Thursday, February 24, 2011

Finding the warmth.

What do you do when you hit rock bottom?

What do you do when the wind is sucked right out of you and you’re just lost?

You can’t find the person you want to be…all you know is you are not the person you want to be.

I’m lost.

I’m in a funk.

How do I find my way back to happy?

The clutter of life is stifling my view. All I see is clutter. Where is the beauty? I know it is within my reach…I know it is right there, in front of me…but the clutter blocks the way.


How do you simplify a life such as ours? There is nothing simple here. Everything is complicated. Everything is harder than it should be.

I know what it is. It is my outlook. It is all within. I am creating the clutter. I am making it all harder than it needs to be. I know this because I have been here before. Too many times.


I know the part of me that sees the bigger picture is here. I know it is in my heart. I just need to turn the switch. Turn off the clutter…turn on the light.

But the darkness is overpowering. The light sits waiting behind a closed door…I can see the dim warmth shut behind the door.

I miss the warmth.

I think my family misses it too.

I know my family misses it too.

Where do I begin to like myself again?

I guess I need to start from the beginning…at the root of it all. It is just now occurring to me that I am trying to find my way back on my own, and all I’m doing is making myself more lost. I’m making a mess of things.

I need to ask for help. I’m not sure why I’m throwing this all out there, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not fighting the clutter alone.

We can’t do it alone.

We have to ask for help.

I’m going to drop to my knees now, and ask Him for help.

I know He will help me. I just don’t know why it has taken me so long to ask.


  1. Blessings my sweet Meri. You will find your way back. KNow that you are supported by all of us D-Mamas and D-Papas out here. Sending you my love and warmth til you kindle your own my dear friend.

  2. Beautiful post, Meri. I'm right there in the funk with you and on my knees beside you, asking for His help to get back to the light. Hang in there!

  3. Love you Meri!
    I know that you will find the spark that will bring on the warmth & make life's clutter take a hike!

  4. You're absolutely right...He will help. Remember that His light shines the brightest in darkness! Keep walking the walk, my friend. Blessings to you!

  5. I pray that you find peace and comfort in our LOVING Lord! When we're broken on the inside, He's the only one that can put us back together. You'll be in my prayers!

  6. Yeah... what you said. That's all I got.

    Love you and I've been missing your sweet "voice" here in blogland.

  7. You ARE beautiful to EVERYONE who has the gift of knowing you. Remember that!!!!

    Asking him for help is a great place to start. I am on my knees with you.

  8. beautiful post! none of us can do it alone- we all need help! sending hugs and prayers your way.

  9. Sorry you're in a clutter-funk, Meri, but my wishes are with you in finding that happiness again sooner rather than later. Thank you, too, for putting into words so much of what I've been feeling recently. And how, honestly, I've not exercised my praying knees enough lately. God bless.

  10. Oh Meri...Im on my knees with you! ((HUGS))

  11. Meri...I LOVE YOU! I cannot imagine the clutter of the details of managing and raising four boys...three with type 1. WE are all here with you. You will find the warmth of the light.


  12. Sadly, you are not alone. I have been "lost" for so long that I have myself convinced that there is no returning for me... I am too far into the void of life to even think my world can be turned around. I have given in... I have given up... I have given all of myself away and no longer exist.

    I am "TheScream," and no one has heard my cries. My silence is deafening... I have surrendered.

  13. Meri, I could have written this post these past weeks as well. It's crazy how it creeps up on you... For me anyway, all was fine, then it wasn't.

    I've been reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and have been finding it helpful in enabling me to see through all my clutter. Hope you're feeling better soon Meri !

  14. I am right there with you Meri. I am just keeping so busy I don't have time to think about it, except in those quiet moments alone. Praying for you.

  15. I'm so sorry Meri. You are a rock to so many. What can we do for you? Tell us. We will answer.

  16. I totally get it. That's all we can do is to cry out to God for help. Praying for you. The following verses have been a comfort to me lately:
    Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

  17. Bless you sweet Meri!!! You are headed in the right direction! Seek Him first! Believe me, I've spent more time on my knees lately than I have standing on my own two feet. The power of prayer is amazing and I will certainly add you to my prayer list inside my Bible. You're an amazing mother and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've said to myself lately..."Jill, you CAN do this because Meri does it times 3!" Seriously! I love ya girlie and feel free to add me to your cellie and text me whenever ya want :) I've got unlimited!! (((HUGS))) You CAN do it my dear sweet friend. You have a wonderful support system here to back you up. All you have to do is ask :)

  18. This post made me think of one of my favorite scriptures:

    Isaiah 41:10
    So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

    (((((HUGS))))) Love you, dear Meri!

  19. Love you Meri! I am going through the same thing and its hard. I'm so sorry you are feeling it too. Big hugs and
    Lots of love.

  20. So sorry that you're going through this now ... hope things start to look up soon! Praying for you.

  21. I would love to be the sort of Christian who can whip out scripture for you in order to put you in His word.

    What I can, and will do, my dear sweet Meri, is lift you up in prayer.

    To be bathed in His light and warmth and His love.

    To give you strength in your weariness.

    To take away the need to understand why life is so hard sometimes.

    Keep kneeling, keep writing and keep reaching out. We are all here for your!!!!!

  22. I just love you Meri! I love your honesty and realness in your posts. I understand that funk and I know there is another side. ((hugs)) my friend, I hope to find you on the other side of the funk soon! I am lifting you up in prayer and know that God is the One who will get you through and lead you to the other side. Bless you and your precious family!

  23. This breaks my heart. I know the darkness. You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like it's there - just a few steps behind me. And I have to keep running or it will catch me. Finding ourselves again is right up there as one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm not there yet. But I won't give up. And neither will you. We'll get there.

  24. or .net. She deals with household clutter, and has branched out to financial and body clutter. Just grab a trash bag, a box for storage, a box for keep and have at it. Check out her 27 fling boogie. I'm still flinging, and cleaning routine in between the flinging. She's organized and just do small steps at first. Great website.

  25. Thank you for the website! Very kind of you, but we have just moved and I have gotten rid of all the physical clutter. My post is in regards to the emotional clutter in my life.

    Is there an :)

  26. Meri-thinking of you. Wishing we were closer and I hope you know that your family is always in my prayers. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

  27. Dang - I hate it when I'm the last one to leave a comment. All of the good ones are already taken!!!

    I love you like a sister - you are my friend - you are my partner in this crazy life we lead. Please let me know how I can help.

    How about this . . .


    Love you, Meri!

  28. You are totally not alone Meri!!! We're all in this together!!


Moderation now enabled, so comments will not immediately be seen.