Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Ryan, I want you to know something...

Ryan reads my blog.
He subscribes to it and receives emails on an account that I thought he never visited.  (The other day when he said, "Run, Ryan Run!" as he looked at me sheepishly with one eyebrow raised and a smirk, I realized this wasn't the case.  He reads every post.)
Hi Babe!

So today in honor of our nineteenth anniversary, I thought I'd write him a little note, spoofing off another blog/love letter I sent to all of you a year or two ago...
Dear Ryan,

I want you to know something...
I want you to know that when you tell me you love me,
I know that you mean it.  I know that you mean it forever.

I want you to know that I've loved you from the first day I saw you in Mike's window.

I want you to know that I fully realize how lucky I am to have you.

I want you to know that I KNOW you are my greatest blessing.
I want you to know that I'm proud of every day of our history.

I want you to know that when you smile at me after a disagreement, really...everything is made better instantly.
I want you to know that after years of you taking care of me...spoiling me...I'm glad to take care of you.  You've done so much more for me than I've ever done, or will do, for you.

I want you to know that I LOVE that you loved picking up the boys from school.  You are a great father, and I know it meant a lot to them.
I want you to know that you will be able to pick them up again. 

You make the best breakfasts.  I don't take them for granted.
I want you to know that even though the steroids make you look different on the outside, you are still my Ryan on the inside, and still every bit the man I married...plus every bit the man I am madly in love with.

Your smiling eyes and bear hugs are two of the things I love most...but you know that.
I want you to know I wouldn't take back one day of our life together.  I look back and don't see any bad times.  I see hard times.  Times when we had babies, and diagnoses, and times when working 15 hour days was normal for you.  Those hard times have brought our love to where it is today.  It was all SO worth it.

I want you to know I want to be better, I try to be better...for you, because of you.
I want you to know that this is just a bump in the road.  We can do this.  You are the strongest most wonderful person I know.  Don't be hard on yourself.  Fighting cancer is HARD...and exhausting.

You can do this!  I want you to know I truly believe that.
I want you to know I love you more every day...still.  It seems impossible that I could love you more tomorrow than today, but experience tells me I will.

Thank you for loving me Ryan....for seeing past all my imperfections.  Thank you for telling me every day that you love me.  Thank you for thinking I am beautiful.  Thank you for nineteen years, and thank you for fighting for nineteen more.

I want you to know you're my hero.

Forever yours,


  1. Sitting here in tears and with goosebumps! Happy Anniversary to one of the most perfect couples around. Love you all!

  2. Happy Anniversary to an amazing couple who portray, even through cyberspace, what true love is all about and how to dance in the rain. Although we have never actually "met", you hold a special place in my heart and prayers. Happy 19 and to many, many more . . .

  3. You're both so very lucky and blessed to have each other.
    Happy Anniversary and wishes for many more years together!

  4. Awww! You guys are amazing. Happy Anniversary! :) xoxo

  5. What a beautiful love stories . . . and I love happy endings . . .yours was, is and will be a happy ending . . .here's to more than 19 more!! Meri, you are a classy woman, wonderful pancreas and Mom, and a sweet, loving, supportive wife . . .Ryan is lucky to have you too!! xxoo

  6. Happy Anniversary. What a beautiful post! :)

  7. Happy Anniversary! You are such an inspiration to everyone and your love knows no bounds! God bless you!

  8. Happy , happy anniversary.. you two are the true meaning of Love


  9. That was a beautiful letter! Happy Anniversary!

  10. Happy Anniversary! Your post and story are a beautiful reflection of the true meaning of love! Congratulations on 19 years and may the next 19 be as joyous!

  11. happy happy happy anniversary. your words and photo make me smile so much! we should all be so lucky to have what you guys have! <3

  12. Happy Anniversary! what a beautiful post and beautiful love you share!

  13. You two are so lucky to have found and to have each other. Happy anniversary and many more to come. Fighting cancer is hard work and tell Ryan to pamper himself, take it very easy, guard his strength for the fight. Give it a hundred percent; don't feel guilty over not doing everything you used to do. You will do all the things you used to do again but for now concentrate 100 percent on your recovery. What a beautiful love letter; what a wonderful life together you two have. Nothing can stop you with a love like this.

  14. So precious..Happy Anniversary :)

  15. such beautiful love, meri thanks for sharing this with all of us :)

  16. Meri~ I read both your letter and Ryan's response to you and was crying so hard I almost couldn't read the words. You both have such an incredible way of expressing your feelings. I can't imagine having 3 type one diabetics. I have one child who's type 1 and one child who has MODY and the worry I experience sometimes overwhelms me so you must eat tums like they were going out of style! I was also recently diagnosed with a brain tumor on March 16th . I am "lucky" and mine is benign and the only issues I am having are some seizures which medicine is controlling most of the time. I pray for your miracle everyday and think of you guys often...


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