Wednesday, October 4, 2017

I heard my son's name.

I had just returned from a long trip and was sleeping soundly in my own bed. My dreams were vivid and detailed; My consciousness wasn’t anywhere near where my body slumbered.

I heard my son’s name and it woke me up.

I opened my eyes and listened. There was only silence. It was 4:30am and the house was still. I picked up my phone to check the boys’ blood sugar numbers.

L was 130.

B was 70.

J isn’t wearing a CGM at this time.

I tried to go back to sleep. Lately, it’s been common for B to be around 70 about this time in the morning, but he always stays steady. I had slept through a few alarms where he drifted to 69 and then back up to 70. (Man I've been sleeping through too many alarms again!) But, he was waking up in an hour anyway...all would be well.

I couldn’t sleep as my son’s name echoed in my ears. It was so real. The voice wasn't a yell, but rather an urgent, crisp call. It was a familiar voice that had woken me up. It sounded like B, but it wasn’t B…

It was Ryan.

“I’m being stupid,” I thought. “Go to sleep.”

But before I could close my eyes again I was up out of bed.

Feeling foolish and a sense of urgency at the same time, I thought, “It won’t hurt to check on them.” 

I checked B first. He was 70. Exactly what the CGM said he was. I set a temp basal of zero for a half hour and walked to the other side of the room to check J.  He was 350, which was unusual for him. (I later found out he ate some leftover Chinese food at midnight.) I corrected his sugar and thought that neither of these corrections was really an emergency. I must have dreamed that I heard the name.

Because I love all my boys, I went to L’s room and watched his chest. It took a minute, but I finally saw it lift and softly fall in a big sigh.

All was well.

“Go to bed, Meri.” I thought.

I couldn’t sleep when I returned to bed. My mind was alive with information, and I was almost haunted by the question, “Why did I wake up?”

I tossed.

I turned.

And 15 to 20 minutes later I got my answer.

B’s Dexcom alarmed.

I looked at my phone.

It said he was 42.

I jumped up and went to his room.

I pricked his finger to check his blood sugar.

It said he was 39.


"(Man I've been sleeping through too many alarms again!)" 

Needless to say, I’m thankful for miracles in my life.

And also for guardian angels.