Friday, May 21, 2010

Run Meri, RUN!

Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Sounds pretty much like the two weeks before every endo appointment to me…

Maybe it is because my senses are more heightened, maybe it’s because I know that once that endo appointment comes I will be held accountable for each and every number…whatever it is, those two weeks of anticipation are like acid to my soul. (If you would have dabbed litmus paper on my brow last week, it would have turned red…hand to god.)

Why? Why does it all go South on me EVERY TIME? Inevitably someone gets sick, a pump site will fail, a child will forget to bolus for breakfast…TWO DAYS IN A ROW, and there are unexplainable highs and lows that even Einstein couldn’t figure out on his best day. Every one of those wonky numbers are like a dagger to my heart. By the time I finally make it to the appointment my fragile heart is an unrecognizable pulpy mess.

I’m calling this one…Murphy’s Law lives!

But fortunately, with all the worry and anticipation those two weeks bring…the two weeks following the endo appointment are the polar opposite.

Freedom, sweet freedom!

No watchful eye…no grilling investigation over each and every number. It is like I walk out of those endo appointments a thousand times lighter…feeling like if I had the right running start, I could fly! The relief is all encompassing. My entire body relaxes and I feel like a person again…A PERSON! Not a puffy pink pancreas.

I kinda look at it like running a marathon. (Yes, this comes right on the heels of my baseball analogy…I can compare diabetes to anything…try me.) When I leave the endo, I feel light and ready to conquer the world. I am hopeful and easily sprint through every curvy road diabetes has to offer. As the weeks pass I try to keep pace, I fall behind sometimes, but I’m no quitter so I keep going…every mile, every day. The last two weeks before the endo appointment are like the final sprint to the finish line. A final sprint that is uphill the entire way. Add to that my exhaustion, my holey worn-out shoes, and my decreased lung capacity and you have the whole pathetic picture. Regardless, I run my heart out drawing on every ounce of energy my body has left. I NEED to be successful! But then here is Murphy’s Law…in the form of rocks to trip on and road that runs right off a cliff. The kicker is, no matter what the condition of the road, I must make it to the finish line…there is no other option. There is an APPOINTMENT for goodness sakes! It doesn’t matter what the road had in store for me…the endo appointment is non-negotiable.

I drag my pathetic war torn body in every three months…and collapse in the office. And then I walk out of these appointments relieved and ready to sleep for a week.

But the thing is…the next marathon starts within days. The relaxation is short lived…we must run again.

And again…

And again…

And again…

Wednesday was our endo appointment. Today I feel great. But I know it isn’t going to last…J goes to six grade camp next week and I will be in the throes of another heart stopping marathon…

Run Meri! Run! Forrest Gump ain’t got nothin’ on me.


  1. Run, Meri, Run! But please don't try to fly! You are so funny. And great job...those A1C's rock! I feel the same way when it is getting close to our endo visit. Ally's appt is next week...I got a call from school Monday to pick her up - BG 499!!! ARGH!

  2. SO TRUE! The carefree feelings AFTER the appt are the BEST!

  3. I feel that same stress and anxiety before I take my girls to see their endo.

    For some reason I always see it as a report card for ME, I feel responsible for every number and every good and bad, A1C.

    Most times I leave the office pleasantly surprised and have found I worked myself up for nada!

  4. I feel the same stress. But you must feel it x3!

    And when the endo starts asking questions about what we did here or there all of the sudden all the numbers mush together and I can't remember what happened that day!

    Do you think they know how bad they stress us out?!

  5. Our turn next week, the first appointment ap(after pump)! Still trying to get the hang of basals to avoid that 11pm high and 11am low.

  6. As much as I love my team and they are awesome to work with... I hear ya! Hoping for the best, expecting the worst, and the feeling of helplessness reminiscent of the weeks after Dx.

    Challenge: Compare it to clipping toe nails (you don't actually have to, I just wanted to see if I could stump you).

  7. I can’t even imagine your anxiety!!! One child is hard enough to figure out…but THREE!!! I still don’t quite know where you find your strength!
    I too love the feeling of freedom after a great appt !
    Great work supper Momma!!!

  8. Marc: Used test strips are like toe nail clippings, you hope to get them all in the garbage, but inevitably, one or two always end up somewhere on the floor.

    :) Gross...but you went there...

  9. First off... Marc- EWW! Meri - SUper EWW! But also, thanks for the laugh!

    Great appointment! Take a breather and pat yourself on the back!

    We have ours coming up in a few weeks.... I don't think it's going to be pretty. Her numbers are so f'd up right now that we are "starting over" with one daily basal rate. And with 3 weeks before the appointment - THAT is not going to be good for the average!

    Ah, well. I'm doing my best. No one can ask anything else! Don't forget that!

  10. OMGsh!!!!!!

    You were running that marathon AND keeping up with DBW?????

    Gold Star, my friend :)

    And...good job on the toe nail clippings.


    Let's see...

    I think you need to do a post and have everyone leave a challenge comment and then you can address them one by one!!!!!!!!!!

    I'll be thinking of a good one :)

  11. We have our first official endo appt in two weeks and until this week hadn't seen anything over 220. This week we've had numbers in the 350-398 range a few times. That Mr. Murphy, he likes me too =) I can feel my self becoming a basket case. I'm glad to know that it's par for the course. Love the toe-nail analogy (I needed that laugh).

  12. You described my pre and post Endo feelings/anxiety/freedom to a T Miss Meri! I too, start to dread it a couple of weeks ends up being a rocky couple of weeks and I beat myself up over every number...go into ends up fine...they never beat me up...leave on top of the world...feeling like Super Woman. And yes, the load feels so light. We usually head out for a burger, fries and milkshake after our endo appt...almost as if to defy the D-Gods (wahaha).

    Have a great weekend dear friend.

  13. I LOVE that you keep running! You inspire me!

  14. Our next endo appt is this coming Wed and I'm totally sprinting! :)

    Great post!

    The whole toe nail thing gave me a good laugh! You nailed that just as you nailed this post! :)


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