Wednesday, May 11, 2011

MacGyver at the movies. D Blog Week, Day 3

Today's prompt for Diabetes Blog Week tasked me to find a moment that I could laugh at...a blooper of sorts.

When I read the prompt I had to wonder, isn't my entire existence as a parent-pancreas a giant blooper? Frankly I think America's Home Videos could set up camp in my living room and play laugh track after laugh track in reference to Our Diabetic Life.

I wonder if the studio audience would laugh at my ridiculous pancreas costume, or if they would just sit their shaking their heads in pitiful disgust at my pancreatical inadequacy.

Whatdoyaknow...Our endo says I'm too hard on myself...I wonder if she is onto something?

Any hoo...I love to laugh. I can laugh at myself. I do laugh at myself. I can and do laugh in instances where the crazy happen, like when one of my boys' pumps goes missing...

Wait! You haven't heard that one? It's been a year since I posted, so maybe you newbies can have a laugh with me...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Reenactment (The Sequel)

Scene: 11:50 am, Car, driving to the movie theater.

Players: Three boys and a frazzled mother. (Son #4 chose to sit this movie out.)

Son #1: "What’s for lunch?"

Mom: “Hello! Popcorn! What else do you eat at a movie??”

Son #2: “Popcorn isn’t lunch mom.”

Mom: “Hold it son! If chocolate rabbits are ok for breakfast, popcorn is ok for lunch, I’m calling this one.”

Son #3: “Can we at least get hot dogs at the theater?”

Mom: “Oh sure, I’ll just take $50.00 out of your savings account and that should cover it.”

Son #1: “Nice try mom, we know you are kidding.”

Mom: “A mom’s gotta try…”

Scene: Waiting in line for tickets, Mom is horrified as she glances at Son #3, also known as B.

Mom: “What the heck happened B! Your pump tubing is flapping in the wind…when did it get ripped out of your pump??”

Son #3: “Seriously Mom, if I knew, I would have told you.”

Mom: “UHG! I’ll MacGyver it…We’ll work it out.”

Son #2: “What is MacGyver?”

Mom: “Not what…who. He is a really smart man…almost as smart at me.”

Scene: Sitting inside the theater, waiting for the movie to start. Boys balancing popcorn on their knees, hands full of hot dogs and napkins.

Mom: “J, bolus for the food, and when it is done, give me your pump, I’ll hook up B and give him insulin through the prime so it doesn’t show up on your IOB. B, hand me your pump, I’ll put in your carb and BG amounts so I’ll know how much to give you through J’s pump.”

(Scary-eyed thin balding Man sitting in front turns his head, intrigued at the medical/spy-like jargon.)

B, rifles through his pockets. He pauses. He rifles again. He stands, and thrusts his hands down every pocket his shorts have.

Son #3: “Huh, weird, I don’t have my pump, don’t worry, it’s probably at home.” (Nonchalantly sits down and continues to watch previews like it’s no big deal…)

Mom: (Paralyzed in fear…mind racing…’probably??? Probably???’) “How can you just not know where your pump is B? What do you mean probably? Did you take it out of your pocket? Where is it?!!”

Son #3: “I have no idea…it’s probably at home…don’t freak out mom.”

Mom: Freaking out. Pictures of a lone pump sitting on the sidewalk, with young punks walking by picking up the curious purple video game like contraption, flash through her head. $5000 gone. Just gone. “Does anyone have their cell phone? I left mine at home.” (Nope, not one boy has their cell phone.) “I’m going to the car…stay here! Don’t talk to strangers… (Discreetly pointing to scary bald guy in front of them,) Don’t go to the bathroom…I’ll be RIGHT back!”

Scene: In front of the theater. Mom barges through the theater doors, eyes blazing, hair flying, hands in front of her flat with fingers spread, using the spaces between her fingers as virtual magnifying glasses. Walking quickly, scanning, manic…all the way back to the car…looking in gutters, evil-eyeing the punks…ready to cry…opening the door…

It is there.

On the seat.

The pump.

Probable victim of a seat belt.

(Big fat sigh of relief.)

Scene: Movie theater…again.

Pump has bolused son #2 and son #3 and now is back in son #2’s pocket.

Crisis averted, movie thoroughly enjoyed…

Just another Pancreatical day. (Pancreatic/hysterical=my new favorite word.)


  1. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read! Bless you for being such an amazing mom and for keeping a great sense of humor!

  2. Lord, and I feel miserable if I just don't get seated in time with my popcorn to watch the previews. Bless you. Bless you all.

  3. I am chuckling in disbelief however I know this is very true. Amazing what can and does happen! You are too funny and the perfect mom for this (please take in the right way!)... God has equipped you well w/ Grace and Humor and a working mind still to boot!!, what is needed to make it through many trials. I hope my moments of hysteria will in time flow/grow into a wave of calming/love/panic all rolled into one. You are inspiring :)

  4. I could not even begin to imagine...

    Great post!!lol

  5. One of my favorite D' Stories EVAH!!!

  6. I remember this!!! A D mama doesn't forget a story as good as this one!! :)

  7. This newbie thoroughly enjoyed!

  8. I remember this one. Just as good the second time around.

  9. I will never forget this story! My admiration for you is EPIC Meri! I may have to start using your new word..I love it!

  10. Second time around was just as funny as the first!

  11. Your boys are lucky to have you as their mom! Kudos to you!

    I saw your comment on Jess' blog about the lasso-pump and almost spewed Diet Coke all over my computer screen! I've almost done that a few times out of sheer frustration, but the image of your son doing it was too funny!

    Thanks for sharing! :)

  12. OK, I'm the newbie who hasn't heard this one. UNREAL! YOU are (as my husband says) all kinds of awesome! Gotta call TLC to get a you a show!

  13. I am going to be kicked out of my office this morning due to the constant giggling and laughing out loud from your stories!!! I have been laughing all morning!

    Great story Meri! Priceless!

  14. Wow, what a crazy story! Glad it all worked out and that you can laugh about it now. :)

  15. Hilarious! Hadn't read it, so I'm glad you re-shared!!
    Oh, and thank God you are more like MacGyver and not MacGruber!!!

  16. This is SO one of my all time favorites that show DMamas ingenuity!!!! You are genius my friend! I SO wish it was recorded on film however!

  17. WOW! This is so epic!! What a great mom!!! I know I would have been totally freaking out!


    Love all your stories, but SO GLAD you shared this one again.

    Sorry to be getting a lift in my day at your expense...but IT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS!

  19. Great post!!! You had me at - MacGuyver, popcorn lunch and pancreatical. Sooo funny!!! :)

  20. Great post! Like Un-Apologetic Diabetic said... you had me at MacGuyver. ...using the spaces between her fingers as virtual magnifying glasses. You rock!

  21. Loved pancreatical too! This is such a great story and I do like the way the boys are so cool and just sit there telling you not to freak out.

  22. This is the best D-story EVAH! You are an awesome MacGyver!!

  23. I have no doubt that you could teach MacGyver a thing or two!
    YOU. ROCK.
    kelly k

  24. Oh my gosh! You rock MacMeri!!

  25. This was just as good to read the 2nd time!! :)

  26. OMG... This is the BEST post I've EVER read. Ever. I may need to print it out and hang it on the fridge, using a paperclip and some bubble gum. Seriously, how awesome!!! But I almost fell over when reading your son's response about NOT knowing who MacGyver is... I mean, Richard Dean Anderson. C'mon. Like LONG before he was Jack O'Neill, and a little bit after those days on General Hospital (or so I'm told). Anyhow. Great post, Meri! Thanks for the laughs, and vivid imagery, and just awesome D-MacGyerisms on your part!

  27. I agree with Lora - just as god the 2nd time. You are so amazing!! I love your awesomeness!

  28. Hilarious take on a stressful experience! So glad I checked your blog out for today's post!!!

  29. Loved that story!! I'll have to have my T1 daughter read it!

  30. Holy cow! I was all kinds of stressed out just reading about the possible missing pump! (Why have I not read this post before?) So glad it was there in the car. Now I can laugh! lol

    And that whole figuring out how to bolus with another one's pump and keep track of! You amaze me!!! Seriously!

  31. HOLY COW! You are downright amazing!

  32. Pancreatical??? Love. It.

    That is one awschum story, Meri. So sorry it is true! ;)

  33. Can I just say? You are amazing!!! (PS: I went to the movies yesterday. I, too, decided popcorn counted as lunch. I, however, didn't rip out my site or lose my pump. LOL)

  34. Great story Meri! This newbie thoroughly enjoyed it. As a pre-diagnosis veteran of lost iPods, Nintendo DS, cell phones, etc... I can't wait for the excitement of a lost pump! :-P
    You rock!! :-)


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