Wednesday, September 8, 2010

T-Minus Three Weeks to Endo...

There is a humming. A constant humming and it won’t go away.

It is a bit reminiscent of the Edgar Allan Poe story, “The Tell Tale Heart.”

I mostly hear it when the house is quiet. I can hear it right now as I type this.

mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmm

It isn’t the refrigerator.

It isn’t the lights. Honestly, I have every one turned off.

I think it is me going mental from all the stress.

Our endo appointment is in three weeks. You know what that means? Every single number from this moment forth will be downloaded and analyzed. And I’m accountable for them all. Hence the rage basal changes last night on ALL three boys.

mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Maybe it is the blood sugar monitors calling to me. They are saying, “Erase our histories! Start over!”

Whatever it is, it does shed light on the fact that I’m in a funk. The A1C tests are looming. All those A1C’s in the 6’s are going to be gone…those victories are now stored away in dusty boxes. All that matters is right now, and right now the boys’ blood sugars have gone out of whack.

It is uncanny how all three boys’ basal rates can work in unison.

Maybe that is what the humming is…their bodies basals communicating with each other…saying “More insulin! More insulin! More insulin! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm.”

In two hours I will get a call from two boys, and a text from a third. They will report in with their blood sugars and I will know if my changes were positive ones or not. Until then I will sit here and listen to the hum of insanity and try to remember that those numbers are just a map for me to find my way to a treasure trove of “In Range Numbers.” I’ll also try to keep in mind that I am doing my best…and hope beyond hope that my best isn't as sucky as I think it is.


  1. I am sure your best is NOT as sucky as you think it is! Good luck, I will pray for you! No stressing though, it is NOT allowed!

  2. I SO feel you....we see the endo next Tuesday and I am dying about her numbers this past week!
    It is funny about your boys all having craziness at the same time...reminds me of how when women live together their cycles all start aligning with the others!

  3. I always get anxiety prior to an endo appt! And I know that it isn't supposed to bother us mom's but it DOES!!!

  4. "treasure trove of “In Range Numbers"... Love it!

    I am sure you will do great :)

  5. Mmmmmmeri! As much as I take it personally too - that darn A1C # - it really is representing D and D's mmmmisbehavior - NOT YOU! You are AWESOMMMME!!!

  6. Ah, the parental report card. I hate the fact that families get into a knot over this. The goal is under 7, but as they get to be teenagers...the "yeah right" happens. If you are in the low 8's you are probably doing better than 75% of the rest of the families. Not that you should be ecstatic about 8's but it's a reality with the crazyness that comes with this age. Keep it real Meri and if your endo gives you crap about a real number kick him/her in the tenders. The only ones who should be recieving crap are the ones who don't try or care. And I KNOW you and yours don't fit into that category.

  7. HUGS!!! You are doing a great job. Sometimes even when we do our best, the numbers having a mind of their own. I'm sure you will surprise yourself when those A1Cs come rolling in!! HUGS!

  8. HA! The "treasure trove" reminded me that National Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming up!

    Meri, you are doing awesome! You have three boys to take care of, one of whom is in the dreaded "teen mentality". I bet the numbers will be fantastic. Maybe not 6's, but if I remember my own teen years well enough, anything under 9 is a victory! Big hugs and prayers for good numbers are being sent your way!

  9. Meri even when we do things right things go haywire , we cant control it so why bother . Im getting so over worrying about numbers but it is part of the diabetic life and it is what it is . I will pray that God puts you at peace for the endo appt and everything goes well .

  10. mmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm This is your insane friend telling you that you are one in a million. Not sure what that is saying since I am a nut job...but I love ya...and the Endo will be good to you b/c your Endo knows, as we all do, that you are an amazing pancreas, mother, and human. YOU ARE a insulin dispensing goddess!... a blood sugar checking warrior... a low treating fairy ... a pump setting tweaking machine...I love ya!

  11. You're great.
    Your kids are great.
    You do the best you can.
    They do the best they can.
    Who could ask for anything more?

  12. A1c's are always scary to me especially if they are way off from what my meter avgs show.
    Here's to satisfying A1c's for all three of your wonderful boys! You are amazing, just thought I'd let you know and make sure you don't forget that! :)

  13. Can you erase the history of a CGM? I need instructions - I'd like to see some of our numbers disappear!

    Girl - you are so awesome. No worries! BREATHE!

  14. You are doing an AWESOME job!! I don't think you have too much to worry about. Then again who am I to talk because I worry too every time our endo appointment gets near! :)

  15. You ARE doing your best! No matter the A1Cs, you are AWESOME and your boys are darn lucky that you're their mom!!!!

  16. It is not a report card, not a test, not anything. That's what I tell myself and even went as far at the last appt to tell the nurse and endo that I didn't care to know Isaac's HbA1C unless we needed to do something to change it because DARN IT I am doing all I can already. They didn't tell me, however it was on the report that they sent me home with and it was fine. His next appt is in two weeks and I am trying not to care, but like you said there is that draw to know it so that we can feel that we're doing fine in helping keep our kids healthy. I know that you're doing an amazing job keeping all four of your boys growing healthily. I see it in the pictures, I read in the're tough on yourself, but those boys are thriving. Keep it up :)


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