Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Strengthening our armor.

Another child has passed away from Dead in Bed Syndrome. I cannot tell you how much I hate typing those words. I almost want to say I refuse to ever type those words again.

I won’t let those words take away my sanity.

I’m so angry right now, I want to revolt! I will not let diabetes capture the only bit of sanity I have left. It can’t have it! I will fight it! I will not let the fear fester in me. I will push it down…way way down to my feet. I will walk heavier today…but I will walk with my chin held high.

No diabetes…you can’t make me worry more.

No diabetes…you can’t make me cry anymore today. I am stopping NOW.

Instead I will look at my children and thank the Lord that they are laughing, crying, fighting and whining! I will count my blessings today. I will kneel and pray for comfort for this family, and know that their daughter is now perfect. Their daughter does not have diabetes anymore. I am thankful that I know of heaven and what awaits us there. I will concentrate on the love that the Lord has for us…and I will concentrate on my children and the love I have for them.

I will hug them tighter today.

I will probably kiss them a few times…even with a “married kiss” as L calls it. (That is what he calls a peck on the lips.)

I will move forward. I will stick my tongue out to diabetes today. You can’t have me. You cannot have my confidence and turn it into fear of the unknown.

Fear can suck it.

I will not fear!

I will move forward… I will put one foot in front of the other, and when my children go to bed tonight I will not think of what “could” happen. I won’t let it eat me alive as it has so many times before.

I’m stuffing it. I’m tossing it. I’m drop kicking that fear to the moon.

Today we need to stand tall. We need to be strong. We need to pray for this family. Cry and then stop crying. We need to move forward as an army of parents and let diabetes know that it can’t have us.

Diabetes can take our time.

Diabetes can take our plans and throw them out the window.

But diabetes cannot have our heart. It cannot take away our resolve to move forward.

We will be vigilant. And we will fight the fear. Because that is what parents of children with diabetes do. We fight it every day. We just need to fight a bit harder today. We need to strengthen our armor and sharpen our swords. We need to pray in this armor for peace and the strength to move forward.

God bless this family who lost their daughter. God bless the thousands and thousands who mourn for her loss today. God bless the people who have Type 1 Diabetes and their families.

May we find solace in our faith.


  1. Thanks for sharing your strength, Meri. I needed to hear that. I've been sitting here, feeling overwhelmed with sadness and fear, grieving for a girl I do not know. It's helped so much to read your inspiring words. Thanks for being there and knowing just the right words to say! Love and hugs to you!!!

  2. Awesome post Meri... I agree, we just can't give in to the fear.

  3. Beautifully and wonderfully stated, Meri! The entire DOC grieves every time we hear stories like this. But they make us fight just that much harder to keep it from happening again. My heart goes out to the girl's family and community. They'll be in our prayers tonight.

  4. This hurts my heart so much that I can't even stand to think about it. Praying for this family and everyone who has to face this reality every day.

  5. Oh no.
    But you are right...The Lord has her now and she's home and perfect.
    I cannot imagine, actually that's all I can do, because I do not ever want to know.

    Who makes the t-shirt that says "Fear can suck it"? I'll wear one!

    Thanks for sharing...praying for the family.

  6. You said it so well Meri, Amen to every word! ((hugs))

  7. Meri, Meri, I feel guilty for my blog post today! I was angry, angry angry!! Your attitude and outlook on life always makes me feel like mine is so wrong! LOL

    Fear not! I do not fear, I get angry! Can I at least be angry? Cuz I am :) (im giggling to myself because you always set me straight!)

  8. The image of an army of parents is powerful and one I will carry with me. Thank you, Meri.

  9. Yeah, fear can suck it...i like that Tracie, I'll sport one, too. Darn this disease. Darn it.
    I will cry no more.
    You all and that family are all in my thoughts, I hope nothing but the best for each of you and their lives, too.

  10. amazing just wow! <3

  11. Ugh.

    I've been trying to read all the heart aches more with every page click.

    Thanks for these motivating words, my friend.

    I needed them.

  12. Meri-
    Beautiful, motivational, & just what we all needed to hear - THANK YOU!
    kelly k

  13. It has taken me a few days to read all of the posts honoring the memory of Eilish. I cry over again every time I read a new one, so I only read one at a time. BUT..I wish I had read yours first:) I have been frozen in fear since I heard this awful news. Thanks for your AWESOME words. I will now go put my armour on...and tell diabetes to suck it!

  14. I am a little like you and don't even want to think about or pretend like I even know about such a terrible thing. My heart hurts for this sweet family and all others like them too. BTW....I LOVE your "I want you to know" post! It made me cry! It is nice knowing others feel the same feelings and make the same silly mistakes I do. You amaze me!!

  15. This is the third child I have heard of in less than a year. It breaks my heart and scares me to death.

    Thank you for this post.


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