Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Kinder. Gentler. Understanding-er.

There is a story that goes like this:

A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my wife.  She is losing her hearing and she won't admit to it.  It's getting bad.  How can I get her out of denial so she can get some real help?"

The doctor offered this advice:  "Go home and when her back is to you, say her name quietly.  Increase in volume until she answers back.  This will give you some idea how bad the problem really is."

The man agreed the plan was brilliant and rushed home to his wife. 

As luck would have it, when he opened the front door he could see his wife across the room doing the dishes.  Her back was to was perfect!

He started tentatively, "Honey, I'm home."


He took a few steps closer to her, and a little louder said, "Honey, I'm home."

No response.

A few steps closer and much louder now, "Honey, I'm home!"


He continued the pattern across the room.  A few steps, a louder call out, and no response whatsoever from his wife.

Finally, He was right behind her, and with his head down, heartbroken for his dear wife, he could barely muster the strength to whisper, "Honey.  I am home."

And at that moment his wife whipped around and said, "Yes, my dear.  And for the tenth time...I KNOW!"


Sometimes it's hard to tell who has the problem.  Sometimes the way we see things can be skewed.

Not everything is what it seems. We need to be more gentle with each other.  There are a lot of lessons to this story, but the one that sticks out most to me is sometimes we see a person and their life/situation in a certain way...and we think we have them figured out, when in fact we have it all wrong.

Sometimes what we perceive isn't what is real.  I'm sure many of you have perceptions about my life that are way off base.  I'm sure I have perceptions about some of yours too.

Additionally, when we are brash with our opinions, and speak in a way discounting another's just isn't right.

Can't we all be kinder?  Can't we respect that we are different?  Can't we understand that even though we feel strongly about something, someone else's feelings are just as strong...and more importantly...just as valid?

We all have the right to our own choices and paths. 

When you are part of a family...a community...a friendship...nothing is worth losing those connections over.  Pointing fingers never solves anything, because as my opening tale illustrates..there are always two (very valid) sides to every story.

Love is the common thread of humanity.  Snipping that thread may condemn the person we are angry at, but it condemns us to a lonely life too.  Everyone loses when forgiveness is held hostage.

Burning bridges can be important when escaping an abusive relationship...but otherwise it just gives our love more boundaries...

And really...'boundaries' and 'love' don't work well together at all.


  1. I do have this perception: You are a great writer. You have an excellent point here. You were wonderful to share this. Of this I am sure I am right.

  2. I agree. Diversity of thought is okay. It's good to talk things out without letting our viewpoints paint us into a corner we can't escape from. I'm trying to remember right now that all of us in this community want the same thing. Thanks for sharing this.

  3. Meri, thank you for writing these words of wisdom. It has been so hard to watch all the hurt that has been going around the last few days. So painful to see people tearing each other down instead of lifting each other up. Diabetes throws us enough punches, we don't need to hurt each other too. I hope forgiveness and healing will soon takeover the DOC so we can all get back to the business of helping each other. Love ya, Meri!

  4. As always, you are so eloquent in what you say. You are such a gifted writer, always lifting up everyone around you! I don't know about what seems to be going on in the DOC, but we are all on the same team. Thank you for the gentle reminder that we need to remember that.


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