Saturday, June 27, 2009

Diabetic Independence: Is he ready?

I just sent my 11 year old son off to scout camp for a week and I am a wreck. My husband will be staying with him for the first few days to get him settled in, but he'll be there three days after that alone...counting carbs by himself, remembering to bolus by himself, being responsible by himself...I'm not ready for it. I'm crying as I write this and I know that I am an idiot. J has been dealing with this for 10 of his 11 years of life, he knows what to do and he can handle it. My brain is so reasonable, it can give me millions of reasons why he is ready for this, but my heart is breaking. I AM NOT READY! As I was packing him up last night I was only regretting my encouragement for him to attend. Why did I encourage him? A week ago I had my husband almost agreeing with me that it is too soon, and he shouldn't be going to camp at all. But then the brain steps in...We have been letting J get out of way too many things because of his diabetes. It's not an excuse anymore. He needed to go. But again, I am not ready. He knows what to do, but will he be responsible enough to remember? My only saving grace is that he is usually really good about knowing when he is low. But will he know that he is low when he is swimming in the middle of the lake? If I were a betting woman I would bet he comes back just fine. But again, that is my brain, not my heart. My heart worries and aches for their absence. I totally give myself good mommy points for totally playing it cool when he left. He had no idea all morning that I was dying with worry inside. I played it like a pro until they were just walking out the door and J saw a tear in the corner of my eye. He gave me a kiss and said, "Don't be sad Mom, It'll be fun." It's too bad no one knows this blog exists except for me. I could use some love.

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