Every four years my boys get new pumps. J just celebrated 8 years on the pump. B just finished up 4 years. L is on his second pump and still has a couple years before he is due for an upgrade. All the memories of starting the pump are flooding back. The excitement, the concern, the fear of the unknown. Insulin pumps are certainly worth their weight in gold, but whether I have the courage to come to terms with it or not...they are a symbol of our diabetic life. They represent our journey...they represent our future for the next 4 years and beyond.
Diabetes is such a fickle disease. Many days I count my blessings. Many days I see the good in it all. My boys have risen to the occasion...they are amazing and I have to give diabetes credit for letting their resilience shine. But other days when my back holds the weight of barrels of rocky blood sugars...well those days, I feel in danger of buckling under the pressure. It is a vicious cycle of ups and downs. It is a weather pattern where seasons change by the day.
Don't get me wrong. I am thankful...so so very thankful to have these instruments at our disposal. I am thankful for the men and woman in the world that are brilliant enough to invent such intricate gadgets. I am thankful that my boys can bolus themselves. I am thankful for the "control" and the flexibility it brings to our lives.
Very thankful.
But sad too.
And I guess that is ok. I am a mother, and being emotional about my boys' chronic illnesses is just par for the course.
I am excited, I am sad and I am thankful. I'm sure my brain is lit up like a Christmas tree right now trying to sort it all out. It is a puzzle of emotions that will make more sense once I put them together. Unfortunately, at the moment the pieces are still scattered around the table.
But in the meantime, I'll do the breakfast dishes and hope that when my boys come home from school today their hearts will putter with excitement, and the heaviness of receiving gadgets that truly keep them alive day in and day out won't put a damper on what is honestly a very blessed occasion.
The most important question however: what color did they pick out?!
ReplyDeleteLol yes what colors.
ReplyDeleteI totally get the conflict between being happy the tool is there but also wishing you didn't need the tool.
ReplyDeleteI totally get the conflict between being happy the tool is there but also wishing you didn't need the tool.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE my revel!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are right, color trumps all!
ReplyDeleteMy 13 year old: Black
My 9 year old: Blue
My 7 Year old: A new pump skin
L and B will now both have blue pumps. B really didn't want to get purple again, so instead I let L design a new skin. This helps us two fold. One) We won't have two completely blue pumps to mix up. Two) L has been really sad that he isn't getting a shiny new pump in the mail. Hoping the new skin will cut away some of the melancholy he's been carrying around the last couple days.
pumps are a visible reminder of what we deal with every day. but thank the lord for insulin pumps!
ReplyDeletei love my revel. it's pretty much the same, but the wording for rewinding is different. and it makes you answer questions to make sure you primed correctly. it still cracks me up! i mean, hello, i've been pumping for 14 years, do you really have to ask me every time if i see drops at the end of the tubing? ;)
let me know if you have any questions, but i'm sure you guys can figure it all out!
WoHooo for new pumps. I gotta get on our re-order. Joe's is outta Warranty right now b/c 4 years has come and gone.
ReplyDeletea reminder. a milestone. what a life, right. diabetes can make a moment at the sink terribly poignant. yay for new pumps.
ReplyDeleteNew pumps, new meters, they are all our toys. They are our little blessing and warped bit of fun in our stressful lives. Its much better than thinking of the reality...they are the tools we need to keep our loved ones alive. Funny how color is so important...that is how my son chose is first pump...Cozmo had the cool colors in those days LOL.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the new toys!
it is always strange when we, including Isaac, get excited about medically related supplies - new diabetes bag, new pump pouch, new t-shirts with pump pockets in them all make Isaac smile and every time I cringe, just a little, wishing he were getting something truly "fun" and not medically helpful.
ReplyDeleteHope the packages arrived and all boys are happy :)
Living with my closest friend in the world, Paradigm(y) is marvelous:) Other than my husband and my three daughters, it is the greatest thing ever!! Having lived with diabetes for 37 years( Wow!), my last 14 have been so much easier than the 23 years that I spent without Paradigmy. As moody as my pump can be at times, constantly reminding me that yes, I have diabetes, the ease at which I now live is amazing! Not having to stuff myself with food when I wasn't hungry because of my morning injection of short and long acting insulin. Who can actually predict how their day is going to go at 7am! Whether lunch is going to be delayed because you are in a class where the professor has decided to speak for a longer time? Or, you decided to run an extra mile because you are running with your other best friends who take a different route than you did the day before? Allowing one to deal more effectively with life's daily blips is something that one should never take lightly.
ReplyDelete