onward.

I'm real people sick.

My husband is out of town today and I am on my own. So as I get ready to bring the boys to school I am VERY careful to have them all prepared diabetes wise so I don't have to bring my ashen white face and shaky aching body out of the house again.

I have to bring them to school. But I'll be darned if I'll go back to those schools today because of a simple oversight on my part.

I'm not sure what their supply boxes look like at school, so I carefully pack their backpacks to replenish them.

Just in case.

I give all three boys two extra vials of test strips.

I give all three boys apple juices for lows.

I pack all three boys cell phones and made sure every one of them was charged.

I checked all three pumps to make sure they were full of insulin and had battery life.

I checked all three pumps to make sure they all gave themselves breakfast insulin.

I check that the meter in J's backpack still has a viable battery after sitting unused for two weeks.

I double check all backpacks to make sure they put their lunches inside.

I covered it all.

Zipped them all to school, practically threw them out of the car, came home and as I walked in caught in the corner of my eye a place in the living room where the sun was hitting the couch...the perfect remedy for my chills. I grabbed a warm blanket, staggered into the living room and winced at the sight of myself in the entry mirror. Pathetic. Not pretty. That is all I have to say about that.

"Thank goodness I don't have to leave the house again until 2:00." I say to myself. "Diabetes won't be messing with me today!" Actually, that was thought up sans the exclamation mark. There was no energy left to be perky. I didn't sleep at all the night before.

As I laid down I was grateful despite myself. I thought how the boys feel nauseous from ketones and endure so much, I thought how I have acquaintances on chemotherapy who feel nauseous for days, weeks, months. I thought I won't be sick forever and that is a blessing.

And then I slept. In the warm glow of the morning sun, content and satisfied until the littles called me with their snack time numbers at 10:05.

B: 121

L: 127

My head aches and my throat feels like I swallowed a parade float, but I can rest! Joyful day!

And as I lay my head back down on my pillow, my phone says, "DING!"

That "DING!" is a text.

I reluctantly, slowly, pick up the phone and there in black and white is a text from my oldest son...who does not have diabetes:

"Hey I forgot my sax. Help please!"

Sometimes I forget I'm a mom, not just a pseudo pancreas.

Onward!

Actually today, it's more like...

onward.