Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Flip Flopping.

Something is wrong with me.

The last few weeks Ryan has insisted on doing EVERYTHING.  He wants to work.  He wants to see every customer.  He wants to go to every meeting. 
He wants to make big future plans.  He wants to "normal."
And for the most part I was ok with that.

Except there was a lot of me saying, "Ryan, you need to rest."

And, "Ryan, you just got out of the hospital 12 hours ago.  Why must you work? 
Can't you call your customers?"

And, "Ryan, you need to listen to your body.  You can't over do it!  Slow down!"

And, "Ryan, please go nap.  You've been running around like crazy all day."

Until yesterday Ryan said to me:
"I can't do it all."

"I'm so tired I need to nap."

"I can't see all my customers, I'll call a couple."

"I'm not going to be able to make that meeting next month."

And then I'm all, "WHOA!  What you talkin' bout Willis??!"

Well, I didn't say it out loud.  But now that he is agreeing with me...I'm upset and depressed and scared on so many levels.  I didn't realize at the time how awesome it was that he WANTED to do those other things.  I didn't realize how AWESOME it was that he COULD do those other things.

And I want to scream, "Yes you can!  GO!"

(I told you something is wrong with me.)

He's finally doing all the things I asked him to do and now I've totally flip flopped.

I took a definitive stance on the issue and now like a seasoned politician, I change my mind.

I'm lost.
Are you there God?  It's me Meri.  I am lost.  I think my swelly brain has hit capacity.

I change my mind.  

Run, Ryan.  Ruuuuuuuuuuuuun!


  1. Aw Meri, hang in there, you're scared but that's okay and normal I think. I'm sending big hugs and prayers your way!

  2. Guess what? You are totally allowed to change your mind! Ryan finally decided to see the wisdom of your previous advice and now you just have different advice for him... People say "flip-flop" and "waffle" like those are Bad Things. Personally, I adore flip-flops and waffles are so tasty, especially with buttermilk and real butter melted in every square, or in the form of a fresh waffle cone, or... If you ever run for office, I will not only vote for you, I'll even volunteer to do campaign-y type stuff like go door-to-door asking if I can signs with your name in their front yard. You're my kind of politician! :-) Much love to you and acceptance of your swelly brain and flip-floppy thoughts and opinions. I think you might need either a flip-flop keychain, or flip-flop stickers for your car.. to reminder you that flip-flops can also be your friends :-D

  3. To some extent, the desire to do those things is a function of wanting to have some sense of normalcy (if that's a word!) when everything else has been turned upside down. But then reality hits; he is physically unable to do all he'd like to be able to do. Naturally, patience is key, but above all else, communication. Perhaps there's a way to balance all these things, but you won't really know unless you guys have a conversation about it.

  4. Continue leaning on the Lord, Meri. He is always there even though sometimes He seems quiet. I found a song on You Tube that I thought might bring comfort and hope to you.


  5. Makes sense you'd take turns in different roles to balance things out - and that it'd be very disorienting when they change! Sending good thoughts - you have so many people routing for you guys.

  6. Hugs - lots and lots of them - for all of you...

  7. I agree with Rachel. I love flip flops. I think everyone should wear them. There isn't anything wrong with flip flops.

    And I think whichever side of the flip-flop you are on, you are the perfect support for what Ryan needs at the time.

  8. life in flux, man. give yourself a break. hugs and rest for you both! <3

  9. It is difficult when the guys actually admit that they can't, or they break down (and maybe cry.) Things feel horrible, but you rock! You know the rock (corner stone), Christ. You are a rock to your family, and have been a great example to so many! Keep going girl!

  10. I can't even imagine trying to keep "normaling" it all, you both are incredible the way you encourage and listen to one another. Keep it up and know that flip-flopping is just part of it right now :)

  11. ::hug:: You guys are in my prayers.


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