I’ve been away.
The Diabetic Life has laid dormant inside of me while I’ve been
swept up in other things.
I don’t put the hours in worrying anymore, and I certainly
don’t work overtime to make sure basals are succinctly dialed in like I used
to.
There are only so many minutes in a day, and I have the
immediate need to graduate early so I can move across the country, and get
married, and start my career. Other things have taken precedence, so I’ve
reverted to inevidable "Diabetes autopilot." Even though Diabetes is still a very important
part of our lives, it isn’t the most important part of our lives, and it
certainly isn’t where it needs to be on the priority list.
Basically, it has been: They are alive at the end of the
day. It’s a win.
We are surviving, not thriving.
Tonight though…
Tonight.
Tonight I attended the JDRF Hope Gala in San Francisco at
the generous invitation of special friends. Listening to words like “hope” and
“cure” and “breakthrough” and promises for change stirred up the complacent
advocacy particles that have settled deep in my soul. The juices began to flow,
and the floodgates opened.
I am a D Mom.
My kids need a cure.
I never allowed myself to believe in one fully. Mostly because I believe it's important to be content with the cards we are dealt now. But tonight
the man that is the head of the encapsulation team looked me personally in the
eye and said, “It’s coming. For your children. It will happen.” And when he
showed me cells on his cell phone bursting with the ability to produce insulin,
it was like I was witnessing the impossible…and then…believing in it.
And as the bids came around the room, one in particular for
$100,000 (yes I hugged their neck,) the gratitude ran so deep it was hard
to contain it all inside my frame. Because even if there never comes a cure,
these people were there tonight working for it anyway. Working hard on behalf
of MY boys, for a future that I wasn’t brave enough to envision, but they are stubborn enough to fight for in spite of my complacency. They fearlessly move
forward raising money to fund research for change, and many of them will until
the day they die, or until the cure does come. It was humbling to witness such
generosity, some people whom have no familial relation to diabetes.
My heart runneth over.
Tonight, driving home from the gala, I made the decision to allow myself to hope,
and not let myself, or my boys, settle for a future of “same ol’ same ol’”
Now here it is, almost 2 am and I find myself coercing fruit snacks into my sleeping 11 year old's mouth. My boys need a cure. If there are people in the world
willing to work towards that end, I will be honored to stand next to them and
dream with them. Hope with them. Lead with them. Fight with them.
It was an honor just to be in the same room with them tonight.
My name is Meri Schuhmacher.
And I’m all in.
Now you get why I love my tribe. Its all happening, my friend.
ReplyDeleteBig hug. Love how close we're getting!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Meri. I love this one. So much of what you write here is true for me: Sure, D is important and doesn't go away, but it isn't the totally-on-the-mind thing-all-the-time since other life priorities take attention (ironic, as I work in D and it's a bit more difficult on that note to NOT think about it, but the general concept still applies...). I also get excited about the hope and all those working tirelessly for an eventual cure. It doesn't overwhelm me, especially when we've been hearing some of the same messages of hope and excitement for years, decades -- since encapsulation first hit the radar. I love it, and am excited by it, but try hard not to let myself get lost in the hope. Because, whether it works next week or in 50 years, life goes on tomorrow pretty much the same for me.
ReplyDeleteYes, life certainly gets in the way of managing diabetes as well as we'd like to. I can definitely relate to being in 'autopilot' mode too, and I'm sure your boys step up to make things easier for you during these times. Great to hear about organisations like the JDRF who are working towards a cure.
ReplyDeleteMeri, It has been some time since I last visited your blog. I was so delighted to read you are engaged and off to a new life and career. Congratulations! Your strong faith and D mama skillz, are always an inspiration to me. By chance, was there a puppy up for auction at the Gala you were at? My friend donates her Labradoodles to several JDRFs across the country. Again I am so glad to hear you are dreaming big and the sun is shining in your world. Thank you for sharing your story. As a D mama your site was one of the first I found after my daughter was diagnosed with T1. Your words helped me crawl out of the deep sadness that smacked my world then. Thank you!
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