1. Do you like bleu cheese? I love me a bleu cheese wedge salad!
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes, a few months ago. It was SOOO good. It had been years since my husband and I smoked…MEAT in our smoker.
3. Do you own a gun? No way Jose. Unless you’re a burglar…then I have 4.
4. Favorite type of Food? Mexican FOREVER!
5. Favorite type of music? My XM is preset to 80’s music on 8, Highway 16 (country,) Classic Rock, Top 20 on 20, and Holly (all Christmas all the time!)
6. What do you think of hot dog? I try not to think about a hot dog…I just dig in and EAT!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? ELF, hands down…best movie EVER.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Orange juice…but since we don’t keep it in the house, water.
9. Can you do push ups? Probably.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? A ring my husband bought me in Cabo last year.
11. Favorite hobby? Writing/blogging
12. Do you have A. D. D.? Nope.
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Nope.
14. Middle name? Only the boringest middle name ever invented…Ann
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1) I should probably be packing instead of doing this. 2) Is there chocolate in the house? 3) Why aren’t the boys in bed?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Diet Pepsi, Crystal Light and Milk
17. Current worry? That I’ll forget an important diabetic supply on our trip.
18. Current hate right now? My neighbor’s butt ugly mid 80’s Pontiac coupe.
19. Favorite place to be? In my husband’s arms.
20. How did you bring in the new year? Counting down with Dick. Poor Dick, besides having an awful name…he really shouldn’t be on TV anymore.
21. Someplace you’d like to go? New York
22. Name three people who will complete this. Joanne, Lora and Nicole...and EVERYBODY!
23. Do you own slippers? Yup…and they’re pink! ‘Cause I’m a girl…just in case all these boys that surround me forget.
24. What color shirt are you wearing? White
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don’t know. I hope I do.
26. Can you whistle? I used to…now I can’t. Five years ago it just up and disappeared. No joke.
27. Where are you now? In my living room.
28. Would you be a pirate? If Johnny Depp asked me to…you bet your sweet treasure map I would.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? None…because I wouldn’t even torture myself with my singing.
30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Like what? A little baby girl’s name…I’m not even sure I know what that is.
31. Favorite boy’s name? Is this a trick question? I’ll give you a hint…the boy’s names I like start with M, J, B and L.
32. What is in your pocket right now? A Target receipt and a used test strip.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? My 6 year old saying to me…”There’s smart…and then there’s Kmart smart.” (This is in no way endorses Kmart…I can’t stand the place.)
34. What vehicle do you drive? Saturn Outlook
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I fractured my foot my Freshman year playing basketball, the week of Homecoming. I had to go to the dance on crutches and my date danced with another girl all night. {SOB}
36. Do you love where you live? LOVE. IT.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3. But none in the bedrooms! Firm rule around here.
38. How many computers do you have in your house? My laptop, and my husband’s work laptop. (And one laptop hiding in the closet for my boys for Christmas.)
39. If you changed your job, what would it be? A phlebotomist or a school councilor.
40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? 1) Duh, a cure for diabetes. 2) A foolproof cure for Melanoma/cancer. 3) A brand spankin’ new 5 bedroom house with a ginormous kitchen that has plenty of cupboard space for like 5 crockpots.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Tis the season.
I am thankful for a lot of things. I can list all day what I am thankful for…Everything from Family to fingernail clippers. I have so much to be thankful for it is almost embarrassing. But, I learned a hard lesson this week, and wanted to pass it on.
Thankfulness mostly consists of words.
Gratitude is putting your thankfulness into action.
I’m all about words people. You all know that. I write for many reasons…to help others, but mostly to help me. If I am honest, my blog is all for me. Sometimes I feel selfish about the amount of time I spend nurturing it. It’s a place I can accomplish something…a place to be thankful. But am I really showing how grateful I am for my blessings by just sitting here? Surly the world/my family would benefit from me getting off my butt and making a difference.
So I made a list of what I am thankful for…a very very long list. And then I went back and found a way to turn my thankfulness into action.
So today…I get up. I show my house the gratitude I have for it by vacuuming its floors. I will lovingly hang up the clothes to show my gratitude that we have so many of them; I can fill up ten loads. I will wash the breakfast dishes to show my gratitude that I had the means to feed my children. I will clean my toilet to show my gratitude for indoor plumbing. (Seriously…there are those in the world that don’t have this!) I will take a shower to show my gratitude for my body. I will do these things and then go help at the school Thanksgiving parties to show my gratitude for public education.
So here I go. Putting it all into action!
UHG!
Gratitude bites.
Thankfulness mostly consists of words.
Gratitude is putting your thankfulness into action.
I’m all about words people. You all know that. I write for many reasons…to help others, but mostly to help me. If I am honest, my blog is all for me. Sometimes I feel selfish about the amount of time I spend nurturing it. It’s a place I can accomplish something…a place to be thankful. But am I really showing how grateful I am for my blessings by just sitting here? Surly the world/my family would benefit from me getting off my butt and making a difference.
So I made a list of what I am thankful for…a very very long list. And then I went back and found a way to turn my thankfulness into action.
So today…I get up. I show my house the gratitude I have for it by vacuuming its floors. I will lovingly hang up the clothes to show my gratitude that we have so many of them; I can fill up ten loads. I will wash the breakfast dishes to show my gratitude that I had the means to feed my children. I will clean my toilet to show my gratitude for indoor plumbing. (Seriously…there are those in the world that don’t have this!) I will take a shower to show my gratitude for my body. I will do these things and then go help at the school Thanksgiving parties to show my gratitude for public education.
So here I go. Putting it all into action!
UHG!
Gratitude bites.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
It's a milestone for all of us.
J is 12 today.
I remember holding back the tears on his first birthday. He was so tiny and skinny…but he was there. Alive and there to celebrate.
We almost lost him when he was diagnosed. He was 8 months old when all of his symptoms came to a head. Subject to the dreaded Ketoacidosis, his breathing was hard and labored and he was so dehydrated they couldn’t find a vein. A surgeon was called in to cut into his ankle so they could find one. It was an awful awful experience. I often explain the day this way: If you would imagine you are standing on a cliff, with your toes clenched over the sides on a gusty day…that’s where I was. Ready to fall…fall into despair and on the edge of completely losing it. When the doctors swooped in, and he started seizing…I fell apart, I had to leave. My hysterics weren’t helping the doctors, or J. The nurses pushed me into the waiting room and I knelt on the floor and sobbed and prayed. I often feel guilty I wasn’t there with him every minute…but at that moment, I wasn’t strong enough. I was only a puddle of emotions.
I am stronger now.
And so is J.
He is such an amazing kid.
He is strong, funny, smart and stubborn. He is a tween through and through…but a momma’s boy at heart. He was bolusing himself in Kindergarten, he was guessing correct insulin amounts in 1st grade, and counting carbs in 2nd grade. In third grade he lied to me for 3 weeks, calling me with fake blood sugars. We found out it was because he hated being last on the playground. We fixed the problem by having his teacher excuse him 5 minutes before snack, but he will forever have me double checking his meter because of it. He was put into the gifted and talented program in 4th grade and has done all he can to pass without effort ever since. He has spent the last two years getting good grades by doing the bare minimum. If it’s not math, he is not interested. He is a leader, a mentor on the lower grade playground and a voracious reader. He has no tolerance for bullies. He has stood up to more than one on his own behalf, and for others.
Diabetes does not define him. It is a small inconvenience, but is not the determining factor on how he lives his life. He has no idea how amazing he is. He doesn’t know that when he had contests with his brothers, on who had the better blood sugar number, he made diabetes easier for them. He doesn’t know that going first to have his set put in, and smiling saying, ‘it doesn’t even hurt,’ helped his brothers to be brave. He doesn’t know that his bravery and his nonchalance about what he endures have served as a wonderful example to B and L. Diabetes is all he has known. He doesn’t lament his life, wishing he was without it. He has done something I don’t think I ever could…he has accepted diabetes as part of who he is. I see it as something foreign, something I wish would go away. He sees it as his normal…right down to his soul.
Happy birthday sweet boy.
I remember holding back the tears on his first birthday. He was so tiny and skinny…but he was there. Alive and there to celebrate.
We almost lost him when he was diagnosed. He was 8 months old when all of his symptoms came to a head. Subject to the dreaded Ketoacidosis, his breathing was hard and labored and he was so dehydrated they couldn’t find a vein. A surgeon was called in to cut into his ankle so they could find one. It was an awful awful experience. I often explain the day this way: If you would imagine you are standing on a cliff, with your toes clenched over the sides on a gusty day…that’s where I was. Ready to fall…fall into despair and on the edge of completely losing it. When the doctors swooped in, and he started seizing…I fell apart, I had to leave. My hysterics weren’t helping the doctors, or J. The nurses pushed me into the waiting room and I knelt on the floor and sobbed and prayed. I often feel guilty I wasn’t there with him every minute…but at that moment, I wasn’t strong enough. I was only a puddle of emotions.
I am stronger now.
And so is J.
He is such an amazing kid.
He is strong, funny, smart and stubborn. He is a tween through and through…but a momma’s boy at heart. He was bolusing himself in Kindergarten, he was guessing correct insulin amounts in 1st grade, and counting carbs in 2nd grade. In third grade he lied to me for 3 weeks, calling me with fake blood sugars. We found out it was because he hated being last on the playground. We fixed the problem by having his teacher excuse him 5 minutes before snack, but he will forever have me double checking his meter because of it. He was put into the gifted and talented program in 4th grade and has done all he can to pass without effort ever since. He has spent the last two years getting good grades by doing the bare minimum. If it’s not math, he is not interested. He is a leader, a mentor on the lower grade playground and a voracious reader. He has no tolerance for bullies. He has stood up to more than one on his own behalf, and for others.
Diabetes does not define him. It is a small inconvenience, but is not the determining factor on how he lives his life. He has no idea how amazing he is. He doesn’t know that when he had contests with his brothers, on who had the better blood sugar number, he made diabetes easier for them. He doesn’t know that going first to have his set put in, and smiling saying, ‘it doesn’t even hurt,’ helped his brothers to be brave. He doesn’t know that his bravery and his nonchalance about what he endures have served as a wonderful example to B and L. Diabetes is all he has known. He doesn’t lament his life, wishing he was without it. He has done something I don’t think I ever could…he has accepted diabetes as part of who he is. I see it as something foreign, something I wish would go away. He sees it as his normal…right down to his soul.
Happy birthday sweet boy.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A hug in the mail...
A few days ago I was in bad shape. VERY BAD SHAPE PEOPLE! I woke up with pain so bad in my tooth that I couldn't eat...or even drink. I ran to the dentist and he didn't see anything on the film, so his answer...pull the tooth. He gave me a referral to an oral surgeon and sent me on my way. I don't know what your biggest fear is...shark tank? Cliff dive? Fire? Rejection? Well mine is getting a tooth pulled. Put me on a cliff, and push off into a tank with a shark that hates me, who happens to be on fire...and I would be much more comfortable than in a dentist chair. I left there devastated but decided to give myself a day or two to see if my symptoms improve. It turned out to be caused by my TMJ, and everyday I am feeling a bit better.
But on that day...the day I could not eat...the day I could not drink...the day I could not talk...the day I was told that my worst fear had come true...on THAT day...
I got this in the mail...
Sweet Nicole from over at The Ride of Our Lives With Type 1 Diabetes, sent me this necklace to commemorate World Diabetes Day. I got it at one of my darkest hours, and it was everything I needed at that moment. Some love from a friend. I put it on and didn't want to take it off. I am not too proud to admit I slept in it that night. It was the hug I needed to get through the moment.
Thank you Nicole. Your gift was so thoughtful and sweet. I too wish I had gotten it before World Diabetes Day...but you know what...I think I got it on the day I was supposed to. It was just the right medicine for me.
Thank you dear friend!!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Why Meri is so awesome.
Joanne left a comment on my last post that I need to cheer myself on once in awhile. And you know what…she is completely right. Below please find a list of my most redeeming qualities.
1) I like turtles and owls…at a distance. Come on! That is endearing, in a completely random kind of way.
2) I like eating. I am willing to go out to eat at any given time. I am the perfect lunch date.
3) I love my family. I will fiercely protect them in any situation.
4) I love my friends. I will always do what I can to help if ever I am needed.
5) I drive on fieldtrips even when I don’t want to.
6) I will make you cookies at 9 at night if you get a hankerin’
7) My kids never wear dirty socks or underwear to school.
8) I love to laugh. A date to a comedy club rocks in my book.
8.5) I gag easily. Some people think this is entertaining.
9) I make the most awesome pot roast ever. (I only made it once, but man, it rocked.)
10) I will comment on you blog even if I don’t know what I am talking about. And let’s face it, Comments=Love
11) I will always give you a second chance; unless you are in the car in front of me in traffic and you’re driving like an idiot…then you’re on your own.
12) 9 out of 10 times I’ll bolus correctly for Chinese food.
13) I like to play games. (Mostly because I usually win.) Hence, I don’t like playing with my husband, because he always wins. (Unless we’re partners.)
14) I will drop everything and go shopping with you anytime.
15) I don’t like mean people.
16) I’ll split a meal with you if you’re not that hungry. I will also split two meals with you if you want to try 2 different things.
17) If we have a date to meet, I’ll probably be early.
18) I laugh at commercials and cry when I listen to the radio.
19) If you need me to, I’ll pray for you every day.
20) I like country, alternative, top 20, religious and R&B music. I think this shows I’m flexible.
21) I’m not a quitter.
22) I know that a bean burrito with sour cream at Taco Bell is 56 carbs.
23) I have an opinion about almost everything, but I accept the fact that my opinion isn’t always right.
24) I think people getting hurt is funny. Hence my affinity for Funniest Home Videos.
25) When I clean, I clean right, or I don’t clean at all.
26) I won’t tell you gross stories while you are eating. I am polite that way.
27) If a doctor is being stupid, and doesn’t know anything about diabetes while they pretend they do, I will tell them so.
28) I will stay on the phone for hours to fix a problem with a bill or a service. I’m a fighter.
29) I don’t let my kids watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Courage the Cowardly Dog.
30) I am honest.
I am glad I am me! (That is how my 2nd grader had to end his essay about himself when he was ‘star of the week’ at school. So I’m ending mine this way too. It’s kinda’ like self affirmation- like Stewart Smalley on Saturday Night Live. “Your good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it! People really like you!”)
1) I like turtles and owls…at a distance. Come on! That is endearing, in a completely random kind of way.
2) I like eating. I am willing to go out to eat at any given time. I am the perfect lunch date.
3) I love my family. I will fiercely protect them in any situation.
4) I love my friends. I will always do what I can to help if ever I am needed.
5) I drive on fieldtrips even when I don’t want to.
6) I will make you cookies at 9 at night if you get a hankerin’
7) My kids never wear dirty socks or underwear to school.
8) I love to laugh. A date to a comedy club rocks in my book.
8.5) I gag easily. Some people think this is entertaining.
9) I make the most awesome pot roast ever. (I only made it once, but man, it rocked.)
10) I will comment on you blog even if I don’t know what I am talking about. And let’s face it, Comments=Love
11) I will always give you a second chance; unless you are in the car in front of me in traffic and you’re driving like an idiot…then you’re on your own.
12) 9 out of 10 times I’ll bolus correctly for Chinese food.
13) I like to play games. (Mostly because I usually win.) Hence, I don’t like playing with my husband, because he always wins. (Unless we’re partners.)
14) I will drop everything and go shopping with you anytime.
15) I don’t like mean people.
16) I’ll split a meal with you if you’re not that hungry. I will also split two meals with you if you want to try 2 different things.
17) If we have a date to meet, I’ll probably be early.
18) I laugh at commercials and cry when I listen to the radio.
19) If you need me to, I’ll pray for you every day.
20) I like country, alternative, top 20, religious and R&B music. I think this shows I’m flexible.
21) I’m not a quitter.
22) I know that a bean burrito with sour cream at Taco Bell is 56 carbs.
23) I have an opinion about almost everything, but I accept the fact that my opinion isn’t always right.
24) I think people getting hurt is funny. Hence my affinity for Funniest Home Videos.
25) When I clean, I clean right, or I don’t clean at all.
26) I won’t tell you gross stories while you are eating. I am polite that way.
27) If a doctor is being stupid, and doesn’t know anything about diabetes while they pretend they do, I will tell them so.
28) I will stay on the phone for hours to fix a problem with a bill or a service. I’m a fighter.
29) I don’t let my kids watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Courage the Cowardly Dog.
30) I am honest.
I am glad I am me! (That is how my 2nd grader had to end his essay about himself when he was ‘star of the week’ at school. So I’m ending mine this way too. It’s kinda’ like self affirmation- like Stewart Smalley on Saturday Night Live. “Your good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it! People really like you!”)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Things I Take For Granted...
*I wrote this about myself. It's not completely about my diabetic life. I've been dealing with some terrible TMJ issues lately and I needed to redirect my brain to the positive. :)
I walk around all day feeling sorry for myself.
I wonder if normal will ever reveal itself.
I go through the motions, I’m barely even there.
I think I’ve done all I can do, to give my family care.
I think how no one understands why I am always sad.
I think that I’m alone and no sympathy is had.
I wonder why no one cares to ask about my life,
Of how my day is going, or even wonder of my strife.
I paint a picture of a life that is bitter, tired and sad.
But truth be told, when push comes to shove, my life is not so bad.
I take for granted everyday my sons smiles and their glee.
I take for granted all that is done to help my family.
I take for granted that there are those who treat me oh so dear.
I take for granted my husband’s love, he always makes it clear.
I take for granted that I’m strong enough to do what I need to do.
I take for granted, when it comes to T1, the world just doesn’t have a clue.
I take my house for granted, and the warmth it provides for me.
I take my God for granted as he listens to my pleas.
I take for granted I can walk, and see my boys each day.
I take for granted I can laugh and giggle while they play.
I mostly take for granted all the blessings that we have,
So is it any wonder that no sympathy is had?
Why would one feel sorry for one who has it all?
I have a family who is wonderful and we always have a ball.
I have what I’ve always wanted, so now’s the time to be content.
I can’t live this way anymore, I must the bad forget.
For surely you can understand, and for this I am truly glad,
That in my life, it is clear, that the good outweighs the bad.
It’s all about perspective and not seeing all the good.
It’s all about focusing on what I think I should.
Shall I continue to hate the things that throw a wrench into my plans?
Or shall I count my blessings and continue doing what I can.
I can’t control those around me or the world I see.
But I can control one important thing, and friends, that thing Is me.
Feeling sorry for myself will only tear me down.
I’m sick and tired of my face and this insipid frown.
I’m going to stop taking for granted my life and my family,
It’s time for me to make a stand and start living happily.
Pity party’s over…
It’s time to take in the view
Let not the sadness tarry
To my cheer, I will be true.
I walk around all day feeling sorry for myself.
I wonder if normal will ever reveal itself.
I go through the motions, I’m barely even there.
I think I’ve done all I can do, to give my family care.
I think how no one understands why I am always sad.
I think that I’m alone and no sympathy is had.
I wonder why no one cares to ask about my life,
Of how my day is going, or even wonder of my strife.
I paint a picture of a life that is bitter, tired and sad.
But truth be told, when push comes to shove, my life is not so bad.
I take for granted everyday my sons smiles and their glee.
I take for granted all that is done to help my family.
I take for granted that there are those who treat me oh so dear.
I take for granted my husband’s love, he always makes it clear.
I take for granted that I’m strong enough to do what I need to do.
I take for granted, when it comes to T1, the world just doesn’t have a clue.
I take my house for granted, and the warmth it provides for me.
I take my God for granted as he listens to my pleas.
I take for granted I can walk, and see my boys each day.
I take for granted I can laugh and giggle while they play.
I mostly take for granted all the blessings that we have,
So is it any wonder that no sympathy is had?
Why would one feel sorry for one who has it all?
I have a family who is wonderful and we always have a ball.
I have what I’ve always wanted, so now’s the time to be content.
I can’t live this way anymore, I must the bad forget.
For surely you can understand, and for this I am truly glad,
That in my life, it is clear, that the good outweighs the bad.
It’s all about perspective and not seeing all the good.
It’s all about focusing on what I think I should.
Shall I continue to hate the things that throw a wrench into my plans?
Or shall I count my blessings and continue doing what I can.
I can’t control those around me or the world I see.
But I can control one important thing, and friends, that thing Is me.
Feeling sorry for myself will only tear me down.
I’m sick and tired of my face and this insipid frown.
I’m going to stop taking for granted my life and my family,
It’s time for me to make a stand and start living happily.
Pity party’s over…
It’s time to take in the view
Let not the sadness tarry
To my cheer, I will be true.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
World Diabetes Day 2009
We had a great time in San Francisco for World Diabetes Day! And we were so diggin' our shirts!
We went out for dinner in the city and ya, we were pretty much a spectacle. Dinner was awesome and we were able to share our story and our blue pride with some other customers at the restaurant and on the street.
I bought the boys these glow sticks/flashlights/whistles for the big day. We had a blast trying to make blue circles with them on the way to the San Francisco Ferry Building...
We made it to the Ferry Building and were a tinsy bit underwhelmed with the blue...but it was cool none the less...
There wern't as many people as I expected, but once we joined the group, the energy was electric. There was such a feeling of community and good will. :)
We got there just in time for the small speeches to commemorate the day. When I saw Manny Hernandez from Tu Diabetes, I felt like a groupie at a rock concert. Ya, he's that great!
And to top it off I met the fabulous Miss Amy from Diabetes Mine. What an awesome woman with a beautiful family to boot. (My camera was on a weird setting.) Her daughter thought it was funny when I told her in my world, her mother was a rock star.
It seriously turned out to be like the best night ever. It couldn't have been nicer. And really Joanne, I could have sold a dozen of our shirts! They were a big hit!
We went out for dinner in the city and ya, we were pretty much a spectacle. Dinner was awesome and we were able to share our story and our blue pride with some other customers at the restaurant and on the street.
I bought the boys these glow sticks/flashlights/whistles for the big day. We had a blast trying to make blue circles with them on the way to the San Francisco Ferry Building...
We made it to the Ferry Building and were a tinsy bit underwhelmed with the blue...but it was cool none the less...
There wern't as many people as I expected, but once we joined the group, the energy was electric. There was such a feeling of community and good will. :)
We got there just in time for the small speeches to commemorate the day. When I saw Manny Hernandez from Tu Diabetes, I felt like a groupie at a rock concert. Ya, he's that great!
And to top it off I met the fabulous Miss Amy from Diabetes Mine. What an awesome woman with a beautiful family to boot. (My camera was on a weird setting.) Her daughter thought it was funny when I told her in my world, her mother was a rock star.
It seriously turned out to be like the best night ever. It couldn't have been nicer. And really Joanne, I could have sold a dozen of our shirts! They were a big hit!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
November 6th
A little interesting fact about our family is that I gave birth to my two youngest on the same day of the year. B and L were both born on November 6th exactly two years apart. November 6th is also my father in laws birthday AND most importantly…it is also the day my husband asked me to marry him.
We were really young…I was 19 at the time and he was 21. He was my best friend and our relationship was easy. I was used to drama and guys ignoring me while we dated, but Ryan was different. He was always thoughtful. He was always kind and polite, and he only treated me with respect.
He called me at Macy’s on November 6th, 1992 and asked for me to stop by after work. I didn’t get off until 9:00 that night but he insisted. I reluctantly agreed and continued on with my day. It didn’t even faze me that my Mom and my sisters came by to say hello. (My Mom wasn’t a big mall shopper.) They had silly grins, but I was clueless. (Ryan had asked for my hand earlier from my father, and of course my father practically THREW me at him. My parents LOVE Ryan.)
His proposal was simple. He changed out of his life and bakery uniform of jean shorts and white shirt into a shirt and tie. He asked me immediately and I (obviously) said yes.
I couldn’t wait to be married to him. We would have a great life. We would be adults. We would make our own decisions. Life was going to be all smiles and adventures. We had love, what more did anyone need?
And as I look back on the past 17 years…WOW!!!!!!!....it has been hard. Really, really hard. With 5 pregnancies, (one that didn’t work out, and one that was especially worrisome,) and the bakery, (that he worked 15 hours a day in,) and diabetes diagnosis, (Four, if you include my brothers,) and cancer, (My husband’s mother survived breast cancer and my husband had a serious Melanoma that required chemo this year,) and everything else that life threw at us…man, it’s been REALLY REALLY hard.
But even through the pain and the stress and the uncertainty of life…love has remained. And as hard as life has been, I still have my best friend beside me. He still wears his jean shorts and white T-shirts and he still dotes over me like when we were first married. And we have 4 beautiful boys…who relish every minute of their lives…and who, because of diabetes, appreciate the little things…like brownies with M&M’s on top for their classes on Friday.
Looking back, would I change anything? Mostly I would change things about me. IF I could relive it all…I would worry less...I would take my frustration out on my husband less…I wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect…or to impress those around me. I would have accepted that my best was good enough and I probably would have let my kids have friends over in a house that was not as neat as a pin.
I would tell myself everyday…that hard times don’t last forever…that there will be good times around the corner…and that life is too precious to waste with constant worry and self loathing.
I would appreciate the little moments more…and I would appreciate all the wonderfullness that I've always had right in front of me...
We were really young…I was 19 at the time and he was 21. He was my best friend and our relationship was easy. I was used to drama and guys ignoring me while we dated, but Ryan was different. He was always thoughtful. He was always kind and polite, and he only treated me with respect.
He called me at Macy’s on November 6th, 1992 and asked for me to stop by after work. I didn’t get off until 9:00 that night but he insisted. I reluctantly agreed and continued on with my day. It didn’t even faze me that my Mom and my sisters came by to say hello. (My Mom wasn’t a big mall shopper.) They had silly grins, but I was clueless. (Ryan had asked for my hand earlier from my father, and of course my father practically THREW me at him. My parents LOVE Ryan.)
His proposal was simple. He changed out of his life and bakery uniform of jean shorts and white shirt into a shirt and tie. He asked me immediately and I (obviously) said yes.
I couldn’t wait to be married to him. We would have a great life. We would be adults. We would make our own decisions. Life was going to be all smiles and adventures. We had love, what more did anyone need?
And as I look back on the past 17 years…WOW!!!!!!!....it has been hard. Really, really hard. With 5 pregnancies, (one that didn’t work out, and one that was especially worrisome,) and the bakery, (that he worked 15 hours a day in,) and diabetes diagnosis, (Four, if you include my brothers,) and cancer, (My husband’s mother survived breast cancer and my husband had a serious Melanoma that required chemo this year,) and everything else that life threw at us…man, it’s been REALLY REALLY hard.
But even through the pain and the stress and the uncertainty of life…love has remained. And as hard as life has been, I still have my best friend beside me. He still wears his jean shorts and white T-shirts and he still dotes over me like when we were first married. And we have 4 beautiful boys…who relish every minute of their lives…and who, because of diabetes, appreciate the little things…like brownies with M&M’s on top for their classes on Friday.
Looking back, would I change anything? Mostly I would change things about me. IF I could relive it all…I would worry less...I would take my frustration out on my husband less…I wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect…or to impress those around me. I would have accepted that my best was good enough and I probably would have let my kids have friends over in a house that was not as neat as a pin.
I would tell myself everyday…that hard times don’t last forever…that there will be good times around the corner…and that life is too precious to waste with constant worry and self loathing.
I would appreciate the little moments more…and I would appreciate all the wonderfullness that I've always had right in front of me...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
My Mini Breakdown
Today I woke up hating diabetes.
I was up all night with the boys, all were super high. All went to bed with perfect numbers and then JUMPED up to completely random highness. (Steak and noodles for dinner…it made no sense.) Generally, lately, I can go back to sleep after testing, but not last night. Last night I was up for hours…thinking…stewing…
L’s teacher has been “concerned” about his blood sugar numbers lately. For the past 5 school days, for some reason, he is jumping to the high 300’s or 400’s at snack time. Problem is, he dives after snack so it’s a delicate situation to try to get him to a decent number at 10:30 without him going low before I pick him up. And since a different parent brings in snacks every day, I never know how to bolus his breakfast. (Uh uh,I can't bring him his own special snack, because to L that is just a cruel punishment.) So I’m figuring it out. And I’m inching closer to where I want him to be. But now L’s teacher wants to know what his BG number is at snack. Because she is “concerned.” Concerned about what? That he is neglected…that he is getting poor care? He hasn’t been acting out, he is (surprisingly) a wonderful student. Yesterday, when I came in after school, I spoke to her about trying to balance his boluses and the fact that I’m trying different things. “Good,” she says, “It’s really been on my mind lately.” (Great, I’m sorry to take up a small part of your brain to worry about my son. My ENTIRE brain worries 24/7 about him.) I told her I’ve tried one more thing to help him at snack, but he has an Endo appt in the city next week and hopefully they will be able to give me more insight. “Oh GOOD!!!” She exclaims.
Yup, I let her get to me. This woman is a sweet woman. I really like her. She is my friend. But I let her comments get to me. Do I know she is judging me? No. But when you are up all night with high sugars, and you are feeling like a loser…you feel like she is judging me.
So then L wakes up to a wet bed, and says, “don’t worry mom, I put a blanket under me and then I didn’t have to wake you up!” Sweet, sweet little boy, who wet his bed because of me, (well really because he was high..but that’s not my state of mind this morning.) By this time I’m oozing guilt out of my pores. I’m late making breakfast because I have to bathe L, and I have 15 minutes less to get ready because I am picking up M’s friends for school. I’m volunteering today in J’s and B’s classes and just before I head out the door, I check my blog dashboard to see if there are posts. And there are…and I started reading one…and then I had to stop.
My happy place suddenly became my hell. Tears come. I HATE diabetes! I am a failure! My kids, they don’t deserve this. They need a nurse 24/7, not stupid me! The boy’s endo appointments are next week and ALL their settings are TOTALLY out of control! Every one of them is having issues. I’m a failure. And again, I HATE DIABETES! If I have to look at the word diabetes one more time…I’ll scream!
So I stop reading…and I cry…and I bring my mascara to put on in the car before I get into school, because now it’s hopeless to even try.
And then I refill strips in each boy’s supply boxes at school. And I turn in doctors papers to the office to give to our school nurse. (Who’s only there Tuesday mornings.) And then I realize I forgot to take my TMJ pain meds. And then I help in classes. And then I get a call that L looks low. And I run…I run! Because I changed his settings yesterday and who knows what I will find. And he is 70. And J is 96 and B is 62. And I over did it because I let L’s teacher get to me. And I’m having a pity party…and I want to run away…
And then, as it always does, something happens to put my stupid life into perspective.
I find out that my friend at school is in the hospital. She was diagnosed with MS last year, and now last week was diagnosed with Leukemia. She is the hospital indefinitely…she is having chemo. Her husband was laid off last year. She is the bread winner. She probably needs a bone marrow transplant.
And the good Lord slaps me in the face again. Meri, your boys are at school. Playing…laughing. They have two healthy parents who love them. You are doing your best. You can’t do better than your best. Meri, you are an idiot. Slow down, you have a great life.
And then I come home and find the strength to read my blogs. And Wendy’s dear friend has passed away. She has left her family and her friends too early.
And I am here.
And I will be ok.
And my boys will be ok.
This craziness will pass, and we will be able to find the bolus and basal sweet spots for the boys.
So my pity party is over. I think I can go back to being positive again. I am recovering from my mini breakdown, and my husband got home early and gave me one of his famous bear hugs.
The peace is returning.
I was up all night with the boys, all were super high. All went to bed with perfect numbers and then JUMPED up to completely random highness. (Steak and noodles for dinner…it made no sense.) Generally, lately, I can go back to sleep after testing, but not last night. Last night I was up for hours…thinking…stewing…
L’s teacher has been “concerned” about his blood sugar numbers lately. For the past 5 school days, for some reason, he is jumping to the high 300’s or 400’s at snack time. Problem is, he dives after snack so it’s a delicate situation to try to get him to a decent number at 10:30 without him going low before I pick him up. And since a different parent brings in snacks every day, I never know how to bolus his breakfast. (Uh uh,I can't bring him his own special snack, because to L that is just a cruel punishment.) So I’m figuring it out. And I’m inching closer to where I want him to be. But now L’s teacher wants to know what his BG number is at snack. Because she is “concerned.” Concerned about what? That he is neglected…that he is getting poor care? He hasn’t been acting out, he is (surprisingly) a wonderful student. Yesterday, when I came in after school, I spoke to her about trying to balance his boluses and the fact that I’m trying different things. “Good,” she says, “It’s really been on my mind lately.” (Great, I’m sorry to take up a small part of your brain to worry about my son. My ENTIRE brain worries 24/7 about him.) I told her I’ve tried one more thing to help him at snack, but he has an Endo appt in the city next week and hopefully they will be able to give me more insight. “Oh GOOD!!!” She exclaims.
Yup, I let her get to me. This woman is a sweet woman. I really like her. She is my friend. But I let her comments get to me. Do I know she is judging me? No. But when you are up all night with high sugars, and you are feeling like a loser…you feel like she is judging me.
So then L wakes up to a wet bed, and says, “don’t worry mom, I put a blanket under me and then I didn’t have to wake you up!” Sweet, sweet little boy, who wet his bed because of me, (well really because he was high..but that’s not my state of mind this morning.) By this time I’m oozing guilt out of my pores. I’m late making breakfast because I have to bathe L, and I have 15 minutes less to get ready because I am picking up M’s friends for school. I’m volunteering today in J’s and B’s classes and just before I head out the door, I check my blog dashboard to see if there are posts. And there are…and I started reading one…and then I had to stop.
My happy place suddenly became my hell. Tears come. I HATE diabetes! I am a failure! My kids, they don’t deserve this. They need a nurse 24/7, not stupid me! The boy’s endo appointments are next week and ALL their settings are TOTALLY out of control! Every one of them is having issues. I’m a failure. And again, I HATE DIABETES! If I have to look at the word diabetes one more time…I’ll scream!
So I stop reading…and I cry…and I bring my mascara to put on in the car before I get into school, because now it’s hopeless to even try.
And then I refill strips in each boy’s supply boxes at school. And I turn in doctors papers to the office to give to our school nurse. (Who’s only there Tuesday mornings.) And then I realize I forgot to take my TMJ pain meds. And then I help in classes. And then I get a call that L looks low. And I run…I run! Because I changed his settings yesterday and who knows what I will find. And he is 70. And J is 96 and B is 62. And I over did it because I let L’s teacher get to me. And I’m having a pity party…and I want to run away…
And then, as it always does, something happens to put my stupid life into perspective.
I find out that my friend at school is in the hospital. She was diagnosed with MS last year, and now last week was diagnosed with Leukemia. She is the hospital indefinitely…she is having chemo. Her husband was laid off last year. She is the bread winner. She probably needs a bone marrow transplant.
And the good Lord slaps me in the face again. Meri, your boys are at school. Playing…laughing. They have two healthy parents who love them. You are doing your best. You can’t do better than your best. Meri, you are an idiot. Slow down, you have a great life.
And then I come home and find the strength to read my blogs. And Wendy’s dear friend has passed away. She has left her family and her friends too early.
And I am here.
And I will be ok.
And my boys will be ok.
This craziness will pass, and we will be able to find the bolus and basal sweet spots for the boys.
So my pity party is over. I think I can go back to being positive again. I am recovering from my mini breakdown, and my husband got home early and gave me one of his famous bear hugs.
The peace is returning.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Am I crazy to want them to distinguish between the two?!
Yesterday THIS article appeared in the local paper.
Am I just sensitive or does the fact that they do not distinguish the difference between Type1 and Type2 bug the pants off you too? They just lump them all together...making statements that could have been accurate...erroneous. The last paragraph really bothered me...why can't they say Type 2 Diabetes instead of just Diabetes? The woman who's quote this is, works with what I assume are Type 2 Diabetics. Does she really not understand that the two are different?
Come on people...and I being too sensitive? AM I?????????????
It's OK to say I am...but boy did it pi** me off.
Immediately after reading this article I wrote this letter. Below is my rough draft, I made a couple changes in my email...but you get the idea. I also know it's really long...but when I want to educate I get spontaneous diarrhea of the keyboard.
Thank you for your article regarding World Diabetes Day. Although much of it is accurate, you failed to distinguish the difference between Type 1, (also called Juvenile Diabetes,) and Type 2 Diabetes. The classification of Diabetes is made in general terms. Many of the statements simply refer to “diabetes” rather than distinguishing a specific type. Because of this, many of the statements in the article are misleading. Almost all the statements and quotes are referring to Type 2, but imply both Types.
Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are completely different diseases. Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease in which the body mistakenly attacks the islet cells in the pancreas, destroying the body’s ability to produce insulin. It has nothing to do with a person’s diet, and furthermore, diet and exercise will not reverse it. The statement in the end of your article says, “. People often develop diabetes due to lack of activity, and because of eating prepared, rather than fresh, foods. There is no cure for it, but it is a controllable disease: People need to improve their mobility and nutrition.” It is very misleading. This is absolutely NOT the case for Type 1 Diabetics. The purpose of World Diabetes Day is to educate and I feel although this article was written to do such, it certainly was misleading, asserting that both these diseases are caused due to poor diet and exercise.
In a recent study done by the American Diabetes Association they found that only 1/3 of those polled knew that too much sugar did not cause Type 1 Diabetes. Also just 12 percent of those surveyed knew that people with Type 1 Diabetes don’t’ have to follow a more restrictive diet than the healthy diet that is recommended for the general population. (Side note: Thanks to Le Ann's blog for these facts!)
This article hit very close to home as I have three young children with Type 1 Diabetes. They were diagnosed at 8 months, 2 years and 5 years old. All three boys are on insulin pumps and endure many comments in the community in regards to their condition. We want the world to know that no, they will not grow out of this disease. No, a new diet and exercise routine will not reverse their diabetes or make it more manageable. My children can eat what any other healthy child can eat, and that includes an occasional cookie, cupcake or ice cream cone. They each prick their fingers 10 times a day to keep their blood sugars in check. I wake up at least once every night to check their blood sugars, as diabetes never sleeps. Stress, illness, excitement, exercise and food ALL can fluctuate their blood sugars. They insert a new pump line every 2 days. It is a heartbreaking process that is part of life with diabetes. Low blood sugars cause comas, seizures, headaches, and stomach aches…high blood sugars cause flu like symptoms and extreme thirst. Complications from high blood sugars are one of the few things Type 1 Diabetics have in common with Type 2 Diabetics.
My heart also goes out to those with Type 2 diabetes. My mother and father in law suffer from this disease and it is also, very misunderstood. They lead a very restrictive lives, and it is a very complicated disease to control. I believe Type 2’s do not get the education and care that they need and deserve. I once was in line at the pharmacy behind a woman getting pills for the first time after just being diagnosed with Type 2. The pharmacist asked how often she will be checking her blood sugar. The woman replied, she didn’t know what that meant, and did not have a monitor to check it. How could a doctor prescribe pills and not give someone a blood sugar monitor? The pharmacist ended up giving her the pills without a monitor. I cannot stress how dangerous this was.
Both Type 1 and Type 2 have a long way to go before the population fully understands the ramifications of both diseases. We hope that World Diabetes Day will help educate, but it will only do so if those reporting have a good grasp on both Types of Diabetes.
I don't know, after reading it again it doesn't do my thoughts justice...but I sent it out to the writer of the article AND the editor. It feels good to say my peace and now I will, hopefully, be able to let it go.
On a brighter and more exciting note...I just found out that they will be lighting the San Francisco Ferry Building in blue on November 14! There will be a ceremony and all are asked to show their blue colors by painting their face blue and putting blue celephane over flashlights. Can I even tell you how excited I am to wear our shirts! I am so excited to go I am honestly bursting!
Update: I just got this email...
Hi Meri,
I appreciate the e-mail. Yes, I should have made a distinction between Type
1 and Type 2. I appreciate you pointing this out, and will make the
distinction clear in future articles..
Sincerely,
Dan Johnson
*So do I leave it at that, or kindly ask that they put a correction in the paper? *
Am I just sensitive or does the fact that they do not distinguish the difference between Type1 and Type2 bug the pants off you too? They just lump them all together...making statements that could have been accurate...erroneous. The last paragraph really bothered me...why can't they say Type 2 Diabetes instead of just Diabetes? The woman who's quote this is, works with what I assume are Type 2 Diabetics. Does she really not understand that the two are different?
Come on people...and I being too sensitive? AM I?????????????
It's OK to say I am...but boy did it pi** me off.
Immediately after reading this article I wrote this letter. Below is my rough draft, I made a couple changes in my email...but you get the idea. I also know it's really long...but when I want to educate I get spontaneous diarrhea of the keyboard.
Thank you for your article regarding World Diabetes Day. Although much of it is accurate, you failed to distinguish the difference between Type 1, (also called Juvenile Diabetes,) and Type 2 Diabetes. The classification of Diabetes is made in general terms. Many of the statements simply refer to “diabetes” rather than distinguishing a specific type. Because of this, many of the statements in the article are misleading. Almost all the statements and quotes are referring to Type 2, but imply both Types.
Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are completely different diseases. Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease in which the body mistakenly attacks the islet cells in the pancreas, destroying the body’s ability to produce insulin. It has nothing to do with a person’s diet, and furthermore, diet and exercise will not reverse it. The statement in the end of your article says, “. People often develop diabetes due to lack of activity, and because of eating prepared, rather than fresh, foods. There is no cure for it, but it is a controllable disease: People need to improve their mobility and nutrition.” It is very misleading. This is absolutely NOT the case for Type 1 Diabetics. The purpose of World Diabetes Day is to educate and I feel although this article was written to do such, it certainly was misleading, asserting that both these diseases are caused due to poor diet and exercise.
In a recent study done by the American Diabetes Association they found that only 1/3 of those polled knew that too much sugar did not cause Type 1 Diabetes. Also just 12 percent of those surveyed knew that people with Type 1 Diabetes don’t’ have to follow a more restrictive diet than the healthy diet that is recommended for the general population. (Side note: Thanks to Le Ann's blog for these facts!)
This article hit very close to home as I have three young children with Type 1 Diabetes. They were diagnosed at 8 months, 2 years and 5 years old. All three boys are on insulin pumps and endure many comments in the community in regards to their condition. We want the world to know that no, they will not grow out of this disease. No, a new diet and exercise routine will not reverse their diabetes or make it more manageable. My children can eat what any other healthy child can eat, and that includes an occasional cookie, cupcake or ice cream cone. They each prick their fingers 10 times a day to keep their blood sugars in check. I wake up at least once every night to check their blood sugars, as diabetes never sleeps. Stress, illness, excitement, exercise and food ALL can fluctuate their blood sugars. They insert a new pump line every 2 days. It is a heartbreaking process that is part of life with diabetes. Low blood sugars cause comas, seizures, headaches, and stomach aches…high blood sugars cause flu like symptoms and extreme thirst. Complications from high blood sugars are one of the few things Type 1 Diabetics have in common with Type 2 Diabetics.
My heart also goes out to those with Type 2 diabetes. My mother and father in law suffer from this disease and it is also, very misunderstood. They lead a very restrictive lives, and it is a very complicated disease to control. I believe Type 2’s do not get the education and care that they need and deserve. I once was in line at the pharmacy behind a woman getting pills for the first time after just being diagnosed with Type 2. The pharmacist asked how often she will be checking her blood sugar. The woman replied, she didn’t know what that meant, and did not have a monitor to check it. How could a doctor prescribe pills and not give someone a blood sugar monitor? The pharmacist ended up giving her the pills without a monitor. I cannot stress how dangerous this was.
Both Type 1 and Type 2 have a long way to go before the population fully understands the ramifications of both diseases. We hope that World Diabetes Day will help educate, but it will only do so if those reporting have a good grasp on both Types of Diabetes.
I don't know, after reading it again it doesn't do my thoughts justice...but I sent it out to the writer of the article AND the editor. It feels good to say my peace and now I will, hopefully, be able to let it go.
On a brighter and more exciting note...I just found out that they will be lighting the San Francisco Ferry Building in blue on November 14! There will be a ceremony and all are asked to show their blue colors by painting their face blue and putting blue celephane over flashlights. Can I even tell you how excited I am to wear our shirts! I am so excited to go I am honestly bursting!
Yay World Diabetes Day!!!!! Yay for people who get it!!!!! Yay for educating those who dont!!!!
Update: I just got this email...
Hi Meri,
I appreciate the e-mail. Yes, I should have made a distinction between Type
1 and Type 2. I appreciate you pointing this out, and will make the
distinction clear in future articles..
Sincerely,
Dan Johnson
*So do I leave it at that, or kindly ask that they put a correction in the paper? *
Monday, November 2, 2009
Goodbye Halloween
So I know y’all are just busting at the seams, wanting to know how our Halloween went. So I’ll show off some pictures and get down to business.
L was Luigi. I had no choice. He and his friend decided one day that they would be Mario and Luigi and that was that. I know, you would think I would have more control over my kids…but I’m a sucker.
L was Luigi. I had no choice. He and his friend decided one day that they would be Mario and Luigi and that was that. I know, you would think I would have more control over my kids…but I’m a sucker.
B was a Knight. Underneath, is his king costume from a couple years ago, repurposed. And on top is what my mother in law brought back from Germany. J wore this costume two years ago. Score! I didn’t have to buy anything!
J was the cowboy riding a horse. M wore this three years ago. We dug it out of our costume box, and what do ya know…it still worked. Double score! Another costume I didn’t have to buy!
M didn’t dress up this year. TRIPLE BONUS! Well, he wore a skeleton shirt I got at Kohls for 5 bucks. (Man, I sound really cheap right now. Probably because I am…when it comes to Halloween.)
After the whirlwind of school parties and parades, we went to our church party Friday night, where the boys got TONS of candy. That night two were high, one was right on target. The next day we had wonderful sugars, until Halloween night…J was in the 300’s all night…B and L did really well. I tried not to let it bother me yesterday. I told them pick out 20 of their favorite pieces and we’ll give the rest away to the homeless shelter.
And then it hit me…
The boy’s next Endo appointments are on November 11th. Veterans Day.
HOLY UNFAIR TIMING BATMAN!
At the appointment they will download their blood sugar numbers for the past two weeks. That will include Halloween and the gazillion of parties that went along with it. Very sucky.
I know, I know…they will understand…but it is still sucky.
I survived…barely. There were some very sweet moments in there, and I am thankful that it was such a fun experience all around for them…but there was no a-ha moment that changed my mind about the holiday.
Saddest Moment: All four boys spent TWO hours trading their Halloween candy to each other. Bartering for their favorite pieces. They sat in a circle and took the whole process very seriously. I came in and said, “You know all that candy you are trading for is going to go.” They all looked at me perplexed. “Mom,” B said…”we are having fun…we know we don’t get to keep it all.” L said, “Ya mama, it’s just fun to pretend!” Yup…I’m a loser.
Funniest Moment: J’s costume was such a big hit that he got THREE times the candy as the rest of the kids. They would give B and L one or two pieces, and then J would get a handful at almost every house. I asked him after one house…”What J…you didn’t say ‘no thank you, I’m diabetic’ and hand it back to them?” (Said sarcastically of course.) And J said, “I may be Diabetic mom, but I’m not stupid. This costume ROCKS!”
Good Mom Moment: I let them carve their pumpkins themselves. (EVEN B and L used those special knives and carved them by themselves.) I didn’t help AT ALL. I didn’t give suggestions, I let them carve on the ugly side of the pumpkin, I didn’t even wince when J gave his a uni-brow. If you knew me 10 years ago you would be impressed. I used to want everything to be nice. I’m totally over it. (I even let them pick out ugly pumpkins at the pumpkin patch!:)
(Side note: We carved pumpkins and went trick or treating at my in laws, those background decorations aren't my doing.)
So now that Halloween is over we can all concentrate on more important things...like Christmas!!!!
I LOVE CHRISTMAS…and that is written with no sarcasm what so ever! I love buying presents, I love the decorations, I love the feeling of that time of year! YAY CHRISTMAS!!!!
SEE! I’m not such a scrooge after all! It’s just Halloween is stupid, that’s all.
GO CHRISTMAS!
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