Monday, February 8, 2010

Feeling Edgy?

The other day we were leaving to go to my in-laws for a nice dinner. As I was grabbing the keys to go out the door, my husband says,

“Oh ya, I forgot, the bench in your car is broken, we’ll have to take 2 cars.”


“Oh ya? Oh ya? That is how you tell me…’by the way, the bench is broken’??”

“It’s not a big deal,” he says…”It is still under warranty.’

“No big deal? No big deal? (Ya, I repeat myself when I am in disbelief.) Do you have any idea how that is going to affect my life for the next week?? It means HOURS at a dealership, of which I’m not sure even exists, (we have a Saturn,) where they will tell me they have to “order” a part, which means a return trip to the dealership for hours of waiting! Not to forget, I NEED those seats to carpool kids!”

My husband looked at me like I was nuts. I don’t blame him. I was on the verge of a breakdown.

This is where I looked down at a spoon that was in my hand that must have magically appeared, because I don’t remember how it got there…

And I threw it into the sink.

Where it made a HUGE KERPUNK because our sink is stainless steel.

My husband was baffled…(wherein lies the proof that men are COMPLETELY different than women.)

As we sat in silence driving to my in-laws I turned to my husband.

“You know why I’m crazy? You want to know why little things like a broken bench throw me for a loop? I live on the edge of a cliff. My toes are hanging over the edge of that cliff. The broken bench didn’t put me there…I’m ALREADY there. You could throw a feather at me, and that is all it would take to fling me over that edge. The LITTLEST of things can tip me over. So that broken bench, was like a Karate chop to my back. A girl can only stay stable for so long. A girl can only keep her balance on the edge if she doesn’t have things belting her on the back of the head to throw her over. I’ve spent my life on this ledge. Sometimes it’s sunny and calm, but most days it’s windy, and I have a hard time keeping my footing. Do not throw things at me while I am on the ledge!”

My husband nodded. He made a comment that let me know he understood what I was saying. He winked at me and gave me the smile. The smile that always puts me right again.

And when we got to my in laws, my sweet husband fixed the bench on his own. And he saved me from a week of “extra stress.”

Sometimes I close my eyes, and live my life pretending I don’t live on that ledge. I pretend all is fine and my life is as normal as all get out. But then something small happens and I lose it. And I’m forced to open my eyes and see where I live emotionally.

That is why little things break us. We are like sticks, bent to the breaking point. We live everyday with tension on each end. All it takes is a small amount of pressure to break that stick.

SO ya, I WILL throw a spoon when the bench breaks.

I will cry when I read posts about Oprah and Dr. Oz fricking up the worlds view on Diabetes.

I will crumble when small things get thrown my way.

Because I am there…on the cliff…living every day on the edge. It is a perilous place to be, but if I’m able to keep my footing, and dare to look up from my toes that cling to the rocky cliff…I can actually take in the view…

And it is breathtaking.


  1. Meri,

    Beautifully versed, well said, as always, I am really enjoying your posts.

    It is like you are living in my head...I honestly feel that we don't have room for things NOT planned for...we are functioning at max capacity to keep the family functioning day-to-day and managing Joe's diabetes as best as we possibly can.

    ...and the sad thing is I know we are doing pretty well...I cannot even imagine what it is like for other families that don't have the support...emotionally, financially, medically that we do.

    Your husband rocks BTW for fixing the bench himself! Have a great week...xoxo R

  2. OOPS...comment 1 was from Reyna...I must have signed in on my husbands account.

  3. Yay for awesome husbands! I am so happy he was able to fix that for you and spare you from hours of certain agony.

    From one cliff dweller to another, your freak out sounded exactly like mine do!

    btw, Elise was playing with her Little People toys, and kept calling one of them Auntie Meri!

  4. Thank you, really that is all I have to say because that is how I have been feeling all last week.

    My parents took the kids for the day on Friday and when they do that you know you are going a little crazy and I needed a break!!

    BUT I LOVE THE VIEW....that was great, you made me smile :)

    Thank you!!

  5. Awesome post, as always! You always seem to find the words I have in my head. You put them down exactly how I am thinking, but for some reason when I try to write them, they get all messed up!

    Thank you for yet another amazing post. :) I am sharing this one.

  6. When you do look up and take in the view....look around, we're all there waving at ya!

    Deep breaths this week my friend. You're not as close to the edge as you think. Out of all of us, I feel you have a load to deal with, no doubt, but you're amazing in how you do it! Sometimes it's just good to get it got your seat fixed! ;)

  7. It's so good to hear that I am not the only one. I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not the only one.

  8. I throw laundry. It doesn't get the same sound effects that my emotions want, but it works.

    It is a beautiful view from up here...but...this ledge is mighty scary.

    When I start throwing laundry, that's when I know it's time to bring it to Jesus.

    He knows all my dirty laundry...and loves me anyway.

  9. I have been digging in my heels in a heavy windstorm lately... thanks for putting into words for me.

  10. Oh Meri I want to give you a great big hug . well that awesome hubby of yours stepped in and saved the agony of staying at a dealership for hours . I think we all have been on that cliff lately and that stupid show that we were all abuzz about . Yeah it s a nice view from the ledge gota agree .

  11. LOVE IT!! Awesome post once again our wonderful wise Meri.

  12. Only those who truly live dare go to the edge of that cliff and have a glance at what's on the other side. Congrats for being one of them...

  13. Oh gosh Meri - the edge just totally sucks. Great post about it! I so feel like I am clinging to the vine which is hanging over the edge, and my dog is digging a hole around where the vine is attached to the cliff at the top. I get it.

    The view is great, but sometimes I wonder if I could just get the view sometimes, not every livelong day, for the rest of my livelong life, you know what I mean????

  14. Meri - are you living inside my head? This is EXACTLY how i've been feeling. Like a strong breeze is just going to push me over. It's so scary. It's hard to live life on the edge. I think i may have fallen over the edge this past weekend - but I'm climbing back up.
    Thanks for the words, friend. Luv you to pieces!

  15. Awesome post- and I am right there with you my friend. Holding on for dear life-while the spectacular view literally takes my breath away~
    Kelly K

  16. Amen Mer, Amen!! I like Wendy's comment about the dirty laundry. Profound sistas! Profound!

  17. What a great post!

    I threw numbing cream earlier, hit my framed picture and broke the frame...luckily there was no glass in the picture.

    We have great company on the edge....don't we?

  18. Oh wow! You described my life perfectly. Living on the edge is so scary and those who toss feathers at us don't understand how hard it will through us. This post is so fitting to so many of us right now. Thanks for putting it into words so well. Because of this post I might actually be able to explain to my husband why I act the way I do and why such little things can cause me to snap. You've given me a new perspective. Thanks for that. Here's to calm winds in the days to come!

  19. BTW...thought of and used this post as an example yesterday to explain to my husband how I was feeling... as I found out as I am packing and carb-counting Joe's lunch for school...that we ran out of PEANUT BUTTER (this is a major fiasco in our house)...and the videographer was coming over right after I was to drop the kids off at school. Let's just nails were clawing at the edge like a cat trying to get out of a pool!


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