Angel in the infield.

I stand on home plate in the Diabetes Stadium every day…taking whatever diabetes can throw at me. I stand knees slightly bent, hands choked up on the bat, and I swing my heart out over and over, hoping to hit that ball to the moon.

Some days I am completely focused, I have my eye on the ball and I smack that ball again and again…homerun after homerun. Other days, it’s hit or miss. I’ll get a double or two, but mostly singles with the occasional strike out. On my bad days I close my eyes and swing the bat like I’m swatting a swarm of bees. I’m clumsy, exhausted and miss most of what I swing at.

But I don’t stop swinging. Stopping is not an option on this field. That would be letting this visitor win, and I refuse to let that happen while I’m up to bat.

So I swing with all my heart, and hope for the best. I can’t let my team down.

You might wonder how I find the strength to keep swinging. How can I do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no seventh inning stretch to rest my weary arms?

There is an easy answer for that.

I have a pinch hitter, silly. And her name is Lisa.

Lisa is my sister in law, and when I get exhausted and just can’t swing anymore, she effortlessly takes my spot and swings like a pro. She is on the sidelines every minute of the day, always ready and willing to step up to bat. She never has hesitation. Her answer is always, “I am ready when you need me.”

Enough of the baseball. My brain hurts.

She takes the kids almost every Saturday. Yup, my husband and I go out almost every weekend. And she knows what to do! She absorbs all the information my hurty brain can spit out and never needs clarification. She gets it, and she is up for the task.

But it goes so much further than that. She’ll pick the boys up after School for me. She picks the boys up before school once a week to have breakfast at their Omi’s house. She takes them out to eat. She carpools when I need an extra person. She volunteers in their classrooms; she goes on fieldtrips with their class. She bakes with them. She reads to them. She takes them on bike rides and walks to pick berries. She’ll take them overnight so my hubby and I can get away. She has sat through more bad music concerts and plays than she can shake a stick at. She just isn’t afraid to take over their care.

I often throw information at her and then give her a long look of, "I'm asking too much of you." And she'll always smile and say, "I'm not scared." She is a second mother to the boys, and when I leave them with her, my brain can shut down…my arms can rest so to speak, and I know that my boys will be safe and taken care of.

Is there any better gift?

I always tell her thank you, but it is such a joke. She deserves so much more than a thank you; she deserves some kind of Medal of Honor or something.

An example of her stellar performance is this last Saturday. As Ryan and I were walking out of Iron Man 2, I gave her a ring.

“J is throwing up” she says.

“We are on our way.” I say.

“No!” she says, “It’s going to be a long night for you, go to dinner, or go home and take a nap…I got this.”

Hello!! Best pinch hitter EVER!

She gives me the time to rest so that when it is my time up at bat, I am at my best.

My husband is amazing.

My mother in law is phenomenal.

My mother is awesome.

Lisa is my angel.

Thank you Lisa for all you do! Without you, our team wouldn’t stand a chance.

Love ya psycho SIL!

An open letter to Glucose Tablets:

Dear Tabs, (Can I call you Tabs?)

Hi there! It’s me, Meri. I want to first of all thank you for all the hard work you do for the diabetic community. You save lives. What can I say? I think we both know- that you know- how wonderful you are. It’s kinda’ obvious you KNOW the good that you do. I mean look at you sitting there…you look like you mean business, and your label is so smugly appealing! You’ve got it going on!

Yeah, but here’s the thing…You are chalky and gross and my boys hate you.

I KNOW!! Craziness! How can it be?? You are like a nutritional staple in so many diabetics lives…how in the world can my boys shun you? How can they reject you when you come in so many amazing flavors? Hello, Sour Apple…I mean, I would eat you in a heartbeat.

But not my cutie patootie boys. Honestly, I’m not being dramatic when I say they would rather pass out than eat you. Harsh I know…but when they are really low, and I shove one of you in their mouth, you are rejected every time. They won’t have you. They push you out with their tongue, they spit you out, OR…they gag.

They would rather have apple juice when they are really low. Who woulda thunk it? Sweet silky satisfying apple juice…sounds gross to me. But what ev’…I’m not diabetic.

And when they need a boost with a little fat, (because apple juice may get the job done, but it’s not gonna bring em home if you know what I mean…Do you know what I mean? I mean apple juice will bring them up, but won’t keep them there, so it’s good, but not great)….anyway if they are above 70 and want to go up and stay up THEY CHOOSE three different options. Yogos, pudding or a banana. These guys bring my boys bloods sugars up…and KEEP them where they are supposed to be. How can I argue…it works. They aren’t all my first choice of food groups for my boys, but the results are so satisfying, and the boys happiness IS the most important thing to me in the world...so...

Not that you wouldn’t do the job too, it’s just that…it is what it is.

And what it is…is…they hate you.

And I can’t MAKE them like you.

So please. Stop jumping into my cart at Target…because no matter how many times I bring you home…they WILL NOT CHEW YOU!

Someday, when they are older…they will find you much more convenient, and I’m sure they will cherish every last one of you. But until then…it’s Auf Wiedersehen . (But between you and me, I’m going to keep one little tube of you in my purse. Just in case they grow up already and agree to eat you.)

In closing, as much as I love, and appreciate your contribution….it is pretty much over.

Thanks for the love Tabs. And if you ever figure out how NOT to be chalky, but creamy and appetizing…let me know. I’ll sneak you into the food cupboard and pass you off as new hole-less lifesavers, and then maybe they’ll give you a whirl.

Sincerely, Meri
Mother of 3 wonderfully picky diabetic boys.

Reenactment (A day in the life of Our Diabetic Life)

I am going to attempt to give ya’ll a glimpse into our diabetic life. In doing so I’m afraid you will also be given a glimpse of my swelly hurty brain. I can’t write out everything that I think in one day…my brain will explode and your brain will surly over heat, so I’m going to attempt to give you a little looksie into our craziness. A typical Wednesday… Enjoy :)

1:30 am: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP x 10,000

(That is my alarm…I sometimes jump up on the third or fourth beep…but usually I let it go for awhile, sometimes for even an hour. Unknowingly of course, but ridiculously annoying none the less.)

1:30-2:30am: Up I go…zombie in motion.

Pee. (If I wait, I usually get the rush to go while wrestling with B’s hand. He has a tendency to yank it away when I test at night. He also likes to sleep on top of his pump. Every night I dig for it, like I’m fishing for the elusive white whale. Inevitably, if I haven’t gone first…I have to go at this point…NOW!)

Check L. Check B. Correct L if need be…correct B if need be. Check J. Correct or feed. Feed B or L if needed.

Set alarm as needed…sometimes I check again in a couple hours, usually it is set for 6:30.

6:30am: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I’m up like a shot. I don’t want my alarm to wake the boys…this is ME time.
On goes the computer…and I check out the D community blogs, email and facebook.

7:00am: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

I usually sing to wake up the kids, something annoying…annoying enough to get them up, but with silly words so they won’t get too mad at me.

Check sugars x3. Negotiate breakfast…they would have waffles everyday if I’d let them…and then bolus x3 accordingly. (I am not a weigher…I’m a guesser, although an educated one. The boys have 4 different breakfasts that they rotate through, and the carb amounts are all stored in my swelly hurty brain.

Lunches. Shower. Dress. Clean. Cell phones? Sometimes more blood sugar checks, depending on how the night has gone. Off they go to school at 8:30am.

9:00am: Worry, second guess myself.

10:00am: B calls with his blood sugar reading and what he plans to eat for snack. B boluses himself. (This is actually one of my favorite parts of the day…he is always in such a euphorically good a mood, it is contagious.)

10:15am: I’m out the door to L’s kindergarten class to check his sugar and bolus for the snack that was brought in for the day.

11:00am: Worry. J usually doesn’t call anymore. Did his check, did he bolus?? Send J a text telling him the President called and it is a matter of national security that he test his blood sugar.

11:50am: L has All Star Reading after school. I bring him his lunch, and check his sugar.

I brain scan his meal, carb guess, bolus, pray he eats it all, and leave him for another hour with his teacher.

12:35pm: B calls with blood sugar number and gives animated explanation of what he ate for lunch, that usually sounds something like…”Three bites of apple…3/4 of my sandwich…most of my chips, all of my yogurt and 1 cookie that Bobby gave me.” After which I “confidently” guess…and he hangs up.

12:36pm: (one minute later) Worry.

12:50pm: J checks in for the first time. Fills me in on his blood sugar readings that day, if he in fact did test, and then he runs through what he ate, and tells me the carb amounts he is going to give himself. If he is way off…I’ll correct him, but 90% of the time I agree with him and he hangs up.

1:00pm: Pick up L. A quick trip home and then…

1:15pm: I usually get a call from B. Someone has brought in a special snack for their birthday, or report, or holiday. Honestly I get this call a few times a week. Why must these people celebrate EVERYTHING with a cupcake??? Long conversation ensues about the size of said cupcake, the frosting and accompanying candy decor. Guess a carb amount. Hang up.

1:45pm: They boys get out an hour early every Wednesday for Teacher meetings. Pick up B, J and M.

2:00pm: Home. Blood sugar checks. Small snacks. Guess carbs, bolus.

3:00pm: B to scouts. Snacks in his pocket and a blood sugar monitor clipped to his belt loop.

3:30pm: Lawton usually alerts. The odds of all three boys experiencing blood sugar nirvana at the same time are against us.

4:00pm: Pick up B…and off to in laws for dinner.

How many carbs in homemade German noodles….hmmmmm…let me guess!! I LOVE to guess!!! I must think it is the funnest thing to do in the world…because I do it ALL. The. Time!

EPIPHANY! When someone asks if I have a hobby…my answer will be GUESSING!!

5:30pm: Blood sugar checks, corrections ect…

6:30pm: Leave in laws and off to scouts for the older boys. Cell phones? Snack in J’s pocket? Blood sugar monitor clipped to his belt loop? Off they go. Will they be tying knots…or running the mile? Who knows? I REALLY try not to think about it, and TRY to believe that J has got it all under control.

7:00pm: Usually another alert. Check out the situation and fix whatever is going on.

8:30pm: Ryan picks up sweaty/blood sugar dropping boys, while I put the two youngest to bed.
“Check before you go to sleep!!”

9:00pm: AHHHHHHH>>>>Grown-up time! TV…computer…chatting…loving…

9:05pm: Stop! J comes out remembering he is almost out of insulin in his pump. The 3 insulin pumps are gathered. Supplies, insulin, rocket are accounted for, and the set changes ensue.

10:00pm: Grown up bed time. (If I’m lucky. Depends on the results of the checks.) Check the boys. Correct, feed or change basals as needed.

10:30pm: I think this is when I go to bed…but honestly I don’t remember anything once my butt hits the bed…I am down for the count…until…

1:30am: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! X 10,000

Proof Positive!

B gave me my Mothers Day Card today...isn't the front sweet. :)


But it's the inside that is pure magic.

For your viewing pleasure...proof positive that B is from my loins. (You can click it to make it larger.)

Please take note that my EIGHT YEAR OLD SON made me a mothers day card, and twice...YES TWICE...used the ellipsis.

And how cute are his colon/letter D smiley faces??!!

LOVE. HIM.

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mothers in the world!

Diabetes Blog Week

Karen over at Bitter-Sweet had an idea. Unite the D blogging community for one week. Have each of us blog every day for seven days on the same topics. Any blog can participate, and everyone is encouraged to give it a shot.

This week I will be joining the ranks, and blogging EVERY DAY about the topics put in front of me.

Please pop over to Karen's blog to learn more, and to jump on board if you would like.

She also has a master list of all the blogs that will be participation HERE.

Monday will be the first day of posting...Subject? A day in the life.

A day in Our Diabetic Life? It's not going to be a short post...I'll tell ya that much.

See you tomorrow bright and early!

Lawton vs. Bike

This last week has been beautiful here in good ol’ Northern Cali. The hills are bright green, the trees are blooming and the weather has been hovering in the paradisical 70’s. It’s a rough life, but someone’s got to live it, right?

Any hoo…the other night we were eating dinner on my in-laws patio…enjoying leftovers from our big Sunday dinner. The two youngest boys hoovered up their meals, (because really, is there any other way when you are 6 and 8?) And then began riding their bikes around the patio table.

They were giggling and laughing, hard and loud enough to bring my father in law outside with his threatening fist in the air. I love this image. He’ll come out and yell “HEY!” and thrust his fist in the air like he going to knock them to moon, all the while sporting a giant smile...or trying his damndest NOT to smile. He can’t be mad at those boys…he tries…but the smile always comes.

So they were riding and Lawton comes up and alerts me. For those who are new here, we have a dog from Dogs4Diabetics. He is our miracle. I don’t write a lot about him, I kinda feel like Braggie McBraggerson when I do…but he so deserves his own post this week, so I’m REO Speedwagoning it...AKA “I can’t fight this feeling any longer!”

Okay, Lawton alerts. The boys finished dinner less than 5 minutes earlier. There is no way. I’m lazy, I’m comfy, I let it go. Lawton walked off indignantly…I was so enthralled with the doves that were perched on the fence I didn’t think much of it.

About 5 minutes later…Lawton goes up to B and jumps in front of his bike. Stopping him from riding. I mean literally, he jumped in front of a moving bike people. What was he thinking?? B avoided hitting him, just barely, and then moved his bike around him to continue riding, only to have Lawton put his head on his lap to stop him again. It was a sight to see: B was peddling, and Lawton was keeping pace with him, his head stubbornly perched on B’s lap.

My sis in law and I looked at each other. "What the heck is Lawton doing??" And before finishing the sentence we both knew. Almost in unison we yelled, “B! Check your sugar!”

He was 72. He had loads of insulin on board.

Now before you go chastening me…I don’t often ignore Lawton. It’s just he has a history of a few false alerts when it’s right after dinner at my in laws. He alerted once, and got a treat when he shouldn’t have…and now he tries every once in awhile to get away with it. He was the little doggie who cried wolf, so I suppose he had to go to great lengths to get us to believe him this time.

Lesson learned.

The dog has been ON FIRE. He has caught so many impending lows this week, he is a rock star. And the brilliance of it all is he is alerting me when they are between 80-100. Before things get out of hand. He knows they are dropping and he has been spot on with his alerts.

Lawton is crazy wonderful.

When I count my blessings…I for sure, ALWAYS count Lawton twice.

LOST

I am a LOST junkie. I watch it every week faithfully. I think I love it. I don’t know why I look forward to it so much…it is just so intriguing to me. I love speculating what it all really means. The thrill of the hunt I suppose.

For those who are not LOST fanatics...let me give you a SUPER brief teeny tiny synopsis of what is going on.

The show has been on for 6 seasons. In the very first episode, there was a plane crash and now these people that survived are on this mysterious island…faced with monsters, things from dreams, shadows from their past, and mysterious groups of people, all there for different reasons it seems. (One such group for example, is called “The Others.”)

Point is…they don’t know what is real, and what is not. Who is good, or who is bad. It is a mess of confusion and it is up to the audience to determine what it all means. Different characters view their journey different ways. In the beginning, John Locke was known to be the man of faith. He believed he was brought to the island for a reason. Jack Shephard was a man of science. He believed that it was all neither here nor there…but just focused on how he could get off the island. As the seasons have progressed, so has the cast of characters attitudes and beliefs.

Where are ya goin’ Meri?

Well…Im kinda fellin’ like this whole diabetic life is a bit like LOST. What does it all mean? Were we brought to this point for a purpose? Is it all just dumb luck?

We were all wrecked here, right? We were planning to go to freakin’ Italy so to speak…and ended up nose diving into this LOST world. We have been stranded with a community of people that we wouldn’t have given a second look to, and yet they have become our best allies…The people we rely on to get us through the times when the smoke monsters spread confusion. We are finding we NEED each other. And in the process we are realizing we would have missed out on all of this if we were not stranded on this island in the first place. There are the “Others” of the Type 2 community. They are muddling along with us…their experiences here somewhat different than ours…but at the same time, they are on the same cruddy island living with very similar living conditions.

If diabetes never happened I wouldn’t be here. I would be living my life in a different place mentally all together…with a different perspective for sure.

But would that perspective be a better one?

The characters on LOST this season are in the process of finding out which would be better…a life where they NEVER landed on the island and NEVER witnessed that trials and horror that existed there, or a life living through the hell on the island, and growing because of it. Loving more. Feeling more. Living more. Each life brought a different set of values and completely different life perspectives. BUT! It is important to point out that both lives have value and both are worth living.

Now I’m going to stop here for a second and ask you t STOP your train of thought. NO! I am not HAPPY that we were wrecked her on Diabetic Island. It is scary here and this life isn’t just affecting me, but my husband and more than anyone, my children. But if my family HAS to be wrecked…I’m glad it is with good peeps that have my back. Just sayin’. Okey dokey, moving on…

The running theory for the LOST finale, is that the characters will have a choice…they have lived the life with the island, and they have lived a parallel life where the island never existed. Knowing what they have learned, knowing that both lives have molded them into different people…which life will they ultimately choose? I think they will all choose differently. And I think in our community, it would be the same way.

What is your perspective on all of this? I’m sure, just like the characters in LOST, your perspective has changed over time…and will continue to change as you grow, and experience all this island has to offer. The good and the bad. Like LOST, it is up to us to determine what it all means. Dumb luck? A divine hand? I can’t say what way I believe…I think I flip flop between the two. But what I can say is that through all of the trials that the last 12 years have handed out, I have more thoughtful priorities…priorities that I wouldn’t have had if none of this ever happened. Not that I’m happy about it or anything…but it is what it is.

So yeah, I’m LOST. Like the show, there are good days and bad days, there is heartbreak and joy…but an enduring spirit none the less. I go back and forth between science and faith…”When can I get off this flippin' island?” And “Wow, there are some wonderful beaches, how lucky am I to be here!” (Maybe I have some kind of island fever, I dunno.)

Through it all I have to wonder, will my family live here forever? Maybe…so I’m getting comfortable. I’m enjoying the scenery, focusing on the task or the monster that is in front of me at the moment, and in the process, getting to know the wonderful people that are stranded here with me.

Because whether I like it or not…I believe I am a different person for being here. And maybe, just maybe, that isn’t such a bad thing.

The Winners Circle!

Hello my name is Meri, and I am an ellipsis-aholic.

I counted them all…I found myself going through odd phases of cheering for more, and then periods of shame hoping that they would just stop already. I discovered that since my very first blog post, I am steadily using them more and more. My obsession is building…I mean look, I’ve already used them twice in this first paragraph!

But after intense self reflection, (if intense self reflection is eating your weight in Chinese food…) Yes, after deep reflection, I have come to peace with my ellipsis usage. It is part of me…just as much as my flat hair and disproportioned figure.

So without further ado…the total number of times I used the ellipsis, (…) in my past 100 posts is… (don’t you like how I ended that sentence with … just to mess with your heads…)

Is… (HA! I did it again!)

Is…

963!

Winners:

Tracy! She has won the magnet. She didn’t put what prize she wanted so she gets what she gets and she can’t throw a fit.

Jr’s Dad! He has won the Movie…because he said his wife would torture him with it…and since I just celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary this weekend…I am inclined to let her do it. We wives have to get our kicks somehow.

FeltFinland! (Who yes, is in fact really in Finland!) She has won the Medronic skin. Her son hooks up with his new pump this week and it will be fun for him to pick one out!

So the drawing will be for the stationary, which no one wanted. I don’t blame ya, I got it when Boarders Books was going out of business and apparently I don’t want it either. So I’m sending it to you so it isn’t in my house anymore.

I put everyone’s name in a bowl…and my husband picked out the name…and we both agreed that who wins wins and we will be 100% honest. You should have heard our discussion; it was like someone was winning a corvette or something...

and the person who won is…

Lora!

So Tracy and Lora, I have your addresses from our Christmas card list…but Jr’s Dad I will need yours. Please email me: rmmjbls@yahoo.com. Felt Finland…I have your email, so I’ll send word with the details!

Congrats to the winners! But really people, are not we all winners? (hehehe)

Thanks for playing along. :)

100 days of me.

This post that you are reading right now, this one right here… is my 100th post! I’m not sure if this is THAT big of a milestone or not…but I do think it is something fun to blog about. It’s my blog…my prerogative, I can write about ANYTHING I want to!

So how to commemorate such an occasion???

By diving into the depths of traditional blog culture and doing a GIVE AWAY BABY!!!

I mean really, you have put up with me this long! My long posts, my bad sense of humor, my overuse of the words ‘seriously’ and ‘awesomeness,’ my terrible spelling, (hello ASSES instead of ASSESS!) And not to forget my love of the infamous dot dot dot, (…)

Do you not deserve a little something for your kindness? Do you not YEARN for a little piece of me to hold on to? Ok, it’s ok if you answered no to the second question, but really…I know you want something for free…it is engraved in our genetic makeup!

So how to work all of this?

I have gone back and read ALL 100 of my posts and actually counted how many times I used these … dot dot dot. (Which by the way is called an ELLIPSIS thank you very much Wikipedia!) I want you to make an educated guess of how many times I’ve used said ellipsis in my last 100 posts, and then go ahead and type your guess in the comments. The three closest answers will receive one of these lovely prizes!!

A magnet that I bought the other day that made me smile.


A coupon for a free skin for a Minimed pump.


This super cute stationary and Mom OrganizHer.


And last, but not least, my favorite movie, The Princess Bride.


I know, AMAZING prizes, right? Haha. And yes, I AM aware that there are 4 prizes, but one will be reserved for a simple drawing where everyone will have an equal chance. (Because I always lose at guessing games, and this is my give away, my rules!) Which prize will that be? I don’t know…I’m making this up as I go along!

Rules: I will accept comments/guesses until midnight, Saturday May 1.

If you would like to mention your favorite prize (And how you’ll do that, I have no idea, they are all SOOO AMAZING!) priority will be given to the person who had the best guess. Please also let me know if you have a minimed pump!!

Also, I don’t care if this is the first time reading my blog, or if you live in another country, or if you are not a family that lives with diabetes! If you want to enter and show me some love, I will get the prize to you! No worries about the shipping! Sure I might have to send it on a boat/barge, and it might take 4 months to get to you…but I’ll get it to you! Also, Facebook Peeps, you can leave a message on this link on Facebook instead of here if you don't have a google account.

Good luck to all, and thank you again for listening to me, understanding me, and more than anything telling me that I am WAY more wonderful than I actually am!!

Love and hugs! Here is to the next 100 posts!

Rookie Mistake.

Last night I stayed up until 10:30. My husband usually tests the boys at 10 before we go to bed, but he had to go to work in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, so he left the task to me.

Big deal, right? Mom is in charge...she’s a pro…what ever could go wrong?

So like I said before…it was 10:30 before I realized I was a half hour late checking sugars. (In my defense, it was a really good episode of Castle and I was enjoying the quietness of the house.)

So I walked into the boys’ room and saw Lawton, Out. Like. A. Light. Never a good sign. If there was a problem, he was not going to alert me to it. Usually he is a very light sleeper and greets me when I check the boys. But once in awhile he is down for the count. In this case he had a long day outside enjoying the sun and was now drooling on his bed, dreaming of tug o wars and breakfast I am sure.

I checked B-106, a little too low for him.

I checked J-152, a little too high for him.

I checked L- 25.

FREAK OUT TIME.

I try apple juice…too cold…a couple sips, he no likey. He ate half a glucose tab and the other half he just moved to the side of his cheek…he had NO interest in eating it. I tried to talk him into it, I told him it was a new candy and that I stole it from B, but he just pushed it out with his tongue.

OK, so on to plan B. (Not to be confused with my son, B.)

I ripped open the cupboards…and found YOGO’s…his favorite low snack. I fed him an entire pack and he started to come to. I carried him to the couch, (which was NOT EASY, the kid is made of cement,) and with lots of kisses and talking, I got him to finish the juice. As we walked back to bed he was shaking/shivering.

“Momma, can I please have more Yogo’s?”

That voice. That little sweet voice. “Dang straight you can have more Yogo’s!”

That was 45 carbs I put into that boy in 15 minutes. Subsequent tests within the next 10 minutes read 56, 69, 88.

After the 88 I was feeling a little better and went to the monitor. It was all such a blur I wanted to see what his initial blood sugar was exactly.

52.

52?

Fifty-flippin-two???

Turns out, I was holding the meter upside down when I checked him originally.
52…still sucky…but not 25. Not anywhere near the panicky attack of 25.

Stupid One Touch Mini. Your green-ness is uber cool…but your design is not conducive for blurry eyed mothers who check their children’s blood sugars at night by the sliver of light that washes in from the kitchen.

Alright, so it was a tad my fault…a bit of a Rookie mistake for sure.

2am check revealed a 250 blood sugar. I guess it could have been worse. But there was no way, after that freak-out-worry-attack I had, that I was going to correct for any of those 45 carbs I coerced into his body. I may have gone to bed shaky and with a few extra grey hairs, but L was safe and sound, fast asleep. And keeping it that way was the most important thing.

So in conclusion, I would like to submit:

Defense Exhibit A


Defense Exhibit B


Now come on…does it, or does it not say 25???

If this went to a jury, I think I would win. Hands. Down.

Pump Parade: Medronic MiniMed Paradigm

After my post, “You Say Tomato, I say Pump”, I planned on another post titled: “You say Potato, I say MiniMed.” (Come on…It’s a little clever, right??) But instead I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea…THE PUMP PARADE!!! I get so many questions about our pump and why we chose it, it came to me that I should post about the many reasons we went the way we did. Information is power baby!

But in the interest of fairness, and honest curiosity, I asked two of my lovely friends if they would post why they chose their pumps. Today Hallie is posting on the Animas Ping and Laura is posting on the OmniPod! For those who are curious…I hope these posts answer questions for you and take the mystery out of pumps and how they work.

Hooray!! A Parade!!

So join me for the fanfare, because I’m ready to march march march!

Many choose the OmniPod because it is tubeless. (Awesomeness!) And many choose Animas Ping because of its remote. (So Cool!) What would compel someone to choose MiniMed?

Four words.

Easy. Peasy. Lemon. Squeezy.

It is just so simple to use. Very few button presses leads to less frustration and days added to your life. In the interest of full disclosure, we had an Animas pump for about 3 years. It was the same pump as the ping, but without the remote. Any pump is brilliant…and I’m not going to go into why we choose MiniMed over Animas…but I will say the most compelling reason for making the full on change to MiniMed, was ease of use.

So without further ado, I’m going to drive my point home and show you two videos featuring two amazing boys that I get to call mine. All my boys could bolus themselves by 5 years old. It is so nice just to tell them what to do…and know they can do it! With added safty features, like the pump always keeping tabs on insulin on board, I don't have to worry too much of the boys stacking insulin.

Now prepare yourself...you are going to hear my voice now...shattering any and all thoughts of normalcy that you have hereto before thought of me. (Who am I kidding, you all know I'm not normal...)





Hello adorableness!! On the front of the pump there are also two big arrows. You can set those arrows to whatever insulin amount you would like. I have B's set to 0.5 units of insulin, and I have L's set at 0.1 units. If we are on the go, and I want to give B a quick unit of insulin before he jumps into his snack all he has to do is push the arrow up twice and press act. It's called an easy bolus, and I LOVE. IT.

One of the questions I get most often is how do my boys bathe with a pump that is not waterproof. (It can get wet…trust me…it can get drenched…but it is not under warranty if it stops working because of damage from water.) SOOOOO we take it off when they shower or bath, or swim. It’s so easy, but since there is a lot of curiosity of how…here you go…my big J…



I love turning the basal down…I love not ALWAYS having to feed the boys in the wee hours of the morning. Each situation is unique, and for sure there are many instances where food is best. But this technique, when appropriate, is quick and easy. (Am I driving home the point that I am all about easy??)

My last two videos are of my sweet husband doing a set change. They showcase the a BIG reason why we love this pump. J has even learned how to do it. He puts it all together, but still prefers my husband to do the actual insertion.



Ok, so I said L's real name in there...let's just pretend you never heard it...and do me a favor and forget it....riiiiiiight now! And NO, you don't need to go back and listen to it again if you missed it...watch the next video instead...



OK...my husband can do this in his sleep. He has done it SO many times it's like brushing his teeth, he doesn't even have to think about it. When you do it for the first time it is going to take you a lot longer because you are going to have to actually think about what you are doing, but in time...it will be just as easy for you.

Another reason we love MiniMed is the Continuous glucose monitor that works with it. It is a separate site insertion…but it is wireless and “speaks” directly to the pumps. Graphs on the pump screen show trends…and arrows show if blood sugars are going up or down. Our CGM has been a dream!

MiniMed has just launched its brand spankin new pump called the Revel. And to my delight…Diabetes Mine has JUST posted a little bit about it! Please follow THIS link to read more about it if you’d like. But the main thing that I think my readers would find most important is that it has the smaller basal rates like the Animas does, AND when connected to the CGM it will now give you predictive alerts…telling you that you will be low soon…or high soon. Really cool!

The last thing I want to tell you all about is the customer service. They are there 24/7 and awesomely fast in responding to our needs! A little example…Last year, on a Friday at 8:00pm, one of the boys pumps stopped working properly. One call and we had a new pump on our doorstep before 11:00am the next morning. What a relief that they had our back! What a relief that I can call for any reason and they act like I am their most important call of the day. (Nope, I haven’t been paid one red cent to write any of this.)

I think I feel so strongly about it because I depend on it to keep my boys alive…and it is doing a dang good job of it. It is reliable…and it has people behind it who care.

And it’s easy to use. (hehehe I had to say it one more time. :)

So I’m going to end now. And remind you to follow the parade over to Hallie…to learn more about the Animas Ping. And over to Laura…to learn more about the OmniPod.

Now go on…get outta here! Learn something! And tell them Meri sent you!

(Reminder: I’m not a doctor, just a D Mom. Please talk to your doctor…or better yet, your Endo, if you would like to try some of the techniques you read about in this post.)

A post title without a swear word.

(I couldn't think of a title for this post that did not contain a swear word. So I am generically entering the above title to protect the meek and mild.)

If it were physically possible for a brain to explode from sheer anguish…

OR, if it wasn’t just a saying, but true to life that a heart could explode from worry…

Last night…

I would have been found on my living room floor in pieces.

Literally.

We haven’t had a night like that…I don’t know…ever.

We were on in a 400 story building going up on the diabetes elevator, and someone thought it would be funny to press EVERY button for EVERY floor. Blood sugars had to go up all night long. No matter what we did, we could not come down. We were stuck…and we didn’t even have any crappy elevator music to calm us down.

Let me just tell you…all three were out of whack. ALL. THREE. Even B. B is never out of whack! He is my predictable one. He is my safe diabetes place. And to throw it in my face more, he was the one in the worst shape last night too.

We did all the trouble shooting. We changed sets…we changed more sets. We did system checks…We tried everything except a new bottle of insulin.

WAIT! I’m sure you are all like, “Meri! Why on God’s green earth did you not open a new bottle of insulin???”

Because…we didn’t have any more. We were out. (See how easily I typed that...like OH, Silly! We just didn't HAVE anymore insulin! It is so absurd I can't even wrap my head around it.) We filled all the reservoirs the night before. That was the end of it. We had full reservoirs of insulin…insulin that apparently had lost its potency.

Does Kaiser have a 24 hour pharmacy open within a 100 mile radius of my home? No.

Is there ANY 24 hour pharmacy within 60 miles of my home? No.

Was I willing to pay full sticker price for a brand spankin new bottle of insulin? Yes.

Can you just buy insulin off the shelf? I don’t know. I never found a pharmacy that I could ask.

All I know is we rode the highway to hell last night, and it was every bit as wonderful as the Highways name implies.

After blousing EVERY KID at 10, 12, 1:30, 2, 2:45, 4:00 and 5:00…we finally got them all down to wake up at 79, 95, and 150. And when they woke up it was like nothing happened. They were honestly smiley, happy, energetic kids bouncing off the walls, ready for their day. I was going to keep them home, but they wanted to go. “Why?” They said, “We feel fine!” So they get to go, and if they call me with high numbers at snack recess…it is straight home. By then I will have brand new insulin in my fridge and all will be right with the world again.

Just to put a cherry on top of all of this…last night my husband was supposed to wake up and go to work at 3:00am. I had fallen into bed at 2:45. His alarm went off for almost an hour and neither of us heard it. He woke up an hour late and in his haste, got a speeding ticket on the freeway.

Gee, could this day get any freakin better??? Best day ever for sure! :P~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been years since I cried about diabetes. I really don’t let it get to me. It is self protection. Don’t let diabetes win. If there is a problem, fix it.

But last night…in its entirety, was cry-worthy. And I cried. Long and hard. Last night we had a storm come in…as I laid there in bed listening to the rain drops, clutching my Kleenex and hiccuping through my tears, for a moment, it felt like the earth was crying with me. Like all of the D mothers and fathers in the world were there with me…crying too.

Hating what this does to our children.

So I’m picking up the pieces of my exploded self and moving on. I will go to the pharmacy and get insulin. I will call my doctor and tell her I need a bigger prescription than what we are getting. We are down to the wire every month, and it isn’t ok. I will hug my husband even though I am furious we have a $400 ticket to pay. I will take Advil for my cry headache. And I will say my prayers, thanking the Lord that even after the worst of nights, my boys could run out the door this morning…vibrant and happy.

(Please excuse all the grammer and punctuation mistakes, I am writing this post on empty, it's a miracle I got down what I did.)

You say tomato...I say pump...

Let me tell ya, I don’t pretend to know everything….even though sometimes I am convinced I do. There is some bit of logic that hangs around that tells me…”Meri, you still have a load to learn.” As a mom, I like to think I know more than my kids, but every day they surprise me. Every day they come up with a something that throws me for a loop, which makes me stop and say, “Whoa! That was crazy insightful!” They are rock stars like that…

(I am getting off topic…I’m going to reign myself in now.)

Any hoo…I am not all knowing. Do I know more than a lot of people about diabetes? Hell yeah!!

Do I know more than everyone? Hell no!!

But what I do know…what I promise I KNOW with every fiber of my being…is I do know how to handle my boys highs and lows. I know my boys reactions to foods better than everyone other than the man upstairs. I know what foods work best for lows…I know the best corrections to use at certain times of the day…I know so many tiny seemingly insignificant details that it would drive a normal person mad. (Heck, I’m halfway to Madville!)

I know MY boys. Doesn’t mean I’m always right…but I am the BEST person to make decisions on their behalf.

That being said, just because pudding at midnight works for my youngest like a magic doesn’t mean it will work for your kiddo. Just because I turn off my youngest pump for an hour when his blood sugar is 100 at 10:00pm, doesn’t mean doing that for your child will yield the same results.

That is the thing...diabetic dilemmas can be handled a slew of different ways. Just because I am convinced that bananas at 8:00pm are the miracle answer to nighttime lows…doesn’t mean that will work for everyone else. (Come on…I have a million and one different examples…you’re not getting sick of them already???)

That is why it is SOOOO important in our community to say what you would do, and do it in a way that lets that person know, “If you don’t do it my way, it doesn’t mean you are doing it the wrong way.” Because…THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT WAYS! Especially with diabetes. I think our community is mostly on board with this. Everyone has always been very kind with their comments, and have been as helpful as they can be without stepping on toes…

Through blog comments and observations it boggles my mind the things different people come up with! I will be sure I am handling things correctly when someone will come along with a completely new approach! I love hearing everyone’s input! I love hearing what others would do if they were in my situation! Hey, just recently I heard that upping a basal rate for 8 hours after pizza can help the “after pizza hurricane” go away. (Basel rates!) It might not work for my kids…but heck, it is worth a try. And I choose to give it a try…

But, if I didn’t, would that make me a bad mother?

Which brings me to my point, (I know it always takes me FOREVER to get there,) But I am here now, and my intended topic is this…pump pushing. Poor Lora has had me on her case for months. I’ve tried REALLY REALLY hard not to push it on her. Like seriously, I had to make a conscience effort. I KNOW that the pump is easier. I know that living life on your own schedule and not your insulin’s schedule is a blessing. But just because I know this for me…doesn’t mean it is 100% right for her. Only she can tell you if I have pushed too hard…but beyond that…I hope she feels like this is her decision, and not something she HAS to do.

Because I have to continually remind myself that, believe it or not, there are many people in this world on MDI, (multiple daily injections,) and they are thriving.

And when you have been doing MDI for so many years, and your child’s blood sugar numbers are good, there is a comfort in that. There is comfort in knowing what to do at 8:00 at night, when your child is 102…that this many carbs will do the trick of bringing so and so up to where they need to be. Beautiful predictability…it is an awesome thing!

Now look, pump pushing seems like kinda a harsh phrase…but I am sitting her raising my hand straight up in the air as guilty as the rest of the world…I know without a shadow of a doubt that the diabetic community is encouraging others to go on the pump with only love and the best of intentions. We want everyone to feel the weight it took off our shoulders; we want the world to have the ease of use! I honestly want to shout from the rooftops PUMPS ARE THE BEST INVENTION IN THE HISTIORY OF THE WORLD!!!! And I’m not saying that I haven’t done that before. :)

But, and this is a big but…we all started pumps on our own clock…the time in our lives when it made sense to us. Hell, it took 4 years for our endo to convince us to go on. And I resisted, because shots were doing their job…blood sugars were as good as they could be for our toddler…so I fought it like any protective, caring mother would. And one day shots were not working anymore, and I literally gave in. I raised the white flag, and gave up. “Fine, I’ll give the pump a try, but I’ll probably hate it. I don’t like having a constant reminder of my child’s diabetes, but if this is my last resort, I’ll take it.” It was ultimately my choice, or better explained as my rock and my hard place, but after getting used to the pump it was a no brainer for me to have my other two boys put on pumps immediately after their diagnosis.

But that was my path to take.

And everyone deserves the freedom to make their own informed decisions.

One of my friends has two boys that are T1. One is on the pump. One is on MDI. If you sat with her and listened to her reasoning, you would agree that their decision was brilliant. The best choice for their family!

So here I sit…conflicted yet resolved. Yes, pumps are the best thing since sliced bread. No, you are not a bad mother (or father) if your child is not on a pump.

That is my crazy brain, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Mommy Growing Pains

Today was the first day back to school from spring break. It was a dismal scene last night as I confirmed that yes, school night bedtime will remain 8:30pm.

Today was a wonderful day. No extreme lows after basal changes made during the break, and my boys remembered to call me, which is no small miracle in itself…

Which leads me to why I’m blogging…

I was so happy to see the boys after school! I had a super day, and I was eager to hear how their first day back went. One by one I gave the boys the once over with questions and observations about dirty hands and homework habits.

When I got to B, I got a little more than I bargained for.

A little background first. My boys do not go to the school we are supposed to go to. They go to another school across town for two very good reasons. 1) It is a better school. 2) My mother is the yard duty for lunch recess.

Scratch that…my mother USED to be the yard duty at lunch recess. She jumped ship and started working at another school a few weeks ago. Which, really…it is her life...she can work where she wants. EXCEPT! She used to grab B after recess and give him her cell to call me with his lunchtime bg numbers and carb intake. Since she no longer works there, it is up to B to remember to call me on his own.

Which isn’t working out too well. I would say he is 50/50. When he forgets, I have to call the office and have them patch me through to his classroom, which is no biggie, but it does interrupt the class…and it is slightly embarrassing for my Big Boy B.

I even went into the office and asked if they thought the new yard duties would be willing to remind him, and they thought that they would LOVE TO. Except in the week since, they haven’t reminded him once. So I’m back to calling when he forgets.

Alrighty then!! Back to our previously scheduled story!

So I got to B…I said, “B, you were a rock star for remembering to call me today! How in the world did you remember???”

Which received the reply, “Trust me Mom, you DON’T want to know!”

“Oh, but I think I do!”

“Nope, it is a LONG story…trust me, you REALLY don’t want to know.”

(Yes, he is his mother’s son…)

“I’ve got the time, and I would love to hear your LONG story.”

“OK, well, my teacher put a post-it note on my desk that said, ‘Don’t forget to call your mom!’ It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in my life!”

(Again, he has flair, he is from my loins…)

“How was that embarrassing?“

“HELLO!!! A bunch of people laughed at me…because I had to call MY MOMMY!”

So, as a mother I want to fix this, right? I work through it with him, problem solving…

“Maybe it can say, CYM…for, Call your mom…it’ll be code, and only you will know.”

“Won’t work mom…everyone will want to know what it means.”

“Tell them it means put Candy in Your Mouth!”

(He rolled his eyes at this point…do you blame him?)

“Maybe it can just say, don’t forget to call, and leave me out of it.” But before I finished my sentence he already had the answer.

“I’ll just tell her to write ‘Call your Dad’ Instead of Mom. Easy! I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

And he happily skipped away.

Apparently, it is ok to call your Dad, and not your Mom.

Apparently my 8 year old is going on 13.

It always happens, it has already happened to me twice before…it is no longer cool to hug when I pick up from school…it is no longer cool to acknowledge your Mom’s existence in the school breezeways…

But when it does happen, I’m never prepared.

He was right…I didn’t want to know.

New Sistah in the House!

I would like to introduce you to our new friend, Connie! Her new blog, Hope and Beginnings can be found HERE.

Read her story sistahs and brothahs, your going to need a Kleenex for this one. She has two little girls with Type 1. They were diagnosed less than a year apart. (Sounds familiar to a lot of us, I know.)

Please go over and give her some of that sunshine you all spread so well! Her little girls are the same ages as many of the D moms in our group!

Introduce yourself, she's a keeper. :)

Reenactment (The Sequel)

Scene: 11:50 am, Car, driving to the movie theater.

Players: Three boys and a frazzled mother. (Son #4 chose to sit this movie out.)

Son #1: "What’s for lunch?"

Mom: “Hello! Popcorn! What else do you eat at a movie??”

Son #2: “Popcorn isn’t lunch mom.”

Mom: “Hold it son! If chocolate rabbits are ok for breakfast, popcorn is ok for lunch, I’m calling this one.”

Son #3: “Can we at least get hot dogs at the theater?”

Mom: “Oh sure, I’ll just take $50.00 out of your savings account and that should cover it.”

Son #1: “Nice try mom, we know you are kidding.”

Mom: “A mom’s gotta try…”

Scene: Waiting in line for tickets, Mom is horrified as she glances at Son #3, also known as B.

Mom: “What the heck happened B! Your pump tubing is flapping in the wind…when did it get ripped out of your pump??”

Son #3: “Seriously Mom, if I knew, I would have told you.”

Mom: “UHG! I’ll MacGyver it…We’ll work it out.”

Son #2: “What is MacGyver?”

Mom: “Not what…who. He is a really smart man…almost as smart at me.”

Scene: Sitting inside the theater, waiting for the movie to start. Boys balancing popcorn on their knees, hands full of hot dogs and napkins.

Mom: “J, bolus for the food, and when it is done, give me your pump, I’ll hook up B and give him insulin through the prime so it doesn’t show up on your IOB. B, hand me your pump, I’ll put in your carb and BG amounts so I’ll know how much to give you through J’s pump.”

(Scary thin balding Man sitting in front turns his head, intrigued at the medical/spy-like jargon.)

B, rifles through his pockets. He pauses. He rifles again. He stands, and thrusts his hands down every pocket his shorts have.

Son #3: “Huh, weird, I don’t have my pump, don’t worry, it’s probably at home.” (Nonchalantly sits down and continues to watch previews like it’s no big deal…)

Mom: (Paralyzed in fear…mind racing…’probably??? Probably???’) “How can you just not know where your pump is B? What do you mean probably? Did you take it out of your pocket? Where is it?!!”

Son #3: “I have no idea…it’s probably at home…don’t freak out mom.”

Mom: Freaking out. Pictures of a lone pump sitting on the sidewalk, with young punks walking by picking up the curious purple video game like contraption, flash through her head. $5000 gone. Just gone. “Does anyone have their cell phone? I left mine at home.” (Nope, not one boy has their cell phone.) “I’m going to the car…stay here! Don’t talk to strangers… (Discreetly pointing to scary bald guy in front of them,) Don’t go to the bathroom…I’ll be RIGHT back!”

Scene: In front of the theater. Mom barges through the theater doors, eyes blazing, hair flying, hands in front of her flat with fingers spread, using the spaces between her fingers as virtual magnifying glasses. Walking quickly, scanning, manic…all the way back to the car…looking in gutters, evil-eyeing the punks…ready to cry…opening the door…

It is there.

On the seat.

The pump.

Probable victim of a seat belt.

(Big fat sigh of relief.)

Scene: Movie theater…again.

Pump has bolused son #2 and son #3 and now is back in son #2’s pocket.

Crisis averted, movie thoroughly enjoyed…

Just another Pancreatical day. (Pancreatic/hysterical=my new favorite word.)

Sometimes...

Sometimes at night, when the alarm goes off…I have a mini fit. I thrash my legs and moan like an 8 year old tasked to do the stupidest of chores. I am freakin’ tired. I roll out of bed walking back-bent-arms-hanging, channeling all my anger to the Legos on the floor, wondering when, if ever, I will get a good night’s sleep. Once I get to the boys though, my heart usually softens. Their sweet faces calm my shaking hands and my selfishness turns to concern as I check each boy and assess their situation. But when I get back to my bed, I fall in like a dead body; face first…KERPLAT…on to my pillow. Wondering if I’ll be able to fall back to sleep, angry at the exhaustion that has taken over my body. Sometimes.

But most of the time, I just hop out of bed and check. No biggie. I’m not angry, or tired, or anything. I do the deed and go back to bed. Most of the time it is just a simple correction or a little banana or pudding to get things back to where they need to be. I climb back into bed and fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. Done and done.

Sometimes I question myself. I’ll give the boys breakfast insulin and send them to school wondering if they will be ok today. Because sometimes I don’t do what the pump tells me to do. Sometimes I go rogue. I know that J has track, so I’ll scale back his insulin. I know that B has called me the last few days with higher numbers, so I give him a bit extra. I know that L has needed an extra snack for a week, so I give him less insulin. So I’m guessing. And sometimes when I guess…my entire body fills with worry sand, and I feel like I am 200 pounds heavier. On these days I feel clumsier in both mind and body, and I can’t think straight. And I pretend that I’m not worrying…I tell myself over and over and over that they will be ok. Sometimes.

But most of the time, I give insulin and I don’t worry. We have done this everyday for forever, and everything will be ok. And if it is not ok, then there was nothing more I could do. Most of the time I am at peace with my decisions. I know that my guesses are educated guesses. I live and breathe diabetes. I am not perfect…but I am capable. Most of the time. Done and done.

Sometimes, I’ll look at a pile of bloody test strips on the dresser, (aftermath from a long night,) and I almost throw up a little in my mouth. It is the grizzly reality of our life. Sometimes, there can be 20 test strips lying on the boy’s dresser from the evening before and a couple checks through the night. I pick each one up to throw in the garbage. It hurts my heart as some of them stick to the dresser. Tears come as I wonder if this will always be our reality. Wondering if there will ever be a cure. The image throws me…and validates all my anger towards this disease. I think of their callused fingers and I want to roar like a mother lion that is protecting her young. Sometimes.

But most of the time, I’ll clean up the strips and disinfect the area like I always do and it is the most normal of things. It is not big deal. Test strips are nothing new. Hell…they are EVERYWHERE. Normally the strips go straight to the garbage or in a cup I keep next to their supplies. I am thankful for being able to test. This instrument is fairly new in this world. How blessed am I to know what to do at any time of day just with a poke of the finger? I thank the Lord for that monitor. Most of the time. Done and done.

Sometimes I let my brain go to that dark place. The place where the seriousness of this disease is magnified and made uber clear to every one of my mommy senses. Sometimes, like this week, I hear the stories of children dying in their sleep from Diabetes and I have what I call, “a silent freak out.” I don’t talk about it. I pretend I am not worrying about it. But it is there in my mind. So when something else comes up that is frustrating, I lose it. I lose it over the littlest of things. Not because of the little thing, but because of this secret worry that has burrowed like a mole deep into my head and is planning to hibernate there for the winter. There is this background worry that affects every aspect of my life. It defines me, it puts me on edge. And at these times, I hate diabetes. Sometimes.

But most of the time, I am grateful. I see the blessings right in front of me. They are vibrant, smart, and amazing. They can do anything. Nothing can stop them from achieving their dreams…not even diabetes. I am grateful that they are alive…that they don’t live their lives in a hospital. That diabetes has made them stronger, more empathetic people. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. We are a close, united family partly to do with diabetes. We are blessed daily with technology that makes this disease manageable. We are a family that loves each other, and when it all comes down to it…isn’t that all that is important?

Yes, sometimes I am an emotional wreck. Thankfully, most of the time…I am Ok. That is why I am the Jekyll and Hyde of the blogging world. One minute I am preaching how manageable diabetes is, and that it gets easier, and that newly diagnosed families will adjust to the craziness of it all…and the next minute I am heartbroken…scared and unsure of myself.

I had a friend tell me once I certainly must need therapy with all I have on my plate. That may be so. But I think for now, I won’t take that path simply because “most of the time” I’m still Ok. And the “sometimes” that I am not…well…those times don’t last long. Those sometimes moments are the reality of what this disease dishes out. Diabetes isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I accept that. And I always know that that through the rain clouds the sun is always there. We just need to be patient…the sun will make itself known eventually. Sure, some storms last longer than others. But that is with every aspect of life.

When we were new to this life…when J was just a baby… things were different. The bad times seemed like they were most of the time. And it seems that only sometimes we got a taste of what was “normal.” As time passed…the two switched places. I often tell newly diagnosed families that things will get easier. It sucks that easier doesn’t mean easy…but it does mean life will be better than it is now. So much better that you will feel normal again. You WILL feel alive again.

I get that normalcy most of the time.

And the sometimes that I don't...well, I blog. And it makes me feel better. :)

Diabetic Ingenuity

My 8 year old B grabbed my hand last night and declared he had fixed a long standing problem in our home.

The pitcher that we use for our Sugar Free Cool-aid/Crystal Light has a rip in the spout. When we pour the drink...often red, or pink...it dribbles down the side of the pitcher and splats onto the counter top. My boys know this annoys me to no end. They are required to use 409 every time they pour a drink to clean away the stain that is left.



Should I get a new pitcher...of course!

But it always seems to evade my shopping list and has just stuck around for the last few months as a thorn in my side.

But back to earlier...B had declared the problem fixed...

He took two new test strips and peeled them apart, which any diabetic kid worth their salt knows this turns the strip into a sticker. He then bandaged up the tear in the pitcher and Ta Dah!!!!!!!!



He was so proud of his smartness!!! But alas...they had to come off. If one of them un-stuck and fell into a drink, and then someone swallowed it, well...not good.

But Bravo anyway! His genius shines! I wonder if Einstein had such ingenuity when he was 8 years old?

The Ol' Switch-A-Roo

We have three.

Three boys who have Type 1 Diabetes.

Three pumps that deliver insulin.

Three of each.

Each boy has their own color pump. J’s is blue, B’s is purple and L’s is…well Zebra. We got all the boys stickers that go onto their pump to keep ourselves from mixing them up. J and B ripped theirs off within a month…L kept his zebra stripes, and is still very proud of them. Needless to say, we never mix up L’s pump with anyone else. L is the Zebra…my other boys wouldn’t be caught dead with zebra stripes.

But the blue and the purple…well, they are not as simple.

It’s a dark purple. For sure not blue, but not obviously bright or anything, and when you are doing set changes in the middle of the night, they look almost identical.

(You already know where I am going with this…right?)

So the other night it happened. Ryan set up the pumps, refilled with insulin and put them on the respective boys. And when I went to calibrate J’s new CGM with his pump, I was horrified to find that it wasn’t working. There was nothing there that indicated that the CGM was communicating with the pump. Even worse, when I went into J’s system to “find sensor” it didn’t show that the sensor feature was even on! What happened? Do we have to redo all of the settings every time we change a set?? It was like the twilight zone! A bad dream, that was real! Ryan and I puzzled for awhile. I was gobsmacked! How in the freakin’ world could this have happened??

It took awhile for us to figure out that Ryan had put B’s pump on J. Too long if you ask me. In hindsight I feel like what my hubby and I call a DOPUS. It’s kinda a mix of Dope and ignoramus. It was a real wake- up call because A) J gets twice the insulin B does (Hello scary, B’s blood sugar would have dropped like a brick in no time!!) and B) B get’s half the insulin of J. (Hello scary, J would have had so little insulin, his numbers would have been THROUGH THE ROOF in the morning!!)

No, it’s not the first time it’s happened. After bath and showers, they have put the wrong ones on themselves. It’s not completely problematic because it happens very rarely.

But it only takes ONCE to make a mess of things.

ONE TIME.

I think that is one of the greatest arguments of why diabetes sucks so much. There isn’t leverage for forgetfulness. You can’t afford to “forget” to bolus after a meal. You can’t afford to “forget” to check blood sugars. You can’t afford to “forget” to correct a high blood sugar. You can’t “forget” that J wears the blue pump and B wears the purple one!

No forgetting allowed!

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is why our brains are running a mile a minute, all the time, 24/7.
And that is why when we don’t have a diabetic child with you, your brain jumps into some kind of tailspin of emotions wondering where all the thinking has gone. Guilt for not thinking about it. Confusion as to why you stopped thinking about it.

Our brain gets tripped up going from 100 miles an hour to 0 miles an hour.

Hard to relax when you don’t HAVE to think about diabetes. But really, when do we NOT get to think about it?? Even when the boys are at school, they are calling me with their numbers and carb amounts, alerting me to any extra exercise and such. When they are not with me, I am worrying…I am THINKING ABOUT IT!!!

The only time my brain really gets a break, and no it isn’t at night when normal people sleep…HECK NO! It is when I go out on a date with my hubby, and my sister in law babysits.

She knows what to do. I TRUST her. I can honestly throw the kids out of the car and know they are safe and their diabetes is handled.

It is a gift. The gift to forget.

My husband and I didn’t get to go out this weekend. Trust me, my brain feels it. When you run at a 100 miles an hour for such a long stretch, your brain runs out of fluid, and it still continues to run even though smoke is coming out of your ears and the cogs are screeching so loud you just might think you are going to explode.


Sometimes I wish I could pull the ol’ switch-a-roo with someone else’s brain.
“OPPS! I accidentally grabbed your brain by mistake; I’ll give it back to you on Wednesday…”

Because the thing is, I am more than a pancreas. I am human, and I have normal everyday human things to worry about too. As parents of diabetics, we can just as easily overload on diabetes, as we can on every other aspect of life. And when the two or more of your cogs overload at the same time…well…I guess you get a blog post that ends abruptly and looks a lot like this one.

Second Verse, Same as the First. :)

It must be our lucky weekend, because I have another shiny new D Mom blogger to introduce to you all! Her name is April and her family actually resides here in my hometown! WOO HOO!

Her son "T" was diagnosed just last month, a week before his 13th birthday.

Won't you all show her some good neighbor hospitality and stop by her brand new blog to say hello?

You can find her at
http://thediabeteslearningcurve.blogspot.com/

Welcome April!!

A New Extra Sweet Friend :)

Please pop over and say hello to our new friend on the block, Amanda!

Her 5 year old daughter Emma was diagnosed last year THE DAY AFTER Amanda had her third child! Emma also has celiac.

Her blog is at
http://extrasweetgirl.blogspot.com/

Welcome Amanda! We are happy when a new D Mom blogs, we know how much it helps our hearts...we hope it is balm for yours!

My swelling/hurty brain

Last night I wanted to throw my brain under a bus. No kidding, I was peering out the window hoping for the freak chance a bus would drive by. I wasn’t picky on the type of bus…any ol bus would have done…and once I saw it I would have tossed my swelling/hurty brain right out the window under its big fat wheels.

Dramatic much?

Before you go worrying about me, I did recover. Nothing a bit of chocolate and a new episode of Lost couldn’t fix.

But I digress. I suppose I should start from the beginning. The beginning that begins with the CGM trainer coming to our house to train us. (I LOVE how stupid that last sentence was!)

YES!! We have received our very own shiny BE-A-U-TIFUL Continuous Glucose Monitor. Hooray!!

We got it a couple weeks ago, but I didn’t put it on J right away. I wasn’t overly impressed with the trial we had last month. The Continuous Glucose numbers were not even close to his actual Blood Glucose numbers. I was all kinds of hesitant after the trial, but decided that a CGM was better than no CGM. And if nothing else, it could spot the trends of his days.

Well this trainer woman quelled all of my CGM fears. She swooped in yesterday and literally saved the day. She was amazing! She was truthful! She showed me how to work with it correctly…and I am NOT exaggerating when I say his Blood Glucose readings and his Continuous Glucose readings have been literally, like one point off from each other since we were up and running yesterday. For example, this morning it said he was 112. His blood sugar reading was 111.

HOLLA!

I’m trying not to get my hopes up…but whatever…I probably will anyway, because that is how I roll.

You’re probably reading this and wondering…”Meri, why would all of this greatness make you want to throw your brain under a bus???” And I would reply…”Keep reading friend, keep reading.”

So before our trainer left, she mentioned the fact that we can download the boys pump information online, as well as the information received by J’s new CGM. We just needed to buy this expensive receiver called a “CareLink.”

I went to my diabetes closet, because yes, we require a closet for our supplies, and fished out a CareLink receiver that was sent to us free at least a year ago. Our trainer was thrilled! “Set it up, and you will be getting J’s basals into shape in no time!” SO since she was so enthusiastic about it, and since our nurse at the Endo has been begging me to get this set up for a good year now…I decided to bite the bullet and set it up.

(This is the part where my brain swells.)

So right away I had issues getting started. So I called Minimed and after holding for a good 40 minutes I got this INCREDIBLY nice man who was willing to spend hours with me getting this set up. It took awhile, but mission accomplished. All three pumps were set up online and all the information inside them from the last three months was there before me in graph, chart, list and every other informational form you can imagine.

And the charts I saw from the last few weeks were BRAIN BOGGLING! It gave a percentage of all the blood sugars that were in range, and all that were not. And it wasn’t pretty. Page after page of numbers and information!!!

Enough information to put a woman who lives on the edge…over said edge.

Let me tell you, sometimes too much information is a bad thing. A really bad thing.

Some of you reading this may think you really would like to know that information because…

“LALALALALALALALALA” (fingers in my ears I am not listening you!) BECAUSE, trust me…you do not want to know!

I was so horrified, I had all the boys come to me one by one and I upped all of their basal rates for every time of day, except when they were at school. (Which resulted in B and L going low last night, which thankfully Lawton awoke me for.)

So after I changed everyone’s pump settings my husband could see the muscle spasm above my right eye, so he went out to get some chocolate to calm my brain. (He is a good man…but when he was teasing me late into the night I threatened to expose his evil ways on my blog. I told him everyone thinks he’s wonderful…I could change that in an instant! He wasn’t afraid. He knows I adore him. But it was fun threatening him with blogger blackmail anyway.)

By this morning though, I have been able to completly process all the imformation that my brain indulged in last night, and now I am feeling better. Today is a NEW day!! Onward and upward!

So here is, the end of my post. I just read the entire thing back to myself and realize I sound a little mad, like Johnny Depp Mad Hatter Mad…but I’m ok with that…because A) I think when it comes down to it, we’re all a little crazy, and B) Who wouldn’t want to be put in the same column as Johnny Depp?

My friend has lost her marbles!

My friend has lost her marbles
Won’t you take the time to look?

My friend has lost her marbles
It happened when her world was shook.

The rocking of her brain caused them to roll around,
And when she needed them the most, they were nowhere to be found.

Because they are smooth orbs, marbles can be tricky to keep in check,
They roll around your life and slip away when you’re a wreck.

She has looked in the shower where she cries from time to time,
And searched fervently in her bed where worries rock her mind.

She looked in the car where she’s always in a rush.
She even searched in places that would make a momma blush.

She tried by the scale where she weighs all of her son’s food,
(Because calculating carbs always puts her in a mood.)

She looked by the blood sugar monitor and the Ketone strips,
But when the buggers were not there, curse words crossed her lips.

Under her son’s mattress where she kneels to check each night,
There wasn’t a marble there, not a one in sight.

In a last ditch attempt she checked the Frigidaire,
It’s where she keeps the insulin, but alas they were not there.

It’s no fun to lose your marbles, trust me friends I know,
For I have lost my marbles, twas many years ago.

It hasn’t been easy to make it through without,
Living a life of worry and fear can fill your mind with doubt.

How can I survive without my marbles dear?
How can I make it through the trials of the year?

After many years of wondering it has finally come to me,
There is a way to cope, a way that sets my worries free.

What is the secret of filling up my mind?
It is putting love in the spaces the marbles left behind.

Love and understanding from those who walk along,
Fill those empty spaces and I don’t even know their gone.

So for my friend who lost her marbles, no worries! Be of good cheer!
I’m here for you always, and happy to lend an ear.

And really, marbles are overrated; their swirls aren’t so renowned,
They’ll never hold a candle to the marble-less friends that I have found!

(For my friend Lora...one of my favorite marble-less peeps. :)

Fun Fundraising, it's worth a try!

I love our dog. He is amazing. ‘Nuff said.

So why wouldn’t I try to raise money so that Dogs4Diabetics could help more people? I didn’t have to pay for Lawton. He was given to us free of charge. I feel some responsibility to share the love.

Last week we had our annual school fundraiser for Dogs4Diabetics at the boys’ elementary school. All the kids were asked to bring in one dollar sometime during the week, and if they did, they could wear their favorite hat to school all day on Friday. As I alluded to in my last post, I spent most of last week in classrooms giving presentations and answering questions about our dog, and about diabetes.

You wouldn’t believe some of the great, thoughtful questions that came from these children’s mouths.

Example: “If your boys forgot to give themselves insulin, they must have a lot of sugar staying in their bodies. How do they feel when this happens? “

You also wouldn’t believe some of the crazy, not so well thought out questions that came from these children’s mouths.

Example: “What would happen if Lawton would die, right here, right now. Would your boys die too?”

Over the past few years, I’ve learned that if I visit a class, and talk with them about what we are raising money for, the class will participate on a MUCH greater scale then those I do not speak to.

So this year I spoke to almost every class.

It was a HUGE success…an entire school of children wearing Disney hats, baseball hats, summer hats, construction hats…

And we raised….

DUM DA DUMMMMMMM!!

$1000.00

NICE!

This is a great fundraiser for your walk team too! Before we got Lawton we had the caps day, but instead it was, “Caps4aCure.” It is really easy to put together. A flyer in the school newsletter. A little spiel at the kid’s assembly. Envelopes with class lists attached, so the teachers can check off who brings in their dollar. Maybe a few classroom presentations. Kids wear their hats….BAM! Done.

(Our family makes dog bone shaped cookies for all the classes that have over 80% participation.)

Kids CAN make a difference. It is empowering. I hear stories every year of kids wanting to use their own dollar, or kids who ask their parents how they can earn more money to donate. The whole experience is so positive for everyone!

Give it a shot!

Trying to find my auto pilot switch...

I’ve spent the last 4 days talking to classes at the boys’ school about diabetes and service dogs. I had my spiel down pat. I aced the “what is diabetes” lessons for the older kids, and scored when it came to “service dog etiquette” for the younger kids. But in true form…I am completely overwhelmed as I sit here with my thoughts. Speeches about our immune system and information about the body’s ability to make insulin are dancing in my head.

Diabetes overload.

Questions. Sweet beautiful questions from students and teachers who want to know more. Everything we have ever dreamed of. A captive audience who has questions!

Questions I have been waiting for people to ask. But at the same time, questions that have answers I don’t want to think about anymore.

Why?

How?

When?

Will?

What if?

I am overwhelmed friends. I’ve come home from a long day of lectures and I’ve had enough of diabetes. I don’t like thinking this hard about things.

I like to LIVE. Not obsess. And when your mind is stuck skipping like a broken record, diabetes is…diabetes is…diabetes is…You can understand that I just haven’t had it in me to blog.

Which brings me to my next subject. I have been SUCH a downer lately; I just want to slap myself. I know we all need to “lose it” sometimes…but that is not the person I want to be. I want to be positive about things; I want to look at the bright side.

And I do.

I’m just…

Overloaded right now.

So I guess I have to be careful for what I wish for. Because right now I have a school full of teachers and students that have a small idea of what my world is about. And they are feeling for me. And the weight of their knowledge is hanging on my shoulders right now. My life is out there. Explaining our life in simple terms seemed harmless enough…except for the fact that my brain is going to explode.

I need to reboot. I need to trash all the garbage that is going through my head and move on to LIVING again.

Where the hell is my auto-pilot switch????

I don’t want to consciously think about IT anymore!

Actually, right now…I don’t want to think at all anymore.

I want to go to Hawaii. Or Cabo. Or somewhere warm…and sit on the beach…and sleep…for like a month.

I know. Whiner whiner pants on fire. It is what it is.

I am wondering if some of this overwhelmingness (Yes I realize that is a made up word) is due to the fact that I haven’t blogged in almost a week. I'm hoping that now that I have gotten this all down on virtual paper…I’ll be able to get back to normal. Well, my normal anyway.

Not sure how to end this one. So I’ll just say this…

:p~~~~~~~~~~~to brain explosions.

:o) to weekends.