I forgot that out in the world there were thousands...millions...of dots of light. Each dot representing other parents walking the halls of their own homes, administering the nighttime check.
I felt so alone.
Really though, I wasn't alone.
I forgot of the other PWD who were (hopefully) sleeping peacefully waiting for their alarms to wake them for their own checks. I also forgot about their spouses who stir in the bed and wait breathlessly to hear their spouse stir too.
I forgot that one number does not make or break my child's future, that my boys will have high numbers because, hello...they have diabetes.
I forgot that there is a greater force. One that trumps the helpless feelings that consume the night.
I forgot that I can't do better than my best. There is no perfection in diabetes...so my sorrow in the unattainable is moot.
I forgot that I am blessed with amazing, resilient children.
I forgot to count my blessings before counting myself out.
I forgot that in the darkness the corners of the bigger picture are hidden.
I forgot to pray.
Most days I feel so strong! Most days I take this Diabetic Life in stride. But I am human. No super human impenetrable brain of steel here.
We all have to break down sometime. It proves our humanity.
More than anything though, I think the most important thing I forgot is that my boys are ok.
It is all going to be ok.
It's so easy to forget, and sometimes it's even easier. But then we remember, and the smiles return. Your boys are OK, and you are an inspiration - not only to them (as can be the only possibility) but to so many of those other "stars" in the sky. Thank you for shining so brightly, and making our family of stars so much brighter.
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy to get lost in the moment Meri. Love ya! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks for the wonderful reminder!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this reminder!
ReplyDeletePity parties are necessary sometimes. Just reminds us that we're only human and not anywhere near perfect. Such a relief when they're over though! You're an amazing d-mama, Meri. And your boys are just adorable! They're better than just okay!
ReplyDeleteDamn right it's gonna be OK Miss Meri! Damn. Right.
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeletehey meri, isn't it you who once told me there's an army of moms and dads out there fighting diabetes every night? well, i forgot to remind you of that. thanks for reminding me. <3
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to hear every once in a while that everything is going to be ok because it is.
ReplyDeletelove the back to school picture!
ReplyDeleteWhy is it so easy to forget???? Beautiful post...
ReplyDeleteOnce again you've brought tears to my eyes, because I forget, too. Especially those nights when I'm exhausted and feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, I forget. It's nice to be reminded that there are lots of us out there and that it really will be OK.
ReplyDeleteYou're never alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to walk this journey with me...it would be so much lonelier without you.
xoxoxo
Your boys are so handsome, all four of them! I love how you say what we all feel deep in our hearts but sometimes need someone to voice out loud. Like when you said the things you "forgot" I thought, Oh my...I've forgotten so many of those things, too...and you've reminded me.
ReplyDelete