A step by step guide to perfection.

How to be the perfect parent to a child with Type 1 Diabetes:

Never sleep: Diabetes never sleeps and neither should you. Food, growth, exercise, weather, illness, and "The Voice" results can all affect blood sugars. Sleep is for the weak. Alarms are not guaranteed to wake you. Just stay awake. Forever.

Never be tired: I know I told you never to sleep, but you must always be alert. I don’t care how tired you are. Staying in your pajamas late almost guarantees a call from the school to come in.  And when the kids are home, every second counts. You have to be at the top of your game at all times. Your child’s life depends on it no matter how many minutes you slept.

Always remember: Forget about forgetting. Remember the long acting shots, remember what bottle you drew from, remember to remind them to bolus at least 10 minutes before they eat, and remember the exact amounts they ate last time so you can guess without guessing. Remember what Kung Fu class does to their blood sugar, and remember to dual wave bolus for pizza. And remember the exact date of every month to reorder supplies. Don’t forget all the prescriptions will be rejected, so time reorders perfectly.

Be an expert: Know the exact carb count of any food within seconds of a quick glance, (because that food is going to disappear in seconds.) Make sure you are a mathematician. There is no room for calculation mishaps anytime of the day, including three in the morning.

Be a psychologist: Always know what your child is thinking and feeling. Depression goes hand and hand with this disease. It helps to have a sign that says, “Not my child! Not on my vigilant watch!” Make sure they are always treated fairly whilst at the same time teaching them life isn’t fair.

Keep charts: Graph. Graph. Graph. Everything. Trends need to be at the tip of your fingertips at all times. And keep graphs of that woman’s child on Facebook. Comparing is the only way to validate perfectness.

Keep numbers IN RANGE: If it’s not in range, you have failed.

Make sure your child stays cute forever: You’re going to need to raise money for this disease forever. The cuter your child is in those JDRF pictures, the more money you’ll make. Keep them little forever. Take your child to the doctor and see how to put off puberty. Puberty brings acne, awkwardness, and smells. Not acceptable for a campaign counting on the AWWW factor.

Give your advice to everyone who will listen: Since you are perfect, tell everyone. Let them know how they can be perfect too…by being exactly like you, of course! It only stands to reason that everyone in the world absorbs food exactly like your child. Deviating from your plan is unacceptable.

Have unlimited resources: Type 1 Diabetes is expensive. You need unlimited money to pay for medications, doctor appointments, therapy, and exotic trips to prove Diabetes has nothing on your child. 

Never question yourself: Always be right.

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Now that we’ve gotten through all that, please read the above again and FORGET IT.

Everything up there isn’t real. It’s all fantasy.

You are a human being. You are not a Marvel superhero. 

It’s ok to try your hardest, but don’t use the above list as your measuring stick. And please don't compare yourself to people you know nothing about. Their life isn't your life.

You are way too hard on yourself.

Your best is enough.

Do you love your child? Do you try your best?

Awesome!

You are perfect.