Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Happy Place

I was really inspired today by a post at Six Until Me. She writes of guilt and the perception that complications from this disease lay in our hands alone. I want to write everything she has written, but they are her words and she puts it so eloquently. It is REALLY worth your time to jump over and read what Kerri had to say.

Because, it really hit a chord with me.

If you read our story, you would know that our family used to own a bakery. My in laws opened it when my husband was 8 years old. My husband had a job to do there from day 1 and eventually took over the business with his sister after his father’s stroke.

J and L were diagnosed while we owned the bakery. This little fact didn’t help the perception of diabetes. I guarantee, many people thought it was the donuts doing that my children were cursed with diabetes. Many people assumed that Type 1 and Type 2 came from the same roots, and assumed that their diagnosis were a result of our poor judgment. Never mind my kids were never chubby. Never mind they got to go to the bakery once a week. We owned a bakery, my husband and I were not small and thin, so naturally they were struck with horror when they found out we had two children with diabetes. B was diagnosed just a couple months after we closed the bakery. It was just more of the same. ‘Good thing you closed the bakery, it’s best for the boy’s health.’

It is for that very reason that whenever I tell someone we have three diabetics…they also get a long lecture of what Type 1 is, and the many reasons that I am not responsible for it. (Well other then maybe passing along something genetically wonky.) I take it to heart that it is a sensitive subject for me, so when people make insensitive remarks I try not to take them personally. I try to educate instead of defend. Sadly, it always feels good to say that my oldest is not diabetic. He is my save. People that are stupid seem to take solace in the fact that one is not diabetic. For some reason they are more understanding because of it. (Yes…I am totally knocking on every piece of wood in the house now!)

The problem is…it really hurts me. I already have enough guilt as it is, to have someone think less of me, and even further BLAME ME for my children’s unrelenting heartbreaking condition…it’s just too much. It is just way way too much. The saddest part is, usually the worst comments come from people you really respect, or a family member…or people who should know better, like doctors or pharmacists.

But it’s different here. Here in bloggy world. Here, you guys see it totally differently. It is such a breath of fresh air. There is no guilt here. There is no blaming here. I am doing the best I can. I am not judged harshly for my son running high or running low. You all so’s my special place. My safe haven. We might not all agree on everything. My boys got the H1N1 vaccine today, and many of you are passing…but that’s ok. We all see both sides of it and that is what matters. We are all making decisions that fit best within our lifestyle. We get that diabetes is personal. That it isn’t a one size fits all disease…that although we can give advice and try to help, we are not offended if what we did, doesn’t work for another.

I love that we are all different. I love that we are people that may not have given each other a second glance otherwise. I love that I get to see the heart of people from all walks of life, and to know that we are all connected in purpose.

This is my happy place.

And I am so thankful for it…and for you.


  1. yes we are all connected to one purpose to cure this dreadfull disease . and no our kids are not diabetics caused we owned a bakery for gods sake . i want to scream when ppl make generalizations like that . No actually I just want to hit them in the head LOL !!! I wish I could crawl through this computer and give you a hug cause it sounds like you need one . take care dear .

  2. I followed you back here (LOL, not in a stalking way) from your comment on Kerri's post that you mentioned here. My 6 year-old is Type 1 and I am SO TIRED of people asking if we have her numbers under control "yet".... as though there we're not really taking it seriously or something. Arrrrrgggghhhhh.

  3. I am much better for having "met" all of you as well. I often wonder how I would ever do it without you guys.

  4. I remember when L got diagnosed and you had to keep him from the bakery while you were getting dosing figured was sad that he couldnt go there. It was a warm and happy place. I loved the bakery. Many of my greatest memories happened there. We all know people are dumb...and I am sorry you go thru this...but I am glad (but sorry) it is your cross to bare and not mine-especially since we carry similar DNA. Good luck.

  5. Welcome to the Happiest Place On Earth!

    Holland :)

    BTW, Addy got her H1N1 shot today. It seemed so black and white in my world before last week...but Holli really turned this issue gray for me.

  6. I am so happy to have found this 'happy place' too!

    Did you read the the post from Chasiti today? I read it right after Kerri's post. I loved them both today.

    They both made me feel better and stronger.

    Thank you for including me in this wonderful, happy place that we call Holland.

  7. Great post Meri. Although I don't have 3 diabetic kids, we do get the insensitive comments. It is hard. I wish Type 1 were a more well known disease. Hugs! I am SO glad you are party of my happy Wendy said, Our Holland.

  8. When Jes was first diagnosed, I went to a few JDRF things, and not to knock them or anything...but there was SO much anger and negativity among some of the parents that I recoiled quickly. I don't want the negativity, I have too much to deal with already.

    Blogging helps. Not only keeping in touch with family, but having my blogger friends is a HUGE bonus! I'm glad we all can come together to just hang out and tell our life's stories. Even if I don't coment much....I'm reading and thinking and praying and it's just comforting to know I'm not alone in some of my thoughts and doings.

    Glad you found my blog! Sure you can add me to your list, thanks! I look forward to getting to know you as well! I do have to say though, you have us all beat hands down! I can't imagine having 3 kids with diabetes, but you are an amazingly strong woman who gives us all courage to deal with our one child! Here's to future posts!

  9. Lexi got the H1N1 spray yesterday--there was a baby in our ward who got swine flu who ended up in the hospital--so that was my choice.

    I guess Type 1 Diabetes has been been part of my knowledge for so long that I assumed people would know it is different from Type 2. Those people who say things are the kinds of people others don't like in general--because they offend other people too (not just parents with diabetic kids).

    I am with Katie a little on missing the bakery. No doughnut I have had holds a CANDLE to the one's in the old bakery. I tell people I am a doughnut snob. Seriousely, other doughnuts are not worth it to me.

  10. We (mothers of T1's) have to try to remember that most people, and I say that in a kind way, are ignorant when it comes to the difference between T1 and T2. Especially the older people who are more likely to get or know about T2. Don't EVER feel guilty about having kids with diabetes. That's what is going to bring you down. Be thankful that you have 3 boys that you are able to keep healthy! Girl, I hear ya, I'm right there with ya, and I know exactly how you feel~

  11. It's actually a brother and a sister.
    My brother was diagnosed when he was in 6th grade, Christmas Break 1986.
    My sister was then diagnosed as a first grader, Thanksgiving 1988.

    In some ways it helped support-wise b/c when you sat down to eat, you are not the only one measuring out things and keeping track. Really, the whole diet thing went for all of us (me and my sister) but of course it is NOT the same by no means for us non-t1's. Other than that, I think the age and gender difference kept them from being emotional-support for each other. My brother can come across as a "know-it-all" basically telling her what to do, which she resented. It was always harder for her than him--the "feeling different" from the other kids, etc. He did/does much better control-wise and she hated the comparisons. Didn't helped when they shared the same endo. and the nurses would say, "oh we love your brother" when she'd come. :)
    how are your boys with each other? i am trying to figure out the years/timing of the diagnoses from your is it like for your oldest that is not? i remember ending arguements with my parents saying "you just don't care about me because i'm not diabetic" man, i was such a dumb-a## adolescent.

    oh, we could probably go on forever. . .


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