids had the day off thanks to the broke California School System, so we enjoyed a day at the movies and just plain relaxin!

BUUUUUUT: Last Friday was the real/fake school Valentines Day Celebrations.

Rating: F for “what the FLIP happened?!”

It started with L not bolusing for breakfast. This has become a problem. I tell him what to bolus…he takes out his pump…and for some flippin reason, it just doesn’ t happen. I’m talkin’ like twice a week. Out of nowhere! So…it is my job now. I give the breakfast boluses…

But I digress.

Friday…he didn’t get that Bolus, and he called me at snack with a lovely…(NOT)…425.

"Bolus"…I tell him. And he boluses. By lunch he is 140 and is rearing to go!

(Side note: I used to pick the boys up immediately when they were so high. But you know what happened...within the hour...they were fine. And then I had to bring them back. So the new rule is, if they want to stay, and the teacher doesn't feel like it is bringing them too down, I let them stay. If they don't come down nicely by the next check I pick them up. But I'm not so fast to pick them out of school anymore. I give them a choice. They usually choose to stay.)

So…of course he wanted to stay…it was the Valentines Party for goodness sake!!!

L called me at 2:00, as I was driving to the school. “I’m going to have a small strawberry muffin.”

“A muffin? That is weird.”

“Well, it is pink. And it looks like a muffin to me...”

“Fine. 30 carbs. I’ll be right there.”

What that small strawberry muffin turned out to be was a strawberry cupcake with frosting piled higher than the cupcake. It was a 60 carber for sure. But if that wasn’t enough…he has already eaten almost ALL the candy from his bag.

Hold the phone! How the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS was that allowed?

“My teacher said so!”

I looked up and there was a sub. She works in the class, so she knows of his diabetes. I walked over to her and mentioned that L had just eaten 10 starbursts, 3 Hershey kisses and 2 fun sized candy bars.

“I kept asking if he was ok!” She says. “I kept asking if he had checked his sugar!” She says.

I know…she doesn’t KNOW. I can’t blame her…but my fail was only made more insulting when I walked into B’s classroom and he was chomping on a Hershey kiss.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I did…you didn’t answer.”

“So did you check your sugar?”

“Of course!”

“Did you bolus for any of this.”

“Nope.”

“What did you eat?”

“A cupcake, 2 cookies and most of my candy.”

“B, you KNOW you shouldn’t have eaten all that! And incidentally...my crystal ball is broken. How am I supposed to know how many carbs you actually ate?”

“I know mom…but it's Valentines Day!”

How am I to argue with that? He is almost always responsible. What would my rebuttal had been? “How dare you want to be a normal kid! How dare you enjoy this party!”

Heaven help me. Heaven please please help me.

I SWAGed the carbs for the boys…I purposely rage bolused because I was so disgusted with myself and the complete lack of help I get in the school system.

Their sugars were brilliant after. But that wasn't the point. The point was…I was so flipping tired of these battles…of these “incidents!” I lamented for hours that I didn't have a pinch hitter, and at the same time I felt so sucky about it because someday I will be able to walk away from this, (for the most part,) and my boys will not. Diabetes had me down...big time. I felt like I was failing my boys. I was D.O.N.E.

And then the next day...the VERY NEXT DAY...the boys numbers were spot on. They called me and texted me when they were supposed to. B called and said there was a birthday, but he would rather eat the cupcake when he was home with me. Everything went smooth as silk.

And I feel better.

Diabetes is such a emotional roller coaster. One day you can be SO down in the dumps. SO tired and DONE with this disease, and the next day you are like, "I totally got this."

It reminds me of this song. The chorus of the song is really the only thing relevant here...but it is so true for us living the Diabetic Life...I had to embed it into this post. I just had to.

We get knocked down...ALL THE TIME! But you know what...we get back up again, every time. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. We ALWAYS get back up. And that is something...

Let's hear it for the boy!

Three weeks ago I marched into the pharmacy and bought out all the Nyquil, Dayquil, Tylenol Flu and Mucinex in the store.

I went up to the counter to dump my sorry lot of snot/cough inhibitors and looked at the girl. “We’re sick.” I said.

“You and the rest of the town.” She says. “Everyone says it lasts FOREVER!”

“Tell me about it! I’m on day six!”

Just thinking about it makes me snort. Day six! Six days! Phlep! That is nothing!

I’m on week four now…and I know you all will believe me, as I am almost always only honest…that I almost died from this thing. The only thing worse was the swine flu I almost died from a few years ago.

It was one of those things that got worse every day. And the worse my symptoms? The more medicine I ingested. Makes perfect sense, right? I needed to function! I am a mother! I do not get a vacation!

Well my body told me otherwise.

It turned into fever, chills…coughing…coughing…coughing….chest congestion.

I was a a mess. There was seriously a week where I was completely out of commission.

Ryan to the rescue.

Sidenote: Ryan is my husband and he is a funny guy. He is either the life of the party, or he is the guy standing by himself in the corner. If you click with him…he’ll do anything for you. It goes with his upbringing. He is an undying friend and lifelong confidant if you make the cut. Thank the Good Lord I’ve made the cut!

He took care of me and the family like nobody’s business! He cooked, he cleaned, he picked up the boys from school every day, he did all the daytime and nighttime checks and he took care of me!

He never once complained.

It all came to a head for me last Monday. I had a conference call about the TCOYD conference on Saturday and told Amy, “Yeah! I’m totally doing better every day!”

(COUGH COUGH)Lie(COUGH COUGH)

That night the chills were so vicious I thought I was going to knock my teeth out. I became a heap of crying mess…hyperventilating that I’d never get better. My stomach hurt from all the meds I was piling into myself and I promptly threw those all up. I pretty much laid on the couch and decided I was going to die. When my husband carried me into the doctor’s office the next morning the nurse said, “Wow! You are sick!” She immediately filled three prescriptions.

Antibiotics for bronchitis. Cough syrup with Codeine for my cough. And Soma for the pinched nerve in my neck that TORTURED me every time I coughed.

I made it to the TCOYD Conference on Saturday. But I wouldn’t have done it without Ryan.

Something you should know…through all of this, Ryan had to work.

And something else I forgot to tell you? Ryan was sick with this too.

It is easy to take our spouses for granted…but everyday he took over I thought…”I’m going to make this up to him. Why isn’t he complaining? I love him so much! He is a better person than me!”

I know how lucky I am to have a husband that tells me EVERY DAY how much he loves me.

I know I’m lucky to have a husband that tells me I’m beautiful…even though he is clearly delusional!

I know I’m lucky to have a husband that helps. A husband that two months ago took over the nighttime checks because I couldn’t get up anymore. (Seriously, I couldn’t…I’d turn off the alarm every time without remembering in the morning. He said I’ve clearly reached Alarm Fatigue and he would take over indefinitely if need be.)

Hello…wonderfulness.

I take for granted how blessed I am.

20 years ago today Ryan sent me a heart shaped cake…in the mail. Seriously…I think he sent it FedEx. It was a huge blob of a mess when it got to me, but my roommates and I enjoyed every bite. This story epitomizes the way Ryan is. He may not pull everything off with finesse...but he manages to show you how much he truly loves you.

He is my best friend.

This one is for you my dear Valentine. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me. This diabetic life would be impossible to navigate without out you by my side.

I love you Ryan! You so deserve a standing ovation for the past few weeks!

Our new BFF: Lenny the Lion

A few months ago our family discovered Lenny the Lion.


He was introduced through a carb counting app produced by Medronic. If you haven’t checked it out, you should run over and take a look. It is a FREE app and has all sorts of games that teach carb counting. My 7 year old, 9 year old and 13 year old all found something of value within the game. I even had M dabbling with it…the more he knows the better, right?

Anyhow…last week I got an email from the powers behind the Lenny the Lion App. Our family had been randomly chosen to win a two foot tall Stuffed Lenny the Lion Doll!

Holla!







I’m not sure what I was expecting…but I wasn’t expecting the awesomeness that we received!

This lion had a HUGE impact on L. He couldn’t get over how cool it was. He couldn’t get over the fact that you could actually put a site in your leg! He was seriously gobsmacked. After giving Lenny the once over…L realized that Lenny had diabetes too. So he did the logical thing…he immediately started CPR. “How long has he been without his pump?” L wondered. He said Lenny needed a new site…stat!

The site was put on minutes after taking Lenny out of the box…and luckily we had an expired pump and an old Spibelt to hold the pump in place. (L is nothing, if he is not thorough.)




Lenny has gone with us everywhere. L is so proud of him. B has announced that he plans on doing Lenny’s next site change. This is huge! B has never showed any interest in applying a site. If he practices a couple times on Lenny…who knows? Maybe it will give him the confidence to try it on himself?

This gift has been brilliant. Kudos to Medronic for getting the stuffed Lenny the Lion right! I half expected something like a grabber machine prize from Chuck E. Cheese, so needless to say…I was pleasantly surprised!

Thank you Medronic! Your kind gift has given Our Diabetic Life a much needed “Moral Booster!”

TCOYD...and me!

TCOYD (Taking Control of Your Diabetes) is a charitable organization whose sole purpose is to motivate those that have diabetes to take a more active role in their health. They educate, motivate and provide tools to help those with diabetes succeed in all they do! They have awesome conferences that take place throughout the United States. One of those conferences happens to be NEXT WEEK in my neck of the woods.

Amy of Diabetes Mine is leading a session on “Living with Diabetes Online,” and she was kind enough to ask me and Landileigh to join her panel to relate some of our experiences.

I have never been to one of these conferences, but after reading the information, I am completely intrigued! The conference is for type 1’s and type 2’s and will cover everything from handling the emotional roller coaster of diabetes, to cooking demos, to an open session with a lawyer to answer questions about health care, employment or DMV issues.

And Olympic Gold Medalist Billy Mills will be there!

And I will be there!

Holy Hannah! If you live in the Bay Area, I think you need to come!

You can register: HERE

And there is a link to Diabetes Mine that will give you Amy’s take on the event: HERE

If you are around, please come and say hello. I will be super lost…and scared…and nervous! This will be my first time at this rodeo, but I’m excited to get the word out about this virtual world that has changed my life for the better! The more on the bandwagon the merrier. We don’t need to be lonely in this disease anymore. Friends are waiting!

I’m honored to be part of such a great event!

Changing of the guard.

I’ve had my alarm clock for 18 years. It was a wedding present from my cousin Todd.

Todd was one of those cousins who was more like a brother than a cousin. In my earliest memories, Todd is there. He and my brother used to endlessly torment me when we were very young. They would lock me out of the house and try to scare the crap out of me when I turned a corner…but as we grew up, the relationship changed. It was an easy, fun relationship. In our teen years, I would fix Todd up with my friends, and in return he drove me around to get job applications and took me shopping at the mall.

On my wedding day, Todd was there, large as life. He smiled and laughed like nobody’s business…and true to form, as soon as the reception ended; there he was with his shirt off…running around like he owned the place.

But on that day…the best of all days…Todd gave Ryan and I this alarm clock.



Inside the alarm clock was a mixed cassette tape of Beatles songs that we could wake up to. Todd had made this tape himself, and although the mechanism broke many years ago…this alarm clock sat in my heart as one of my favorite gifts. It was practical AND thoughtful.

But 18 years on an alarm clock can be rough…especially one given to hard times like our own. That alarm clock has been used, overused and abused. Despite its faults though, it was completely reliable! And it was, as I said, from Todd.

Todd passed away 4 years after my wedding day. He was only 27 at the time. He passed in his sleep from an aneurism.


(This is the only pic I have of Todd at my wedding. I found this in the background of a picture of Ryan taking off my garter. I’m sure my brother was saying something snarky about me when the picture was snapped. Todd is the one without the bow tie.)

After his passing…the alarm clock became even more special to me. It was like a member of the family…like a guardian angel that would wake me to check sugars. Old faithful for sure! But through obvious wear and tear, and sad overuse…the alarm clock was coming to its end. It wouldn’t tune into the radio anymore. I could only wake up to white noise. Loud. Startling. White. Noise. (Not cool.) And the mix tape had long since been destroyed by a rouge toddler.

But even with all its faults…it never once occurred to me to replace it.

Last week we were at Costco buying an iHome for B with his Christmas money. He had gotten an iPod Touch and wanted a convenient way to charge it. They were only 35 bucks. “Hey…I’ll get one for my iPhone too,” I said. When we got it home and I opened the box, I found that there was a free alarm clock app that came with it.

I downloaded the awesome app and looked over at the alarm clock Todd had given me. I didn’t buy the iHome with the intention of getting rid of our old alarm clock. But here it was…ready to wake me with music from my iPod library. It was a heavier moment than I expected when I wrapped up the old alarm clock. I couldn’t throw it away, so it sits on the top shelf of my closet for now.

I got NO sleep the first night I used the new alarm clock. I was so worried it wouldn’t go off! Heck…I didn’t KNOW this alarm clock! We had just met! We had no history, how was I to know that it was reliable? I had to do two test alarms before I could go to sleep…just to make sure I was programming it correctly, and I kept waking up in the wee hours of the morning, staring at it… wondering if it would do its job as well as my old one had. In the end, it did wake me up. Quite sweetly I must say. It starts at a lower volume and then gradually gains its voice to wake me. I love it. I absolutely love it.

I can just picture all the alarm clocks that belong to the army of D parents and D peeps the world over. I’m sure there are many with worn buttons and broken parts. I’m sure there are a few that have been thrown across the room. (I’m ashamed to say that the clock Todd gave me has seen its share of floor time.)

I had no idea how significant the gift of an alarm clock would be on my wedding day. On that day I didn’t know that there would be nights that I would be setting the alarm to go off every hour, on the hour. I didn’t know of Our Diabetic life, or the heartache and worry that was ahead of me. Our boys were just a twinkle in our eyes back then.

I’m sure Todd had no idea either. But today I want to take a moment to thank him for it. It has been a good companion and provided a life saving service for our family many times over…many years over.

I know our family has been given guardian angels to watch over the boys. I know it. So it leaves me to wonder, has Todd taken the post? Is the alarm clock a symbol of his steadfast duty?

I don’t know. But the thought of it makes me smile through these tears.

God bless alarm clocks...

And God bless Guardian Angels.

Cl-assic

Son of a biscuit!

It’s happening again. Things are getting out of hand. Are basals whacked out, or are these random numbers just here to torment me? Numbers are popping up that for the life of me SHOULD. NOT. BE. THERE!

L called with a 370 at snack yesterday. Say huh? He bolused for breakfast. It was the very same breakfast he eats three times a week. It is my go to breakfast when I want good numbers!

J was 62 one hour after dinner last night. What that heck?

B was 220…AFTER basketball practice. That number should not be within miles of him after all that running. By the way, he went in at 147, and he kept his pump on.

And why? Why? Why was L low ALL NIGHT LONG? It makes NO sense. He doesn’t go low at night! I have not changed basals! He has not been sick! WHHHHHHHY?

Go away arbitrary-insane-where-the-flip-did-you-come-from numbers!

You know things are bad when you have to Google, “nice swear words.”

I'm not a rookie, I know that we are to expect random numbers that don't make sense...but for me, when it rains it pours. They all have to whack out together, on the very same day. Is it the cosmos keeping me on my toes? Is it a top secret pancreas test given to me once a quarter? Am I being punked?

Regardless, it is all hitting the fan people. And there is only one explanation as to why.

Tomorrow is our endo appointment.

'Nuff said.

Sleepover.

Sleepover: It is a like a four letter word to D Mothers and Fathers the world over.

J didn’t have his first sleepover until he was in 5th grade. Why I agreed to let B go on his first sleepover at the tender age of 9 is completely beyond me.

He has these giant, gorgeous brown eyes. I’m a sucker for the eyes. I swear when he asked me he looked exactly like this…


As I was driving to meet B after school with his suitcase...I pondered, (with my obvious lack of sane reasoning)…B will be celebrating five years with diabetes this year. He has officially, this month, approached the point where he has lived more life with diabetes than without. He is my responsible one…he always remembers to bolus for dinner, if I forget to count the carbs he reminds me. He calls me at lunch everyday…he rarely forgets. He deserves a sleepover dagnabit! (Yeah, apparently I'm an old coal miner when I ponder...)

But no matter how much I reasoned with myself, my heart wasn’t feeling it. Driving to the school was like driving the green mile. All my anxiety came to the surface. It was like diabetes was sitting in the passenger seat insisting I pay attention to its tantrums. It wouldn’t shut up! It kept screaming in my ear…lalalalalalala…I tried so hard to tune it all out!

I hate it when I have to think about diabetes. I hate to have to think about the walls and complications it surrounds me with. No matter how ready B was for this sleepover, diabetes was going to make it complicated. And it didn’t help that he was having lows again lately.

The lows we had a couple week ago preceded a “false start” sleepover. He was supposed to spend the night at this friends then, but at the very last minute, his friend’s father got the flu. The two days leading up to this false start B suffered from terrible lows. I changed basals and it seemed to fix everything, but what do you know…two days before this new sleepover date, the lows returned.

Excited much?

It was all he could think about. All he could talk about. He and his friend spent every minute they could planning the fun they would have. So I did what any mom with an itchy trigger finger would do…I lowered every one of his basal rates across the board before he left for school that morning. Let him be high! Keep him safe I say!

So when I finally made it to school after a ride that I swear felt like 5 hours…I checked B before leaving him and found a “lovely” 62 in front of me. Some juice and a FREE 40 carb carrot muffin at his friends found him to be 88 at dinner. UGH. Would the fun EVER end! He ate out with the family and had ice cream after and called me at bedtime with a 270. I gave him half the correction the pump suggested and let him go to sleep.

He said he woke up the next morning feeling low. He said he ate a pack of Yogos that were by his bedside and then checked himself an hour later. He was 200 at this time. Was he low? Who knows…but I’m proud of him for taking the initiative and listening to his body. It was precisely the reason I let him go on this adventure. Well, that…and his little boy’s mother is a sweetheart. I knew she would take great care in making sure all was well with B.

This was one of those times. One of many that I just held my breath and jumped. B was armed with a cell phone in his pocket, (which I called three times and texted twice,) a blood sugar monitor clipped to his belt loop, a bag of Yogos in his pocket and juice in his suitcase. I gave his friend’s mother a piece of paper with our phone numbers, a list of times he needed to check his sugar, and another list of times when he needed to call me. I also wrote out these words, "Under 100 is a low, he needs to eat a snack. Over 20o, he is high and needs insulin. Don't be afraid to call me! :)" That is the extent of it all.

It is never as easy as it sounds, but the smile on B’s face when I picked him up made it so worth it. He proudly exclaimed as he jumped in the car that they should do that “every weekend.”

Yeah, these 20 grey hairs I grew this weekend don’t need friends buddy. His friend can stay at our house next time.

But I did it. He did it. We did it.

I’m exhaling as I write.

The Three Day Rule.

(ATTENTION: In the famous words of Hallie, “I’m not a doctor; I just play one in real life.” Talk to your endo about my rule before you put it into action. See if your endo agrees. Even though he/she should…go with what the medical professionals say. I’m just a mom, I’m SO not a doctor. So don’t do anything crazy, ok?)

I’m not a fan of rules.

There are a lot of rules in diabetes, but most are relative.

Each rule has a set of sub rules, which have a set of conditions that have a set of half baked nuances.

But there is one rule I stand by. Rain or shine. High or low.

One rule that I hold fast to…no matter how hard the winds blow.

The Three Day Rule.

THREE. DAYS!

Not one day more…not one day less. Three days!

When we change basals, I will ALWAYS wait three full days before I change them again.

(Basal is the underlying insulin that acts as long acting. So if you or your child are on shots, this rule would pertain to your long acting insulin, such as the NPH or the Lantus.)

Is it easy?

No.

Do I usually want to bang my head against the wall?

Yes.

Is it worth it?

Always.

Case and point: B had a bout with some uber bad lows when he returned back to school after Christmas break. It stood to reason though…during Christmas he wasn’t running around the playground…he was eating more…he was SITTING more. So basals went up! But when school started again, all that movin’ and groovin’ led to nasty after school lows. Some in the 30’s. (This was during Lawton’s “vacation” by the way.) 30’s are not ok. I haven’t seen 30’s in YEARS. 30's scare the crap out of me. Heck, 40’s scare the crap out of me! 50’s scare me! 60’s tick me off…and anything above I’m happy to deal with.

Three days in a row…30’s after school. Even without bolusing for lunch? Yeah! We needed to dial the basals down! (FYI: This is another rule of mine. I always wait three days to establish a pattern. The 30-something could have been a random thing. On day two, it could have been his body adjusting to the new routine, but day 3...HELLO! A pattern has been established, and things needed to change, NOW.)

So I made my changes…and the next day, lo and behold! 30’s again. But did I waver? No, I did not.

I waited.

It is a RULE for a reason!

The next day…he was high. Boo! 274 and I wondered if I lowered it too much.

But did I waver? Did I dial the basals back up?

NO!

I waited.

And the next day he was perfect.

And his afterschool numbers have been beautiful ever since.

I used to have a basal trigger finger problem. I have been guilty of changing basals less than 24 hours after the previous change…and every time ended in disaster.

Fair warning:

Those three days will give you false alarms.

Those three days will make you want to pull your hair out.

But if you wait…good will come of it. As with anything else with diabetes, it isn’t easy…but totally worth it. I can’t explain the medical aspect of it all, but the bottom line is their bodies need time to settle into the change.

When I do make the new basal changes, I make them on day 4. Not day 3. Day three is a no fly zone day. I leave it alone!

That is my two cents…let’s make it 40 cents…’cause in my book, it is so worth more than two!

The Three Hour Tour: My first short story.

The story begins with an incident that has less to do with the story and more to do with the heart of this blog. My husband and I, away for a romantic getaway on the Monterey Peninsula, were driving down the coast towards the Fisherman’s Wharf. As we were stopped at a light I saw in the horizon a man running. In most accounts a man running down the street wouldn’t seem out of place, but this man was dressed in Khaki pants and an Izod collared shirt. He wasn’t overdressed by any means, but his clothes were chosen with obvious care, and were not suited in any way for running. As his presence came clearer into view I turned to my husband to comment on the peculiarity of the situation. He too had been following this man, wondering just as I had…why on earth he was running. The man was almost to the corner when our light turned green. As our car turned away from him we barely caught that the man was clutching Welches juice boxes…one in each hand. I was sure as the day was long what was happening at that moment. His worried face was clear. His demeanor harried…his posture frustrated as he waited for his crosswalk to be clear of cars. As we drove down the street I saw him run towards the beach. If we could have turned around at that moment we would have offered him assistance. But the moment was gone. We were stuck on the causeway with no chance of turning around. Familiar tears stung the corners of my eyes. I said a silent prayer for the child or loved one who was in need of the juice and then turned my attention to the view of the wharf directly in front of us.


The day was amazing. We were fortunate enough to get away on the most breathtaking weekend. Blue skies, nary a breeze…the salt air felt healing as each moment, one after another, brought perfection. As we leisurely strolled down the pier we saw the sign: Whale Watching Tours. My husband and I turned to each other and smiled. This would be the cherry on top of our perfect weekend. We signed up immediately and ran to the car to get our jackets.


This is where the real story begins gentle reader. I don’t mean to upset you…but here on I make a solemn promise to be only honest. And in being so, I promise…It will not be pretty.

We descended the stairs on the pier and jumped on the boat with enthusiasm. We found a seat on the side and chatted eagerly about the adventure ahead. We joked about the sign that did in fact state that this would be a “three hour tour.” If our tiny ship was tossed and we ended up on a desert isle, which of the cast of characters would we be? We deduced that we would take on the personas of Mr. Howl and Lovey…as they were deeply in love, and were never parted from one another. We kissed and giggled at our silliness.

Oh were we silly.

Silly silly, unknowing, silly us!

We passed a sea lion in the marina. I snapped this shot and looked to the horizon. The whales waited and I was beside myself with excitement.

It was probably 15 minutes into the trip when I realized that this was most likely a horrendous mistake.

The sun fell victim to the fog and my smile slowly faded as we headed into the depths of what seemed only to be despair. The wind was ruthless; the waves were what the captain called, “choppy.” I personally think choppy is too sweet of a word. The waves in fact were villainous, evil and dark.

With each mile I turned a darker shade of green. The exuberant faces of the passengers gave way to trepidation. The trepidation gave way to despair. Many retreated to the cabin, while the rest clutched to sides of the boat.

It turned ugly quickly. Our tourmates would run past us as hurriedly as the wind tossed boat would allow them…each of them sacrificing their lunch to the sea. Eight in all passed by within the first hour. My husband and I both hanging on by a thread. It was when we slowed to start crisscrossing the channel…that is when all went south for me. The sun was completely gone and I began shivering despite my makeshift tent I made within remains of my jacket. I abandoned my husband who refused to move a hair for fear of yacking, and retreated to the cabin.

Big. Fat. Mistake.

Carnage. Inside I found what looked like passengers overcome with the plague. Husbands and wives clinging to each other. Children puking left and right. A Grandmother crying and uttering prayer on behalf of the inhabitants there of. I wasn’t in there but 2 minutes when I knew seeing the corndog I ate for lunch would be inevitable. I went to the bar and asked for a bag to puke in where I was met with a jerkface of a man who told me I must puke off the side of the boat. I ran best I could clutching the rails of the death vessel, and made it all the way back to my husband before the puking began. I puked for a total of 10 minutes. I wasn’t able to make it to the back of the boat, so most of it flew back on to the rail. When I was finally finished I turned and tried to avoid eye contact with other passengers. They all pointed to themselves, signaling that they too had blessed the sea with such offerings.

A gentleman approached us, who my husband had personally seen throw up three times, and asked if we would object to the boat going back to the pier early. We had no objection. No one but the captain had objection. The captain refused to give up. He had a 98% success rate of whale sightings for crying out loud, and he would not turn back for a load of pansies such as ourselves.

When a whale spout was finally seen in the distance, everyone praised God and stood. A woman came onto the intercom, and like a Disneyland ride began cheerfully giving up information on whale culture. Her voice was surreal and a complete joke amongst the passengers. For the love of everything holy, we just wanted to see the fricking whales, please shut up happy voice and let us just take pictures of the stupid whales!

Now they don’t tell you that they can’t get within a few hundred yards of the whales, as they are protected. We were so far away we could just make them out. We circled them for a half hour rocking relentlessly on the waves. Finally, the cheerful voice over the intercom began apologizing profusely that our time was up, and it was time to go back to land.

The passengers cheered.

We were five minutes into our journey back when the cheerful intercom lady came by and asked if we had questions about the whales. I looked into her eyes and did not say a word. I emptied out with dagger eyes every ounce of misery I was feeling into her soul. I was about to open my mouth and unload my biting words when my husband interrupted and asked how long until we would be back to shore. “Oh, just 50 minutes or so! You’ll be feeling better soon!” To which my husband responded with jumping up and throwing up over the rails. I began to feel the familiar feeling in my throat and dreaded, more than I have talent to write, puking over the boats edge again. So I did the only thing I could. I passed out on my husband’s shoulder, forcing myself to sleep until we came into port.

I woke up drooling bits of corndog on my husband’s jacket. I looked up and my husband laughed at the site of me. Big black makeup circles under my eyes, bright red nose, tear streaks down my face…a pronounced green hue. We looked like hell. We had been through hell.

It was the three hour tour from hell. And all I had were these three pictures to show for it.



We both walked with pronounced limps back to the car, as if one of our legs was 1 foot shorter than the other. Our sea legs tortured us for the remainder of the evening…and nightmares ensued when we were warm in the inn’s feather bed.

Looking back my husband said we endeavored to complete what every great getaway requires: We made a memory. A memory we will not soon, or ever forget. A very sweet thought for sure.

Regardless…I leave you with this warning: Beware of the three hour tour. It didn’t work out so well for Gilligan…and it was only torture for me. And PS they will say anything to get you to take the tour. “It is a bit nippy,” they say…”The waves are a LITTLE choppy they say.” “Whale sightings are plentiful!” they say.

Do yourself a favor and watch a special on Animal Planet.

You probably will get better pictures too.

Meri + Laziness = Stupidness.

I can say that…because I was both lazy and stupid yesterday, and what it all rounded up to is a whole lotta extra work.

Yeah, I’m super proud of my poor decision making yesterday!

Hold on a sec, I need to wipe down the dripping sarcasm off my blog.

There…much better.

So the boys woke up today with less than typical numbers. I know I’m going to be a bit of a Braggy McBragerson when I say that normally the boys wake up in the very low 100’s. So when L woke up with a 250, I knew.

I totally knew he needed a set change.

But that little voice whispers in the back of my head. (Meeeeeeri…he has enough insulin to make it until after schooool. Corrrrrect him…and he will be just fiiiiine.)

Yeah, my little voice is creepy like that.

So I believe this little voice. Even though I KNOW that all the boys are past due for their changes. Especially B… he only had 5 units left. I commissioned J to change out B’s reservoir for me, and I apply the set to his bum.

I sent the boys to school. Knowing.

As they were driving away in my mother in laws car, the OTHER voice…the one that knows what the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS it is talking about…well, THAT voice says…you should have changed L’s and J’s sets too. Well, too little too late smart voice!

The first call came at 10:15. L is 425.

Picked him up. Set change on the side of the school parking lot. His cannula had completely wiggled its way out of his tush. It was bent hard against his skin. Blah.

The second call came at 1:30. J has 3 units left…AND, his pump has died. Battery completely dead.

“But isn’t there an extra battery in your school box? We are SO prepared like that! There has to be a battery!”

Yeah. That would be a negatory.

We finally got things settled by dinner time. I made this recipe recommended by a friend…

The boys sugars were brilliant at their 8:30 bedtime. Tiny amounts of insulin on board, but just right if you ask me…

And then 10:00 comes around…

Lawton alerts.

He was dead asleep a half hour before. But something woke him…and he was alerting.

L: 36

&*&^%$$####$$%^^&&**((((((@@@@!!!!!!

(That is my nice way of showing you my angst.)

The what if’s started flowing freely, along with my tears.

The big miracle of the story is Lawton kinda took December off from alerting. Once the Christmas tree went up, he was like…Oh great! Vacation! And we had lots of family from out of town to visit with…and we were dogsitting for a friend…and we had family staying with us…

But when the tree came down and he still wasn’t alerting, I started to panic.

Last Friday though…LAST FRIDAY…he began alerting again. Just like that.

And there he was last night, in front of me, alerting. Just when I started watching another show. I probably wouldn’t have checked the boys for another half hour.

I feel blessed and frustrated all at once.

The boys woke up with their normal great numbers this morning, and their pumps are full of fresh insulin and their bodies are sporting fresh sets…so I’m ASSUMING that all will be well today.

And as for my bruised ego? And my sad-pathetic-oh-poor-poor-Meri-self…I’m coming out of the fog.

Mostly because I just watched this:

It's my party and I can change my blog if I want to!

Happy Birthday to me!

Booya!

As a present to myself, I have changed my blog banner. I've grown tired of staring at diabetic suppiles. I would MUCH rather look at the cutie pa tootie faces of my boys!

So there you have it!

Get it? 3D. 3 boys with D. Three boys with diabetes. (I know it is obvious, but humor me folks!)

Wait, you thought that was all?

No no no no. There is more!

I also gave myself my very own URL.

Oh snap!

I am the proud owner of ourdiabeticlife.com!

Although, you can still get here from my old blogspot address...weary fingers can now cut out the blogspot altogether. (Thanks to Joanne's husband Fred for his help!)

Happy Birthday to me!! AND Happy Birthday to Lorraine over at This is Caleb! We've taken a hard look at ourselves...and we are ok with being older. :) (It's kinda' a January 10th inside joke. ;)

PS Two great giveaways going on right now. One at A Sweet Grace, and one at the We Caralot Blog! Check em out!

Doggone it, people like me!?

Please excuse the lateness of this post. I have had a super hard time wrapping my head around the generosity and the love of the DOC.

I found out last week that I had won all three categories I was nominated for in the DOC Awards.



I wish you could have seen my face when I turned on my computer that morning and found out. It was everything you can imagine…much like when the American Idol contestants get good comments from the judges and have that look of complete shock. I was even looking around the room…sure I was being punked. It was hands down one of my cheesiest moments to date.

Now that I think about it…I’m glad you didn’t see my face. VERY glad I was alone!

I’m pretty sure my jaw was agape for like 10 minutes. I kept staring at the screen…and this was all I could think of…


Many words come to mind, but the ones that stand foremost in my swelly brain are:

Thank you!

I don’t want to say anything, but man…I really have you guys hoodwinked! It’s all part of my evil plan to get you to like me and then eventually con you into sending me chocolate chip cookies.

Because every evil villain wants chocolate chip cookies, right?

That is my subtle yet painfully obvious way of telling you all I have started my New Year’s Healthier Eating Resolution. Hence the awkward and totally random insertion of warm chocolate chip cookies.

Cookies. They are what I dream about now.

Okay…I’m WAAAAAAAAAAAAY off topic.

Before I go, I want to encourage all of you to go back to the DOC Awards page HERE and read the blogs that were nominated alongside mine. They are amazing, fun, talented people. Some are wonderful D Mamas whose blogs I follow faithfully. Others are inspiring bloggers that are Type 1 themselves. Their insight and candor is fascinating to me. It’s like peeking into my boys’ futures. And you know what? I like what I see! They advocate for the future of our children…they are blazing a trail! And for that…I am eternally grateful.

Thank you to you for following and appreciating my journey. Thank you to the bloggers I follow, for advocating, making me laugh, cry...and just plain feel like part of a community...(okay, the music is playing me off the stage...I'm giving my kindest appreciative wave, wiping the honored tear from my eye, and ending my post now. ;)

Here is to another fantastic year of blogging for the DOC! Cheers!

Finding my way as the unicorns flee.

So I’m flying through life. Walkin’, you know…strolling down the streets of Our Diabetic Life. There are bumps and there are cracks, but for the most part I’m able to keep a steady gait.

The holidays come and I get in my appreciative and sappy mode. I’m all about counting my blessings and living in the moment…seeing all the wonderfulness I have in front of me…

When one day L walks in, sits on my lap and says…

“I wish there was a magic potion to cure diabetes, I really really wish!”

But he doesn’t only say these words…he MEANS them. He utters them slowly, holding my face between his two sweet hands. He says it with conviction and with big crocodile tears in the corners of his eyes.

And I stop in my tracks.

'Hold the phone here…my baby isn’t OK right now.' My mind wandered back to the last few days. He had said something along the same lines every day that week, but this time he wanted me to really hear them.

Epiphany: No matter how OK I am with disease…No matter what I do to keep myself putting one foot in front of the other…no matter all the precautions I take to make diabetes “no big deal…” It all goes in the toilet if my boys are not OK.

I can be OK until the cows come home…but if it isn’t OK for them…if I see it affecting them…well, all bets are off.

And the tears come.

And I feel inadequate.

And the melancholy sets in.

That is where I have been. Sorting out these feelings I have.

It’s hard to stroll through my days with this underlying uneasiness.

I’ve been doing my best to fake it until I make it. It helps a little. Pretending I’m not overwhelmed with my baby’s words has helped me function. But the seed remains. The helplessness remains.

It haunts me that the only reason I’m okay with all this, is because my boys are OK with all this. If they are not OK…then my swelly brain will not be contained. It will seriously blow up.

Seriously.

I’ve watched L closely the last few days. L seems fine. He doesn’t complain. He is back to accepting his lot… and I am thankful he was able to share his angst with me. Our conversation seems to have eased his mind a bit. I think it helped him to know I wish there was a magic potion too. I told him even if a cure is never found, he will still accomplish great things in his life. I told him that diabetes will never hold him back from being awesome, and in fact diabetes has made him even more super awesome.

Regardless of the success of our exchange, the unicorns are jumping out the window and the rainbows are fading in the skyline. My peace has been disturbed. My joy has been waning, and my hope seems to be all I have left. I know I can move on from this hiccup, eventually. My days are a bit foggier than they usually are…but I can still see my way.

My theme for the new year is: One step at a time. One day…one step…I can do this…and most importantly…my boys can do this.

A year in review: Our Diabetic Life 2010

I've been inspired by other amazing bloggers in the blog-o-sphere, and ask if you might take my hand to stroll with me down memory lane.

January 2010: I put out an all points bulletin for HELP WANTED: Stunt double for 1:30am blood sugar checks. Must have legs of iron for bumping into bed corners in the dark, and toes of steel for dresser edges and random toy bumpage. When awakened by the alarm, an instant steady gate is paramount for not bumping like a drunk into walls and doors. (No qualified applicants contacted me by the way...)

February 2010: I posted my first REENACTMENT:
Scene: Bedroom, 1:30am, parents in deep sleep, drooling on their pillows, dreaming of the weekend ahead.

*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!*

Silence is broken by alarm. The alarm clock is across the room.

Meri nudges Ryan. (She REALLY doesn’t want to get up.)

Ryan hops out of bed. (A look of relief flashes over Meri’s face. She has a peaceful smile as she instantly falls back to sleep.)

((KERPLUNK)) Ryan is immediately back in bed. He only snoozed the alarm; he did not check the boys’ blood sugars.
(I know we have all been there!)

March 2010: My dear friend Lora needed my help. I posted, "MY FRIEND HAS LOST HER MARBLES," in an effort for her to find some peace of mind, or a piece of her mind...The first few verses went...

My friend has lost her marbles
Won’t you take the time to look?

My friend has lost her marbles
It happened when her world was shook.

The rocking of her brain caused them to roll around,
And when she needed them the most, they were nowhere to be found.

Because they are smooth orbs, marbles can be tricky to keep in check,
They roll around your life and slip away when you’re a wreck.

(Not a week later I found one by the fruit bowl. No kidding, I posted the picture on Facebook.)

April 2010: A POST TITLE WITHOUT A SWEAR WORD was written after a particularly terrible night blood sugar wise...and insulin wise. I think the first few sentences speak volumes...
If it were physically possible for a brain to explode from sheer anguish…

OR, if it wasn’t just a saying, but true to life that a heart could explode from worry…

Last night…

I would have been found on my living room floor in pieces.

Literally.

May 2010: Our diabetic Life participated in Diabetes Blog Week. I posted another reenactment, this time chronicling, A DAY IN THE LIFE OF OUR DIABETIC LIFE. Which started out much like your days...with an alarm at 1:00am.

June 2010: I wrote a little piece of which I concluded we are like She-ra, rockin bod, flowy hair and all. In FROM ZERO TO HERO, I pondered the fact that even though we sometimes see ourselves as Zero's, we need to accept the fact that we win EVERY battle we fight in this war...and that has got to be worth something. We are warriors!

July 2010: I wrote HOW I STAY OUT OF THE LOONY BIN. Our medical alert dog Lawton has saved my sanity many times. He is an amazing animal! TODAY happens to be his birthday! Happy 4th Birthday Lawton!!

August 2010: My boys started school and I wrote this poem about my youngest. I want the world to see him as I do. It started like this...

TAKE A SECOND LOOK
The blond boy that you treat as you do…
The one you don’t give a second thought.
He was diagnosed when he was two
You can’t imagine his life’s lot.

His smile is contagious
His laughter full of the sun
He hops and skips and runs and jumps
Yet his world has come undone.

September 2010: I wrote AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO ARE WORRIED ABOUT DIAGNOSIS #2. I have witnessed too many families go through a second diagnosis through notes, emails and phone calls...I know the worry, the sadness, the pain of it all. I wrote this letter for them, and for all of you who worry about your other children. My main message: All is well!

October 2010: I wrote: I WANT YOU TO KNOW SOMETHING. A post that received my kindest response to date. It began:
There are a few things I want you to know.

I want you to know, when your daughters pump ran out of insulin within the first hour of school last week…I have felt that very same anger and embarrassment that you did.

I want you to know, when your son wets his bed at night from a high blood sugar…I have felt the same sadness, guilt, and love for my son that you do.

I want you to know, when you forget to bolus your child for dinner, and their bedtime number is 508. I have felt the very same shame and intense regret.

November 2010: I began NaBloPoMo with a bang. It was the first SAE day, and you know me, I HAD SOMETHING TO SAE! I gave everyone the task of bolusing my son for lunch. One bolus out of the tens of thousands we have done...and turns out, it is a pretty complicated process. This is my first post that went "viral" so to speak. (10 times the normal hits is viral in my little world anyway. :) It was even stolen and plagiarized! I've hit the big time baby!

December 2010: I wrote: 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE SET CHANGES. It was my twist on a Christmas Classic.

Reading back over my posts was way more emotional than I thought it would be. It has been quite a year and I have to say that through it all, I am still completely blessed. I have my family. I have you. What more does a D Mama need these days?

Happy New Year dear friends! I have a feeling this year is going to be an epic one...epically awesome! If the day is what we make of it...I'm going to try to make the best of every one of them!

Booya!