Now onto me writing out my train of thought...
It's been a rough month for a lot of us. It's funny how things run in waves.
Rough times, problems, challenges...they can throw off our perspective.
And perspective is such a tricky thing.
When we go through hard times, the problem sits directly in front of us. We all know if you put something right in front of your eye, or your face, like an orb for instance, it will block out all the other scenery. The orb/problem takes up your entire view and let's face it, it can be quite depressing.
Worse than that...as we try to see further off in the distance, past the problem...all we see is the same thing...magnified infinitely. The orbs/challenges take over our perspective now...and our perspective of the future.
I call it the infinite perspective. Here is a crude drawing of my take on this:
When problems arise, tunnel vision takes over. Our problems take over every aspect of our lives, and the future seems to hold no change. We look straight ahead of us and see "same." We can't see any change for the better. It is impossibly infuriating.
But here is the thing. Life doesn't take us in a straight line.
Looking straight in front of us, trying to imagine a future amongst our challenges is fruitless, as life hands us multiple twists and turns. There are corners to turn all down our line of sight...they just aren't visible past the orbs.
Challenges are not infinite.
Life changes.
We turn...and one perspective is gone. When we turn, In front of us is a new perspective...and a new horizon is born.
The problem remains though...how do we turn the corner to change the crappy perspective that may be in front of us right now?
Sometimes we can WILL a change. But unfortunately, sometimes life has a way of making us wait for that turn in the road. Sometimes we are forced on the hard road, looking our challenges square in the eye, for months...or even years.
I think our strength lies in expecting that eventual turn. HOPING for change is one of our biggest assets.
HOPE is huge. A lot of people get caught on the fact that hope is out of our hands. "I hope tomorrow is better." "I hope I get that package today." "I hope my husband will surprise me with a night out."
But real hope doesn't work that way...(as I was reminded by a friend on Sunday.) Hope is an active word. It is actively expecting change. It is actively expecting a better day. It is even actively working for a better day. It is knowing that the orb in front of us will not be there forever. Life changes. Perspectives can change with the winds, and the importance lies in not letting the problems in front of us make us give up hope on tomorrow.
Because tomorrow that turn can come.
Because bad days...or months...or years...do not last forever.
Your child's basal rates will not be wonky forever.
One day YOU WILL bolus correctly for pizza.
One day the pump will be oked by your insurance.
One day you won't have to weigh every ounce of food, you WILL swag.
One day your child's numbers will smooth overnight.
One day you will conquer after breakfast highs.
One day you will trust your child's sets again.
One day...you will feel at peace with all this.
One day.
Maybe not today....maybe not tomorrow...
But don't let that problem you are facing now...magnify to forever.
And don't let the challenges you face seem insurmountable just because they look huge sitting right in front of your face. The fact is, they are usually not as giant as they seem...or maybe not as forever as they seem.
Yes, enduring is part of life, but the things that weigh heavy on our hearts now...won't weigh there forever.
Even if there is never a cure. You will turn the corner one day and see all of this in a different light.
Hope for that change.
Expect it.
It will come.
Right? I'm talking to me, as much as I am talking to you...
The motto for AA (of which I am acquainted) is the Serenity Prayer:
ReplyDeleteGod, grant me the serenity to accept the the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I have tried to apply this to Nicole and our challenges with diabetes. We do the best we can, one day at a time, to change what we can. But we have to accept what we cannot do anything about...and just do it again the next day, the best we can!
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As an adult diabetic, I can verify for you that you are ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY CORRECT. Eventually, you do find peace with it all. It comes and goes at times, but for the most part, you're at peace. As a parent of a diabetic...I'm taking encouragment from your words here because I'm so not at peace with Lily being diabetic. Yet.
ReplyDeleteI really really liked what you said about hope being an active thing! I have been thinking a lot about how change requires action on your part, you can"t just sit around and wait for things. If I have a problem, i need to learn to ask myself 'So what can I do about this?' and do it and HOPE ACTIVELY for the best! That is especially true with Diabetes! Great post about a lot of things I have been thinking about recently!
ReplyDeleteThank you Meri! I have had the day from hell with massive high levels, ketones and a 200% basal rate hasnt even fixed it ...
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what I needed to hear!
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Love your thoughts and views on perspective and HOPE Meri. I feel that after the whole "brain lesion" scare with Joe my perspective has changed. I am thankful that we did not have to add yet ONE.MORE.THING. into the medical mix. Weird, but it helped me accept this day-in-the-life even more.
ReplyDeleteAND...your drawing is so CUTE!!
wow, Zen thinker Meri - I am so grateful for your perspective and insight. It does get overwhelming at times and that darn orb vision can make it worse, I don't know if that's where I am at or if I just feel done talking about diabetes right now, I don't know. I do know that things are okay, we're okay, but that I often feel like I am holding my breath waiting for something else, because that's just how things have gone around here for the past three years. I'm hoping this smooth sailing goes on for a while, and if not I am thankful once again for amazing people like you in my life.
ReplyDeleteI needed this today. Hubby goes abroad for eight long days this week and I am so scared of not being up to the job. We have zero support network and I'm nervous. But my perspective is not helping. I have done it before and can do it again. Love to you and your boys.
ReplyDeleteEloquently kicking me in the butt yet again, Meri! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI need to find my hope for a turn in the road!
Meri, I am a huge "HOPE" fan these days. I have become aware of its power and value. Once again your post has given me the air to breath. I forwarded your post to a new Type 1 mom friend I met last week and spent some time with. Her daughter (8 years old) is struggling with the visual and mechanical aspects of D (her pump sets keep falling off and she resists all aids and extras to try to keep them on). I was trying to tell her mother exactly what you just posted. But I wasn't as smooth at it as you are (always by the way!). I told her that I wasn't a big fan of tough love on young ones and with this condition the only time tough should enter the picture is for blood tests and getting insulin into a body to keep one alive! I told her that I thought her daughter would eventually figure it out, find balance...but meanwhile, she as her mother may just have to suffer the frustrations and pain of the day to day challenges her daughter is bringing to the management. I think she doubts herself, and I wanted to hug her and tell her that she didn't do anything wrong. A sensitive kid is a sensitive kid, with or without D. The challenge is to get through it and see the other side, and know she will get there. It just might take her a little longer and be a little harder...Your words are inspiring to me, I hope she found some comfort when she read them too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Meri, love Sara. =)
Love your perspective on HOPE, especially after we just celebrated our Happy Hope Day! I am catching up on your blog and loving it!
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