Thursday, April 28, 2011

Teeter. Totter. Breathe.

I'm on a teeter totter.

I'm up in the air...I can feel the wind in my hair...the view is just fine.

Diabetes isn't that big of a deal.

I'm on a teeter totter.

I've hit the bottom...I feel the hardness of the reality...My head aches from banging the ground.

Diabetes is SUCH a big deal.

I'm on a teeter totter. I'm sitting in the middle. I'm neither up nor down.

I'm ok.

That is my life.

Riding the teeter totter day after day.

I can't make it stop.

I'm up.

I'm down.

I'm ok.

Tis Our Diabetic Life.

Some days I feel like I'm stuck on the ground. My pockets are filled with weights. I can't move. My tears water the dandelions. On these days, all there diabetes. It's a big deal. It is such a big deal.

Other days I'm flying high. Diabetes has nothing on me. My laughter echoes through the clouds. I'm light as a feather and I can stay up all day long. Numbers are good...there are no worries...deep breath...

It never lasts long.

Because what goes up...

Must come down.

But the middle. The middle is where I spend most my time. I'm centered there. There is no up and down....there is just calm. There is no comfy seat in the middle. I have to brace myself with both hands to stay there. But the middle is a safer place. The middle is where I need to be.

I'm okay when I'm in the middle.

I'm on a teeter totter.

Every day.

Every hour.

Where will I wake up tomorrow? Will I be up? Will I be down? Will I be bracing myself in the middle?

Only tomorrow knows.

Too bad, the teeter totter isn't as fun as it looks.

I'd rather have both feet on the ground. I see people walk by me every day with their feet on the ground. I wonder if they know how lucky they are not to ride every day? I wonder if they have any idea how much I want to walk with my feet on the ground too?

I wonder if they even know I'm on the teeter totter?

Can they see me going up and down, up and down, up and down?

Do I make it look fun?

Are they on their own invisible teeter totters too?

I'm on a teeter totter.

And honestly...all I can do, is try to enjoy the ride.


  1. We need to slap a big ol' Tempur-pedic pillow under our asses Meri!!!

    The bracing is "endurance" part of our journey. I wanna walk w/ my two feet on the ground too. I am thankful to have the rest of the DOC to help give me "strength" for the and the DOC are the endurance enhancers for sure.


  2. Hey Meri - we all feel you - just remember, that those people who look like they have 2 feet on the ground, probably don't. Read this blog post to remember that we can be easily fooled into believing our perceptions of other people's relaity. They may be on a different teeter totter. We only see their 2 feet on the ground and don't see that they have just hit down hard on their butt too.

    Big hugs my friend! Keep on keeping on. There is beauty in that simple purpose.

  3. Poetic as always Meri! Such a good description of what our lives are like. I strive for that middle but most of the time I am on one end or the other!

  4. I always hated Teeter Totters.
    But I seriously love you, DMama :0)

  5. Teeter Totters are much more funner with a friend. (yes, I said FUNNER!)

    Thanks for sharing the ride.

  6. Well put, again, Meri! I am in awe of your talent!!
    Remember teeter totters only work if you have a friend on the other side so you are never alone in your ups, downs, and middles. Not that we all don't want to GET OFF, at least we have others that are there with us to help balance it out!!

  7. PERFECT analogy!!!

    My butt hurts, too! Reyna's right. We need a squishy pillow to make the ride a little more comfortable! ... Perhaps the DOC is our pillow...

  8. Love the post - love the comments!

  9. I recently did a face plant off a teeter totter, not fun, I should wear a helmet. Good analogy of Life with the D.

  10. Ahhh Meri! You are SO good at putting feelings into words. That was an absolutely perfect analogy. Loved what the others said about needing a friend to make the teeter totter work better. So happy to call you my friend and thanks for teetering me back up when I am down :) Love you!

  11. Great post...and love the comments too!

  12. Meri, you need to find a publisher. Seriously, your writing is genius. I love you.

  13. I completely agree with Amanda. You should send some of these stories in and see what happens! You can weave an analogy quicker than poop stinks. You have talent, M'lady.

  14. Amazing post. I feel the same way but could never verbalize it as eloquently as you just did.

    Atleast if we fall off we so many there to catch us. Xoxo


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