Monday, January 11, 2010

Help Wanted

Stunt double for 1:30am blood sugar checks.

Must have legs of iron for bumping into bed corners in the dark, and toes of steel for dresser edges and random toy bumpage. When awakened by the alarm, an instant steady gate is paramount for not bumping like a drunk into walls and doors.

Must have the mind of Einstein at a moment’s notice, no matter how hard and intensely crazily you were dreaming seconds before. This is necessary to calculate intense algebraic equations and important for creative thinking when trying to get a child up to pee, while he is dead asleep and unable to wake.

Job position requires steady eye hand coordination while poking fingers that are sleepily being jerked away from you. And quick reflexes for grabbing the pump before the child dreamily rolls over and it disappears under sheets and stuffed animals. When feeding our diabetics becomes necessary, you must be well versed in such things as food absorption and the reading of food labels for carbohydrate counts, sugar and fat content.

Important! Do not apply for this job if you don’t have the presence of mind at an early hour to check that the toilet seat is down before you sit to pee, (or if you are male, the presence of mind to aim properly.)

Hours suck.

Pay sucks.

Rewards will be seen years down the road.

Wimps and whiners need not apply
Applications accepted at


  1. I need one of these too. Let me know if you have any good applicants! :)

  2. LOL good one :) If you find good potential candidates send them my way :)

  3. I have the perfect CV but unfortunately am currently employed!!

  4. yeah what applicant you dont take let us all have one LOL !!! Love this post thanks for sharing and posting this . I needed a laugh .

  5. Very funny, great post!

    and if you do get any response let me know, I would love a little help around here too!!


    I'm with the rest...let me know who you turn down and I just may take a look!

  7. HA HA HA HA!!!!!

    When you find your stunt double, be sure to let us know.

    Maybe he'll come with a cook and a maid!

  8. Very funny. Also, I have a job posting for a working pancreas for a 7 year old girl if anyone is interested.

    I found your blog and I am a D-momma too. My 6 year old was just dx'd last January with Type 1. Good to find companionship on this journey, huh?!

    I also am trying my hand at blogging. If you have a chance, stop by mine at


  9. I LOVE this! Did you make it up? Can I steal it? I want one too! One that also does housework and cooks!

    ps- Avery is sitting here with me and she wanted to know who everyone was. She wants to know if she can meet Lawton someday? :)

  10. Oh ya, I wrote this one from the heart Hallie! (After I jammed my thigh into the bed corner and slammed my shoulder against the door jam when I was so out of it checking the boys the other night. And it's true..I have fallen into the toliet once or twice...)

    Avery CAN meet Lawton some day! We will meet! And maybe she'll get her own one day. :)

  11. Hee hee! I'd like to borrow your list of applicants after you're done with it, ok? I'm sure you'll have SO many people applying that you won't need them all. ;)

    I'd have to add to mine the d-child who rolls away as you're trying to give an injection while she sleeps. That does help keep me awake, at least.

  12. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

    I loved that! So creative!

  13. You make me laugh, Meri. That's a good thing.

  14. I will take your left overs . . .
    that is if anyone actually applies.

    Thanks for the laugh, cutie!

  15. Your rejects may work for me!!!
    Gotta love legos and those sharp objects at 2 am.. How can they all just sleep through it?!!!


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