Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Hoping for a merry little Christmas

I heard this song yesterday and it made me think of all of you.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Troubles out of sight…troubles miles away?

We can hope…right?

I can remember…man I feel old…I can remember YEARS when J’s diabetes didn’t rule our lives. There were years when he was dialed in, years that he didn’t need many basel changes. His insulin to carb ratio was 1 unit for 20g of carbs for almost 4 years. He was checking his own blood sugar…he was blousing himself. I know it is hard to fathom for those of you who have little ones…but honestly, diabetes was no big deal.

Everyone is different. I don’t know you-know you…so I can’t promise the same for you…but I CAN promise that there will come a time when the worry will sit with you, rather than do jumping jacks on your head all the time. (Hello, we’ve all had pounding worry headaches!) Better times are to come. I always say, the first year is the hardest…well the following 3 years ain’t that great either…but things will settle a bit…and life will become life again, not just a diabetic life, but a family life.

Now that I have three diabetics…I yearn for the days of calm. I know they exist…and when I get a week of good numbers I can’t help but sigh, a happy remembering sigh. I remember the calm and I remember the storms…but honestly…my brain is a little fuzzy remembering all the details. When those of you need help…baby diabetes help…my brain is like HUH? I can’t remember…I’ve blocked it out. It is like the pain of childbirth…you know you endured it, but the joy of having a happy child trumps all the bad…all the work…and all the sleepless nights. I personally, try not to dwell on the hard times. I’m probably a hopeless optimistic but I won’t let diabetes make the boys lives miserable…and I make an effort not to let them see me completely miserable simply because diabetes threw us a curve ball. Sure, diabetes can be tragic…but not in my home. In my home it’s like doing the laundry. It’s just something that has to be taken care of.

Was I always this way? No. When I was in the thick of it I cried for months at a time. But I’ve come through that and now I am on the other side. I like it better here. :) I look at it all differently. I try to keep the guilt at bay. I look at my boys and I think, if they are happy…I should be happy.

Maybe I am lucky. Maybe my boys are different. But I don’t think so. As my boys have gotten older, they don’t complain about diabetes. Children have a way of accepting and acclimating…especially those diagnosed early on. The guilt will ebb a little as you see how strong they are. Diabetic children are a special breed. They accept easily…they have empathy for others…they learn responsibility at a young age…they appreciate the little things.

I always say…one day at a time. But don’t stop yourself from looking down the road. The sunrise is always in the distance my friends. Keep an eye towards the horizon…you will find your hope.


  1. Beautiful Meri! Thanks for the inspiration this morning...I needed it with Jada spiking a fever in the middle of the night and having to wake her to check ketones and all that crap. Then putting her back to bed and me not being able to sleep wondering what the heck today was going to bring.....
    Yes- our kids are special!!! I saw that in waking Jada in the middle of the night....she did what needed to be done...no fuss...her strength is part of what keeps me going!

    Thank you Meri!!!

  2. Oh Meri you are our sunshine my dear and you know we are that soriety. You all are my sistas from another mistas and we love you dearly . God bless you . I want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas from my house to yours .

  3. Can I just say.... AMEN SISTA!

    The first year was the hardest and it seems that it's just something we've learned to live with now...like you said...its like doing the laundry. Some days a white shirt gets mixed in the dark clothes and you have an "Oh crap!" moment but you either toss it out or try to bleach it and move on :) Such as life with diabetes...we fix the high or the low and we move on and try not to dwell on the negative that this nasty disease puts us through. Also...diabetes is like the laundry...it's never gonna go away ;) (damn that never ending pile!...haha!)


  4. So sweet, Meri! You make me cry! Here's hoping that it gets easier after the first year! It's hard to imagine the days she can handle the tasks herself. But it will come! And thank goodness for the blogs! That is where I get my frusrtations and venting and worrying out so that all Avery sees is a happy Mommy who does treat diabetes like laundry! Love it, Meri! THanks!

  5. Sweet Meri - you are my horizon. I look forward to the day when I can make such perfect sense of it all the way that you always do. Thank you for another inspiring post.


  6. Thank you for this uplifting message...I needed it.

    HOPE. What would we do without it?

  7. If anyone can help us keep going....it's you. We all definately have it hard, but you my dear, have it the hardest. And to hear you're on the other side these days is great!

    It's wonderful how you speak from your heart and we all can feel the beats!

  8. Thank you for yet another inspiring and uplifting post!

  9. Here's to being "on the other side of it." Most days I am there, but some days I am not.

    Though usually the stress manifests itself in other areas of my life.

    I just launched a new blog called D-Mom Blog, which I hope is a resource to other parents of diabetic children. I hope to develop relationships with more parents.

    (I've included you in my blogroll already.)

    D-Mom Blog http://www.d-mom.com



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