Friday, June 10, 2011

We can do this. YOU can do this.

The worry began the day my first son was born. Let's face it, worry and babies go hand in hand.

But that was the kind of worry you could head off with cautiousness. It was the kind of worry that you didn't stay up at night with.

The new kind of worry...the helpless kind...well that came the day J was diagnosed.

Seeing him on the table in the emergency room with a swarm of doctors and nurses shouting orders and worried acronyms...well that is when I found out what I was made of.

At the tender age of 24...I hadn't found my center yet...and when it came to worry, I was spineless...or at the very least, a rookie.

Once I saw my baby seizing...well, I had to leave. I was hysterical. I could not be there.

I spent hours in the waiting room sobbing and pleading with God. The guilt I felt for not being by my baby's side still haunts me to this day.

As time went on, I wasn't much better. I remember when J had an ear infection a few months later, and we were in the emergency room flirting with ketoacidocis. (Back in the day, Baby + Ear Infection + Crappy Insulin = Hospital.) J was admitted and my mother in law came because I just couldn't be alone.

I remember so vividly sitting on the chair in the room clutching my legs, watching my mother in law stroke J's cheek over and over and over again. She was so calm.

She was an angel if ever there was one.

And there I was sitting across the room...consumed. CONSUMED in worry.

I wondered that night if I could ever handle these situations with such loving grace as my sweet mother in law. She was always so level about everything. She took things as they came, and never complained.

That night in the hospital, all I could think about is I wanted it to be over. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to die in a worry coma. It took every ounce of strength I had to console my baby who muttered over and over and over all night long that he just wanted to be home too. I wondered if I was cut out for this. Could I be a "good" mother to a child with diabetes? Could I raise him to be strong when I couldn't even be strong myself?

Man, I think if you would have told me that night that eventually I would have three boys who have diabetes...I'm sure I would have died on the spot with worry palpitations.

I look back at myself then, like watching an old movie, and I want to hug myself. I didn't believe in myself then.

I want to tell me that I am strong enough. That I CAN do this.

I was so scared and alone. I wish I had the DOC then to hold my hand and give me the strength that it gives me now.

You can do this are powerful words. And now there is a powerful project that I am proud to be a part of.

Wonderfully is called the, You Can Do This project. (I'm in this video and have my cry face on for my 2 seconds of glory, so no judging!)

It is being launched on June 15th. All you need to do is video yourself, or blog if you aren't comfortable taping yourself, and tell the world your story and what you have learned, or even just what you have lived.

Your story needs to be heard. Your story MEANS something.

Knowing we are not alone in all this is the biggest/best gift the world can give.

This project hands that to you in a big red bow.

Please visit Kim's blog, Texting My Pancreas to learn more...

And then start taping.

Because together, we can stenghten our backbone, we can find our axis and balance the worry within our lives.

We can do this!

Share the project with everyone you know. Let's make this huge! Let's let the world know that THEY can do this!

For all the mothers sitting in the hospital with their babies...I'll tape for you.

For all the parents who are reading this blog and having a hard time right now...I'm doing this for you.

For all of you that have buoyed me up in the hardest of times, (bloggers, readers & commenters, that's you!)...I will participate in this project in honor of you.

I pray I can give back even a small measure of what you have given me.

Together, we CAN do this!


  1. I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it...

    You Are Awesome. :)

    Having you participate in the pilot video was so great, and thank you for helping to spread the word!


  2. I'm sorry I need to come back and read this through. Every time I started to read I just started to cry. I would compose myself, read a little more and the tears would just start flowing. WTH!! I will come back I promise lol

  3. You just made me cry! I was diagnosed when I was 10, and the same night that they had to check me into the ICU from almost going into a diabetic coma, they had to check my mom into the ER because she had such an awful stress migraine that she couldn't stop throwing up.

    Moms put themselves through so much, and continue to be SO ridiculously strong for their children, despite the fact that they feel like they're breaking inside. People like you amaze me. I'm so thankful for your existence. Keep it up :) You can do this!

  4. Great post, Meri. Thanks for doing what you do and being the D-Mom that you are. Looking forward to seeing your VLog!

  5. When I watched the pilot video a few days ago (or whenever it was) I about jumped out of my chair when I saw you! It was powerful to hear your words in your voice.
    So need to participate in this!!!

  6. Thank you. I am so afraid all the time! Your blog let's me know I can do this. Thank you.

  7. THIS is going to be big within our gigantic loving community. I look forward to seeing your video. ;)

  8. I had to bite my lip the whole time reading this. I wanted to hug you!

    I have started my video but the tears make it impossible to understand me.

    Can't wait too see yours!

  9. Aww it was so great to see you!!! :)

    You know I don't think I've ever heard your 1dx story! They're so real and difficult to read :(

  10. Hip Hip Hooray!!! Does this mean I am gonna get more of "MERI TIME" via VLOG? I love seeing you move and animated.

    MERI = My HERO.

  11. Thanks for that peek into your origin story (all superheroes have origin stories, don't ya know). Anyway, I love this project and I was so excited when I saw you in the first video. I'll be out of town on the 15th but I will try to make my video before then. My only fear is not being able to say something as poetically as you and other parents surely will.

  12. You should have posted this with a disclaimer..."Do not read without tissue handy".

    How very lucky your boys are to have you for their mom and how lucky we are to have you share your strength with us.

  13. Beautiful! I don't really have any other words... Just beautiful!!

  14. This post sure tugged at my heart strings. So moving! Made me want to hug you!

  15. Ahhh, Meri - I was just thinking "I'm not ready." It's true...I still feel so tender and fresh to all this, I feel like I will pounce on people one minute for calling Isaac a diabetic child and then sob the next when a family member says, "is it any easier, now?" Or how about, the "well at least you guys know what to do," so really I appreciate you doing this for all of us who still have a knot in our stomach and a frog in our throat. I appreciate it beyond words. Thank you so much.

  16. Meri-You are an awesome mom! Thanks for sharing your first diagnosis story-and you had no idea it'd be only your first. And somehow..we CAN do this! : )

    ps-You were entered to win a contest by leaving a comment, and you WoN! An white kitchen monogrammed or appliqued towel with your name/picture/whatever you want! : ) Let me know what you want on it. ; ) Holly
    here's my email:

  17. Thanks again Meri. It's important as a somewhat new d mom to know that other moms are making it through this and living pretty normal family lives.

  18. Ah, Meri, what a beautiful girl you are! SO lovely to see you being part of such a great project. It's important to hear the truth and this video really showed how emotive it can be. Thanks.


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