The Meri Tribune

Today I am cleaning out my inbox and sharing a load of awesome information. It just isn't right that I keep it to myself! November is National Diabetes Awareness Month, and there are a ton of things happening to further our cause! Pick and choose what your family might want to get involved with. I'm posting all the links in case you want to know more!

The Big Blue Test: Sponsored by the Diabetic Hands Association and Roche, the Big Blue Test asks all people touched by diabetes to:

-Test their blood sugar
-Get active for at least 14 minutes
-Test their blood sugar again
-Share their numbers on http://bigbluetest.org

Do this between November 1st and 14th and Roche will donate $75,000 in connection with the number of people that DO the Big Blue Test. These funds will be re-granted among 6 humanitarian diabetes programs (1 international and 5 US-based) to support more than 8,000 people with diabetes in need (up from 2,000 people that were supported last year!) Take a bike ride. Do jumping jacks. Take a walk as a family. Do the Big Blue Test, record your results and in return help others with diabetes in need. WIN/WIN!

Team Type 1 Runs Across America: Starting in Oceanside, CA, 10 runners—all with type 1 diabetes— will run 3,000 miles to raise awareness for type 1 diabetes. The run will end in New York City on November 14, World Diabetes Day. Meanwhile, TrialNet will be racing to screen 3,000 people—one for every mile that Team Type 1 runs. This will bring the total number of people taking part in TrialNet research to 100,000. There is more info about the run at Laura's blog: HERE.

As you may know, TrialNet is an international network of researchers who are exploring ways to prevent and delay the progression of type 1 diabetes. My son M and my husband and I have been tested by TrialNet. You can find more information HERE.

Medtronic Receives IDE Approval to Conduct ASPIRE In-Home Study of First Insulin Pump with Low Glucose Suspend for US Market: I'm especially excited about this one! We have been waiting for this step forward for us here in the good ol' US of A. Read the press release HERE. Also, Medtronic is now on Twitter...you can find them HERE. They also have launched a new blog this year called The Loop...this last article is awesome. It really puts all we, and our children, have to think about in perspective. I mean I knew my brain was swelly for a reason, but seeing it all typed out like this is eye opening to say the least! Take a look...it is so worth your time! The link is HERE.

Cookbooks for a cause! Laura's mother and her sisters have written an amazing cookbook. It is a project of love with all proceeds going to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) and to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA). To order one, visit Laura's blog HERE. I've seen pictures of her mothers dishes, and let me tell you...it'll be worth every penny!

World Diabetes Postcard Exchange! It isn't too late to sign up! Send a postcard somewhere in the world to another family that has the same heart, and the same day to day grind as you! And then receive one back! You can visit The Butter Compartment HERE.

Blue Fridays: Blue Fridays is an initiative to bring attention to World Diabetes Day, and to advocate and bring awareness for diabetes and the people living with it. Diabetes is more than a national issue; it's a world epidemic. This year, Cherise from Diabetes Social Media Advocacy wants to rally the diabetes community to celebrate World Diabetes Day and Diabetes Awareness Month by asking people to wear blue every Friday during the Month of November and on World Diabetes Day (November 14). How easy is this one? I think we can all get on board here!

D Blog Day: November 9th is D Blog Day and you can participate whether you have a blog or not! Gina (Your diabetes BFF) wants to make a scrapbook from families all around the world! All you need is a 12x12 piece of paper and some imagination. ON the 9th you can post the pic of your page on your blog, and then mail it in to Gina for the scrapbook masterpiece! You can find out more about that HERE!

Lastly! In honor of Diabetes Awareness Month I will be joining Wego Health and will be participating in National Health Blog Post Month. This means I will be blogging every day in November. If you have a blog...please join me in the madness! You can sign up HERE! I don't mean to spam you all month. Please read when you can. I just feel really strongly that this is the month I need to step up and advocate the best I can! Wego Health has provided some prompts to help me out. Thank you for putting up with me!

That about wraps it up! It is going to be a crazy month friends. Better put on your seat belt for this one, it is already proving to be fast and furious!

Happy Halloween!

Basals. A tough nut to crack...but oh so tasty!

We love pistachios.

They are for sure one of our favoritest nuts. So when we were at Costco last week and saw this little beauty, all shelled and ready for immediate consumption...well, we grabbed it and headed straight for the register.


We popped it open when we got home and they were really good.

Really good. Not really great.

What is it about working for them...prying them out of their nut jail cells, that makes them taste oh so much better?

How can putting effort into something make something all the more sublime?

Like our pistachios...basal tweaking gives us an equally euphoric feeling when we work hard for that golden nut in the middle...and we finally reach it.

I think I have cracked our wonky numbers hard shell...and what I have found tastes better than pistachios, or even chocolate itself.

I have found my marbles again. I have found a sense of predictability. And best of all, I have found my confidence. Today I find myself not scared of the decisions I make. And that yields a tasty nugget of happiness for sure!

What if dialed in basals were as easy to come by as an entire bag of shelled pistachios? Would we appreciate what we have? Or would the sense of satisfaction be moot?

I'm not sure of the answer to that question, but I can tell you one thing...

If I saw this sitting on the shelf in Costco...I would most certainly buy three...and risk the flavor of personal achievement. I think in this case, there is a good chance it would be worth the trade off.


(PS My last post was posted on Monday, but written Friday Night. I've been tweaking basals for weeks and am finally seeing the sun! We hit a triple with yesterdays numbers, and I am sighing a big fat sigh of relief. Can't say we're out of the woods yet...but that sun feels oh so warm and inviting!)

Remembering when my middle name was Ann.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't remember. If only the days when my biggest worry was if a snotty nose was going to turn into an ear infection didn't burn in my swelly brain...maybe I would be having a better day than I am today.

Because today it feels like all the walls that I have built to protect me from my simpler past, are crumbling.

Three weeks ago every one of my boys had basals dialed in as succinct as a fine quartz watch...and now I don't know what I will find when the countdown flashes on the monitor. Any predictability I had before is gone.

When my boys call me with their numbers at snack I hold my breath...praying it begins with a one. "ONE ONE ONE," I scream in my brain as I'm waiting for the number, "PLEASE, START WITH A ONE."

It has all fallen apart that quickly.

And I wish this was all I knew. Because the echoes of yesterdays are screaming in my ear.

I remember.

I remember feeding my child and not doing algebra theorems in my head.

I remember leaving the house with only a wallet.

I remember going to sleep before my head hit the pillow...without setting an alarm.

I remember when my middle name was Ann...not Worry...

I remember.

And the worst part of it all is I wonder if my boys remember too.

These wonky numbers are ripping my soul out. If our children were in danger, we would protect them. But what do we do when the invader is their own immune system? How can we protect them from themselves?

I can't check their sugars more. I swear L's fingers are going to disappear from all the chiseling that lancet is doing. And he doesn't blink an eye. In fact he'll check his sugar every hour if he is feeling off. On his own. He is 7, and obviously going through a mammoth growth spurt at this very moment.

I feel so vulnerable. The numbness is wearing off. I was able to keep myself numb to all the numbers for so long...and now it is like the doctor has turned off the anesthesia and I can FEEL. Every number burns. Every carb count FEELS like the most important decision of my life. The weight has returned and my back aches from the guilt.

Guilt that I can't protect my children as well as I'd like to.

I wish I was smarter.

I wish I could fix it all.

I wish...

My mind knows that sooner or later we'll figure it all out and I will feel better as quickly as all of the recent occurrences have brought me down...

But my heart can't ignore the sight of my children in front of me...

Eating as fast as they can to satiate a low.

Gulping down water to quench the thirst of a high.

Washing blood droplets off their fingertips from constant checking.

Enduring extra set changes in hopes of fixing sustained highs.

Watching it hurts my heart.

I want to turn away, but we all know that will never be an option. They are counting on me.

So I will be there every minute, every step, trying to bring us back to the tick tick tick of predictability. And when we get there, I will rebuild those walls, and I will forget those simpler days again. I will look forward to the bright future that waits for my brave, selfless boys...and I will find ways to mask the daily grind of this disease.

Because all this focusing on the daily grind is grinding my spirit down to top soil. The boys don't need fertilizer for a mother. They need a rock.

May the good Lord help me to be that rock. From this blog, to His ears...

It's laughing at me.

A couple weeks ago our nurse sent us some coupons for free pump skins. It couldn't have come at a better time because little L was upset that he didn't get a new pump like his brothers did. The boys perused the offerings and then decided to create their own skins. (For you Medtronic folks, you can find the skins HERE.)

First up: A pic of our dog Lawton. Both B and L wanted the same picture and didn't care that they would match. L picked a green background...B picked dark blue.


At the bottom of the pump skin there was room for more creating so L opted to have his name put there.

B was very clear about what he wanted too: LOL!

No, I wasn't laughing there. That is exactly what he wanted written on his pump: "LOL!"

I tried to playfully talk him out of it. I mean, it is so random. But my B LOVES random. And "LOL!" it was.


Fast forward to the past couple days. B's numbers have been wonky at best. Out of NOWHERE we are getting lows. A couple days ago, a 39. Yesterday a 46. Then he jumps up quickly to the 200's, and then we resume the roller coaster ride for the rest of the day. There is nothing worse than having predictability go out the window. Last night he tests before bed at 8:00 and he is 280. Weird. He barely ate any dinner. We cleaned the finger to verify, and then corrected. One hour later: 124.

At that point I wondered if I was on candid camera.

When pulling out his pump to enter a temp basal of zero for one hour...I saw it.

"LOL!"

It was laughing at me.

Not cool.

The ironic image has stayed with me all night long. I couldn't sleep, and neither could my husband...we chatted in bed for hours. L was high at the 2am check. 302. We meant to recheck but our bodies finally were able to sleep. And sleep we did.

L woke up 498. 4.2 blood ketones.

As I changed his set, (which was full of blood,) and grabbed his pump to correct the injustice of said blood...the image struck me...

Like a ghost haunting me, the letters "LOL!" transposed themselves onto L's pump too. Clear as day...his pump was laughing at me.

I don't know about you, but I don't like being laughed at in situations that are meant to be mean. And trust me...those pumps meant to be mean.

My feelings are a little bit hurt.

But I'm dusting myself off and devising a plan to have the last laugh myself.

L has gone back to sleep now with two full glasses of water and a fresh blood free set in his body. He has lab fresh insulin running through his system...and he is going to be ok. I changed B's basals a week ago...I dialed those back.

Take that universe.

We'll see who's laughing tomorrow!

(Here's a hint: It will not be you.)

LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! (Yeah, I'm kinda maniacally laughing right now. Don't worry too much about me. I'll be ok too. Tomorrow...I'll be ok too. Yep, I'll totally be ok too. If I keep saying it, it will come true, right?)

Push Pause.

There is a crosswalk in the middle of town that no one stops for. There can be people waiting there for a good ten minutes to cross while cars rush by in their hast.

There is a four way stop less than a mile up the road, near a group of schools, where no one waits for their turn. If there is a shortcut or a small window of opportunity...they will take it.

Many fly through yellow lights when they know they won't make it through before it turns red.

Many cut in front of people when they KNOW the other person will have to step heavily on their brakes to allow them access.

What has happened to us?

It is like we all are flung out of a slingshots as soon as we rise in the morning and we can't stop the trajectory of our flights.

We are flying through life out of control, with our mouths flung open and with muffled screams unavoidably coming from our throats. Our eyes sting from the wind, so much so, we have lost sight of what is important. Is it no wonder when diabetes is thrown into the mix we become flying lunatics?

One small thing. It only takes one small thing to give that slingshot enough power to fling us out of the stratosphere.

* One high blood sugar that came out of left field.

* One night when you catch a low you weren't even planning on checking for.

* One day when you realize your child's pump is out of insulin.

* One second when you realize you forgot to order supplies.

* One minute when you remember you didn't have your child check their sugar before they began eating dinner.

There is a thousand scenarios...and only one problem. We aren't keeping our feet on the ground. We are running our lives in fast forward.

We need the presence of mind sometimes to just push pause.

Pause and stop the madness. Our brains are fickle. They like to get caught up in the chaos. They like to bring things to the next level, and then the next, and then to the next...

Our brains like to THINK about everything!

They like to ANALYZE everything!

They like to WORRY about everything!

We need to stop the madness and push pause.

How can we do that?

I've been thinking of ways all morning. You see, last week I was shot out of a cannon and have just only today realized I didn't consciously step up and do something to stop the madness. I let the strength of the TNT of life take me on the dangerous flight. A ride that had me flailing my arms and left me with the feeling that I have lost control over all that is good.

'Cause when you are flying through the air without anything to keep you grounded...the only feeling one is left with is despair.

And that is where I was. Too much going on for me to take the time to look for that parachute that could get me back to earth.

But today, as I was driving home from dropping off the boys, I did something crazy.

I slowed down.

I turned off the radio.

I sat in silence and watched the world race around me and I realized...I could have stopped it.

I just needed to press pause.

What would pressing pause look like for you? For me it was finding some silence.

For me it might even look like a long bath. Or a good book.

Things that I don't allow myself the pleasure of slowing down for. Things that I say to myself won't make that much of a difference because it won't actually take the troubles away. Sure, maybe they won't...but they will give me the time I need to rediscover all that is good in my life. And not surprisingly, that isn't a hard thing to do. The good FAR FAR FAR outweighs the bad.

I just needed to press pause for 10 minutes to find it.

The video below doesn't have much to do with this post, but I thought about it as I was writing. I take so much for granted, and I think it has a lot to do with my frustrations and letting things get to me. Perspective is everything...

The ugly and inevitable truth.

My husband and I don't trust our kids as far as we can throw them. Sure, we give them a sense of comfort. We reassure them that we have full faith in their choices. We lift them up with words of adoration and respect.

But in reality, we are just waiting. We know they are going to do something crazy stupid sometime. We were kids once. We were teenagers once. We know all the tricks in the book.

Anyway, when it comes to diabetes...same rules apply. We kinda' figure they are lying until they prove it. J, more than any of our boys, gets the jest of the game. I'll ask him what his blood sugar was at school when I pick him up and he'll always rattle off a number. Sometimes I'll look him deep in his eyes...down to his soul...to see if I can see any hint of a lie in his answer. He is really good at giving me his stare of complete confidence back. He knows my tricks too. So most of the time I make him show me on his meter, and he hurriedly takes it out of his backpack to show me what a donkey butt I am for questioning his honesty.

I do this because I've caught him before. Not that he is a bad kid. On the contrary...he is as wonderful as they come. But EVERY kid tries to get away with something. For J, at the end of last year it was not checking his sugar at school for almost a month. I found this out at Open House when all his teachers told me that J was eating out of his low boxes for the first time all year...and they needed a restock of supplies. This happened only when I got comfortable. I questioned him and tested his honesty almost every day his entire 7th grade year. I stopped questioning him after his endo appt in March of that year because his A1C was AMAZING, and the endo praised him up and down for what she saw on his pump print out. I questioned my questioning him all the time. Was I too harsh? He is so responsible, and amazing at taking care of himself...so I backed off for a couple months.

And that resulted in opening a window for him. Would I have taken advantage of that freedom when I was 13? You bet your Aqua Net hairspray and Jimmy Z T-shirt I would have.

So we are back to the game, and he is back to being uber responsible and testing again.

But my son is super smart. And he'll find more open windows. In fact, just last week I felt a draft, and sure enough I saw it...out of the corner of my eye as I walked by J filling his reservoir for his pump.

He had the sucker filled to capacity. He only needs it 3/4 filled at most. I knew in that split second that he was filling it up so that he could extend his set change another day or even two.

Genius. I honestly had to give him props.

But I didn't say anything. I waited for the right time. Lucky for me, I didn't have to wait long.

It was about 4 days later when I did my nighttime check on J and had to correct his sugar. I turned on the light to his pump and saw that he only had about 14 units left of insulin. "Remind him to change his set in the morning," I whispered to myself.

The next morning was chaos...the kind of morning where your brain is like scrambled eggs and it is all you can do just to get out the door dressed. Well that morning, I forgot to remind him, and realized only when I got home from dropping him off. He wouldn't have enough insulin to cover lunch...I knew that.

So at lunch I made my way to the Jr. High and had them call him out of class to do his set change.

He came into the office, weary of my presence.

"Hey J, isn't it like day five of that set...you need insulin, right?"

He looked at me for a long moment. I could practically see the cogs in his brain turning trying to figure out how I knew...

"Um, yeah...I'll change it now."

I handed him the insulin and reveled in my victory.

He doesn't know how long I knew. But I gave him the impression that I am all knowing. AND THAT is all that is important.

We need to stay on top of our kids. I'm not bat poop crazy enough to be on their case all the time, that would send them into rebel mode and we don't like it there. We just need to be sure that they know we are paying attention. We need to pick the right times to question. We need to be consistent with our questions, and kind in our timing.

They are going to lie. It is OK. They don't do it maliciously. It is part laziness, part boredom with the whole routine. I get why he does it...and like I said, I don't blame him for it.

But it doesn't make it ok. I made a deal with J that he only has to check 1 time at school. I compromised...I would ideally like for him to check 3 times at school. But I understand that for a 13 year old who has such a handle on it all I needed to make these compromises.

I don't ask for much, but what I do ask for needs to be done.

No exceptions.

His life means the world to me, and his future relies on healthy habits. One of those is checking his sugar at school.

The set change problem? I'll let the endo get on his case about that. I don't like being the bad guy. She'll see it on his print out and she'll have words with him, and then I'll follow through.

Four days with one set isn't going to end the world. It actually doesn't bother me as long as he is still getting good numbers on day 4. We'll see what happens. Can't bust out the diatribes unless they are needed.

Because if I have learned anything the past 13 years...

Success is 50% consistency and 50% empathy and 10% timing.

Yes, that does equal 110%. We have to put in more than 100%...it is our calling as pancreases to do so.

The Meri-est world ever!

(Today is NO D DAY. Shhhhh...we're not allowed to talk about anything "D" related. So saddle up. This is going to be an interesting ride!)

Last year on No D Day I contemplated actions I would take if I, "Took over the world or whatever."

This year I would like to add to that list. Not that dictatorships are ok or anything, but let's face it...if I ruled the world, it would be a better place. I'm not bragging, I'm just being honest, and HEY! There is an attribute right there, (honestly,) that totally PROVES I would rock this Overlord thing!

Let's get to it! If I ruled the world:

* I would get rid of high fructose corn syrup. I'm pretty sure that stuff has to go for the human race to survive.

* Cars would cost one fixed price. It isn't fair that some people pay less and some people pay more for the same car.

* Dora The Explorer reruns would be GONE. There just would have to be a new one made every day. It has been a good 3 years since we watched it/were obsessed with it, and I was saddened to flip through the channels the other day AND THE VERY SAME EPISODES I'VE SEEN 200,000,000 TIMES ARE STILL PLAYING! Not cool.

* Yo Gabba Gabba...yeah, that one is gone too.

* And speaking of children cartoons: What is up with that show, "Bakugon?" The characters are little flying robot balls that have no mouths. So when they speak their whole bodies have to move. Like a bad imitation of the robot from Lost in Space. ("Danger Will Robinson.") I imitated their moves while the boys were watching TV the other day and realized if we needed to move our entire bodies every time we spoke, we would all be fit and trim. "Speak like you're a Bakugon" might make it onto my edict too. (Buh Bye Weight Watchers!)

* If you are driving, and you merge into a turning lane and you leave the butt of your car in the other lane, people are allowed to hit your car, and you are responsible for damages. (OK, that one is a little mean, but tuck your butt in people!)

* Dog food would have to smell like candy..or roses. Candied roses. Yeah.

* Every Children's Jacket would be required to be manufactured with a HUGE WHITE TAG for the kids to write their names on. Seriously, most of my boys jacket are made with black tags now. Where am I supposed to write their name???

* Good bye Jeggings.

* Stephan Spielberg would have to make every other movie a family feel good/inspirational film.

* Stain resistant carpet would actually be...stain resistant. I know! Brilliant, right?

* Every carrier would offer the iphone. (And for serious, if I were the World Queen/Whatever there would be an iphone 5 out right now.)

* All children under the age of 18 must be in bed by 8:30 pm. I think the world would be a better place if everyone had a good night sleep.

* Before we'd fund the war, we would fully fund our schools. And if there was no money left, well...oops. Schools first. How can we have a good future if we don't raise smarties?

* Cupcakes, bacon and those almond caramel chocolate clusters at Costco...those would go into a bigger section on the food pyramid.

* And last but not least...last year I was contemplating getting rid of Thursdays...this year Mondays would be x'ed out too. I'm sorry. They just have to go.

What would you do to make my monarchy better? I'm open to suggestions. In fact, remind me to put a suggestion box by my Ruler of The World office door...I'd totally be nice that way. I'd probably even read them too! I guess the real question now is, how can you NOT want me to rule the world?

(And just imagine all the great ideas I would have if I were allowed to mention "D!" 'Nuff said!)

The cold slushy truth. Too much to ask for?

I was never a big fan of the Slurpee. Give me chocolate any day of the week. But my husband discovered the sugar free Slurpee by chance, and ever since it has been the special treat of choice in the Schuhmacher household.

True-True that the Slurpee isn't really "sugar free." There are carbs in there for sure. But we are in a place right now where all the boys get "free" afterschool snacks or else they go low. We get the smallest size and no one needs to bolus...win/win!

It was a couple months ago that we discovered a new sugar free flavor called Cherry Apple. MAN ALIVE was it delicious! Seriously, I never in my life expected that last sentence to come out of this keyboard...but it was so good I actually had cravings for it after. I kept it as my little secret though. The boys don't need to know I crave junk, right?

It was a hot September day when I casually suggested we go get Slurpees.

The boys, thinking I was the coolest mom ever, enthusiastically agreed.

After we drove a good five miles away from our normal route home, about 10 minutes with the traffic, we finally reached our destination. We all hopped out of the car and headed for the Slurpee corner of the market.

J: "Noooooooooo!!"

Me: "What's wrong? Oh my gosh, you forgot to bolus for lunch, right? I'm right! Right?"

J: "No, they changed the sugar free flavor to Peach Mango."

B: "That is ok, I like that one too..."

L: "Oh, it's orange, I bet it is good..."

Me: "Stop! Don't grab those cups! Let's go to the other 7-11 down the road and see if they have the Cherry Apple."

B: "It's ok Mo...."

Me cutting him off: "No...only the best for my boys. I don't mind, let's go!" Said in my chipperest best mom voice while already having one foot out the door. (Man, I was craving that Cherry Apple. No judging me! Peach Mango tastes like throw up. It is a proven fact.)

We get to the next 7-11 and go inside.

J: "Noooooooooo!! They don't have any sugar free flavors!"

Me: "Let's keep movin'! There is another one just a few miles down the street!"

We get to 7-11 number 3 and I send J inside to case the joint and see if they have what we are looking for. J pressed his face against the door and gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up!

"Alright boys, let's do this thing!"

I could practically taste the cold tart goodness already. It was almost 100 degrees outside. I was SO ready!

We run in like a herd of buffalo and grab our cups. J fills his first, followed by B.

Me: "B, stop!"

B: "I can do it on my own mom...I've done it before."

Me: "No stop!" I take the cup from him and look at the orange color inside.

"This is not Cherry Apple." I taste it and can't place the flavor. The fountain SAYS Cherry Apple...but Cherry Apple is red...not orange.

I take the incriminating evidence to the front counter.

"Excuse me, can you confirm for me that this is in fact, Sugar Free Cherry Apple? It is orange...I'm concerned there has been a mistake."

I can see a customer in the corner of me eye confused as to why I am so official when speaking of Slurpee flavors. His face says, "What are you? The Slurpee Police?"

"Sure. I'll check for you." The counter guy disappears into the back room and returns fairly quickly.

"It is orange. The Cherry Apple has been put in behind it. Once this flavor is gone, the Cherry Apple will come through."

"Is this 'orange' flavor sugar free?"

"No."

Oh H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS no! That was the wrong answer.

"Here is what you need to do," I use my fingers to frame the sugar free sign and look him straight in the eye, " You need cover this sign that says sugar free until you are 100% sure it is only Cherry Apple coming through."

"Oh maam, it is there. It will come through soon."

"Oh no no no. It isn't the flavor...it is the sugar free part. You see my boys have Type 1 Diabetes. This full sugar Orange Slurpee is like poison to them. If they drank this, and I didn't give them insulin thinking it was sugar free...well their sugar would be so dangerously high they could end up in the hospital. There are people in this city that count on this sign being correct. We are some of those people. In our world, this sign is VERY important."

(I know...a little dramatic, but I was caught up in the moment. Sugar free Slurpees run around 6g of carbs per 8oz., the plain ol' full sugar variety can hit 47g of carbs for an 8 oz cup. I don't even want to imagine what a 47-carb-fast-acting-sugar-uncovered-after-school-snack-X3 looks like.)

He was very sweet. He even stuttered. It was really hard to understand him between his thick accent and his stuttering, but he said he understood.

"We won't be able to eat those." I gestured over to the two Slurpee cups full of orangy goodness.

"oh no, that is no problem maam."

I start to walk out the door and I see him return to his bench behind the register.

I watch him for a minute. He looks up and gives me an uncomfortable sheepish grin.

I hold my gaze. My eyebrows slightly raised. For the life of him, he didn't know why I wouldn't leave.

"Aren't' you going to make that sign?" I finally ask.

He looks confused.

"The sign. The one that says it is not sugar free Cherry Apple, but full sugar Orange flavor?"

"Oh yes maam! I'll make it now."

He gets up and grabs a pen.

I walk out knowing full well that sign never got made, and sad that all my words seemed to go in one ear and out the other...

Or did they?

I guess I'll never know.

What I do know is I didn't get a Slurpee that day...and we haven't gone to get one since. My heart doesn't trust the signs anymore. I'm sure we'll be back one day, but as the leaves are changing color, and the wind is becoming brisk with fall, it looks like hot chocolate will soon trump the Slurpee anyhow.

Too bad though...that Cherry Apple was da bomb!