If you are new around here you might not know that I am not the biggest fan of Halloween….and not in the typical D Mom because-of-all-the candy kinda way. It runs deeper. It mostly has to do with the constant party’s…the nonstop action and the general overwhelmedness I feel in the month of October as a whole.
This year I have tried to take a more holistic approach to it all. I have tried to make peace with the holiday, and thus far I’d have to say I’m doing a bang up job of it.
Except last night I realized tomorrow was costume day at school, and not surprisingly, I was not ready for costumes. Hello, the Giants were kicking butt in the World Series, we had fun friends over, and then it was the season finale of Project Runway, (which I won’t ruin for anyone, but it was a TOTAL joke.)
So costumes last night were the last thing on my mind. Which is kinda an epic fail because I know that MANY of you have had your costumes ready and pressed for a month already. But I put my ½ best foot forward and I think the boys will have something pretty okay to wear today. I was surprised to see my oldest poke his head out of the bathroom this morning. He was wearing his suit, with his hair slicked back, dark sun glasses and an ear piece.
“I totally forgot you were dressing up! What are you again?”
“Sorry Mom, that information is classified.”
At least someone has fun with Halloween around here.
Halloween night I have no problem with the scores of fun sized candy that litters the house, eat up on Halloween night!! I do, however, have a problem with the leftovers. It is the CONSTANT barrage of “Can I eat this now??” If I let one little boy with diabetes eat a candy…they ALL get one. Seriously, it seems as though the stars must align for all three blood sugars to comply with the request. Said boys do not have the patience for this…so I’m really hip on Heidi’s idea this year to buy off some of the leftover candy with gifts.
“You want this pack of Pokemon cards? It’ll cost you 25 pieces of candy.”
“This 10 dollar itunes giftcard? 100 pieces of candy!”
Problem is…I’m not quite sure my boys will fall for it. They live for this holiday. But a Mama’s gotta try…so I’m off to the store today for trinkets. I’ll be sure to report back on how it goes.
I will let you know that I actually decorated a bit for the holiday which is a big accomplishment for me. I even included the boys, and they are over the moon that our house is actually Halloween Festive.
So I’m taking a deep breath here. I’m going to go to the three parties ahead with a smile on my face and a Christmas song in my heart…(because THAT is a holiday I can get into.) And I’m going to mentally gear up for the three birthdays my boys have coming up this month…two of which are next week.
I hope everyone has a happy safe Halloween. Decide how your family is going to deal with the holiday and run with it. Don’t let anyone guilt you into what you aren’t comfortable with…or guilt you out of what you planned. Embrace what you are ready for today, and know that next year things may look completely different for you.
So the holiday race begins!
On your mark!
Get set!
WAIT!!
I forgot to tell you to save your Thousand Grand Bars and Peanut Butter Cups for me. :)
Okay...GO!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Cleaning house.
I have a few things to clean up around here…and then I’ll be back to my normal, (whatever that is) blogging thing.
First, I want to announce yesterdays winner. It was really close…the child that could fart on demand was a close second…but the winner is:
DENISE from My Sweetest Boy!
This is what her cutie 5 year old said about himself…
"I keep doing things that hurt and that makes me stronger. I have big muscles. I can pick up Grace (classmate), Mercy (her sister), Drew (his lil brother) and the pumpkins....and Drew's gator. That's all. and I'm a Dare-Devil! Hehe"
It was the word Dare-Devil and the giggle at the end that put him on top.
Denise, your drinks will be on their way to you shortly! Please email me your address to ourdiabeticlife (at) yahoo (dot) com.
Thank you to everyone who participated!
Next I want to remind you all that this is the last day to enter Kris’ Sugar Bolus. Click HERE to enter to win a beautiful awareness bracelet. Here is an example on one you can choose….OHH! Is is so pretty!
Also, remember my letter to Target?? Well, my good friend Rick sent my letter into Target Corporate Headquarters. Here is the response he got back:
We're always looking for ways to improve your shopping experience. Hearing about the cell phone reception in the store is important to us. I've documented your thoughts and comments, which will be shared with our Store Operations team for further review. It's just one way we can keep working to provide you with the experience you've come to expect at Target.
If you ever have concerns during your visit, please visit the Guest Service Desk and ask to speak with the Guest Service Team Leader. They'll make every attempt to resolve the issue during your visit.
We appreciate your feedback because it helps make Target even better.
Sincerely,
Melina
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
(800) 440-0680
I have to say it was nice to receive a response that wasn't from a robot. I think I got my message across, and I plan to contact my local Target and let them know my concerns. I love that place! Can I just tell you how happy I am that they responded so quickly and so kindly! Go Target!
Lastly, I wanted to let all ya all know that I will be participating in NaBloPoMo for November. That means I will be blogging EVERY DAY and hello! It might be a bit overwhelming! (For your in box and for my swelly brain.) But it is important to me to participate in the discussion…and advocate for diabetes the only way I know how…with my words. November just happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, and is the month that we celebrate World Diabetes Day! So thank you in advance for bearing with me. Your support means the world to me. If you can’t read them all…its all good.
Fair warning anyway. :)
So there you have it! Doesn’t my blog look shiny and clean? We maybe it looks the same…but my brain is smiling. Kinda like this:
First, I want to announce yesterdays winner. It was really close…the child that could fart on demand was a close second…but the winner is:
DENISE from My Sweetest Boy!
This is what her cutie 5 year old said about himself…
"I keep doing things that hurt and that makes me stronger. I have big muscles. I can pick up Grace (classmate), Mercy (her sister), Drew (his lil brother) and the pumpkins....and Drew's gator. That's all. and I'm a Dare-Devil! Hehe"
It was the word Dare-Devil and the giggle at the end that put him on top.
Denise, your drinks will be on their way to you shortly! Please email me your address to ourdiabeticlife (at) yahoo (dot) com.
Thank you to everyone who participated!
Next I want to remind you all that this is the last day to enter Kris’ Sugar Bolus. Click HERE to enter to win a beautiful awareness bracelet. Here is an example on one you can choose….OHH! Is is so pretty!
Also, remember my letter to Target?? Well, my good friend Rick sent my letter into Target Corporate Headquarters. Here is the response he got back:
We're always looking for ways to improve your shopping experience. Hearing about the cell phone reception in the store is important to us. I've documented your thoughts and comments, which will be shared with our Store Operations team for further review. It's just one way we can keep working to provide you with the experience you've come to expect at Target.
If you ever have concerns during your visit, please visit the Guest Service Desk and ask to speak with the Guest Service Team Leader. They'll make every attempt to resolve the issue during your visit.
We appreciate your feedback because it helps make Target even better.
Sincerely,
Melina
Target Guest Relations
www.target.com
(800) 440-0680
I have to say it was nice to receive a response that wasn't from a robot. I think I got my message across, and I plan to contact my local Target and let them know my concerns. I love that place! Can I just tell you how happy I am that they responded so quickly and so kindly! Go Target!
Lastly, I wanted to let all ya all know that I will be participating in NaBloPoMo for November. That means I will be blogging EVERY DAY and hello! It might be a bit overwhelming! (For your in box and for my swelly brain.) But it is important to me to participate in the discussion…and advocate for diabetes the only way I know how…with my words. November just happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, and is the month that we celebrate World Diabetes Day! So thank you in advance for bearing with me. Your support means the world to me. If you can’t read them all…its all good.
Fair warning anyway. :)
So there you have it! Doesn’t my blog look shiny and clean? We maybe it looks the same…but my brain is smiling. Kinda like this:
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
How is your KidStrong?
Last month I was sent a box of KidStrong Hydration Beverages to try out with the boys. I was really excited to try them as they were only about 10 carbs each and full of all sorts of good stuff.
Here is a quote from the information packet I received:
“KIDStrong is scientifically-formulated with all the vitamins and nutrients that kids require to live a healthy, active, and productive lifestyle. Unlike other “sports drinks” on the market, KIDStrong contains no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or preservatives. It also contains no stimulants and is low in sugar.”
Here is a quote from the information packet I received:
“KIDStrong is scientifically-formulated with all the vitamins and nutrients that kids require to live a healthy, active, and productive lifestyle. Unlike other “sports drinks” on the market, KIDStrong contains no artificial flavors, sweeteners, or preservatives. It also contains no stimulants and is low in sugar.”
Hello! How can I as a mother not want to try this stuff?
After a hot day at school the kids came home parched and ready to drink. I had them all sit to “taste test” the product and give me their reviews. I was sent three flavors, Clearly Fruit Punch, Clearly Orange and Clearly Grape.
Their reviews were mixed. J didn’t like any of them. Especially the fruit punch flavor. He said he wouldn’t want to drink these again.
L liked them. Each flavor got the, “It’s ok.” And when asked if he would want to drink it again, he said, “yeah sure.” Not enthusiastic or anything…but positive.
B on the other hand LOVED them. He loved all the flavors and has asked for them several times after the tasting. When he was ill with strep throat, they were what he preferred to drink. That was a relief. He didn’t want to eat or drink anything…EXCEPT the KIDStrongs. It gave me some peace of mind too…he was being hydrated and I knew it wasn’t full of all the gunk other hydration drinks have to offer.
So mixed reviews, but a big hit with B none the less. I recommend you give them a try and see if your kiddo would be on board with them. Look out for them, more and more stores are picking them up. If I were to recommend a flavor to you, it would be Grape. Surprisingly, my boys have never had grape flavored beverages, and all three that participated in my taste test ranked grape the highest. I think the flavor is the most muted of them all. Fruit punch is fairly strong…and in J’s words, “tastes a lot like cough syrup.” (And I have to say, I wasn't a fan of fruit punch either.)
To find out more about this product, please visit there website here. A lot of thought went into this drink. A healthy low sugar/low carb way to hydrate our kiddos. Kudos to them for their efforts!
I’m curious to know what others think of this. So I am going to do a mini giveaway. Leave a post TODAY telling me why your kid is so strong, and I will have my boys read the entries at the END OF TODAY. (That only gives you until 8:00pm Pacific Standard Time tonight to leave a comment.) I’ll let the boys pick their favorite comment and that person will be sent a sample pack of KIDStrong Hydration Beverages! I'll post the winner tomorrow, so stay tuned!
So tell me friends…why are your KIDStrong? I know, pretty obvious question, but humor me anyway. :) (And remember who your audience is. Three boys, ages 12, 8 and 6. :)
Good luck! And thank you KIDStrong for letting us sample your product!
Monday, October 25, 2010
An open letter to Target.
Dear Target,
I am one of the many faces you will frequently find walking around your stores. I probably don’t stick out. I am pretty boringly normal when it comes to my looks. I am 5’4” tall. I am blond. I am tired. I am a mom to four boys. I am also one of your most loyal customers. I drive fully 20 miles to go to your store at least once a week and I fought the city council in our “no big box store” town to get you here. They say you are coming…I’ll believe it when I see it.
Anyway…back to my original intent. I’m writing you for a reason, and I’m just going to come right out with it...
Why the hell can’t I get cell phone service in your store?
What is up with that??? I may LOOK like every other customer, but underneath all this normalness is the swelly brain of a mother who has three boys with Type 1 Diabetes. Because of the inner uniqueness, it is imperative that my boys be able to reach me AT. ALL. TIMES. I am not exaggerating when I say that it may even be a matter of life or death. I cannot be shut off from the rest of world for even one minute.
So why??? Why??? must the signal be lost by the time I reach aisle two at every single Target store I have visited north of the Golden Gate?
I’m not expecting you to fully understand all the nuances of being a parent to type 1’s…but because of the predicament you have put me in, I am forbidden to step foot inside your stores at certain times of the day. Between 9:50am and 10:15am. Between 11:40am and 12:00pm. Between 12:20pm and 12:40pm. That is pretty much my entire morning. These are the times of day my boys call me to check in with their blood sugar numbers. I tell them how much insulin to give themselves; I count the carbs they get for their snack and their lunch. These are jobs only I can do, as the wonderful state of California doesn’t think it necessary to have a nurse at our school for more than 4 hours, one morning a week.
Besides these scheduled times of day, my boys check their blood sugars whenever they feel the need. What if I enter your store at 9:00am, and one of my boys feels a dangerous low blood sugar and tries to get hold of me by cell…and I’m (gasp!) PASS aisle 2! That would be a bad predicament for sure!
Now, maybe there aren’t enough Type 1 parents in your customer block to make a change in your cell service blockage…that is ok…because I submit it hinders your sales even to those who aren’t tethered to their type 1 children.
What about business people who need to be available for important calls? They won’t be stopping by during their lunch hour. What about wives who want to call their husbands for their OK on a big ticket item for Christmas? They will leave without the product because they couldn’t reach said spouse. What about the husband who was sent to the store to buy one specific item, and needs verification he is grabbing the right thing. I have NOT bought a ton of things because I couldn’t reach a family member to make sure that item was the one that they needed.
No cell service HURTS your business!
I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…
I get cell service in Costco.
I get cell service in ALL the grocery stores too…Safeway, Albertsons AND G&G.
I have even had to step foot in Walmart…and guess what? Three bars.
Why oh why oh why can I not get cell service in the bowels of ANY Target store???
Help a tired D Mama out!
Help yourselves!
Help me help you.
Please, make cell service available in all Target stores!
Sincerely,
Meri…who just happens to be at this very moment…quite contrary.
I am one of the many faces you will frequently find walking around your stores. I probably don’t stick out. I am pretty boringly normal when it comes to my looks. I am 5’4” tall. I am blond. I am tired. I am a mom to four boys. I am also one of your most loyal customers. I drive fully 20 miles to go to your store at least once a week and I fought the city council in our “no big box store” town to get you here. They say you are coming…I’ll believe it when I see it.
Anyway…back to my original intent. I’m writing you for a reason, and I’m just going to come right out with it...
Why the hell can’t I get cell phone service in your store?
What is up with that??? I may LOOK like every other customer, but underneath all this normalness is the swelly brain of a mother who has three boys with Type 1 Diabetes. Because of the inner uniqueness, it is imperative that my boys be able to reach me AT. ALL. TIMES. I am not exaggerating when I say that it may even be a matter of life or death. I cannot be shut off from the rest of world for even one minute.
So why??? Why??? must the signal be lost by the time I reach aisle two at every single Target store I have visited north of the Golden Gate?
I’m not expecting you to fully understand all the nuances of being a parent to type 1’s…but because of the predicament you have put me in, I am forbidden to step foot inside your stores at certain times of the day. Between 9:50am and 10:15am. Between 11:40am and 12:00pm. Between 12:20pm and 12:40pm. That is pretty much my entire morning. These are the times of day my boys call me to check in with their blood sugar numbers. I tell them how much insulin to give themselves; I count the carbs they get for their snack and their lunch. These are jobs only I can do, as the wonderful state of California doesn’t think it necessary to have a nurse at our school for more than 4 hours, one morning a week.
Besides these scheduled times of day, my boys check their blood sugars whenever they feel the need. What if I enter your store at 9:00am, and one of my boys feels a dangerous low blood sugar and tries to get hold of me by cell…and I’m (gasp!) PASS aisle 2! That would be a bad predicament for sure!
Now, maybe there aren’t enough Type 1 parents in your customer block to make a change in your cell service blockage…that is ok…because I submit it hinders your sales even to those who aren’t tethered to their type 1 children.
What about business people who need to be available for important calls? They won’t be stopping by during their lunch hour. What about wives who want to call their husbands for their OK on a big ticket item for Christmas? They will leave without the product because they couldn’t reach said spouse. What about the husband who was sent to the store to buy one specific item, and needs verification he is grabbing the right thing. I have NOT bought a ton of things because I couldn’t reach a family member to make sure that item was the one that they needed.
No cell service HURTS your business!
I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…
I get cell service in Costco.
I get cell service in ALL the grocery stores too…Safeway, Albertsons AND G&G.
I have even had to step foot in Walmart…and guess what? Three bars.
Why oh why oh why can I not get cell service in the bowels of ANY Target store???
Help a tired D Mama out!
Help yourselves!
Help me help you.
Please, make cell service available in all Target stores!
Sincerely,
Meri…who just happens to be at this very moment…quite contrary.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Strengthening our armor.
Another child has passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome. I cannot tell you how much I hate typing those words. I almost want to say I refuse to ever type those words again.
I won’t let those words take away my sanity.
I’m so angry right now, I want to revolt! I will not let diabetes capture the only bit of sanity I have left. It can’t have it! I will fight it! I will not let the fear fester in me. I will push it down…way way down to my feet. I will walk heavier today…but I will walk with my chin held high.
No diabetes…you can’t make me worry more.
No diabetes…you can’t make me cry anymore today. I am stopping NOW.
Instead I will look at my children and thank the Lord that they are laughing, crying, fighting and whining! I will count my blessings today. I will kneel and pray for comfort for this family, and know that their daughter is now perfect. Their daughter does not have diabetes anymore. I am thankful that I know of heaven and what awaits us there. I will concentrate on the love that the Lord has for us…and I will concentrate on my children and the love I have for them.
I will hug them tighter today.
I will probably kiss them a few times…even with a “married kiss” as L calls it. (That is what he calls a peck on the lips.)
I will move forward. I will stick my tongue out to diabetes today. You can’t have me. You cannot have my confidence and turn it into fear of the unknown.
Fear can suck it.
I will not fear!
I will move forward… I will put one foot in front of the other, and when my children go to bed tonight I will not think of what “could” happen. I won’t let it eat me alive as it has so many times before.
I’m stuffing it. I’m tossing it. I’m drop kicking that fear to the moon.
Today we need to stand tall. We need to be strong. We need to pray for this family. Cry and then stop crying. We need to move forward as an army of parents and let diabetes know that it can’t have us.
Diabetes can take our time.
Diabetes can take our plans and throw them out the window.
But diabetes cannot have our heart. It cannot take away our resolve to move forward.
We will be vigilant. And we will fight the fear. Because that is what parents of children with diabetes do. We fight it every day. We just need to fight a bit harder today. We need to strengthen our armor and sharpen our swords. We need to pray in this armor for peace and the strength to move forward.
God bless this family who lost their daughter. God bless the thousands and thousands who mourn for her loss today. God bless the people who have Type 1 Diabetes and their families.
May we find solace in our faith.
I won’t let those words take away my sanity.
I’m so angry right now, I want to revolt! I will not let diabetes capture the only bit of sanity I have left. It can’t have it! I will fight it! I will not let the fear fester in me. I will push it down…way way down to my feet. I will walk heavier today…but I will walk with my chin held high.
No diabetes…you can’t make me worry more.
No diabetes…you can’t make me cry anymore today. I am stopping NOW.
Instead I will look at my children and thank the Lord that they are laughing, crying, fighting and whining! I will count my blessings today. I will kneel and pray for comfort for this family, and know that their daughter is now perfect. Their daughter does not have diabetes anymore. I am thankful that I know of heaven and what awaits us there. I will concentrate on the love that the Lord has for us…and I will concentrate on my children and the love I have for them.
I will hug them tighter today.
I will probably kiss them a few times…even with a “married kiss” as L calls it. (That is what he calls a peck on the lips.)
I will move forward. I will stick my tongue out to diabetes today. You can’t have me. You cannot have my confidence and turn it into fear of the unknown.
Fear can suck it.
I will not fear!
I will move forward… I will put one foot in front of the other, and when my children go to bed tonight I will not think of what “could” happen. I won’t let it eat me alive as it has so many times before.
I’m stuffing it. I’m tossing it. I’m drop kicking that fear to the moon.
Today we need to stand tall. We need to be strong. We need to pray for this family. Cry and then stop crying. We need to move forward as an army of parents and let diabetes know that it can’t have us.
Diabetes can take our time.
Diabetes can take our plans and throw them out the window.
But diabetes cannot have our heart. It cannot take away our resolve to move forward.
We will be vigilant. And we will fight the fear. Because that is what parents of children with diabetes do. We fight it every day. We just need to fight a bit harder today. We need to strengthen our armor and sharpen our swords. We need to pray in this armor for peace and the strength to move forward.
God bless this family who lost their daughter. God bless the thousands and thousands who mourn for her loss today. God bless the people who have Type 1 Diabetes and their families.
May we find solace in our faith.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I want you to know something.
There are a few things I want you to know.
I want you to know, when your daughters pump ran out of insulin within the first hour of school last week…I have felt that very same anger and embarrassment that you did.
I want you to know, when your baby wets his bed at night from a high blood sugar…I have felt the same sadness, guilt, and love for my son that you do.
I want you to know, when you forget to bolus your child for dinner, and their bedtime number is 508. I have felt the very same shame and intense regret.
I want you to know, when you take out your daughters set and there is a bleeder, I have felt the same horror and sheer panic that you are experiencing at that same moment.
I want you to know, when your son goes to a friends for a sleep over…I know you have to actively push the worry and anxiety away or you would be camped out in your car outside the house…because I have had to do that too.
I want you to know, when you have had a long night and you see the mountain of bloody test strips and apple juice containers…I have felt that deep sadness you had in your heart. I didn’t want this for my children either.
I want you to know when your child has high blood sugars for DAYS…I know the pure frustration of it all. I know the anger and the helplessness that you are feeling.
I’m tired too.
I want you to know, when there is an extreme low, and your child is sitting with a blank look in front of you, barely able to speak…I have been there. I have felt the confusion, the panic and the deep worry that you have in your heart.
I want you to know that I stand in the doorway to watch my children breath in the morning too.
I want you to know that I worry about my oldest being diagnosed. I know you worry about your non diabetic children too.
I want you to know that I wonder if my children will hate me one day for all I have put them through. And even though they say they don’t blame me…I still worry about it. I know you do too sometimes.
I want you to know; when your child hasn’t been invited to anyone’s house to play…I know it isn’t fair either.
I want you to know, when your child put her set in for the first time on her own, and you thought you would burst from pride…I have felt the exhilaration of that pride too.
I don’t recognize myself in the mirror either.
I want you to know, that even though I have been to too many endo appts to count…I still get a stomach ache days before. I want you to know I am hard on myself too.
I want you to know, when your child calls you from school, and asks to eat a “surprise” birthday cupcake, and you say yes…I have held my breath too, hoping I have guessed the carbs correctly.
I want you to know I check my sugar whenever I have to pee twice in a two hour period. I wonder if you do that too?
When I see a person in the store with a pump, I want to run up and talk to that person too. Okay…I want to hug them too.
I want you to know, when your alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you want to throw your alarm clock out the window…I have been there. I have SO felt that.
I want you to know that when I hear of another child diagnosed, I feel anger towards this disease. It brings back too many memories, and makes my heart completely break in half for this newly diagnosed family. I know you feel that way too.
Remember when you walked around like a zombie with dry food on your shirt, and no makeup on for two days? I did that too!
I want you to know, when my child expresses any anger towards this disease, I feel guilty…almost like it is my fault. Even though I know there is nothing I could have done to stop all this…I wish I could take it away too.
I want you to know that I feel conflicted about all of this too. I hate diabetes. I am bizarrely thankful for diabetes. I know it has brought good into our life…but at the same time, diabetes can still suck it.
I want you to know that I secretly wish for a cure too. And even though I tell everyone I don’t expect one…I do.
I want you to know…when you think you can’t go one more day. When you think you can’t check one more sugar, or give one more shot, or tell your child “no” one more time…I have been in that place. I have had days just like that.
I want you to know that I cry in the shower too sometimes. I cry to sad songs on the radio and spend too many days with cry headaches too.
I want you to know that when I read that a child has passed away from Type 1…my breath is taken away too. I want to scream too. I hold my children closer too.
Our pharmacy is a nightmare too.
I want you to know, that the mom at your son’s school...the one who judges everyone and makes you feel awful…she goes to my boys’ school too.
When emotions run high, or low…or upside down...I want you to know I have felt all the craziness too.
I want you to know after the third diagnosis I went through a deep depression for 8 months. But now I’m on the other side of that. If you are depressed, you will come out on the other side too.
I want you to know, that I started this blog for me…and now I want you to know I write it now just as much for you.
Because more than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone.
I want you to know, that even though we are very different, and even though we may not have been friends otherwise…I worry for you. I care about you. I will always support you.
I want you to know that I will always be here for you.
When you feel alone and like no one understands? I understand. We understand. The Mothers and Fathers and the PWD of the DOC are here for you.
If you think you are alone on this roller coaster of numbers…look at those blog buttons on the side of my blog. Look at that obscenely long blog list I have under the blog buttons. We are there too…puking, screaming, crying, laughing and holding on for dear life.
We may be so different, but our hearts are the same.
You are a parent of a child with diabetes…and I am too.
I want you to know, when your daughters pump ran out of insulin within the first hour of school last week…I have felt that very same anger and embarrassment that you did.
I want you to know, when your baby wets his bed at night from a high blood sugar…I have felt the same sadness, guilt, and love for my son that you do.
I want you to know, when you forget to bolus your child for dinner, and their bedtime number is 508. I have felt the very same shame and intense regret.
I want you to know, when you take out your daughters set and there is a bleeder, I have felt the same horror and sheer panic that you are experiencing at that same moment.
I want you to know, when your son goes to a friends for a sleep over…I know you have to actively push the worry and anxiety away or you would be camped out in your car outside the house…because I have had to do that too.
I want you to know, when you have had a long night and you see the mountain of bloody test strips and apple juice containers…I have felt that deep sadness you had in your heart. I didn’t want this for my children either.
I want you to know when your child has high blood sugars for DAYS…I know the pure frustration of it all. I know the anger and the helplessness that you are feeling.
I’m tired too.
I want you to know, when there is an extreme low, and your child is sitting with a blank look in front of you, barely able to speak…I have been there. I have felt the confusion, the panic and the deep worry that you have in your heart.
I want you to know that I stand in the doorway to watch my children breath in the morning too.
I want you to know that I worry about my oldest being diagnosed. I know you worry about your non diabetic children too.
I want you to know that I wonder if my children will hate me one day for all I have put them through. And even though they say they don’t blame me…I still worry about it. I know you do too sometimes.
I want you to know; when your child hasn’t been invited to anyone’s house to play…I know it isn’t fair either.
I want you to know, when your child put her set in for the first time on her own, and you thought you would burst from pride…I have felt the exhilaration of that pride too.
I don’t recognize myself in the mirror either.
I want you to know, that even though I have been to too many endo appts to count…I still get a stomach ache days before. I want you to know I am hard on myself too.
I want you to know, when your child calls you from school, and asks to eat a “surprise” birthday cupcake, and you say yes…I have held my breath too, hoping I have guessed the carbs correctly.
I want you to know I check my sugar whenever I have to pee twice in a two hour period. I wonder if you do that too?
When I see a person in the store with a pump, I want to run up and talk to that person too. Okay…I want to hug them too.
I want you to know, when your alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you want to throw your alarm clock out the window…I have been there. I have SO felt that.
I want you to know that when I hear of another child diagnosed, I feel anger towards this disease. It brings back too many memories, and makes my heart completely break in half for this newly diagnosed family. I know you feel that way too.
Remember when you walked around like a zombie with dry food on your shirt, and no makeup on for two days? I did that too!
I want you to know, when my child expresses any anger towards this disease, I feel guilty…almost like it is my fault. Even though I know there is nothing I could have done to stop all this…I wish I could take it away too.
I want you to know that I feel conflicted about all of this too. I hate diabetes. I am bizarrely thankful for diabetes. I know it has brought good into our life…but at the same time, diabetes can still suck it.
I want you to know that I secretly wish for a cure too. And even though I tell everyone I don’t expect one…I do.
I want you to know…when you think you can’t go one more day. When you think you can’t check one more sugar, or give one more shot, or tell your child “no” one more time…I have been in that place. I have had days just like that.
I want you to know that I cry in the shower too sometimes. I cry to sad songs on the radio and spend too many days with cry headaches too.
I want you to know that when I read that a child has passed away from Type 1…my breath is taken away too. I want to scream too. I hold my children closer too.
Our pharmacy is a nightmare too.
I want you to know, that the mom at your son’s school...the one who judges everyone and makes you feel awful…she goes to my boys’ school too.
When emotions run high, or low…or upside down...I want you to know I have felt all the craziness too.
I want you to know after the third diagnosis I went through a deep depression for 8 months. But now I’m on the other side of that. If you are depressed, you will come out on the other side too.
I want you to know, that I started this blog for me…and now I want you to know I write it now just as much for you.
Because more than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone.
I want you to know, that even though we are very different, and even though we may not have been friends otherwise…I worry for you. I care about you. I will always support you.
I want you to know that I will always be here for you.
When you feel alone and like no one understands? I understand. We understand. The Mothers and Fathers and the PWD of the DOC are here for you.
If you think you are alone on this roller coaster of numbers…look at those blog buttons on the side of my blog. Look at that obscenely long blog list I have under the blog buttons. We are there too…puking, screaming, crying, laughing and holding on for dear life.
We may be so different, but our hearts are the same.
You are a parent of a child with diabetes…and I am too.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Groundhog Day…in October.
So it started out pretty innocently. B was 327 before bed. Considering B has been on the low side of normal at bedtime for the last three months, I took it as a fluke and corrected him. He had just had a bath disconnected from his pump. Crazier things have happened. (PS This was the same night my husband was out of town, and I had to change L’s set myself…leading to the previous post, So can I.)
So anyway. High number. Correct. Done and Done.
Well two hours later…327. Again. HMMMMM…weird. I’m tired. Correct. Done and done??
Two hours later…317. He moved. I’m obviously stupid or something because I correct and go back to sleep.
Two hours later…321. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok! I get the hint. It is four in the morning and something isn’t right. So since I was delirious with exhaustion…and was due to get up in one hour, I gave him a shot. My brain was not in the zone enough to do an entire set change.
4:00am: Gave him a shot. Corrected. Done and Done!!
5:00am: He is 258. FINALLY! We have entered back into the earth’s stratosphere! Sa-weet!
7:00am: Wake up B. He is 52. Wow, I’m really doing a bang up job today. Who has the mom of the year trophy on their shelf? Send it my way. I’ve so earned it after this night.
But I’m not done yet! I’m on a roll! I make another stupid a** decision.
I changed B’s set…but did not change out the reservoir. He still has A LOT insulin in there people. Throwing out insulin in this house is like throwing out a solid gold bar. You just don’t do it.
I DID go to prime and enter in a half unit. I lifted the ring up to the light and saw that indeed, the insulin was coming out! New inset…insulin coming out. HELLO! It should be good right??!
So then I make stupid a** decision number one million. I decide to not give him insulin for breakfast, and just to correct his number as he is walking out the door. Where do I come up with this stuff? He was…SURPRISE!! 307. (Why Oh why did I do this? I have never done this before. What was wrong with me!)
Writing this is embarrassing friends. The string of stupid decisions run long and deep here.
So I correct that number instead of blousing for breakfast and get a call at snack announcing the number of…you won’t believe it, well, at this point you probably will…327. (It is at this time I am wondering if it is Groundhog Day. Haven’t I seen this number before???)
So the insanity continues as I think, “Meri, you under bolused him for breakfast. He will correct and he will be fine. “ So I tell him…correct and check in an hour. If you are still high, I’ll come get you.
One hour later. High.
Yes. HIGH. He is so high…there is no number to display.
So mom of the year, who was nakie when she answered the call because she had to jump out of the shower to get it, said…”I will be there in 20 minutes. DON’T EAT LUNCH!”
I FINALLY get there. I sign him out in the office and tell the secretary there was some sort of pump problem. He’s high and I’m taking him home to get things under control. So the secretary asks me how high he was.
“High.”
“Yeah, but what was the number?”
“Too high to register.”
At the very same moment her mouth fully dropped to the floor, B walked in the office door and I instantaneously swung around and shot him in the arm with the four units of insulin from the syringe in my hand.
I smiled and walked out. She was still a statue…dumbfounded, trying to register the fact that B was that high.
You would think he would be pale. You would think he would be feeling sick. But there he was, bouncy happy B.
“You’re probably not hungry for your lunch anyway.” I said.
“No,” said B. “You’re right; I don’t want my ham sandwich. I would rather have a burger.”
Wonderful!
Guilt makes mama’s do crazy things. So I got him that burger and as we sat down to eat I reflected over the day. Every decision I made…was one that I wouldn’t normally make. What was happening to me? I am a smart woman. I am an okay pancreas. What was I thinking?
Whatever it was…I sat eating that burger with my son who was still in the 400’s and decided that was my last bad decision of the day. And it was.
He came down quickly. That four units was twice the amount he needed to come down, so I knew that all would be ok. But I wanted to get this all down on my blog to let you all know…that Our Diabetic Life is not all unicorns and rainbows. We have stupid days around here like everyone else. Unfortunately, this stupid day was brought to you exclusively by my laziness and my stupidity.
In my defense, I’m pretty sure when my husband leaves on business trips…he takes my brain with him.
I don’t know how he does it.
But as any good wife would tell you, I’ve decided it’s all his fault. He should know better than that.
So anyway. High number. Correct. Done and Done.
Well two hours later…327. Again. HMMMMM…weird. I’m tired. Correct. Done and done??
Two hours later…317. He moved. I’m obviously stupid or something because I correct and go back to sleep.
Two hours later…321. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ok! I get the hint. It is four in the morning and something isn’t right. So since I was delirious with exhaustion…and was due to get up in one hour, I gave him a shot. My brain was not in the zone enough to do an entire set change.
4:00am: Gave him a shot. Corrected. Done and Done!!
5:00am: He is 258. FINALLY! We have entered back into the earth’s stratosphere! Sa-weet!
7:00am: Wake up B. He is 52. Wow, I’m really doing a bang up job today. Who has the mom of the year trophy on their shelf? Send it my way. I’ve so earned it after this night.
But I’m not done yet! I’m on a roll! I make another stupid a** decision.
I changed B’s set…but did not change out the reservoir. He still has A LOT insulin in there people. Throwing out insulin in this house is like throwing out a solid gold bar. You just don’t do it.
I DID go to prime and enter in a half unit. I lifted the ring up to the light and saw that indeed, the insulin was coming out! New inset…insulin coming out. HELLO! It should be good right??!
So then I make stupid a** decision number one million. I decide to not give him insulin for breakfast, and just to correct his number as he is walking out the door. Where do I come up with this stuff? He was…SURPRISE!! 307. (Why Oh why did I do this? I have never done this before. What was wrong with me!)
Writing this is embarrassing friends. The string of stupid decisions run long and deep here.
So I correct that number instead of blousing for breakfast and get a call at snack announcing the number of…you won’t believe it, well, at this point you probably will…327. (It is at this time I am wondering if it is Groundhog Day. Haven’t I seen this number before???)
So the insanity continues as I think, “Meri, you under bolused him for breakfast. He will correct and he will be fine. “ So I tell him…correct and check in an hour. If you are still high, I’ll come get you.
One hour later. High.
Yes. HIGH. He is so high…there is no number to display.
So mom of the year, who was nakie when she answered the call because she had to jump out of the shower to get it, said…”I will be there in 20 minutes. DON’T EAT LUNCH!”
I FINALLY get there. I sign him out in the office and tell the secretary there was some sort of pump problem. He’s high and I’m taking him home to get things under control. So the secretary asks me how high he was.
“High.”
“Yeah, but what was the number?”
“Too high to register.”
At the very same moment her mouth fully dropped to the floor, B walked in the office door and I instantaneously swung around and shot him in the arm with the four units of insulin from the syringe in my hand.
I smiled and walked out. She was still a statue…dumbfounded, trying to register the fact that B was that high.
You would think he would be pale. You would think he would be feeling sick. But there he was, bouncy happy B.
“You’re probably not hungry for your lunch anyway.” I said.
“No,” said B. “You’re right; I don’t want my ham sandwich. I would rather have a burger.”
Wonderful!
Guilt makes mama’s do crazy things. So I got him that burger and as we sat down to eat I reflected over the day. Every decision I made…was one that I wouldn’t normally make. What was happening to me? I am a smart woman. I am an okay pancreas. What was I thinking?
Whatever it was…I sat eating that burger with my son who was still in the 400’s and decided that was my last bad decision of the day. And it was.
He came down quickly. That four units was twice the amount he needed to come down, so I knew that all would be ok. But I wanted to get this all down on my blog to let you all know…that Our Diabetic Life is not all unicorns and rainbows. We have stupid days around here like everyone else. Unfortunately, this stupid day was brought to you exclusively by my laziness and my stupidity.
In my defense, I’m pretty sure when my husband leaves on business trips…he takes my brain with him.
I don’t know how he does it.
But as any good wife would tell you, I’ve decided it’s all his fault. He should know better than that.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
So can I.
I remember the very first shot I had to give.
I hated it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My husband was so cool about it all. If he was scared, he didn’t show it. He grabbed that needle and bam, done. I on the other hand, had to give my first shot into an orange, then a couple more practice ones into my husband’s arms. The emotions ran through me like a wild fire. I couldn’t douse the fear. I couldn’t stop the anger, the sadness, the confusion…I was sure I would poke him too hard. I was sure I would do it wrong. I dreaded that bubble of insulin that would sometimes rise out of the needle hole in J's flesh. He got such a small amount of insulin…who knows how much of his dose that bubble held?
How could I do this? How could I hurt my baby multiple times a day? At the time it seemed impossible. I was sure he would grow up hating me. It all seemed so surreal.
Ten thousand shots later…we got the pump. By then I was desensitized. Shots were nothing to me. It helped that my baby was a veritable Mighty Mouse. He was stronger than me. He accepted his lot before I did. It was his acceptance and his strength that helped me succumb to the numbness. If he could live without complaining…so could I.
I don’t think I’ve ever thanked J for that.
So here we are 12 years later and tonight I had to insert a new pump site into L. His came off after his bath and my husband was out of town.
My husband is the go to site changer. I’m only the back-up these days.
And thank goodness for that…
Because tonight, after I shot my son with that ridiculously long needle…every one of those emotions I had 12 years ago came flooding back. L’s face spoke novels of pain. He twisted his mouth to hide as much as he could. He didn’t want me to feel bad, but I knew what I had done.
“I really hurt you, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much yes,” said L. “But I still love you Mom.”
How do I do it? How do I get through?
It’s all them. If they can go to bed at night NOT cursing this disease, so can I.
If they can go through the day with no bitterness of the fate life has thrown at them, so can I.
Diabetes is their disease. They refuse to give it more power than it deserves.
I have to let them live without the hate. I can’t foster it in them. I can’t light fires of discontent.
I will continue to let them lead me, because somehow my children teach me more than I could ever teach them. The brightness of their examples will always be the light barreling through my dark days and my sleepless nights.
They are wiser than me.
They are stronger than me.
They are stronger than diabetes.
Which made me realize, as I looked into the resolute, teary blue eyes of my 6 year old tonight…I want to be like my boys when I grow up.
If they can do it...so can I.
I hated it. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My husband was so cool about it all. If he was scared, he didn’t show it. He grabbed that needle and bam, done. I on the other hand, had to give my first shot into an orange, then a couple more practice ones into my husband’s arms. The emotions ran through me like a wild fire. I couldn’t douse the fear. I couldn’t stop the anger, the sadness, the confusion…I was sure I would poke him too hard. I was sure I would do it wrong. I dreaded that bubble of insulin that would sometimes rise out of the needle hole in J's flesh. He got such a small amount of insulin…who knows how much of his dose that bubble held?
How could I do this? How could I hurt my baby multiple times a day? At the time it seemed impossible. I was sure he would grow up hating me. It all seemed so surreal.
Ten thousand shots later…we got the pump. By then I was desensitized. Shots were nothing to me. It helped that my baby was a veritable Mighty Mouse. He was stronger than me. He accepted his lot before I did. It was his acceptance and his strength that helped me succumb to the numbness. If he could live without complaining…so could I.
I don’t think I’ve ever thanked J for that.
So here we are 12 years later and tonight I had to insert a new pump site into L. His came off after his bath and my husband was out of town.
My husband is the go to site changer. I’m only the back-up these days.
And thank goodness for that…
Because tonight, after I shot my son with that ridiculously long needle…every one of those emotions I had 12 years ago came flooding back. L’s face spoke novels of pain. He twisted his mouth to hide as much as he could. He didn’t want me to feel bad, but I knew what I had done.
“I really hurt you, didn’t I?”
“Pretty much yes,” said L. “But I still love you Mom.”
How do I do it? How do I get through?
It’s all them. If they can go to bed at night NOT cursing this disease, so can I.
If they can go through the day with no bitterness of the fate life has thrown at them, so can I.
Diabetes is their disease. They refuse to give it more power than it deserves.
I have to let them live without the hate. I can’t foster it in them. I can’t light fires of discontent.
I will continue to let them lead me, because somehow my children teach me more than I could ever teach them. The brightness of their examples will always be the light barreling through my dark days and my sleepless nights.
They are wiser than me.
They are stronger than me.
They are stronger than diabetes.
Which made me realize, as I looked into the resolute, teary blue eyes of my 6 year old tonight…I want to be like my boys when I grow up.
If they can do it...so can I.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Brain Rebellion.
Ummmm…I’ve got a bit of a problem.
I think my brain is turning on me.
I mean the swelly-ness of it is one thing…but now it is playing tricks on me…and this mama ain’t laughin’.
This past couple weeks I have found myself doing things I would NEVER do. N-E-V-E-R!
Specifically, I have been messing with my alarm, and waking up with no memory of said messing.
Confused?
Long story short: It all begins with the fact that I have become a snoozer. A snooze-a-holic if you will. When my 1:30am alarm goes off…I snooze. It is a given.
It wasn’t always that way. In our old house the alarm clock was kept across the room, NOT on my side table. We did this purposely so we would HAVE to get up when the alarm went off. And since we were already up to turn off the alarm…we stayed up to check sugars.
But NOW I am taking it to the next level. In our new house the alarm is by our bed. So when it goes off, I snooze. Again and again I snooze. Apparently, I snooze so much that my brain goes nuts and (here comes the kicker) TURNS IT OFF! Lately, I have been waking up around 4:30 or 5:00 in a total panic.
Do I remember turning it off? NOPE.
Would I EVER EVER EVER turn it off if I was in my right mind? NOPE.
Brain rebellion…it isn’t pretty.
When I do wake up, and I see Lawton lying by my bed, I know there is a problem. If Lawton is there…the boys are low. He used to wake me, but who knows what my rebellious brain is doing these days. Do you think I’m rolling over? Do you think I’m ignoring him? What the heck!
It is happening a lot. So much so I’m going to have to move my alarm across the room again.
SIGH. Seriously…you should have heard the sigh I just let out.
I have officially turned into an alarm-turning-off fool! And don’t tell me it’s ok. I CANNOT miss a night of checks. My boys’ numbers are running on the lower end of normal…I LOVE it that way. I like keeping them in beautiful ranges while they sleep…that means half of the battle is won! They are cusping on perfect numbers, the kind of numbers that need to be watched closely. If they inch south even a tiny bit I need to intervene! Sure, keeping them this way is MY choice. I could dial basals back and let them run higher, but seriously, why mess with perfection??? I know…and you know…that these kinds of numbers do not last forever. I must hold onto them while I can. One growth spurt, one illness…one more jump onto the puberty steam train, and the fun ends.
So goodbye snooze button.
We have had some good times. I considered you a friend, really. But we can’t be BFF’s anymore. My boys are too important.
Adieu…sweet snooze button…Adieu.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
A Very Meri World.
Happy No D Day!
Ok, I’m not a proponent of Dictatorships or anything…but I often have fantasies of ruling the world. Let’s face it, if I ruled the world …good things would happen. I understand I don’t have magic powers or anything, so the changes I would make would be TOTALLY practical…take a looksie…
* Certain Medical supplies that may or may not have to do with the D word would cost 1 penny each. (OK, I’m already starting with my mind on the D word…so I’ll leave the things I would change in regards to that for another day.)
* If you don't stop completely at a four way stop…or if you don’t wait your turn…I would install spikes that would come up out of the ground and pop your tires.
* No road work, no paving, and no construction would be allowed during the hours of 8-9am when kids are being brought to school by wonderful parents who only want to get their children there ON TIME.
* Three’s a crowd would be law at every grocery, Costco and Target store. No lines longer than 3 people, PERIOD!
* Speaking of Target, there would be one in every town.
* Politicians could not say ONE bad thing about the person they are running against. They could only talk about themselves and what they bring to the table. Furthermore, during debates there would be practical TIMED exercises that would show the public if the politicians could even do the job they were running for. For example, if they were running for California Legislature, they would be required to show us they could balance their OWN flippin’ check books.
* I would make sure that Rosie the Robot was invented immediately, along with air tubes that take you from one place to another. (Which I understand makes my no road work rule null and void, but I know Rosie and Air Tubes will take a bit of time…I told you I was going to be practical.)
* Products would have to do what they are advertised to do. And they would have to work as well as their commercials imply.
* I would impose a decree that every day, at 8:00pm, parents would have to tell their child/children that they love them and list off reasons why they think their children are wonderful.
* People who do things with the intent to kill their children…such as withholding lifesaving medicine…would not get 6 years in jail…they would get automatic life sentences.
* Stirrup pants would be banned.
* Jerry Springer and Geraldo Rivera would be forced into retirement.
(hmmm…I’m getting a little mean now…I’ll try to back off.)
* I would un-cancel The Unusuals.
* Classes on empathy would be a pre-requisite for any job in the medical, educational or pharmaceutical professions.
* Properly trained Service dogs would be everywhere…even if the service they are providing is happiness.
* And I’m pretty sure I would get rid of Thursdays. I’m still mulling that one over…
This is just the stuff I have rattled off from the top of my head. Imagine if I actually had TIME to think of more! The possibilities would be endless!
So what would you do? Anything pop into your head while you were reading through my insanity?
Let me know…I’m now keeping a running list.
Just in case…you know…I take over the world or whatever.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Three fer one.
You get three posts in one today! Are not you the luckiest blog readers ever?
Okay, maybe luckiest is stretching it…but you are for sure the greatest blog readers ever!
(Have I buttered you up enough to read to the end?)
BLOG POST #1.
To start off, Cindy at Eaten Alive started a mail exchange with the T1 Kiddos in the community. Can I just tell you what a brilliant idea this is? My boys LOVE mail. I think every kid LOVES mail. And to get a small gift in the mail too? Well, there was almost some pants wetting around here…it was THAT exciting.
B was matched up with L. L is Shannon’s Daughter from the blog Neurotic City. Before I show pics, I’m going to rat Shannon out and tell you she has red hair. Hello! Did you know that! Joanne, there is another fiery red head on the block! She sent me last years Christmas card, and her family is gorgeous. Thought enquiring minds would want to know…
Anyhoo…L sent B some gifts and a couple pics of herself. Here is the evidence…
Thank you L for your awesome gift and your sweet note!
Next, my L was matched up with none other than Joe, Reyna’s son at Beta Buddies! This was huge. Right off the bat, Joe was L’s new BFF. He couldn’t wait to get something in the mail from him. Sure enough the package came…I’ll let the pictures tell the story…
Ummm…yeah. His FAVORITE thing in the world, Bakugan! He kept saying how RARE this one was…he kept saying how AWESOME this one was. He has carried it around like a trophy ever since. In fact yesterday before school he couldn’t find where he left it, and refused to leave for school until it was found.
Thank you Joe! You made L’s day! Heck! You made his month!
Post #2.
Do you all know what a “SUGAR BOLUS” is? I know you have seen the words splashed around some of the blogs, but I wanted to clarify for those of you who are a bit confused.
Wendy at Candy Hearts started the Sugar Bolus. Every Friday a new blog begins a giveaway. If you would like to host a giveaway…you can find the sign up sheet HERE. It can be ANYTHING! ANYTHING you love. The giveaway doesn’t have to be diabetes related, heck if you crotchet, then you could make a blanket and GIVE IT AWAY! (No! I’m not planting crotchet giveaway seeds in someones brain! OK, maybe I am…I LOVE things like that!) So, don’t be shy…go sign up!!
This week’s giveaway is hosted by Misty at Life is Like A Box of Chocolates!
Go CHECK IT OUT...HERE!! It is a good one! A REALLY good one!
POST #3 comin’ at you NOW!
Tomorrow is NO D DAY. When you blog…you are not supposed to blog about diabetes. The blogging community is taking a day off from D! HOLLA! Blog about YOU. Blog about something else! Yup, there are other things in life worth blogging about. I know it was a total shocker to me too!
Now go on, and sign up for Misty’s giveaway. You never know…it might be your week to win!
Okay, maybe luckiest is stretching it…but you are for sure the greatest blog readers ever!
(Have I buttered you up enough to read to the end?)
BLOG POST #1.
To start off, Cindy at Eaten Alive started a mail exchange with the T1 Kiddos in the community. Can I just tell you what a brilliant idea this is? My boys LOVE mail. I think every kid LOVES mail. And to get a small gift in the mail too? Well, there was almost some pants wetting around here…it was THAT exciting.
B was matched up with L. L is Shannon’s Daughter from the blog Neurotic City. Before I show pics, I’m going to rat Shannon out and tell you she has red hair. Hello! Did you know that! Joanne, there is another fiery red head on the block! She sent me last years Christmas card, and her family is gorgeous. Thought enquiring minds would want to know…
Anyhoo…L sent B some gifts and a couple pics of herself. Here is the evidence…
Thank you L for your awesome gift and your sweet note!
Next, my L was matched up with none other than Joe, Reyna’s son at Beta Buddies! This was huge. Right off the bat, Joe was L’s new BFF. He couldn’t wait to get something in the mail from him. Sure enough the package came…I’ll let the pictures tell the story…
Ummm…yeah. His FAVORITE thing in the world, Bakugan! He kept saying how RARE this one was…he kept saying how AWESOME this one was. He has carried it around like a trophy ever since. In fact yesterday before school he couldn’t find where he left it, and refused to leave for school until it was found.
Thank you Joe! You made L’s day! Heck! You made his month!
Post #2.
Do you all know what a “SUGAR BOLUS” is? I know you have seen the words splashed around some of the blogs, but I wanted to clarify for those of you who are a bit confused.
Wendy at Candy Hearts started the Sugar Bolus. Every Friday a new blog begins a giveaway. If you would like to host a giveaway…you can find the sign up sheet HERE. It can be ANYTHING! ANYTHING you love. The giveaway doesn’t have to be diabetes related, heck if you crotchet, then you could make a blanket and GIVE IT AWAY! (No! I’m not planting crotchet giveaway seeds in someones brain! OK, maybe I am…I LOVE things like that!) So, don’t be shy…go sign up!!
This week’s giveaway is hosted by Misty at Life is Like A Box of Chocolates!
Go CHECK IT OUT...HERE!! It is a good one! A REALLY good one!
POST #3 comin’ at you NOW!
Tomorrow is NO D DAY. When you blog…you are not supposed to blog about diabetes. The blogging community is taking a day off from D! HOLLA! Blog about YOU. Blog about something else! Yup, there are other things in life worth blogging about. I know it was a total shocker to me too!
Now go on, and sign up for Misty’s giveaway. You never know…it might be your week to win!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tag! My boys are it!
Heidi and Jack from D-Tales started this great MeMe for our awesome kids. They tagged Tracy and the Superhero from the Superhero and the Princesss. Tracy passed it on to Reyna and Joe from Beta Buddies, who then gave it to Kris and Bumble Bee at Our Sugar Bugs. Kris tagged me and my boys.
So here were go!
What is your name?
B: “B”
J: “J”
L: “L”
How old are you?
B: “Ummm…eight.”
J: “Twelve, soon to be thirteen.”
L: “Six.”
When were you diagnosed with diabetes?
B: “I think I was five years old.”
J “When we learned I had diabetes I was 8 months old.”
L “Uh I think I was four? Was I four? I was two!? I thought I was four!”
Do you remember what happened when you were diagnosed or how you felt?
B: "Not really.”
J: “Hello, I was 8 months old. No.”
L: “No.”
Do finger pokes or shots [or site insertions/infusion set changes] hurt?
B: “No, not really.”
J: “No.”
L: “No.”
What is a high number?
B: “300 and up.”
J: “299 and up.”
L: “378.”
What is a low number?
B: “About 90, and below.”
J: “Under 100.”
L: “71.”
What does low blood sugar feel like?
B: “My legs get wiggly. Sometimes I feel lazy.”
J: “I feel weak and I can’t really think straight.”
L: “It feels like your legs are tired, and your knees are tired. But sometimes it is hard to feel a low.”
What’s your favorite way to treat a low?
B: “Eating a snack of course!”
J: “Apple juice.”
L: “Hmmm…cookies.”
How do you feel when your blood sugar level is high?
B: “Angry, and I need to go pee a lot.”
J: “Angry, I have a headache and I’m thirsty and I have to go to the bathroom.”
L: “Uhhh, well, I drink a lot of water, and I breath out and in a lot.”
What’s the best thing about having diabetes?
B: “Getting Lawton!”
J: “I get my Lala!”
L: “You get an awesome pump, you get to eat carbs, and you get a Lala. HE is the cutest dog, come on!”
What’s the worst thing about having diabetes?
B: “Having to test my sugar all the time.”
J: “That I have to test my sugar ALL the time.” (At this point he isn’t happy his answers are so close to B’s.)
L: “The worst thing, oh, THAT thing…if I was at zero, that would be the worst thing. If I fell down and hurt myself when I was low that would be worst too.”
Do you worry much about diabetes?
B: “ehhh…sometimes.”
J: “No.”
L “Uhh..no.”
If one of your friends were diagnosed with diabetes, what would you say to that friend?
B: "I would say everything is alright. And I’d tell him how to take care of his diabetes.”
J: “It’s not so bad.”
L: “I would tell him I have diabetes too.”
What’s your favorite food?
B: “Ummm…probably…ahhhh…pizza.”
J: “Shrimp Burritos!”
L: “Hmmm…cookies! No, not cookies, mashed potatoes with gravy!”
What’s your favorite snack?
B: “Apple chicken sausage.”
J: “Sausage. Chicken Pineapple…ahh…that is my favorite. Any kind with pineapple.”
(Can you tell what we had for our afterschool snack today?)
L: “Granola bars!”
What’s your favorite low-carb food?
B: “Fish.”
J: “Omi’s fish.”
L: ((Eyebrows furrowed.)) “Cookies!” (We need to work on that one! I asked him if cookies have carbs and he said yes. So then I asked him to give me a favorite food with NO carbs and he said chicken.)
Do you know what a blog is?
B: “Like, somewhere where people write what is happening.”
J: “A blog is a big website that people can go to as they wish to catch up on whatever the creator of the blog writes.”
L: “Blog? What is that? No.”
Do you know that I blog about diabetes?
B: "yeah.”
J: “Yes.”
L: “No.”
Do you care?
B: “Not really.”
J: “Not really.”
L: “No. I don’t even know what it is!”
Why do you think I blog about diabetes?
B: "So everyone knows how I am doing, and they can give me advice.”
J: “To help people who have kids with diabetes, so they don’t have to go through the same stress you did. And it’s fun for you.” :)
L: “To meet new pen pal friends.” (Hi Joe, :)
What’s your biggest wish?
B: “To have a swimming pool.”
J: “5 more wishes.”
L: “Oh, having a swimming pool.”
Who’s your best friend?
B: "My friend is (A boy from school).”
J: “A boy from school.”
L: “A boy from school.” (I don’t use MY boys names, so I thought I better not use theirs.)
What do you like about him/her/them?
B: “He is funny, sporty, and always nice to me.”
J: “He is really nice and funny.”
L: “Uhh, he is awesome.”
What’s your favorite thing to do?
B: “Probably, playing handball.”
J: “Video games and biking with my dad.”
L : “Bike ride.”
Do you have a hero?
B: “No.”
J: “Yes, Dad.”
L: “Yes, J.”
What do you want to be when you grow up?
B: “I want to be a baker. No, not a baker. Probably, an astronaut.”
J: “I want to be in sales like dad.”
L: “I want to be a teacher.”
Who’s your favorite person in the whole wide world?
B: “My family.”
J: “Does it have to be one person? Ummm…my family.”
L: “Oh that, why do I have to say this again? J!”
Are you afraid of anything?
B: “I’m a little afraid of heights.”
J: “Huge giant spiders crawling on me and snakes that are not in cages.”
L: “Yeah. I’m afraid of bats.”
Fill in the blank. (Your name) is___________. There is no right or wrong answer.
B: “Really nice.”
J: ((DEEP THOUGHT)) “Hungry.”
L: “A boy! “
Thank you B, J and L, for taking time to answer these. Now we are going to pass this one on to one of my favorite D Mama Peeps in the world, Lora and her son Justin at My Diabetic Child!
So here were go!
What is your name?
B: “B”
J: “J”
L: “L”
How old are you?
B: “Ummm…eight.”
J: “Twelve, soon to be thirteen.”
L: “Six.”
When were you diagnosed with diabetes?
B: “I think I was five years old.”
J “When we learned I had diabetes I was 8 months old.”
L “Uh I think I was four? Was I four? I was two!? I thought I was four!”
Do you remember what happened when you were diagnosed or how you felt?
B: "Not really.”
J: “Hello, I was 8 months old. No.”
L: “No.”
Do finger pokes or shots [or site insertions/infusion set changes] hurt?
B: “No, not really.”
J: “No.”
L: “No.”
What is a high number?
B: “300 and up.”
J: “299 and up.”
L: “378.”
What is a low number?
B: “About 90, and below.”
J: “Under 100.”
L: “71.”
What does low blood sugar feel like?
B: “My legs get wiggly. Sometimes I feel lazy.”
J: “I feel weak and I can’t really think straight.”
L: “It feels like your legs are tired, and your knees are tired. But sometimes it is hard to feel a low.”
What’s your favorite way to treat a low?
B: “Eating a snack of course!”
J: “Apple juice.”
L: “Hmmm…cookies.”
How do you feel when your blood sugar level is high?
B: “Angry, and I need to go pee a lot.”
J: “Angry, I have a headache and I’m thirsty and I have to go to the bathroom.”
L: “Uhhh, well, I drink a lot of water, and I breath out and in a lot.”
What’s the best thing about having diabetes?
B: “Getting Lawton!”
J: “I get my Lala!”
L: “You get an awesome pump, you get to eat carbs, and you get a Lala. HE is the cutest dog, come on!”
What’s the worst thing about having diabetes?
B: “Having to test my sugar all the time.”
J: “That I have to test my sugar ALL the time.” (At this point he isn’t happy his answers are so close to B’s.)
L: “The worst thing, oh, THAT thing…if I was at zero, that would be the worst thing. If I fell down and hurt myself when I was low that would be worst too.”
Do you worry much about diabetes?
B: “ehhh…sometimes.”
J: “No.”
L “Uhh..no.”
If one of your friends were diagnosed with diabetes, what would you say to that friend?
B: "I would say everything is alright. And I’d tell him how to take care of his diabetes.”
J: “It’s not so bad.”
L: “I would tell him I have diabetes too.”
What’s your favorite food?
B: “Ummm…probably…ahhhh…pizza.”
J: “Shrimp Burritos!”
L: “Hmmm…cookies! No, not cookies, mashed potatoes with gravy!”
What’s your favorite snack?
B: “Apple chicken sausage.”
J: “Sausage. Chicken Pineapple…ahh…that is my favorite. Any kind with pineapple.”
(Can you tell what we had for our afterschool snack today?)
L: “Granola bars!”
What’s your favorite low-carb food?
B: “Fish.”
J: “Omi’s fish.”
L: ((Eyebrows furrowed.)) “Cookies!” (We need to work on that one! I asked him if cookies have carbs and he said yes. So then I asked him to give me a favorite food with NO carbs and he said chicken.)
Do you know what a blog is?
B: “Like, somewhere where people write what is happening.”
J: “A blog is a big website that people can go to as they wish to catch up on whatever the creator of the blog writes.”
L: “Blog? What is that? No.”
Do you know that I blog about diabetes?
B: "yeah.”
J: “Yes.”
L: “No.”
Do you care?
B: “Not really.”
J: “Not really.”
L: “No. I don’t even know what it is!”
Why do you think I blog about diabetes?
B: "So everyone knows how I am doing, and they can give me advice.”
J: “To help people who have kids with diabetes, so they don’t have to go through the same stress you did. And it’s fun for you.” :)
L: “To meet new pen pal friends.” (Hi Joe, :)
What’s your biggest wish?
B: “To have a swimming pool.”
J: “5 more wishes.”
L: “Oh, having a swimming pool.”
Who’s your best friend?
B: "My friend is (A boy from school).”
J: “A boy from school.”
L: “A boy from school.” (I don’t use MY boys names, so I thought I better not use theirs.)
What do you like about him/her/them?
B: “He is funny, sporty, and always nice to me.”
J: “He is really nice and funny.”
L: “Uhh, he is awesome.”
What’s your favorite thing to do?
B: “Probably, playing handball.”
J: “Video games and biking with my dad.”
L : “Bike ride.”
Do you have a hero?
B: “No.”
J: “Yes, Dad.”
L: “Yes, J.”
What do you want to be when you grow up?
B: “I want to be a baker. No, not a baker. Probably, an astronaut.”
J: “I want to be in sales like dad.”
L: “I want to be a teacher.”
Who’s your favorite person in the whole wide world?
B: “My family.”
J: “Does it have to be one person? Ummm…my family.”
L: “Oh that, why do I have to say this again? J!”
Are you afraid of anything?
B: “I’m a little afraid of heights.”
J: “Huge giant spiders crawling on me and snakes that are not in cages.”
L: “Yeah. I’m afraid of bats.”
Fill in the blank. (Your name) is___________. There is no right or wrong answer.
B: “Really nice.”
J: ((DEEP THOUGHT)) “Hungry.”
L: “A boy! “
Thank you B, J and L, for taking time to answer these. Now we are going to pass this one on to one of my favorite D Mama Peeps in the world, Lora and her son Justin at My Diabetic Child!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Drama for the Mama?
It is a pattern with me. You would think I would catch on.
I begin the school year in defensive mode.
Teachers don’t get it.
I get offended.
And the conversations we have only end in me wanting to fall into a fetal position and cry.
Last week when I was picking up the boys from school early for their endo appointment, I got a call from L’s teacher telling me he was low. I was in the office and told her I would be right there.
When I got to the class the kids were running off to lunch and she began what I perceived to be a big tirade about the big swing in blood sugar he had that day.
At snack he was 329. VERY unusual. He had the same breakfast he has EVERY Wednesday. My sister in law picks the boys up at 7:00 on Wednesdays and my mother in law makes them the same scrambled eggs, with the same toast and the same jam. She gives him pretty much the same bolus every Wednesday and as a result his number is usually pretty spot on. But that day, there is a freakin 329. What ev’. It was a fluke. Well after snack recess he was 225. He went down a hundred points in 20 minutes? Then one and a half hours later he was 64. Well she went on and on about how that big swing affected him that day. “He can’t focus well with such big swings!” she says.
All I could say was he got his insulin just as usual. What do you want me to do? I don’t know why he had this swing! It is the nature of the beast! (GO GO GADGET CLAWS!)
I was so upset.
“Do not judge me!” I thought. “You have no idea how much thought went into those numbers…and how much I obsess over his care. You HAVE NO IDEA!!”
That night I came home and had a few minutes to mentally recap the day.
I realized that I was being very defensive. I might have even cut her off while she was trying to tell me her thoughts. Maybe she wasn’t being as awful as I thought. All three of my other boys had had her in the past. I know she isn’t an awful person. I know she wants the best for the kids. Maybe…maybe, I was taking it all too personally.
So the next day I marched up to her and said, “I’m sorry, you were trying to tell me something yesterday and I didn’t give you a chance to finish.”
I then listened. Purposely letting her tell me everything on her mind. And you know what? She was able to tell me that she felt like she understood a bit of what he goes through. That when she was a girl she was sensitive to her blood sugar and would even pass out sometimes. She said his little body had a lot to deal with during that blood sugar swing, and she was glad she was getting a handle on how it all affects him.
Umm, yeah. She wasn’t yelling at me for not keeping his blood sugars perfect. She was just telling me she is getting a grip on this better…that his swings affect him differently than my other boys. (Which is true…)
So this set the stage for an amazing 504 meeting two days later. It could have been awful, but I let them know right off how much I appreciate them trying to get a handle on my boys needs. I tried to be complimentary and kind. I swore to myself that if I did get offended…I would tell them matter of factly that they had it wrong, and explain to them why. The 504 person went through a couple things she didn’t think belonged, and after I calmly told her why they did…she understood and kept them on.
It is a hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote once that showing other people my boys’ blood sugar numbers is akin to flashing a picture of me naked. What we do is SO personal. I take it to heart when I feel like someone is judging me.
But sometimes…SOMETIMES, I make it worse than it is. I’m raising my hand…I am guilty...SOMETIMES. Sure, some people go too far…some people THINK and say the wrong thing. And to them? God speed, because you will hear this D mom roar!!
I roll that way.
But I have to remember to keep my claws in until I know there is good cause.
Drama for the mama? You betcha!
Peace for the mama? Bring it.
I begin the school year in defensive mode.
Teachers don’t get it.
I get offended.
And the conversations we have only end in me wanting to fall into a fetal position and cry.
Last week when I was picking up the boys from school early for their endo appointment, I got a call from L’s teacher telling me he was low. I was in the office and told her I would be right there.
When I got to the class the kids were running off to lunch and she began what I perceived to be a big tirade about the big swing in blood sugar he had that day.
At snack he was 329. VERY unusual. He had the same breakfast he has EVERY Wednesday. My sister in law picks the boys up at 7:00 on Wednesdays and my mother in law makes them the same scrambled eggs, with the same toast and the same jam. She gives him pretty much the same bolus every Wednesday and as a result his number is usually pretty spot on. But that day, there is a freakin 329. What ev’. It was a fluke. Well after snack recess he was 225. He went down a hundred points in 20 minutes? Then one and a half hours later he was 64. Well she went on and on about how that big swing affected him that day. “He can’t focus well with such big swings!” she says.
All I could say was he got his insulin just as usual. What do you want me to do? I don’t know why he had this swing! It is the nature of the beast! (GO GO GADGET CLAWS!)
I was so upset.
“Do not judge me!” I thought. “You have no idea how much thought went into those numbers…and how much I obsess over his care. You HAVE NO IDEA!!”
That night I came home and had a few minutes to mentally recap the day.
I realized that I was being very defensive. I might have even cut her off while she was trying to tell me her thoughts. Maybe she wasn’t being as awful as I thought. All three of my other boys had had her in the past. I know she isn’t an awful person. I know she wants the best for the kids. Maybe…maybe, I was taking it all too personally.
So the next day I marched up to her and said, “I’m sorry, you were trying to tell me something yesterday and I didn’t give you a chance to finish.”
I then listened. Purposely letting her tell me everything on her mind. And you know what? She was able to tell me that she felt like she understood a bit of what he goes through. That when she was a girl she was sensitive to her blood sugar and would even pass out sometimes. She said his little body had a lot to deal with during that blood sugar swing, and she was glad she was getting a handle on how it all affects him.
Umm, yeah. She wasn’t yelling at me for not keeping his blood sugars perfect. She was just telling me she is getting a grip on this better…that his swings affect him differently than my other boys. (Which is true…)
So this set the stage for an amazing 504 meeting two days later. It could have been awful, but I let them know right off how much I appreciate them trying to get a handle on my boys needs. I tried to be complimentary and kind. I swore to myself that if I did get offended…I would tell them matter of factly that they had it wrong, and explain to them why. The 504 person went through a couple things she didn’t think belonged, and after I calmly told her why they did…she understood and kept them on.
It is a hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote once that showing other people my boys’ blood sugar numbers is akin to flashing a picture of me naked. What we do is SO personal. I take it to heart when I feel like someone is judging me.
But sometimes…SOMETIMES, I make it worse than it is. I’m raising my hand…I am guilty...SOMETIMES. Sure, some people go too far…some people THINK and say the wrong thing. And to them? God speed, because you will hear this D mom roar!!
I roll that way.
But I have to remember to keep my claws in until I know there is good cause.
Drama for the mama? You betcha!
Peace for the mama? Bring it.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Drive by Carbing Incident
It was one of those nights. The kind of night when you look at the clock and see it’s 4:45 and you have nothing planned for dinner.
Options were weighed. Dialog was flowing. Ideas bounced off. And decisions made.
The decision? My husband, my SIL and my oldest 3 boys would ride their bikes 3.1 miles down the road to a restaurant that I had a killer coupon for. L and I would hang back. I would take L on his scooter for a 1 mile loop around the house, and then when we got back we would drive to meet the fam at the restaurant.
It was a good plan.
It was a plan hatched with the best of intentions.
As I left with L out the door I yelled back for everyone to check their sugars before leaving. J was on his way to “The Station,” (my nickname for the hallway cupboards and counter where we keep the boys supplies,) so I felt pretty comfortable about leaving.
You caught that right? I saw J heading to the station…not B. But why would I worry? I totally knew my husband had this.
Unfortunately…my husband totally knew I had it.
When L and I got back from our loop I got an upsetting phone call from my SIL.
“B feels low. He is sitting on the side of the road and he’s pretty upset. I got nothing on me.”
Before I go any further you should know that my SIL ALWAYS has SOMETHING on her. She carries a blood sugar monitor and fast acting carbs in her purse at all times…yeah, she is that great. No kidding, she’s a regular Mary Poppins. But on this day…she didn’t have her purse with her. She had nothing. B wasn’t moving. He knew he had to stay put, and they were by the post office in the industrial district…not a store within a mile or so.
L and I hopped in the car and took off.
I was almost there when my SIL called again, “Are you close? B is crying now.”
Crap. He’s scared. My entire existence axises on keeping my boys NOT scared. And there B was, on the side of the road, frightened. No monitor. No sugar. Feeling all the crap a low has to throw at him…worried for his sweet little life.
Crap on a stick. (Who says that? One of the blogging Mama’s says that.)
It was like a bad drug deal. On the open road…a car drives up and rolls down the window and hands over the goods to get someone high. I wanted him higher. I wanted him higher now.
I was in a no parking zone on a busy street, shunking my son with a needle and giving him the goods to get higher.
The craziness of the moment didn’t escape me.
He drank his juice. He ate his Yogo’s with frenzy, and then stopped long enough for me to check him.
52.
He waited awhile and insisted finishing the trip on his bike.
Diabetes wasn’t going to scare him into stopping. He had all the tools he needed to be safe now; He was ready to go.
As I watched him bike down the road, the title of the country song, “There Goes My Life” popped into my head.
There he went, my entire life. My everything.
We work so hard to keep our kids safe. But we work just as hard to make them FEEL safe.
Let me keep the fear.
Let me nurse the worry.
Let him…just be a kid.
Options were weighed. Dialog was flowing. Ideas bounced off. And decisions made.
The decision? My husband, my SIL and my oldest 3 boys would ride their bikes 3.1 miles down the road to a restaurant that I had a killer coupon for. L and I would hang back. I would take L on his scooter for a 1 mile loop around the house, and then when we got back we would drive to meet the fam at the restaurant.
It was a good plan.
It was a plan hatched with the best of intentions.
As I left with L out the door I yelled back for everyone to check their sugars before leaving. J was on his way to “The Station,” (my nickname for the hallway cupboards and counter where we keep the boys supplies,) so I felt pretty comfortable about leaving.
You caught that right? I saw J heading to the station…not B. But why would I worry? I totally knew my husband had this.
Unfortunately…my husband totally knew I had it.
When L and I got back from our loop I got an upsetting phone call from my SIL.
“B feels low. He is sitting on the side of the road and he’s pretty upset. I got nothing on me.”
Before I go any further you should know that my SIL ALWAYS has SOMETHING on her. She carries a blood sugar monitor and fast acting carbs in her purse at all times…yeah, she is that great. No kidding, she’s a regular Mary Poppins. But on this day…she didn’t have her purse with her. She had nothing. B wasn’t moving. He knew he had to stay put, and they were by the post office in the industrial district…not a store within a mile or so.
L and I hopped in the car and took off.
I was almost there when my SIL called again, “Are you close? B is crying now.”
Crap. He’s scared. My entire existence axises on keeping my boys NOT scared. And there B was, on the side of the road, frightened. No monitor. No sugar. Feeling all the crap a low has to throw at him…worried for his sweet little life.
Crap on a stick. (Who says that? One of the blogging Mama’s says that.)
It was like a bad drug deal. On the open road…a car drives up and rolls down the window and hands over the goods to get someone high. I wanted him higher. I wanted him higher now.
I was in a no parking zone on a busy street, shunking my son with a needle and giving him the goods to get higher.
The craziness of the moment didn’t escape me.
He drank his juice. He ate his Yogo’s with frenzy, and then stopped long enough for me to check him.
52.
He waited awhile and insisted finishing the trip on his bike.
Diabetes wasn’t going to scare him into stopping. He had all the tools he needed to be safe now; He was ready to go.
As I watched him bike down the road, the title of the country song, “There Goes My Life” popped into my head.
There he went, my entire life. My everything.
We work so hard to keep our kids safe. But we work just as hard to make them FEEL safe.
Let me keep the fear.
Let me nurse the worry.
Let him…just be a kid.
Friday, September 24, 2010
A Few of My Favorite Things WINNER!!
Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called, “blog”
Electric word, “blog”
It means forever and that’s a mighty long time
But I’m here to tell you there’s something else,
THE GIVEAWAY!
Yup, Prince. (Is he Prince again, or The Artist Formally Known as Prince?) Anywho, his song woke me up this morning and these lyrics from “Let’s Go Crazy” have been replaying in my head for the past hour. I figured the only way to get rid if it was to lay it out on my blog like I do with everything else. That is how I roll. Crossing my fingers I don’t drive the kids crazy with Prince Raspberry Beret during breakfast.)
So I know you all have come to find out the winners of my Few of my Favorite Things Giveaway! And you know what, I am happy to oblige!
Two winners!! Two Prize Packages!! Good luck!!
And winner number one is:
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called, “blog”
Electric word, “blog”
It means forever and that’s a mighty long time
But I’m here to tell you there’s something else,
THE GIVEAWAY!
Yup, Prince. (Is he Prince again, or The Artist Formally Known as Prince?) Anywho, his song woke me up this morning and these lyrics from “Let’s Go Crazy” have been replaying in my head for the past hour. I figured the only way to get rid if it was to lay it out on my blog like I do with everything else. That is how I roll. Crossing my fingers I don’t drive the kids crazy with Prince Raspberry Beret during breakfast.)
So I know you all have come to find out the winners of my Few of my Favorite Things Giveaway! And you know what, I am happy to oblige!
Two winners!! Two Prize Packages!! Good luck!!
And winner number one is:
#44
Stephanie! From My Life as a Pancreas!!! Total serendipity! Her son was just diagnosed with Type 1 on August 31st. She is new to blogging so go send her some love! Congrats Stephanie, and welcome to the DOC!
And winner number two is:
#60
Heather! From, Sweet to the Soul!! Heather is a mama to three beautiful girls. Her 4 year old daughter was diagnosed April of 2009. Congratulations wonderful Heather!!
Girls, you have 48 hours to contact me by email at ourdiabeticlife(at)yahoo(dot)com. If I don't hear from you...another winner will be selected. :(
Thanks to all who entered. It was such an awesome surprise to have over one hundred entries! Please come by to visit again! Now that the contest is over, I have many things to blog about, not the least of which is a drive by carbing incident I was involved in…
Sending all my love to the DOC. You are my sanity all rolled up in one computer screen. Thank you for understanding me, laughing with me…and supporting me.
You inspire me everyday. Thank you!
NOW! There is a new giveaway/SUGAR BOLUS on the block!! Go to HALLIE at the Princess and the Pump NOW!!! Horray! More free stuff!! Go on, get outta here, and win something already!! :)
psst....wait...are you still here? Also go to Heidi at D Tales Blogger Basal for the month of September. A nice run down of what has been goin' on with our blogging peeps!
Friday, September 17, 2010
A Few of My Favorite Things GIVEAWAY!
THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED
I feel like Julie Andrews with a dash of Oprah thrown in! I am pleased as punch to welcome you to the epic Our Diabetic Life/Sugar Bolus/A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS GIVEAWAY!I have two prize packages up for grabs. Each of them including something special from three of my favorite things ever!
Let’s start with curtain number one!
CONTIGO KIDS TREKKER MUGS!
We have been using Contigo mugs for years. They are amazing for a variety of reasons, not the least of these being they do not spill! Not one drop! They are good looking, durable, spill proof, ingeniously designed and they are BPA free. We use them on the boys’ desks at school, at soccer games, in the car, at church, and around the house. Seriously, these cups SAVED my carpets back in the old days when we drank A LOT of RED sugar free cool aid/crystal light. (That stuff does not come out of carpets. EVER.) Carpet staining catastrophes led me to buy a few of these…and ever since, if you want a drink in your room by the bed, grab a Contigo. In the car? Grab a Contigo. I even sent some to both grandparents house so we wouldn’t have to worry about spills. They make these for adults too. We have a few other varieties that they sell as well. Take a look at their website HERE…you will fall in love instantly!
Two winners will get TWO of these cups. Thank you Contigo for spreading the love to the Type 1 Community!
Behind curtain number 2?
Spibelts!!
We have used many different belts/hooks/pockets for the boys’ pumps…and by far they favor these. I think the win is in the simplicity. My boys are no fuss kind of guys. They want something simple, comfortable and something that does the job well. They want to run with their pumps on and not have to worry about it flapping in the wind, or falling off. These belts do the job beautifully. L and B both PLAY their soccer games with their pumps on! Only because they can with these belts. The pumps are held close to their bodies and it doesn’t even bother them. The material is stretchy so they can also throw some fast acting sugar in the pouch if they want to. My Junior High guy just puts his pump in his pocket, but we quickly found out this wasn’t an option during PE. (No pockets in the PE shorts.) He uses the black Spibelt with the blue zipper now and is EXTREMELY happy with it because it is held so close to his body, no one notices…and he can run freely…huge plus!
As part of the prize package, our two winners will get to pick out any Spibelt they want HERE. Check it out, buy one…because they are uber affordable…and then try to win another one here. My younger boys have a couple each to switch back and forth from! (You can also use them to keep your cell phone, keys and ipod in...they are great for your workouts!)
Thank you Spibelt for sprinkling kindness towards the readers of Our Diabetic Life!!
And curtain number 3 dear friends?
A gift certificate from Medic Alert to enroll your child in the KID SMART program! This will register your child for one year with the company as well as pay for a Medic Alert bracelet. There are several to choose from within the program, below you can find a few examples of what they offer. The cost is very affordable, and the peace of mind is priceless!
We have used Medic Alert for the past 12 years. It feels good to know our children's medical records are immediately available to emergency responders to help with their treatment decisions. Their 24-hour emergency identification services help identify children who are involved in emergencies or lost. With a phone call, a doctor can know all the important information if I am not there. Emergency responders can find out the boys’ Endo phone number, the insulin we are currently using, the boys ratios, and find out what allergies my children have. You can change the information online, it is easy to do…and it gives peace of mind especially now that we are not at the boys sides 24/7. You can read more about the Program HERE.
Come on…AWESOME, right? Thank you Medic Alert for your life saving gift to my blog reading Peeps!
THE OFFICIAL RULES:
THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED
To enter the contest and win one of the two prize packages:
● Leave me a comment before midnight on Thursday, September 23, 2010. Please include your first name. Comments left without a name will be eliminated.
● To earn extra entries (post a separate comment for each):
* Tweet about this giveaway on Twitter. Then, leave me an additional comment
containing a link to your tweet.
* Share a link to this contest on Facebook. Then, leave me an additional
comment to let me know.
* Blog about this contest. Then, leave me an additional comment containing
a link to your blog.
● No duplicate comments are allowed. Duplicate comments will be eliminated.
● Winners will be selected via random draw at http://www.random.org/.
● Winners' names will be posted here on this blog on Friday, September 24, 2010.
● After winners' names are posted, winners will have 48 hours to send a message to me at ourdiabeticlife@yahoo.com. If I do not hear from a winner within 48 hours, I will select a new winner.
Remember, to enter you must leave me a comment with your first name before midnight on Thursday, September 23rd.
GOOD LUCK! I SO hope you win!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
An open letter to those who are worried about diagnosis #2.
For those that have the worry tucked in the back of their mind…for those who think that maybe a second child is on the type 1 road, or even has just had a second child diagnosed…this letter is for you.
Dear Parents,
I’m already crying.
Dear Parents,
First, breathe. Everything is going to be just fine. I know the fear of this coming to fruition is consuming, and I don’t want to minimize the gravity of the situation, but let me tell you…100%...all is well.
We have 3 Type 1 children, and people think we are some kind of amazing. They think we have super powers to be able to deal with 3 diabetic children.
“I don’t know how you do it!” They cry.
“I am in awe of your strength!” They cheer.
“How do you stay so positive?” They wonder.
Let me tell you, there is NOTHING extraordinarily special about our family. We are not superhuman. We survive life with 3 T1’s, and through it all we manage to thrive. We are as normal as it gets, and yet we are happy and blessed. Not because we are stronger than other families…just because it is what it is. You will be just as strong. I promise you will.
The initial mourning process is important. I understand that this is not the life you want your child to have to live. I know deep down you feel guilt. I know in some crazy illogical way you feel it is your fault. Maybe you feel like God is punishing you, and your children have to bear the burden. There are many stages to the madness, but eventually the dust will clear and you will feel alive again. Because what gets you through, are your children. Despite what life has thrown at them, their resiliency will be a beacon of light to your family. You will see them happy and full of life and it will fuel the fire of contentment in your heart.
Our family has been living with Type 1 for 12 (UPDATE:19) years now. We have gone through the hard baby times, the impossible growth spurts and have found a plethora of foods that wreak havoc on the boys’ blood sugars. It isn’t always easy…but eventually there is a rhythm…a drum beat that you will follow. Life is very much the same as it is with one Type 1 child. You are already counting carbs for the meals; you just do it for two. You are already checking sugars in the middle of the night…you just do it twice. The worst part is getting over your grief. Young children will get over it almost immediately. Grieve for awhile…as long as you need to! But don’t let the grief eat you alive. It is like acid to your heart.
Breathe, and live. One day at a time at first. Try not to let your brain skip ahead. Live today.
My boys have an incredible bond because of the trials diabetes hands our family. Having a brother or sibling next to you who KNOWS what a low feels like, who KNOWS that when you’re high you just want to punch something, who UNDERSTANDS your deepest thoughts and feelings? Well, that is just a gift.
Love prevails despite diabetes.
Happiness wins despite the daily grind.
The reason I cried at the beginning of this letter is because I know how much you are hurting right now. (Here come the tears again!) I am crying because I have been in the depths of despair…I know the fear, the grief, the terror of it all. But here I am, on the other side telling you that one day you won’t cry anymore. (Well, not everyday anyway.) We have our hard days, but most days…we get through like any normal family would. Sure, we do our blood sugar checks and there are calls from school and extra supplies to pack when we walk out the door…but for the most part we accept our family’s path, and you will too. You will be grateful for the closeness of your family, and the amazing character of your children. Yes, Diabetes changes them, but from what I have seen it only makes them more amazing. We are a pretty normal family yes, but our children...they are the ones everyone should be giving their awe to. They nothing short of incredible!
((HUGS)) to your family.
All is well. All is well.
Much love,
Meri and Family
Dear Parents,
I’m already crying.
Dear Parents,
First, breathe. Everything is going to be just fine. I know the fear of this coming to fruition is consuming, and I don’t want to minimize the gravity of the situation, but let me tell you…100%...all is well.
We have 3 Type 1 children, and people think we are some kind of amazing. They think we have super powers to be able to deal with 3 diabetic children.
“I don’t know how you do it!” They cry.
“I am in awe of your strength!” They cheer.
“How do you stay so positive?” They wonder.
Let me tell you, there is NOTHING extraordinarily special about our family. We are not superhuman. We survive life with 3 T1’s, and through it all we manage to thrive. We are as normal as it gets, and yet we are happy and blessed. Not because we are stronger than other families…just because it is what it is. You will be just as strong. I promise you will.
The initial mourning process is important. I understand that this is not the life you want your child to have to live. I know deep down you feel guilt. I know in some crazy illogical way you feel it is your fault. Maybe you feel like God is punishing you, and your children have to bear the burden. There are many stages to the madness, but eventually the dust will clear and you will feel alive again. Because what gets you through, are your children. Despite what life has thrown at them, their resiliency will be a beacon of light to your family. You will see them happy and full of life and it will fuel the fire of contentment in your heart.
Our family has been living with Type 1 for 12 (UPDATE:19) years now. We have gone through the hard baby times, the impossible growth spurts and have found a plethora of foods that wreak havoc on the boys’ blood sugars. It isn’t always easy…but eventually there is a rhythm…a drum beat that you will follow. Life is very much the same as it is with one Type 1 child. You are already counting carbs for the meals; you just do it for two. You are already checking sugars in the middle of the night…you just do it twice. The worst part is getting over your grief. Young children will get over it almost immediately. Grieve for awhile…as long as you need to! But don’t let the grief eat you alive. It is like acid to your heart.
Breathe, and live. One day at a time at first. Try not to let your brain skip ahead. Live today.
My boys have an incredible bond because of the trials diabetes hands our family. Having a brother or sibling next to you who KNOWS what a low feels like, who KNOWS that when you’re high you just want to punch something, who UNDERSTANDS your deepest thoughts and feelings? Well, that is just a gift.
Love prevails despite diabetes.
Happiness wins despite the daily grind.
The reason I cried at the beginning of this letter is because I know how much you are hurting right now. (Here come the tears again!) I am crying because I have been in the depths of despair…I know the fear, the grief, the terror of it all. But here I am, on the other side telling you that one day you won’t cry anymore. (Well, not everyday anyway.) We have our hard days, but most days…we get through like any normal family would. Sure, we do our blood sugar checks and there are calls from school and extra supplies to pack when we walk out the door…but for the most part we accept our family’s path, and you will too. You will be grateful for the closeness of your family, and the amazing character of your children. Yes, Diabetes changes them, but from what I have seen it only makes them more amazing. We are a pretty normal family yes, but our children...they are the ones everyone should be giving their awe to. They nothing short of incredible!
((HUGS)) to your family.
All is well. All is well.
Much love,
Meri and Family
Monday, September 13, 2010
Me...ME...MEEEEEE!
I am rockin this meme courtesy of HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM…who was tagged by, MY DIABETIC CHILD…who was tagged by I AM YOUR PANCREAS…who was tagged by, BETA BUDDIES…who was tagged by A SWEET GRACE who accepted the meme challenge from SIX UNTIL ME…
Thanks Laura, I owe ya one. ;)
What type of diabetes do you have:
My three youngest boys have Type 1 Diabetes. (And thankyouverymuch for asking which type it is!)
When were you diagnosed:
J was diagnosed on August 4, 1998 at the tender age of 8 months old.
L was diagnosed next in on February 12, 2005 when he was 2 years old
B was diagnosed next June 2006 when he was 5. (Caught so early, he wasn’t ‘official' until August of that year.)
What's your current blood sugar:
J is 82
B is 76
L is 118
(I know this sounds wonderful, but they are just going to bed and this means two checks tonight instead of 1. Isn’t diabetes fun?)
What kind of meter do you use:
We mostly use the OneTouch UltraMini’s. We use these because A) Our insurance covers the strips, and B) They come in awesome colors, and my boys think awesome colors are fun. Anything to make diabetes fun is Ok in my book! We also use the OneTouch UltraLink Meters at school. These meters beam the numbers to the boys’ pumps so there is no keying error on my little guys part.
How many times per day do you check your blood sugar:
On a really good day each boy gets checked 8 times. That is if Lawton does not alert, and if they are not ill. A normal day probably is 10-12 times per boy. That would be 30-36 times a day for you math enthusiasts.
What is a "HIGH" number for you:
The boys know that anything over 200 is high, but we don’t “call” it high unless it is over 300. We try to keep things positive around here. If they have a blood sugar in the low 100’s they ask for high fives because they know that is what we are shooting for.
What do you consider "LOW":
Anything under 70. L, our littlest one calls anything under 100 a low.
What is your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater:
Apple Juice for under 60’s
Yogos for 60-90
VANILLA pudding at night when they are between 60 and 90.
Describe your dream endo:
I think we have her. She was a fellow at UCSF Standford medical center, so she is a smartie. She has worked with us since J was diagnosed as a baby, so she knows us. She always listens to what I have to say first, so she listens well. She usually agrees with me, so she trusts us. She sometimes has ideas I never thought of…and they are positive ones, so I trust her. AND she is reachable at all times. If I can’t talk to her, I talk to our CDE and she will consult directly with our wonderful endo before giving me advice. The only thing that would be dreamier...is if her office was in town, and not in the city.
Who's on your support team:
My husband (My partner in crime. Always willing to lend a hand. Expert and super fast site changer.)
My SIL (She is amazingly adept in taking care of the boys. I can honestly throw the boys at her and leave for a week, and she could take care of their needs. The only thing she might need help with is site changes, but now that J can do his own, we are good to go.)
My MIL (She cooks for us. She drives the boys to school. She is always there for me if ever I need her. She is always positive and willing to lend a hand.)
My parents (They have us over once a week, and are willing to lend a hand if I’m ever in a pinch.)
My endo: (See above)
The DOC (You are my saving grace. You saved my brain. You lift me up. You get it. Same.)
Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime:
Because I am a mother…and I have to watch my children suffer…even if they are happy and don’t even know that they are suffering…even so…I hope there will be a cure. Part of my brain is not expecting a cure…but another part of my brain believes in miracles. If God has plans for a cure…then it will happen, and I’m AOK with that!
What is a "cure" to you:
No machines.
Drinking a glass of orange juice and not giving it a second thought.
The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is:
After 12 years dealing with disease, I have honestly heard it all. But the worst by far was at the park one day. I spent a good hour talking to a mother who happened to be a nurse about the boys and their trials. The misconceptions, the hard work that is put in, the sleepless nights…she asked questions, she listened, she was so nice! Then as we parted I said, “Yeah, you just don’t know who is going to get it. Many people don’t even have it in their family history.” And then she said as she walked away, “That is why we are really careful about what we put in the kids lunches, I don’t want to worry about it ever.”
WTH? Did she even LISTEN to a flippin word I said??? An hour of my life I’ll never get back.
The most common misconception about diabetes:
That there is only one type. That there is just “Diabetes.” (Climbing on my soapbox) There really is no such thing as “Diabetes.” There is “Type 1 Diabetes” or “Type 2 Diabetes” or “Lada Diabetes.” No one has just plain ol diabetes. Newspapers like to lump it together. They always talk about “Diabetes” and the causes of it, which are always outlined with Type 2 causes. If you are speaking of Type 2, say Type 2. (Yeah, I don’t have issues or anything…)
If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be:
What the hell?!
Now I get to tag someone…FUN FUN FUN!! Who do I think would love some fun?
Why WENDY of course!
Tag Wendy…you are it! MUA!
Thanks Laura, I owe ya one. ;)
What type of diabetes do you have:
My three youngest boys have Type 1 Diabetes. (And thankyouverymuch for asking which type it is!)
When were you diagnosed:
J was diagnosed on August 4, 1998 at the tender age of 8 months old.
L was diagnosed next in on February 12, 2005 when he was 2 years old
B was diagnosed next June 2006 when he was 5. (Caught so early, he wasn’t ‘official' until August of that year.)
What's your current blood sugar:
J is 82
B is 76
L is 118
(I know this sounds wonderful, but they are just going to bed and this means two checks tonight instead of 1. Isn’t diabetes fun?)
What kind of meter do you use:
We mostly use the OneTouch UltraMini’s. We use these because A) Our insurance covers the strips, and B) They come in awesome colors, and my boys think awesome colors are fun. Anything to make diabetes fun is Ok in my book! We also use the OneTouch UltraLink Meters at school. These meters beam the numbers to the boys’ pumps so there is no keying error on my little guys part.
How many times per day do you check your blood sugar:
On a really good day each boy gets checked 8 times. That is if Lawton does not alert, and if they are not ill. A normal day probably is 10-12 times per boy. That would be 30-36 times a day for you math enthusiasts.
What is a "HIGH" number for you:
The boys know that anything over 200 is high, but we don’t “call” it high unless it is over 300. We try to keep things positive around here. If they have a blood sugar in the low 100’s they ask for high fives because they know that is what we are shooting for.
What do you consider "LOW":
Anything under 70. L, our littlest one calls anything under 100 a low.
What is your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater:
Apple Juice for under 60’s
Yogos for 60-90
VANILLA pudding at night when they are between 60 and 90.
Describe your dream endo:
I think we have her. She was a fellow at UCSF Standford medical center, so she is a smartie. She has worked with us since J was diagnosed as a baby, so she knows us. She always listens to what I have to say first, so she listens well. She usually agrees with me, so she trusts us. She sometimes has ideas I never thought of…and they are positive ones, so I trust her. AND she is reachable at all times. If I can’t talk to her, I talk to our CDE and she will consult directly with our wonderful endo before giving me advice. The only thing that would be dreamier...is if her office was in town, and not in the city.
Who's on your support team:
My husband (My partner in crime. Always willing to lend a hand. Expert and super fast site changer.)
My SIL (She is amazingly adept in taking care of the boys. I can honestly throw the boys at her and leave for a week, and she could take care of their needs. The only thing she might need help with is site changes, but now that J can do his own, we are good to go.)
My MIL (She cooks for us. She drives the boys to school. She is always there for me if ever I need her. She is always positive and willing to lend a hand.)
My parents (They have us over once a week, and are willing to lend a hand if I’m ever in a pinch.)
My endo: (See above)
The DOC (You are my saving grace. You saved my brain. You lift me up. You get it. Same.)
Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime:
Because I am a mother…and I have to watch my children suffer…even if they are happy and don’t even know that they are suffering…even so…I hope there will be a cure. Part of my brain is not expecting a cure…but another part of my brain believes in miracles. If God has plans for a cure…then it will happen, and I’m AOK with that!
What is a "cure" to you:
No machines.
Drinking a glass of orange juice and not giving it a second thought.
The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is:
After 12 years dealing with disease, I have honestly heard it all. But the worst by far was at the park one day. I spent a good hour talking to a mother who happened to be a nurse about the boys and their trials. The misconceptions, the hard work that is put in, the sleepless nights…she asked questions, she listened, she was so nice! Then as we parted I said, “Yeah, you just don’t know who is going to get it. Many people don’t even have it in their family history.” And then she said as she walked away, “That is why we are really careful about what we put in the kids lunches, I don’t want to worry about it ever.”
WTH? Did she even LISTEN to a flippin word I said??? An hour of my life I’ll never get back.
The most common misconception about diabetes:
That there is only one type. That there is just “Diabetes.” (Climbing on my soapbox) There really is no such thing as “Diabetes.” There is “Type 1 Diabetes” or “Type 2 Diabetes” or “Lada Diabetes.” No one has just plain ol diabetes. Newspapers like to lump it together. They always talk about “Diabetes” and the causes of it, which are always outlined with Type 2 causes. If you are speaking of Type 2, say Type 2. (Yeah, I don’t have issues or anything…)
If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be:
What the hell?!
Now I get to tag someone…FUN FUN FUN!! Who do I think would love some fun?
Why WENDY of course!
Tag Wendy…you are it! MUA!
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Angst-iness of Back to School
It is the beginning of the school year and the posts about diabetes at school are everywhere. In Blog Land, on Twitter, on Facebook…
There is a lot of angst out there and I don’t find myself immune to it.
Yes, J is taken care of at the Junior High. He has awesome adults keeping an eye out, and I am completely at peace with him leaving in the morning for 6 hours. But, the reason it’s so awesome is because J takes care of himself. He does his own checking, his OWN correcting. The only people with a handle on his numbers are me and him.
Which leads me to the problem I am having at the elementary school level with B and L…and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that my problem is close to the very core of everyone else’s back to school angst…
Judgment.
Some have amazing nurses that have dealt with T1 and GET IT. But most of us don’t. Most do not have nurses that really understand Type 1 in children. Heck, many of us, including my boys, don’t even work with a nurse!
Regardless, in most cases there is someone, who does not get it, looking at our children’s numbers and JUDGING.
Case in point…
L is still really little. He is 6 and is tasked with checking his own sugar and then calling me twice a day with the numbers. We have him set up with an old cell phone of which he presses the number 2 and the phone magically dials me. He reports to me his numbers…and apparently, his teacher too.
The other day our snack conversation went something like this.
“Hi mom! I’m 302 and if I get to 400, my teacher says you better come pick me up! Bye!”
(Ummm…yeah…our conversations only go one way.)
But seriously…I felt judged. I always do.
Yesterday his teacher called personally because he was low. He was 56, and she wanted to know exactly what to do.
Did she say anything to me to make me feel bad? No, she was very nice. But did I feel bad anyway? Yes.
Because as great as she is, she just won’t ever get it. (Because really, you can’t get it without living it…or REALLY wanting to get it…and honestly she is too busy to be invested in such a huge endeavor.)
I’m not knocking teachers or nurses or secretaries, or whoever is helping our little ones. It’s just when a number isn’t what we hope it to be…they don’t understand that we put all our time, effort and worry into that number and our heart aches because of it. They don’t understand that the number is NOT your fault…it’s the diabetes fault. They just don’t understand.
And as a result, I feel judged.
And as a result of feeling judged, I feel angst.
And as a result of the angst, I wrote this post.
And as I’m writing this post, I have a feeling that many of you will agree, because sometimes our best human actions are not the best pancreatic actions. WE know we are doing the best we can…but do they?
They probably don’t. And feeling that these people don’t think you are doing the absolutely best you can for your child is a heartbreaking, anger inducing thing. Last year I felt so judged by L’s kindergarten teacher that I sent her a three page email explaining diabetes and that numbers cannot always be between 100 and 120 for a 5 year old. Even though she called me and was so kind about it all…I still felt that pang of judgment for the rest of the year.
Is it their fault?
No.
Is it my fault?
Maybe.
Are they even really judging me?
Hell, I don’t know for sure…but probably, everyone does it...I mean; I’m judging their judgment right now!
Regardless…it is just one more guilt trip that I don’t need. I feed myself enough guilt as it is.
School brings the worst of my insecurities out. I think maybe that is why I’m so obsessed with getting good A1C’s. I can say, “Yeah…you don’t see it, but my endo says he is doing perfectly. His team is very pleased with his numbers and lab results.” (Seriously that was my fallback all last year.)
So where am I going with this. I don’t know people. All I know is I wanted to get the ugly truth out there:
I put blood sweat and tears into keeping my boy’s numbers in check…and the thought that someone at school may think I can do better…work harder? Well, it makes me feel like I’m in elementary school again. My feelings get hurt and I just want to collapse in the sandbox and cry.
There is a lot of angst out there and I don’t find myself immune to it.
Yes, J is taken care of at the Junior High. He has awesome adults keeping an eye out, and I am completely at peace with him leaving in the morning for 6 hours. But, the reason it’s so awesome is because J takes care of himself. He does his own checking, his OWN correcting. The only people with a handle on his numbers are me and him.
Which leads me to the problem I am having at the elementary school level with B and L…and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that my problem is close to the very core of everyone else’s back to school angst…
Judgment.
Some have amazing nurses that have dealt with T1 and GET IT. But most of us don’t. Most do not have nurses that really understand Type 1 in children. Heck, many of us, including my boys, don’t even work with a nurse!
Regardless, in most cases there is someone, who does not get it, looking at our children’s numbers and JUDGING.
Case in point…
L is still really little. He is 6 and is tasked with checking his own sugar and then calling me twice a day with the numbers. We have him set up with an old cell phone of which he presses the number 2 and the phone magically dials me. He reports to me his numbers…and apparently, his teacher too.
The other day our snack conversation went something like this.
“Hi mom! I’m 302 and if I get to 400, my teacher says you better come pick me up! Bye!”
(Ummm…yeah…our conversations only go one way.)
But seriously…I felt judged. I always do.
Yesterday his teacher called personally because he was low. He was 56, and she wanted to know exactly what to do.
Did she say anything to me to make me feel bad? No, she was very nice. But did I feel bad anyway? Yes.
Because as great as she is, she just won’t ever get it. (Because really, you can’t get it without living it…or REALLY wanting to get it…and honestly she is too busy to be invested in such a huge endeavor.)
I’m not knocking teachers or nurses or secretaries, or whoever is helping our little ones. It’s just when a number isn’t what we hope it to be…they don’t understand that we put all our time, effort and worry into that number and our heart aches because of it. They don’t understand that the number is NOT your fault…it’s the diabetes fault. They just don’t understand.
And as a result, I feel judged.
And as a result of feeling judged, I feel angst.
And as a result of the angst, I wrote this post.
And as I’m writing this post, I have a feeling that many of you will agree, because sometimes our best human actions are not the best pancreatic actions. WE know we are doing the best we can…but do they?
They probably don’t. And feeling that these people don’t think you are doing the absolutely best you can for your child is a heartbreaking, anger inducing thing. Last year I felt so judged by L’s kindergarten teacher that I sent her a three page email explaining diabetes and that numbers cannot always be between 100 and 120 for a 5 year old. Even though she called me and was so kind about it all…I still felt that pang of judgment for the rest of the year.
Is it their fault?
No.
Is it my fault?
Maybe.
Are they even really judging me?
Hell, I don’t know for sure…but probably, everyone does it...I mean; I’m judging their judgment right now!
Regardless…it is just one more guilt trip that I don’t need. I feed myself enough guilt as it is.
School brings the worst of my insecurities out. I think maybe that is why I’m so obsessed with getting good A1C’s. I can say, “Yeah…you don’t see it, but my endo says he is doing perfectly. His team is very pleased with his numbers and lab results.” (Seriously that was my fallback all last year.)
So where am I going with this. I don’t know people. All I know is I wanted to get the ugly truth out there:
I put blood sweat and tears into keeping my boy’s numbers in check…and the thought that someone at school may think I can do better…work harder? Well, it makes me feel like I’m in elementary school again. My feelings get hurt and I just want to collapse in the sandbox and cry.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Last Chance to win at Candy Hearts Blog Giveaway!
This is your last chance!! Your very last day to win AAAAAAAAAAAAAwesome stuff at Candy Hearts Blog!
Seriously...you have until midnight!
You can win TigTagz (If you don't know what they are...POP OVER!)
And there is some Tally Gear up for grabs!
All you have to do is leave a comment. (Read her rules) But honestly...easy peesy!
Sweet Mrs. Candy Hearts will declare a winner tomorrow!
And in another week yours truly will be announcing a giveaway of epic proportions...Okay, maybe its not epic...but its close. :)
Whatcha waiting for? Go enter now at Candy Hearts!
Seriously...you have until midnight!
You can win TigTagz (If you don't know what they are...POP OVER!)
And there is some Tally Gear up for grabs!
All you have to do is leave a comment. (Read her rules) But honestly...easy peesy!
Sweet Mrs. Candy Hearts will declare a winner tomorrow!
And in another week yours truly will be announcing a giveaway of epic proportions...Okay, maybe its not epic...but its close. :)
Whatcha waiting for? Go enter now at Candy Hearts!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
T-Minus Three Weeks to Endo...
There is a humming. A constant humming and it won’t go away.
It is a bit reminiscent of the Edgar Allan Poe story, “The Tell Tale Heart.”
I mostly hear it when the house is quiet. I can hear it right now as I type this.
mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmm
It isn’t the refrigerator.
It isn’t the lights. Honestly, I have every one turned off.
I think it is me going mental from all the stress.
Our endo appointment is in three weeks. You know what that means? Every single number from this moment forth will be downloaded and analyzed. And I’m accountable for them all. Hence the rage basal changes last night on ALL three boys.
mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maybe it is the blood sugar monitors calling to me. They are saying, “Erase our histories! Start over!”
Whatever it is, it does shed light on the fact that I’m in a funk. The A1C tests are looming. All those A1C’s in the 6’s are going to be gone…those victories are now stored away in dusty boxes. All that matters is right now, and right now the boys’ blood sugars have gone out of whack.
It is uncanny how all three boys’ basal rates can work in unison.
Maybe that is what the humming is…their bodies basals communicating with each other…saying “More insulin! More insulin! More insulin! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm.”
In two hours I will get a call from two boys, and a text from a third. They will report in with their blood sugars and I will know if my changes were positive ones or not. Until then I will sit here and listen to the hum of insanity and try to remember that those numbers are just a map for me to find my way to a treasure trove of “In Range Numbers.” I’ll also try to keep in mind that I am doing my best…and hope beyond hope that my best isn't as sucky as I think it is.
It is a bit reminiscent of the Edgar Allan Poe story, “The Tell Tale Heart.”
I mostly hear it when the house is quiet. I can hear it right now as I type this.
mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmm
It isn’t the refrigerator.
It isn’t the lights. Honestly, I have every one turned off.
I think it is me going mental from all the stress.
Our endo appointment is in three weeks. You know what that means? Every single number from this moment forth will be downloaded and analyzed. And I’m accountable for them all. Hence the rage basal changes last night on ALL three boys.
mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maybe it is the blood sugar monitors calling to me. They are saying, “Erase our histories! Start over!”
Whatever it is, it does shed light on the fact that I’m in a funk. The A1C tests are looming. All those A1C’s in the 6’s are going to be gone…those victories are now stored away in dusty boxes. All that matters is right now, and right now the boys’ blood sugars have gone out of whack.
It is uncanny how all three boys’ basal rates can work in unison.
Maybe that is what the humming is…their bodies basals communicating with each other…saying “More insulin! More insulin! More insulin! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm.”
In two hours I will get a call from two boys, and a text from a third. They will report in with their blood sugars and I will know if my changes were positive ones or not. Until then I will sit here and listen to the hum of insanity and try to remember that those numbers are just a map for me to find my way to a treasure trove of “In Range Numbers.” I’ll also try to keep in mind that I am doing my best…and hope beyond hope that my best isn't as sucky as I think it is.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Miracles on Jr. High Street
Sometimes, a miracle happens and we think…”Is this a miracle? Or just a CRAY-ZY coincidence?”
Sometimes it is so obvious it’s a miracle we are dumbfounded, and just don’t know what to think.
J starting Jr. High has brought so many miracles that I am seriously dumbfounded.
Me! Dumbfounded!
That just doesn’t happen people.
The definition of dumbfounded is: To be struck dumb with astonishment and surprise.
Yeah, not me.
But nonetheless I have finally found the words to blog about it.
It all started when J got his schedule for Jr. High. Our Jr. High is a pretty big school with many different wings. When my son M attended he was running from one end of school to the other…barely making classes and exhausted at the length of his walk.
But not J.
All of his classes are in ONE WING!
Again: One. Wing. (Well except PE in the gym…but all the others…ONE>WING>
Seriously, unheard of. Even his teachers at his 504 meeting were perplexed how that worked out.
So that was miracle #1.
Miracle #2 came during his 504 meeting. I was discussing his accommodations, excited and surprised everyone was amazing and on board…I got to the glucagon and nonchalantly showed them how it worked. I told them how it was SO no big deal and then went on to ask who would like to try a shot. Mrs. N raised her hand. “I’ll be the glucagon person. My classroom is right in the middle of his other classes, and I have 2 daughters that are Type 1.”
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT!
Her daughters are in their 20’s now, but they were diagnosed at ages 4 and 6.
I don’t care what you say…THAT is a miracle.
The next miracle came on the second day of school. J’s PE teacher wasn’t able to attend the 504. Yeah, not cool. But the councilor said he would let her know that she needs to meet with me asap. J didn’t have PE on the first day of school, because they are on a block schedule. 1st-3rd period on A days. 4th through 6th period on B days. The second day of school he walked into gym and sat down.
This teacher explained that she is a High School gym teacher and is here at the Jr. High for just this one class. Then she went on to explain that she might be eating during class because SHE IS A TYPE 1 DIABETIC!!!!!!!!!
Holy SHAMOLIE!!!!
After class J introduced himself, she gave him a high five and talked to him about his pump a bit.
Yesterday J had is first low during PE. They ran for over an hour non-stop and J knew he was dropping fast. He went up to his teacher and she told him that he never needs to ask; he can just go to the first aid box and grab whatever food he needs. After he ate he started to walk another lap and his teacher ran out and stopped him. She told him there were only a few minutes left of class and he should get some water and sit to get his blood sugar up.
Believe in miracles much?
I do.
Sometimes it is so obvious it’s a miracle we are dumbfounded, and just don’t know what to think.
J starting Jr. High has brought so many miracles that I am seriously dumbfounded.
Me! Dumbfounded!
That just doesn’t happen people.
The definition of dumbfounded is: To be struck dumb with astonishment and surprise.
Yeah, not me.
But nonetheless I have finally found the words to blog about it.
It all started when J got his schedule for Jr. High. Our Jr. High is a pretty big school with many different wings. When my son M attended he was running from one end of school to the other…barely making classes and exhausted at the length of his walk.
But not J.
All of his classes are in ONE WING!
Again: One. Wing. (Well except PE in the gym…but all the others…ONE>WING>
Seriously, unheard of. Even his teachers at his 504 meeting were perplexed how that worked out.
So that was miracle #1.
Miracle #2 came during his 504 meeting. I was discussing his accommodations, excited and surprised everyone was amazing and on board…I got to the glucagon and nonchalantly showed them how it worked. I told them how it was SO no big deal and then went on to ask who would like to try a shot. Mrs. N raised her hand. “I’ll be the glucagon person. My classroom is right in the middle of his other classes, and I have 2 daughters that are Type 1.”
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT!
Her daughters are in their 20’s now, but they were diagnosed at ages 4 and 6.
I don’t care what you say…THAT is a miracle.
The next miracle came on the second day of school. J’s PE teacher wasn’t able to attend the 504. Yeah, not cool. But the councilor said he would let her know that she needs to meet with me asap. J didn’t have PE on the first day of school, because they are on a block schedule. 1st-3rd period on A days. 4th through 6th period on B days. The second day of school he walked into gym and sat down.
This teacher explained that she is a High School gym teacher and is here at the Jr. High for just this one class. Then she went on to explain that she might be eating during class because SHE IS A TYPE 1 DIABETIC!!!!!!!!!
Holy SHAMOLIE!!!!
After class J introduced himself, she gave him a high five and talked to him about his pump a bit.
Yesterday J had is first low during PE. They ran for over an hour non-stop and J knew he was dropping fast. He went up to his teacher and she told him that he never needs to ask; he can just go to the first aid box and grab whatever food he needs. After he ate he started to walk another lap and his teacher ran out and stopped him. She told him there were only a few minutes left of class and he should get some water and sit to get his blood sugar up.
Believe in miracles much?
I do.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Diabetes Art Day: A Late Submission
I wasn't planning on participating in Diabetes Art Day. Not that I didn't WANT to. I just knew we wouldn't have time this week to create, so I planned to sit this one out and enjoy everyone else's creations.
But this morning when I was doing my rounds, cleaning the house...I came upon this little sculpture. I took a picture as is. No rearranging. No planting specific items. Nope, this is what was sitting in our hall "Blood Sugar Station."
Art in its rawest form.
I call it, "A Long Night"
A picture really is worth a thousand words.
But this morning when I was doing my rounds, cleaning the house...I came upon this little sculpture. I took a picture as is. No rearranging. No planting specific items. Nope, this is what was sitting in our hall "Blood Sugar Station."
Art in its rawest form.
I call it, "A Long Night"
A picture really is worth a thousand words.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
