I won! I really won!

Thanks Lora for this sweet award. :)

As a condition for receiving this award, I’m supposed to write about 5 things that I love. Easy peasy lemon squeezy…

1) My husband. He is goofy, loving, supportive and works like a dog to keep this family going. There aren’t a lot of things I can count on in life…but Ryan is one thing I CAN count on. He is my everything…my partner in crime…my partner for life.

2) M. The first thing he asks me when he gets in the car after school is, “How was your day Mom?” He is as good as a 14 year old can get. It pains me to watch him grow up so quickly, and sometimes I feel like I haven’t really ‘spoken’ to him in days…but he still kisses me goodnight…and he still says “I love you” first when ending a phone call with me.

3) J. He hugs me every day. He still calls me Mama. He still calls me ‘gorgeous.’ He has had a very hard time remembering to check his blood sugars at school this year. Last week I told him I would text him to remind him and then he can text me his number back. Since texting is cool…this has been a HUGE success. He always texts me right back with his number. He also still tells me he loves me at the end of phone calls.

4) B. He doesn’t hug…he leans. But when he kisses you, it’s a wet one for sure. He skips; he laughs at everything…he loves life. He eats every bite of his lunch everyday…which makes it uber easy to count carbs for him. He wants to be 12 like his big brother, which I think leads to his responsible nature.

5) L. He is a miracle. From the day he was born he has only been a blessing in our lives. He talks our ears off, he is constantly up to something…and always has some kind of project going. Every day I see his growth. He gives THE BEST hugs and tilts his head when he is telling you something important. He is the model kindergartner…he can concentrate and be silly at the same time.

So without further ado…5 friends who I would like to pass this very prestigious award on to…who can just make a list and not write a novel like me if they super really don’t want to do this…are…

Megann at My Life with Diabetes
Wendy at Candy Hearts
Joanne at Death of a Pancreas
Shannon at The Crazy-Good Life of Mommy Going Crazy
Kelly at Chasing Numbers

Good Peeps

Sometimes, when I am driving down the street and I see a complete stranger walking or driving next to me...I'll think, "I wonder what their story is?" It fascinates me that each of the hundreds of people I see everyday have their own intricate fascinating life. Sure, they might not think that their life is fascinating, but I am convinced there isn't one that is not. Yup, I AM nosey...and I LOVE to eavesdrop...but at the same time, I am fully aware that often I get caught up in my own problems and my own life, so much so, that those lives walking around me seem to just melt away.

I think it is a rare treat to actually be able to look up from your own life and really get to know someone better. Blogging does this for me. I can forget about myself for a little while and be a support or an open ear to someone else. Our blogging community is a world in itself...it is almost a fantasy land. A land where I can leave all my imperfections behind and be the brave, reflective person I truly want to be.

SO truth be told, When Joanne said she was coming to our area, I felt a little bit like Seinfeld's George Castanza when his friends started doing things with his girlfriend. Worlds were colliding! And so it was with my meeting with Joanne. Worlds HAD collided...and it felt completely surreal. Here is my husband, and my mother in law talking to Joanne. MY JOANNE! I'm not often at a loss for words...but I felt a little star struck meeting her. She is one of my closest friends in the blogging world...how would it be in "real" life?

Well let me tell you...it was easy. Joanne is just like her blog. She is everything you think she is and more. She reminds me a lot of my sister Laura, with a little bit of groin kicking thrown in. :) We met at a restaurant alone for the first time. It was easy and natural. The conversation lasted for a good three hours. Filling in the gaps of what we knew of each other. Then Fred and Elise joined us and the entire picture of Joanne was complete. Like me, her family helps define who she is. They are her everything...and rightfully so, they are wonderful too.

My Mother in law invited them over for Sunday dinner. It was a nice relaxing night of eating and chatting. Elise fit in with the boys easily. She is unbelievable smart...and listens to reason, which is incredibly impressive for a two year old. The pictures on Joannes blog do not do her justice. She is a an angel. And Fred is quite the catch. He is funny and polite, and even helped with the dinner dishes.

Good peeps. That is all I can say.

Good peeps. :)

Before blogging, before being connected to our community, It pains me to think that Joanne could have walked right by me and I wouldn't have looked up from my life long enough to get to know her.

I am thankful for blogs. I am thankful for Joanne and all of YOU for so much support. I am thankful for the opportunity I have to look past myself and delve into others lives. To worry for them, to celebrate with them...to love them...even if they are in a blog world/fantasy land. I am lucky to know all of you...and especially lucky to actually have met Joanne and her family.

Someday....SOMEDAY! We will have a Blog Mama meeting. And we will hug together, cry together and laugh together. Until then I will keep reading and commenting...because that is what friends do.

The merry go round of cars

Most of you know that our car broke down in Oregon while we were coming home from our Thanksgiving vacation. While it was a miracle that we broke down in a Klamath Falls, and not in the middle of nowhere...it was an ordeal I hope never to relive. We broke down at 1:15, and luckily there was one rental car place in town open until 3:00 who had a car we could take back to Cali. We were sent on the road in this...a Toyota Sienna.

We had to return the van the next day and luckily my father keeps this little baby laying around for emergencies...

As fun as it was driving my fathers very interestinly rigged 1998 Dodge Caravan, Saturn secured us a rental car until our car was fixed. We went to Enterprise and this is what the had for us...a Chevy Malibu...

All I can say is we hated this car. It was too small to fit all of us and very uncomfortable to drive. They told us that Saturn would only let us rent a GM car, and if they had a bigger one come in they would give us a ring. The next morning the call came...a Chevy Silverado was waiting for us. It seated 6 and was uber fun to drive!

We found out Thursday afternoon that our car was fixed. The water pump had a leak, which in turn overheated the engine and made the entire computer system shut down. Ryan and I left for Oregon at 2:00am and got home at 3:30pm. I slept the entire way there...(I know I'm an awful person!) But was able...BARELY...to stay awake the whole way home. 5 cars in 6 days!!! WHEW! We are SO happy to have our car back!!!!!

Game on!

Lately I have been questioning myself. I have been questioning my ability to bolus and count carbs correctly.

The news of Alec Temple passing away in the night from a diabetic seizure really scared me.

Then reading blogs and seeing how others meticulously count carbs…and weigh…I don’t do things so scientifically. I’ve been wondering where I get my confidence from. How do I count and guess carbs so nonchalantly? I think it is because that is the way we were taught. Back in 1998 the nutritionist purposely taught us how to estimate. That is all I know. Sure we used to measure every single bite that went into J’s mouth…but we were encouraged to count carbs on our own. Use the book when there is a new food. Measure if you are not sure. But otherwise…make an educated guess.

And now, all of a sudden, that scares me. I am scared I will count incorrectly, or over bolus. I am second guessing myself all over the place, and for a few days I was under blousing “just in case.” I don’t want my child to pass out…or worse. I know we all feel the weight of this disease on our shoulders…but one mistake…just one mistake and things can get scary.

So, I’ve been extra nervous…which we all know helps nothing. Extra nervousness only makes things extra worse. So since I am a logical, and I like to think, kinda’ smart person…I have been talking myself off the ledge and building up my confidence with the fact that I have done it this long, I have nothing to be overly worried about. So I went back to being aggressive with my boluses, and for the most part all has been well. The boys have been having a lot of lows since our last endo appointment. Our doctor made A LOT of changes, but we have been adjusting…and have been successfully catching the lows before they get TOO low.

Until the day before yesterday.

We were at my in laws and Lawton alerted us just 15 minutes after dinner. My husband and I rolled our eyes…he probably has to pee. So my husband went and opened the back door and called him. Lawton looked at me reluctantly and went outside. Usually he won’t go unless he has to “do his business” so we figured that is what he was alerting us to. By the time Lawton got back inside we were getting jackets on and heading out the door. Usually we don’t rush home, but my 9th grader had homework to do…so we ran out and headed home.

We were home maybe a half hour when B came in. “Mom, what does low mean?”

“What are you talking about honey?”

“I just checked my sugar and it says low…here, see…L-O.”

Panic

I tore the cupboards open looking for juice…we don’t keep it in the house. I know we should, but honestly we very ,very rarely, like hardly EVER, get a number under 60. I poured out the Halloween candy and threw him some Smarties…"start with this…eat them all fast"…then I found YoGos and dumped them into his hand. My husband remembered he had a Capri Sun in the car, so J ran out and got that. B drank and ate…and came up to 68 pretty quickly.

Crap!!! Crap. Crap. Crap.

The psychology of a medical alert dog is pretty easy to understand. If he doesn’t get a treat for alerting…it is over. He won’t alert. He had alerted me earlier in the day while we were out and about, and I had nothing to give him for a reward. He wasn’t happy. And then for him to alert later, and us ignore him…in his eyes, they game wasn’t being played…so he wasn’t going to alert us again. I absolutely take for granted all the peace of mind he gives us. How many extreme lows were averted because of him? Probably hundreds. He catches the boys’ drops usually before they hit the 70’s. He keeps them safe…and I need to be very careful to make sure he always knows the game is on. He plays the game for the treat. He plays for the love and the accolades.

Last night Lawton finally alerted again…and you can bet your glucagon stash that we gave him a giant treat and partied it up.

The game is back on.

Thank God.

I'm back baby!!

10 Things I learned this Thanksgiving

1) If you leave on a long trip at 2:00 in the morning, thinking the kids will sleep most of the way, your thinking may be completely wrong.

2) A human being can easily live on pumpkin pie alone.

3) Renting a house is fun, but you have to cook and do dishes…which is not always fun.

4) If boys play video games for 2 days straight, they can still communicate with real people if engaged.

5) It turns out, I no longer want an electric flat surface cook top. It is way too stressful to keep clean.

6) 12 people generate more garbage in 4 days than one would think. This is especially apparent if the garbage can in the garage only fits two bags of said garbage.

7) Husbands may be reluctant to go shopping on Black Friday, but if they do, they are more apt to impulse shop than any other.

8) If you have a million desserts around, your diabetics WILL want to eat them... for breakfast, lunch, dinner AND all the snacks in between.

9) If your car is only two years old, this does not mean it will not break down when you are 380 miles from home.

10) Rental car companies want your first born child if you need a van only going one way into another state.

Thanksgiving was great. Really, really great. Lots of great family, lots of great food, and lots of room in this awesome house I found through weeks of blood, sweat and tears searching the web.

Black Friday was great. Really, really great. Lots of deals, lots of electronics bought, lots of movies for the ride home bought for 3.99. The line around Target almost gave me a mini seizure, but my sister in law and I took turns waiting in line and shopping. We were quite the tag team.

The diabetic’s sugars were great. Really, really great. L did have high sugars one night, but otherwise everything went pretty smoothly. I owe most of the success to Lawton. I could be aggressive with the boluses because I knew he would alert me if there was a potential problem…which he did. Man, I really take that dog for granted sometimes…

The food I ate was great. Really, really great. Lots of desserts (Hello pie, cookies, donuts, fudge and apple bread!), and lots of Thanksgiving dinner leftovers. A lotta love went into each dish, for sure.

The ride home sucked. Really, really sucked.

Our car…our NEWISH car….our 2 ½ years old car…broke.

It just broke.

I woke up a couple hours into our trip home with my hubby pulling off the road. “Are we getting gas?” I asked. “No” he replied, “Our car is overheating.” And sure enough there was smoke and all sorts of warnings on our dash, including our stabilitrak shutting down. We added water to the engine, but the sensor still went all the way to nuclear hot. We have OnStar and they were pretty helpful…a little too perky for the moment if you know what I mean, but helpful none the less. Not one repair shop was open on Sunday in the ho-bunk town we were in. Our OnStar plan would tow us to the nearest Saturn dealer, 88 miles away in Medford, Oregon… going west…we needed to go south to Cali. So we said goodbye to the tow truck driver and our SUV, and rented a van to get home. You should have seen us making the drive to the rental place in our broke car…we were so pathetic. My hubby would drive to get the car up to speed, and then turn it off to coast in neutral as long as we could. It was seriously a miracle we made it there.

We still have no idea what is wrong with the car and we still have no idea how we’ll get it back.

Our 8 hour trip home turned to 13. The kids couldn’t watch the movies I bought, so it was up to them to entertain themselves. L in particular was sitting in the very back of the van by himself…bored to death. He sang the ABC’s at least 30 times, using different voices. The other boys took turns passing around the only Nintendo DS with battery life.

We are safe and sound at home, and that is all that matters. My dad dropped off his old van for us to use…the boys have to take off one shoe while we drive to swat the spiders that happen to crawl by…but we are EXTRAEMLY thankful to have something to get around in.

I’m a little overwhelmed getting ready for Christmas…and I am behind reading blogs…and missed the Sunday chat because of our car debacle…I feel out of the loop…and I love my loop. I want to be back in the loop!

So here is my first, rather lame attempt of a post to get back into the loop…
I’m back baby!!

P.S. Note to self…never ever allow the boys to eat Captain Crunch again. EVER. I don't care if you ARE on vacation..Don't do it!

I'll see your tag Shamae, and I'll raise you three more...

1. Do you like bleu cheese? I love me a bleu cheese wedge salad!

2. Have you ever smoked? Yes, a few months ago. It was SOOO good. It had been years since my husband and I smoked…MEAT in our smoker.

3. Do you own a gun? No way Jose. Unless you’re a burglar…then I have 4.

4. Favorite type of Food? Mexican FOREVER!

5. Favorite type of music? My XM is preset to 80’s music on 8, Highway 16 (country,) Classic Rock, Top 20 on 20, and Holly (all Christmas all the time!)

6. What do you think of hot dog? I try not to think about a hot dog…I just dig in and EAT!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? ELF, hands down…best movie EVER.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Orange juice…but since we don’t keep it in the house, water.

9. Can you do push ups? Probably.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A ring my husband bought me in Cabo last year.

11. Favorite hobby? Writing/blogging

12. Do you have A. D. D.? Nope.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Nope.

14. Middle name? Only the boringest middle name ever invented…Ann

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1) I should probably be packing instead of doing this. 2) Is there chocolate in the house? 3) Why aren’t the boys in bed?

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Diet Pepsi, Crystal Light and Milk

17. Current worry? That I’ll forget an important diabetic supply on our trip.

18. Current hate right now? My neighbor’s butt ugly mid 80’s Pontiac coupe.

19. Favorite place to be? In my husband’s arms.

20. How did you bring in the new year? Counting down with Dick. Poor Dick, besides having an awful name…he really shouldn’t be on TV anymore.

21. Someplace you’d like to go? New York

22. Name three people who will complete this. Joanne, Lora and Nicole...and EVERYBODY!

23. Do you own slippers? Yup…and they’re pink! ‘Cause I’m a girl…just in case all these boys that surround me forget.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? White

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don’t know. I hope I do.

26. Can you whistle? I used to…now I can’t. Five years ago it just up and disappeared. No joke.

27. Where are you now? In my living room.

28. Would you be a pirate? If Johnny Depp asked me to…you bet your sweet treasure map I would.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? None…because I wouldn’t even torture myself with my singing.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Like what? A little baby girl’s name…I’m not even sure I know what that is.

31. Favorite boy’s name? Is this a trick question? I’ll give you a hint…the boy’s names I like start with M, J, B and L.

32. What is in your pocket right now? A Target receipt and a used test strip.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? My 6 year old saying to me…”There’s smart…and then there’s Kmart smart.” (This is in no way endorses Kmart…I can’t stand the place.)

34. What vehicle do you drive? Saturn Outlook

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I fractured my foot my Freshman year playing basketball, the week of Homecoming. I had to go to the dance on crutches and my date danced with another girl all night. {SOB}

36. Do you love where you live? LOVE. IT.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3. But none in the bedrooms! Firm rule around here.

38. How many computers do you have in your house? My laptop, and my husband’s work laptop. (And one laptop hiding in the closet for my boys for Christmas.)

39. If you changed your job, what would it be? A phlebotomist or a school councilor.

40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? 1) Duh, a cure for diabetes. 2) A foolproof cure for Melanoma/cancer. 3) A brand spankin’ new 5 bedroom house with a ginormous kitchen that has plenty of cupboard space for like 5 crockpots.

Tis the season.

I am thankful for a lot of things. I can list all day what I am thankful for…Everything from Family to fingernail clippers. I have so much to be thankful for it is almost embarrassing. But, I learned a hard lesson this week, and wanted to pass it on.

Thankfulness mostly consists of words.

Gratitude is putting your thankfulness into action.

I’m all about words people. You all know that. I write for many reasons…to help others, but mostly to help me. If I am honest, my blog is all for me. Sometimes I feel selfish about the amount of time I spend nurturing it. It’s a place I can accomplish something…a place to be thankful. But am I really showing how grateful I am for my blessings by just sitting here? Surly the world/my family would benefit from me getting off my butt and making a difference.

So I made a list of what I am thankful for…a very very long list. And then I went back and found a way to turn my thankfulness into action.

So today…I get up. I show my house the gratitude I have for it by vacuuming its floors. I will lovingly hang up the clothes to show my gratitude that we have so many of them; I can fill up ten loads. I will wash the breakfast dishes to show my gratitude that I had the means to feed my children. I will clean my toilet to show my gratitude for indoor plumbing. (Seriously…there are those in the world that don’t have this!) I will take a shower to show my gratitude for my body. I will do these things and then go help at the school Thanksgiving parties to show my gratitude for public education.

So here I go. Putting it all into action!

UHG!

Gratitude bites.

It's a milestone for all of us.

J is 12 today.

I remember holding back the tears on his first birthday. He was so tiny and skinny…but he was there. Alive and there to celebrate.

We almost lost him when he was diagnosed. He was 8 months old when all of his symptoms came to a head. Subject to the dreaded Ketoacidosis, his breathing was hard and labored and he was so dehydrated they couldn’t find a vein. A surgeon was called in to cut into his ankle so they could find one. It was an awful awful experience. I often explain the day this way: If you would imagine you are standing on a cliff, with your toes clenched over the sides on a gusty day…that’s where I was. Ready to fall…fall into despair and on the edge of completely losing it. When the doctors swooped in, and he started seizing…I fell apart, I had to leave. My hysterics weren’t helping the doctors, or J. The nurses pushed me into the waiting room and I knelt on the floor and sobbed and prayed. I often feel guilty I wasn’t there with him every minute…but at that moment, I wasn’t strong enough. I was only a puddle of emotions.

I am stronger now.

And so is J.

He is such an amazing kid.

He is strong, funny, smart and stubborn. He is a tween through and through…but a momma’s boy at heart. He was bolusing himself in Kindergarten, he was guessing correct insulin amounts in 1st grade, and counting carbs in 2nd grade. In third grade he lied to me for 3 weeks, calling me with fake blood sugars. We found out it was because he hated being last on the playground. We fixed the problem by having his teacher excuse him 5 minutes before snack, but he will forever have me double checking his meter because of it. He was put into the gifted and talented program in 4th grade and has done all he can to pass without effort ever since. He has spent the last two years getting good grades by doing the bare minimum. If it’s not math, he is not interested. He is a leader, a mentor on the lower grade playground and a voracious reader. He has no tolerance for bullies. He has stood up to more than one on his own behalf, and for others.



Diabetes does not define him. It is a small inconvenience, but is not the determining factor on how he lives his life. He has no idea how amazing he is. He doesn’t know that when he had contests with his brothers, on who had the better blood sugar number, he made diabetes easier for them. He doesn’t know that going first to have his set put in, and smiling saying, ‘it doesn’t even hurt,’ helped his brothers to be brave. He doesn’t know that his bravery and his nonchalance about what he endures have served as a wonderful example to B and L. Diabetes is all he has known. He doesn’t lament his life, wishing he was without it. He has done something I don’t think I ever could…he has accepted diabetes as part of who he is. I see it as something foreign, something I wish would go away. He sees it as his normal…right down to his soul.

Happy birthday sweet boy.

A hug in the mail...

A few days ago I was in bad shape. VERY BAD SHAPE PEOPLE! I woke up with pain so bad in my tooth that I couldn't eat...or even drink. I ran to the dentist and he didn't see anything on the film, so his answer...pull the tooth. He gave me a referral to an oral surgeon and sent me on my way. I don't know what your biggest fear is...shark tank? Cliff dive? Fire? Rejection? Well mine is getting a tooth pulled. Put me on a cliff, and push off into a tank with a shark that hates me, who happens to be on fire...and I would be much more comfortable than in a dentist chair. I left there devastated but decided to give myself a day or two to see if my symptoms improve. It turned out to be caused by my TMJ, and everyday I am feeling a bit better.

But on that day...the day I could not eat...the day I could not drink...the day I could not talk...the day I was told that my worst fear had come true...on THAT day...

I got this in the mail...

Sweet Nicole from over at The Ride of Our Lives With Type 1 Diabetes, sent me this necklace to commemorate World Diabetes Day. I got it at one of my darkest hours, and it was everything I needed at that moment. Some love from a friend. I put it on and didn't want to take it off. I am not too proud to admit I slept in it that night. It was the hug I needed to get through the moment.

Thank you Nicole. Your gift was so thoughtful and sweet. I too wish I had gotten it before World Diabetes Day...but you know what...I think I got it on the day I was supposed to. It was just the right medicine for me.

Thank you dear friend!!

Why Meri is so awesome.

Joanne left a comment on my last post that I need to cheer myself on once in awhile. And you know what…she is completely right. Below please find a list of my most redeeming qualities.

1) I like turtles and owls…at a distance. Come on! That is endearing, in a completely random kind of way.

2) I like eating. I am willing to go out to eat at any given time. I am the perfect lunch date.

3) I love my family. I will fiercely protect them in any situation.

4) I love my friends. I will always do what I can to help if ever I am needed.

5) I drive on fieldtrips even when I don’t want to.

6) I will make you cookies at 9 at night if you get a hankerin’

7) My kids never wear dirty socks or underwear to school.

8) I love to laugh. A date to a comedy club rocks in my book.

8.5) I gag easily. Some people think this is entertaining.

9) I make the most awesome pot roast ever. (I only made it once, but man, it rocked.)

10) I will comment on you blog even if I don’t know what I am talking about. And let’s face it, Comments=Love

11) I will always give you a second chance; unless you are in the car in front of me in traffic and you’re driving like an idiot…then you’re on your own.

12) 9 out of 10 times I’ll bolus correctly for Chinese food.

13) I like to play games. (Mostly because I usually win.) Hence, I don’t like playing with my husband, because he always wins. (Unless we’re partners.)

14) I will drop everything and go shopping with you anytime.

15) I don’t like mean people.

16) I’ll split a meal with you if you’re not that hungry. I will also split two meals with you if you want to try 2 different things.

17) If we have a date to meet, I’ll probably be early.

18) I laugh at commercials and cry when I listen to the radio.

19) If you need me to, I’ll pray for you every day.

20) I like country, alternative, top 20, religious and R&B music. I think this shows I’m flexible.

21) I’m not a quitter.

22) I know that a bean burrito with sour cream at Taco Bell is 56 carbs.

23) I have an opinion about almost everything, but I accept the fact that my opinion isn’t always right.

24) I think people getting hurt is funny. Hence my affinity for Funniest Home Videos.

25) When I clean, I clean right, or I don’t clean at all.

26) I won’t tell you gross stories while you are eating. I am polite that way.

27) If a doctor is being stupid, and doesn’t know anything about diabetes while they pretend they do, I will tell them so.

28) I will stay on the phone for hours to fix a problem with a bill or a service. I’m a fighter.

29) I don’t let my kids watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Courage the Cowardly Dog.

30) I am honest.

I am glad I am me! (That is how my 2nd grader had to end his essay about himself when he was ‘star of the week’ at school. So I’m ending mine this way too. It’s kinda’ like self affirmation- like Stewart Smalley on Saturday Night Live. “Your good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it! People really like you!”)

The Things I Take For Granted...

*I wrote this about myself. It's not completely about my diabetic life. I've been dealing with some terrible TMJ issues lately and I needed to redirect my brain to the positive. :)

I walk around all day feeling sorry for myself.
I wonder if normal will ever reveal itself.

I go through the motions, I’m barely even there.
I think I’ve done all I can do, to give my family care.

I think how no one understands why I am always sad.
I think that I’m alone and no sympathy is had.

I wonder why no one cares to ask about my life,
Of how my day is going, or even wonder of my strife.

I paint a picture of a life that is bitter, tired and sad.
But truth be told, when push comes to shove, my life is not so bad.

I take for granted everyday my sons smiles and their glee.
I take for granted all that is done to help my family.

I take for granted that there are those who treat me oh so dear.
I take for granted my husband’s love, he always makes it clear.

I take for granted that I’m strong enough to do what I need to do.
I take for granted, when it comes to T1, the world just doesn’t have a clue.

I take my house for granted, and the warmth it provides for me.
I take my God for granted as he listens to my pleas.

I take for granted I can walk, and see my boys each day.
I take for granted I can laugh and giggle while they play.

I mostly take for granted all the blessings that we have,
So is it any wonder that no sympathy is had?

Why would one feel sorry for one who has it all?
I have a family who is wonderful and we always have a ball.

I have what I’ve always wanted, so now’s the time to be content.
I can’t live this way anymore, I must the bad forget.

For surely you can understand, and for this I am truly glad,
That in my life, it is clear, that the good outweighs the bad.

It’s all about perspective and not seeing all the good.
It’s all about focusing on what I think I should.

Shall I continue to hate the things that throw a wrench into my plans?
Or shall I count my blessings and continue doing what I can.

I can’t control those around me or the world I see.
But I can control one important thing, and friends, that thing Is me.

Feeling sorry for myself will only tear me down.
I’m sick and tired of my face and this insipid frown.

I’m going to stop taking for granted my life and my family,
It’s time for me to make a stand and start living happily.

Pity party’s over…
It’s time to take in the view
Let not the sadness tarry
To my cheer, I will be true.

World Diabetes Day 2009

We had a great time in San Francisco for World Diabetes Day! And we were so diggin' our shirts!

We went out for dinner in the city and ya, we were pretty much a spectacle. Dinner was awesome and we were able to share our story and our blue pride with some other customers at the restaurant and on the street.

I bought the boys these glow sticks/flashlights/whistles for the big day. We had a blast trying to make blue circles with them on the way to the San Francisco Ferry Building...

We made it to the Ferry Building and were a tinsy bit underwhelmed with the blue...but it was cool none the less...
There wern't as many people as I expected, but once we joined the group, the energy was electric. There was such a feeling of community and good will. :)
We got there just in time for the small speeches to commemorate the day. When I saw Manny Hernandez from Tu Diabetes, I felt like a groupie at a rock concert. Ya, he's that great!
And to top it off I met the fabulous Miss Amy from Diabetes Mine. What an awesome woman with a beautiful family to boot. (My camera was on a weird setting.) Her daughter thought it was funny when I told her in my world, her mother was a rock star.

It seriously turned out to be like the best night ever. It couldn't have been nicer. And really Joanne, I could have sold a dozen of our shirts! They were a big hit!

My First Wordless Wednesday...

November 6th

A little interesting fact about our family is that I gave birth to my two youngest on the same day of the year. B and L were both born on November 6th exactly two years apart. November 6th is also my father in laws birthday AND most importantly…it is also the day my husband asked me to marry him.

We were really young…I was 19 at the time and he was 21. He was my best friend and our relationship was easy. I was used to drama and guys ignoring me while we dated, but Ryan was different. He was always thoughtful. He was always kind and polite, and he only treated me with respect.

He called me at Macy’s on November 6th, 1992 and asked for me to stop by after work. I didn’t get off until 9:00 that night but he insisted. I reluctantly agreed and continued on with my day. It didn’t even faze me that my Mom and my sisters came by to say hello. (My Mom wasn’t a big mall shopper.) They had silly grins, but I was clueless. (Ryan had asked for my hand earlier from my father, and of course my father practically THREW me at him. My parents LOVE Ryan.)

His proposal was simple. He changed out of his life and bakery uniform of jean shorts and white shirt into a shirt and tie. He asked me immediately and I (obviously) said yes.

I couldn’t wait to be married to him. We would have a great life. We would be adults. We would make our own decisions. Life was going to be all smiles and adventures. We had love, what more did anyone need?

And as I look back on the past 17 years…WOW!!!!!!!....it has been hard. Really, really hard. With 5 pregnancies, (one that didn’t work out, and one that was especially worrisome,) and the bakery, (that he worked 15 hours a day in,) and diabetes diagnosis, (Four, if you include my brothers,) and cancer, (My husband’s mother survived breast cancer and my husband had a serious Melanoma that required chemo this year,) and everything else that life threw at us…man, it’s been REALLY REALLY hard.

But even through the pain and the stress and the uncertainty of life…love has remained. And as hard as life has been, I still have my best friend beside me. He still wears his jean shorts and white T-shirts and he still dotes over me like when we were first married. And we have 4 beautiful boys…who relish every minute of their lives…and who, because of diabetes, appreciate the little things…like brownies with M&M’s on top for their classes on Friday.

Looking back, would I change anything? Mostly I would change things about me. IF I could relive it all…I would worry less...I would take my frustration out on my husband less…I wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect…or to impress those around me. I would have accepted that my best was good enough and I probably would have let my kids have friends over in a house that was not as neat as a pin.

I would tell myself everyday…that hard times don’t last forever…that there will be good times around the corner…and that life is too precious to waste with constant worry and self loathing.

I would appreciate the little moments more…and I would appreciate all the wonderfullness that I've always had right in front of me...

My Mini Breakdown

Today I woke up hating diabetes.

I was up all night with the boys, all were super high. All went to bed with perfect numbers and then JUMPED up to completely random highness. (Steak and noodles for dinner…it made no sense.) Generally, lately, I can go back to sleep after testing, but not last night. Last night I was up for hours…thinking…stewing…

L’s teacher has been “concerned” about his blood sugar numbers lately. For the past 5 school days, for some reason, he is jumping to the high 300’s or 400’s at snack time. Problem is, he dives after snack so it’s a delicate situation to try to get him to a decent number at 10:30 without him going low before I pick him up. And since a different parent brings in snacks every day, I never know how to bolus his breakfast. (Uh uh,I can't bring him his own special snack, because to L that is just a cruel punishment.) So I’m figuring it out. And I’m inching closer to where I want him to be. But now L’s teacher wants to know what his BG number is at snack. Because she is “concerned.” Concerned about what? That he is neglected…that he is getting poor care? He hasn’t been acting out, he is (surprisingly) a wonderful student. Yesterday, when I came in after school, I spoke to her about trying to balance his boluses and the fact that I’m trying different things. “Good,” she says, “It’s really been on my mind lately.” (Great, I’m sorry to take up a small part of your brain to worry about my son. My ENTIRE brain worries 24/7 about him.) I told her I’ve tried one more thing to help him at snack, but he has an Endo appt in the city next week and hopefully they will be able to give me more insight. “Oh GOOD!!!” She exclaims.

Yup, I let her get to me. This woman is a sweet woman. I really like her. She is my friend. But I let her comments get to me. Do I know she is judging me? No. But when you are up all night with high sugars, and you are feeling like a loser…you feel like she is judging me.

So then L wakes up to a wet bed, and says, “don’t worry mom, I put a blanket under me and then I didn’t have to wake you up!” Sweet, sweet little boy, who wet his bed because of me, (well really because he was high..but that’s not my state of mind this morning.) By this time I’m oozing guilt out of my pores. I’m late making breakfast because I have to bathe L, and I have 15 minutes less to get ready because I am picking up M’s friends for school. I’m volunteering today in J’s and B’s classes and just before I head out the door, I check my blog dashboard to see if there are posts. And there are…and I started reading one…and then I had to stop.

My happy place suddenly became my hell. Tears come. I HATE diabetes! I am a failure! My kids, they don’t deserve this. They need a nurse 24/7, not stupid me! The boy’s endo appointments are next week and ALL their settings are TOTALLY out of control! Every one of them is having issues. I’m a failure. And again, I HATE DIABETES! If I have to look at the word diabetes one more time…I’ll scream!
So I stop reading…and I cry…and I bring my mascara to put on in the car before I get into school, because now it’s hopeless to even try.

And then I refill strips in each boy’s supply boxes at school. And I turn in doctors papers to the office to give to our school nurse. (Who’s only there Tuesday mornings.) And then I realize I forgot to take my TMJ pain meds. And then I help in classes. And then I get a call that L looks low. And I run…I run! Because I changed his settings yesterday and who knows what I will find. And he is 70. And J is 96 and B is 62. And I over did it because I let L’s teacher get to me. And I’m having a pity party…and I want to run away…

And then, as it always does, something happens to put my stupid life into perspective.

I find out that my friend at school is in the hospital. She was diagnosed with MS last year, and now last week was diagnosed with Leukemia. She is the hospital indefinitely…she is having chemo. Her husband was laid off last year. She is the bread winner. She probably needs a bone marrow transplant.

And the good Lord slaps me in the face again. Meri, your boys are at school. Playing…laughing. They have two healthy parents who love them. You are doing your best. You can’t do better than your best. Meri, you are an idiot. Slow down, you have a great life.

And then I come home and find the strength to read my blogs. And Wendy’s dear friend has passed away. She has left her family and her friends too early.

And I am here.

And I will be ok.

And my boys will be ok.

This craziness will pass, and we will be able to find the bolus and basal sweet spots for the boys.

So my pity party is over. I think I can go back to being positive again. I am recovering from my mini breakdown, and my husband got home early and gave me one of his famous bear hugs.

The peace is returning.

Am I crazy to want them to distinguish between the two?!

Yesterday THIS article appeared in the local paper.

Am I just sensitive or does the fact that they do not distinguish the difference between Type1 and Type2 bug the pants off you too? They just lump them all together...making statements that could have been accurate...erroneous. The last paragraph really bothered me...why can't they say Type 2 Diabetes instead of just Diabetes? The woman who's quote this is, works with what I assume are Type 2 Diabetics. Does she really not understand that the two are different?

Come on people...and I being too sensitive? AM I?????????????

It's OK to say I am...but boy did it pi** me off.

Immediately after reading this article I wrote this letter. Below is my rough draft, I made a couple changes in my email...but you get the idea. I also know it's really long...but when I want to educate I get spontaneous diarrhea of the keyboard.

Thank you for your article regarding World Diabetes Day. Although much of it is accurate, you failed to distinguish the difference between Type 1, (also called Juvenile Diabetes,) and Type 2 Diabetes. The classification of Diabetes is made in general terms. Many of the statements simply refer to “diabetes” rather than distinguishing a specific type. Because of this, many of the statements in the article are misleading. Almost all the statements and quotes are referring to Type 2, but imply both Types.

Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are completely different diseases. Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease in which the body mistakenly attacks the islet cells in the pancreas, destroying the body’s ability to produce insulin. It has nothing to do with a person’s diet, and furthermore, diet and exercise will not reverse it. The statement in the end of your article says, “. People often develop diabetes due to lack of activity, and because of eating prepared, rather than fresh, foods. There is no cure for it, but it is a controllable disease: People need to improve their mobility and nutrition.” It is very misleading. This is absolutely NOT the case for Type 1 Diabetics. The purpose of World Diabetes Day is to educate and I feel although this article was written to do such, it certainly was misleading, asserting that both these diseases are caused due to poor diet and exercise.

In a recent study done by the American Diabetes Association they found that only 1/3 of those polled knew that too much sugar did not cause Type 1 Diabetes. Also just 12 percent of those surveyed knew that people with Type 1 Diabetes don’t’ have to follow a more restrictive diet than the healthy diet that is recommended for the general population. (Side note: Thanks to Le Ann's blog for these facts!)

This article hit very close to home as I have three young children with Type 1 Diabetes. They were diagnosed at 8 months, 2 years and 5 years old. All three boys are on insulin pumps and endure many comments in the community in regards to their condition. We want the world to know that no, they will not grow out of this disease. No, a new diet and exercise routine will not reverse their diabetes or make it more manageable. My children can eat what any other healthy child can eat, and that includes an occasional cookie, cupcake or ice cream cone. They each prick their fingers 10 times a day to keep their blood sugars in check. I wake up at least once every night to check their blood sugars, as diabetes never sleeps. Stress, illness, excitement, exercise and food ALL can fluctuate their blood sugars. They insert a new pump line every 2 days. It is a heartbreaking process that is part of life with diabetes. Low blood sugars cause comas, seizures, headaches, and stomach aches…high blood sugars cause flu like symptoms and extreme thirst. Complications from high blood sugars are one of the few things Type 1 Diabetics have in common with Type 2 Diabetics.

My heart also goes out to those with Type 2 diabetes. My mother and father in law suffer from this disease and it is also, very misunderstood. They lead a very restrictive lives, and it is a very complicated disease to control. I believe Type 2’s do not get the education and care that they need and deserve. I once was in line at the pharmacy behind a woman getting pills for the first time after just being diagnosed with Type 2. The pharmacist asked how often she will be checking her blood sugar. The woman replied, she didn’t know what that meant, and did not have a monitor to check it. How could a doctor prescribe pills and not give someone a blood sugar monitor? The pharmacist ended up giving her the pills without a monitor. I cannot stress how dangerous this was.

Both Type 1 and Type 2 have a long way to go before the population fully understands the ramifications of both diseases. We hope that World Diabetes Day will help educate, but it will only do so if those reporting have a good grasp on both Types of Diabetes.

I don't know, after reading it again it doesn't do my thoughts justice...but I sent it out to the writer of the article AND the editor. It feels good to say my peace and now I will, hopefully, be able to let it go.

On a brighter and more exciting note...I just found out that they will be lighting the San Francisco Ferry Building in blue on November 14! There will be a ceremony and all are asked to show their blue colors by painting their face blue and putting blue celephane over flashlights. Can I even tell you how excited I am to wear our shirts! I am so excited to go I am honestly bursting!

Yay World Diabetes Day!!!!! Yay for people who get it!!!!! Yay for educating those who dont!!!!

Update: I just got this email...
Hi Meri,

I appreciate the e-mail. Yes, I should have made a distinction between Type
1 and Type 2. I appreciate you pointing this out, and will make the
distinction clear in future articles..

Sincerely,

Dan Johnson

*So do I leave it at that, or kindly ask that they put a correction in the paper? *

Goodbye Halloween

So I know y’all are just busting at the seams, wanting to know how our Halloween went. So I’ll show off some pictures and get down to business.

L was Luigi. I had no choice. He and his friend decided one day that they would be Mario and Luigi and that was that. I know, you would think I would have more control over my kids…but I’m a sucker.

B was a Knight. Underneath, is his king costume from a couple years ago, repurposed. And on top is what my mother in law brought back from Germany. J wore this costume two years ago. Score! I didn’t have to buy anything!



J was the cowboy riding a horse. M wore this three years ago. We dug it out of our costume box, and what do ya know…it still worked. Double score! Another costume I didn’t have to buy!


M didn’t dress up this year. TRIPLE BONUS! Well, he wore a skeleton shirt I got at Kohls for 5 bucks. (Man, I sound really cheap right now. Probably because I am…when it comes to Halloween.)


After the whirlwind of school parties and parades, we went to our church party Friday night, where the boys got TONS of candy. That night two were high, one was right on target. The next day we had wonderful sugars, until Halloween night…J was in the 300’s all night…B and L did really well. I tried not to let it bother me yesterday. I told them pick out 20 of their favorite pieces and we’ll give the rest away to the homeless shelter.

And then it hit me…

The boy’s next Endo appointments are on November 11th. Veterans Day.

HOLY UNFAIR TIMING BATMAN!

At the appointment they will download their blood sugar numbers for the past two weeks. That will include Halloween and the gazillion of parties that went along with it. Very sucky.

I know, I know…they will understand…but it is still sucky.

I survived…barely. There were some very sweet moments in there, and I am thankful that it was such a fun experience all around for them…but there was no a-ha moment that changed my mind about the holiday.

Saddest Moment: All four boys spent TWO hours trading their Halloween candy to each other. Bartering for their favorite pieces. They sat in a circle and took the whole process very seriously. I came in and said, “You know all that candy you are trading for is going to go.” They all looked at me perplexed. “Mom,” B said…”we are having fun…we know we don’t get to keep it all.” L said, “Ya mama, it’s just fun to pretend!” Yup…I’m a loser.

Funniest Moment: J’s costume was such a big hit that he got THREE times the candy as the rest of the kids. They would give B and L one or two pieces, and then J would get a handful at almost every house. I asked him after one house…”What J…you didn’t say ‘no thank you, I’m diabetic’ and hand it back to them?” (Said sarcastically of course.) And J said, “I may be Diabetic mom, but I’m not stupid. This costume ROCKS!”

Good Mom Moment: I let them carve their pumpkins themselves. (EVEN B and L used those special knives and carved them by themselves.) I didn’t help AT ALL. I didn’t give suggestions, I let them carve on the ugly side of the pumpkin, I didn’t even wince when J gave his a uni-brow. If you knew me 10 years ago you would be impressed. I used to want everything to be nice. I’m totally over it. (I even let them pick out ugly pumpkins at the pumpkin patch!:)



(Side note: We carved pumpkins and went trick or treating at my in laws, those background decorations aren't my doing.)

So now that Halloween is over we can all concentrate on more important things...like Christmas!!!!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS…and that is written with no sarcasm what so ever! I love buying presents, I love the decorations, I love the feeling of that time of year! YAY CHRISTMAS!!!!

SEE! I’m not such a scrooge after all! It’s just Halloween is stupid, that’s all.

GO CHRISTMAS!

I LOVE Halloween!!!!

Halloween is SO awesome and SO fun!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Did I trick you? Come on...you totally thought I changed my tune!)

Have a great day with your families!

My Happy Place

I was really inspired today by a post at Six Until Me. She writes of guilt and the perception that complications from this disease lay in our hands alone. I want to write everything she has written, but they are her words and she puts it so eloquently. It is REALLY worth your time to jump over and read what Kerri had to say.

Because, it really hit a chord with me.

If you read our story, you would know that our family used to own a bakery. My in laws opened it when my husband was 8 years old. My husband had a job to do there from day 1 and eventually took over the business with his sister after his father’s stroke.

J and L were diagnosed while we owned the bakery. This little fact didn’t help the perception of diabetes. I guarantee, many people thought it was the donuts doing that my children were cursed with diabetes. Many people assumed that Type 1 and Type 2 came from the same roots, and assumed that their diagnosis were a result of our poor judgment. Never mind my kids were never chubby. Never mind they got to go to the bakery once a week. We owned a bakery, my husband and I were not small and thin, so naturally they were struck with horror when they found out we had two children with diabetes. B was diagnosed just a couple months after we closed the bakery. It was just more of the same. ‘Good thing you closed the bakery, it’s best for the boy’s health.’

It is for that very reason that whenever I tell someone we have three diabetics…they also get a long lecture of what Type 1 is, and the many reasons that I am not responsible for it. (Well other then maybe passing along something genetically wonky.) I take it to heart that it is a sensitive subject for me, so when people make insensitive remarks I try not to take them personally. I try to educate instead of defend. Sadly, it always feels good to say that my oldest is not diabetic. He is my save. People that are stupid seem to take solace in the fact that one is not diabetic. For some reason they are more understanding because of it. (Yes…I am totally knocking on every piece of wood in the house now!)

The problem is…it really hurts me. I already have enough guilt as it is, to have someone think less of me, and even further BLAME ME for my children’s unrelenting heartbreaking condition…it’s just too much. It is just way way too much. The saddest part is, usually the worst comments come from people you really respect, or a family member…or people who should know better, like doctors or pharmacists.

But it’s different here. Here in bloggy world. Here, you guys see it totally differently. It is such a breath of fresh air. There is no guilt here. There is no blaming here. I am doing the best I can. I am not judged harshly for my son running high or running low. You all so understand...it’s my special place. My safe haven. We might not all agree on everything. My boys got the H1N1 vaccine today, and many of you are passing…but that’s ok. We all see both sides of it and that is what matters. We are all making decisions that fit best within our lifestyle. We get that diabetes is personal. That it isn’t a one size fits all disease…that although we can give advice and try to help, we are not offended if what we did, doesn’t work for another.

I love that we are all different. I love that we are people that may not have given each other a second glance otherwise. I love that I get to see the heart of people from all walks of life, and to know that we are all connected in purpose.

This is my happy place.

And I am so thankful for it…and for you.

It's Not Too Late!

UPDATE: UNISEX SIZES CAN BE ORDERD FOR THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS!
Last chance! If you want to be uber cool and wear a custom made World Diabetes Day T-Shirt, you have mere hours to order! Jump to Joannes blog and make your order....TONIGHT! We're hoping to put together a montage of pics showing everyone around the globe wearing the shirts...united in purpose. :) So quick! If you wanted to order...and you have put it off...go to Death of a Pancreas and order tonight...because tomorrow it will be to late. :(

Diabetically Overwhelmed.

I consider myself a very strong person.

Hell…look at my life! I live it…I endure it…I celebrate it…I am happy! I stand up for things I believe in. I’m not afraid to speak my mind.

I am no wimp!

Unless…I am at the pharmacy. It seems as though I am a different person when I go there. I feel extremely vulnerable. It is always very emotional for me and for some reason I leave my backbone at the door. (Please see previous post.)

Today was no exception. I walked in needing insulin and needles. Not a tall order…just one child’s worth of insulin and a box of needles to use as back up when a pump is malfunctioning. Seriously…is that too much to ask for?

As I stepped up to the counter I handed the gentleman 3 insurance ID cards.
“I need insulin…It doesn’t matter who’s prescription you fill, they all use the same stuff…please just fill one and mail me the others.”

Then I got the look. The look that I have told myself a million times I am just imagining. The look that burns my heart…and it is always followed by the same question…

“ALL three are diabetic?”

“Yup,” I say. “All three.”

“Well, this one is 60 days too early…and this one is out of refills. Call back in a couple days to see if they will refill it.” He printed something out and handed it to me. (Which I assume meant that J was OK for insulin.) “Next,” He says.

“OK, thank you. But I also need needles.”

He types. He types and types and types and mumbles…”Sorry, there are no needle prescriptions here.”

“Well, I have gotten them here before…”

“No,” he says…”It’s not in here. Are you sure you've gotten needles before?”

I don't even qualify that question with an answer. I just raise my eyebrows and give him a look that says...obviously yes, I have gotten needles before.

And then he gives ME a look. A look like…what do you want me to do about it?

“Well, I need needles. Don’t you have a protocol for something like this? Can’t you call a doctor or something. I am out and I need just one box.”

Without a word he walks away and prints something off his computer. Which I can only assume means he is taking care of it. No…”Here you go.” No…”It’ll be ready in a few minutes.” No…”The name will be on the board when it is ready.” He just walked away and then walked back, looked over my head, and said, “Next.”

As I went to sit down I wondered why they hired such jerks to work here. Are these people trained to have no emotion? Maybe I’m just sensitive. I talk myself down. I think I’m blowing it all out of proportion.

But then I watch him…and what do you know…he’s smiling at people. He is laughing…he is nice. With me he was a complete jack a**…but with everyone else…a ray of sunshine. I examine my behavior. Was I a bitch in any way? No, in fact, I was very nice and sweet. Hey…I can be nice and sweet people…I do it all the time!

So I wait. And B’s name pops up…which is weird…because the tag I have is for J. So I am left to assume that the needles were put under B’s name. And then I wait for J’s name. 30 minutes I wait. Finally I wait in line for the counter to see if there is a problem.

I’m with a lady now. I politely explain my situation and she goes off to look. She returns with a box of needles…and ONE box of insulin.

“He is supposed to get four bottles.” I say.

“Oh, well this is all we have.”

My insides are on fire…tears begin to burn the corner of my eyes…

“I’m sorry miss…but I have THREE Type 1 Diabetics at home. This bottle of insulin will last me less than five days. I am completely out of insulin at home. I need more.”

“Umm, sorry that is all we have.”

TIME OUT! We all know that this is a lie. There is more…they just want to hold onto it. There is NO WAY they are out.

“Please, I just need one more bottle…and you can mail me the rest.”

“Listen MAAM! I am trying to help you here, but you are not listening to me! Obviously mailing won’t help you because it takes 7-10 days to get it by mail There is no more today…you’ll have to come back in 2 days when more comes in.”

This is where I stop fighting. This is where I am using all the power in me not to cry.

You should have seen her face…like I was some unruly freak begging for a hit.

So I left with one vile of insulin and was able to make it out the door before I began to hyper ventilate in tears. WHY!!! WHY is it so emotional for me? WHY am I so insecure in there? Why do I let them get to me? No one else gets to me….only them. It’s like they have this power over me. This power to control whether my boys get their medication or not. This power to make me feel like some unreasonable homeless person, begging for two dollars when somebody gives her one.

It’s just always a bad experience all around. I guess I should note that all of this took place after a very unsettling conversation with our school principal. I asked her this morning if I could sell cookies after school the day before World Diabetes Day. They would be round shortbread cookies with a blue circle on them. Attached would be a card explaining Type 1 on one side and Type 2 on the other.

After asking, the principal laughed. She l-a-u-g-h-e-d…She. Threw. Her. Head. Back. And. LAUGHED! And then said…”Isn’t it counterproductive to sell cookies when educating about diabetes?”

“Well actually,” I countered, “that is the point. I want to educate people that Type 1’s CAN eat cookies, and dispel some of the myths about our disease.”

“Oh, well yes,” she says….”I’ll check and see with the main office if it’s ok.”

She is new. She doesn’t really know anything yet…but seriously woman…

I totally accept the fact that maybe I’m a bit more sensitive today after the ignorant letters and blog comments that have been flying around the web lately…

But, I don’t know…I feel diabetically overwhelmed today.

And I needed to vent. If you made it through this entire post, God bless you. You have a heart. Its people like you that restore my faith in mankind.

Jerk

This sad and grossly discriminating letter was posted in a newspaper in Shamae's neighborhood. BOO! BOO! I'm sadly going to reprint this letter and underneath you will find my response, of which I have sent into the newspaper. If you would like to add your voice to all the Momma's and Poppa's who have already written in...PLEASE DO! The more voices the better! Contact Shamae, and she will let you know how to contact the paper.

THE COMPLAINERS LETTER...

On Oct. 3, myself and my girlfriend were eating lunch at Burger King. A family came in and sat across the aisle from us. While the father was ordering food, we were shocked and appalled to see a boy inject himself with whatever medication, in front of God and everybody all while sitting at the table. We found this extremely offensive. That sort of business should be done in private. How about a little respect for those around you. Other than the obvious fact that it's not sanitary for those who use the table next, you have no idea how something like that can affect people. People go through a lot in their life and things like that may bring up certain feelings and memories best forgotten. I would like to thank those that day for totally ruining my meal.

MY RESPONSE...

To Whom it May Concern,

I was just made aware of your letter dated October 25th in regards to a young boy giving himself a shot at a Burger King. Let’s just assume that this young boy was NOT protected by the American’s with Disability Act…and let’s continue to assume that we live in an age where hiding and being ashamed of a disease or illness was in vogue. Even if these barbaric circumstances were true…I feel sorry for the gentleman who wrote that letter. He is surely grossly uneducated and has no clue what the word EMPATHY means. While Mr. Barber was busy being DISGUSTED by this boy’s courage and self sufficiency, did he for even one minute think about what kind of life that this young boy must lead? Did he know that if this boy was a Type 1 Diabetic that he must inject himself with insulin immediately before his meal to stay alive and healthy? I would also like to say that a young child who picks his nose or puts his fingers in his mouth is incredibly more unsanitary than this young man giving himself a shot. Were bodily fluids spread? Was blood squirting all over the table? And for this writer to even insinuate that this young man must think of other’s past experiences over the awful experiences that THIS BOY must go through, many times a day, to keep himself moving and living…it is so incredibly sad. The man complaining writes, “People go through a lot in their life…” What about this boy’s life?!!!!!!! Is it of no consequence? No, sir who wrote this awful letter…THANK YOU! Thank you for totally ruining my day with your ignorance and selfishness.

Wheels in motion...

We're really excited to unite as a blogging community and purchase these shirts to all wear on November 14th, World Diabetes Day. Joanne has moved full steam ahead to put together this shirt for all to order.



If you live in the US, the cost will be only $15.00 each- TOTAL- That includes shipping. If you live in Canada it will be $20.00 total. Joanne's not doing this to make money, she is doing this to help make a difference. I want to thank her and her husband for going forward and making her idea a reality.

So, jump over to her blog to get all the details! Order soon...we can't drag our feet on this one. This all needs to be done in one printing, so the sooner we all order, the better chance we will all have them in our little hands before November 14th!

So what will you be doing in your super cool shirt on World Diabetes Day? I see a lot of frustration throughout the blogging community with the worlds perception of Type 1 Diabetes. We can change the perception of our disease in our own communities!

Here's a couple ideas...

*Every year I hold a fundraiser at our Elementary School. Some years it is Caps for Canines, (To raise money for diabetic service dogs,) and some years I do Caps for a Cure, to benefit JDRF. It's a really simple fundraiser. If a student brings in $1 they can wear their favorite hat or cap to school all day. It's a great way for the kids here to wear all those Disney ears and favorite baseball team hats. I send home a flyer announcing the big day and include information on what Juvenile Diabetes is. Easy, successful and FUN!

*Have a bake sale. After school on the 13th, or in front of your house on the 14th. "Cookies for a Cure." We've done that before and people would say, "Isn't it weird to sell cookies to raise money for diabetes?" and I would say, "Well actually, my kids have Type 1 Diabetes...and they CAN eat cookies!" Then I would hand them an informational flyer.

*You don't need to sell anything. Hand out informational flyers to your neighbors. Email people. Let them know what day it is...tell them you want to get the word out...this is one of those invisible diseases...our lives are not what they seem!

*Make a video! I think this idea was put out there already around the blogging community. Make a video showing how diabetes affects your families lives. Pictures set to music can be VERY powerful. Put it on your blog, your facebook page, email it to all you know!

*Buy shirts for your whole family and go out! To dinner...to Costco. You'll for sure be a spectacle and people WILL ask questions.

*Light up your house in blue! Write your community leaders, ask to light up the city hall in blue!

*Write a letter to the Editor, explaining the day and educate!

*Host a BLUE party for your friends and family!

I'm sure you all have some great ideas...and I would love to hear about them!

AND DON'T FORGET to pop over to Death of a Pancreas if you would like to order a shirt, (or shirts.)

Our Detour to Holland

Our friend Shamae challenged us to show off pictures from our trip to Holland. I was initially very disappointed in the change of flight plan, but it turns out, the people in Holland are some of the most beautiful people in the world...


Welcome to Holland
By Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So, without further ado...Welcome to OUR Holland...

We've got to let it go.

The kids had Monday off.

NICE!

We had a wonderful lazy morning together at home and planned to go to my Sister In Law’s for lunch. Before leaving, I checked the boy’s sugar, two hours after they had eaten. J was 149, B was 128, L was 559…what the….!!!!

A million scenarios went through my head. Did I bolus him for breakfast? (Yes, yes I did.) Is his pump tubing broken? (No, no it wasn’t.) Is his pump out of insulin? (Nope, plenty on board.) So I did what any mom would do, I corrected him and checked again in a ½ hour. 402. Nice! Insulin is working, pump is working, all is well.

Except…where in the world did that number come from? As I thought about it for a couple minutes, it dawned on me that it was a lost cause. There was no figuring it out. It would remain one of those diabetes enigmas, and it was clear to me that I would have to move on. Sure I filed it away in my brain, and knew that if it happened again the next day I would have a pattern, and then that would be worth worrying about. But one stupid number randomly popping up…I had to let it go. GONE.

Guilt? Nope.

Wonder? Nope.

Worry? Nope.

I. LET. IT. GO.

Because tomorrow another child may have a random number pop up that I don’t understand. And if I let that one get to me, then I need to let them ALL get to me…and that just leads to depression and self loathing.

There is very little we can control with this disease. We can only do the best we can. Many families are dealing with a pattern of lows or highs right now. That deserves attention and the famous Diabetic Family Detective Work. But for those random numbers…those are par for the course.

Let it go.

Correct, recheck, move on.

I know we often feel guilty…it’s a syndrome that comes with our children’s diagnosis. I was weighed down with guilt about numbers for years. (I’m talking hundreds of pounds of weights on my shoulders.) I made mistakes and I would beat myself up so badly there was barely a life left to take care of my family. They had a shell of a parent, a shell of a wife for so many years…it was harder than it needed to be.

I still struggle with guilt. I have a long way to go to be the person I want to be. I mess up all the time and I let the guilt linger for sure…but when it comes to things I have no control over…ala a random 559…then I have learned to let it go. It hasn’t been easy, and sure I question myself, wondering if I should care more…but I see the picture clearer now and I understand there is only so much I can do.

So the moral of the story today is…choose your guilt wisely. If you forget to bolus your kid for dinner…correct and move on. There is nothing you can do to go back and fix it. It is over! Guilt will not help you; it will only drag you down. Sure, if you forget every night for a week, then one needs to take stock in their routine, but otherwise-

Forget about it!

I think all of us need to see this therapist when it comes to our guilt. I have my excuses, I try to validate my depression…but in the end, it’s MY choice how I handle things.