We’ve arrived in new territory.
I started this blog just over five years ago. Five years ago my oldest was 14 years
old. J was 11. B was 7.
L was 5.
Today, our lives are not what they were five years ago. Not even close.
As I look down the dusty road behind us, I see an enormous
amount of progress. We’ve covered a lot
of ground…five years ago isn’t even visible in the rear view mirror anymore.
It’s more of a memory than a point of reference.
Things were harder for me then. Diabetes-wise anyway.
Going from doing everything, all the time…to where I am now,
blows my mind.
Case and point: This morning I woke up before the boys and
checked their blood sugars as they lay asleep in their beds. I grabbed
one of the boy’s pumps to correct and couldn’t remember the last time I had it
in my hands. It had to be at least a few
days before.
Can you grasp the enormity of that?
Five years ago my hands were on those pumps upwards of ten
times a day, each. Easily. Now, even though it’s like riding a bike, it
felt a bit awkward to give him insulin.
It didn’t feel like my pump.
It felt like his pump.
As I sit here and collect my thoughts, and try to collect my
emotions too, I realize that it doesn’t feel like my diabetes anymore either.
It feels like theirs.
Sure, I'm aware it was always theirs. But for a season, I held the stewardship in my hands. I stripped their burden bare and wore it on my chest. Piece by piece they've taken that burden back from me. They are heavy with responsibility now.
Sure, I'm aware it was always theirs. But for a season, I held the stewardship in my hands. I stripped their burden bare and wore it on my chest. Piece by piece they've taken that burden back from me. They are heavy with responsibility now.
All the boys are doing their own set changes. J has been doing the midnight checks for the past month. The two youngest confirm carb counts with me,
but when I’m at school, they count/SWAG on their own…and they’re doing a pretty
amazing job at it. The scale has
tipped. They are doing more of the work
than me.
In fact, they are doing most of it.
It gives me pause to think where this blog will go in the
next five years. It’s been easy to blog
about my diabetes…but now that it is theirs, things get a bit more complicated.
I can blog about my mistakes. I can’t blog about theirs. That isn’t my story to tell.
I can blog about my feelings about diabetes. I can’t blog about theirs. That isn’t my story to tell.
I can blog about my journey, but now that my boys are taking
the lead…its time for them to climb their own mountains and tell their own
tales.
No, I’m not going to stop blogging. I have too much to say.
But my authority on teens and tweens with diabetes will be
flimsy at best, as authority infers the power to make choices and enforce
obedience. My boys are old enough to
make their own choices now, and we all know how easy it is to force teens into
obedience…
I won’t go as far as to say I’ll be a spectator…but I’m a
supporting player now.
My job will be to encourage.
To lift up.
To rally.
To enhearten.
To praise.
To buoy.
To console.
To applaud.
And to fortify what’s been taught.
The road is bending and the scenery has become uncharted territory, but my boys
fearlessly blaze their trails anyway.
Honestly, I’ve never been so proud of them as I am in this moment.
Meri!!!! I totally hear ya...from MINE to THEIRS is monumental! Life changing!! So, bitter sweet. Mostly, I feel bitter about it right now...ok, not bitter.....scared. Sad. Sad for the first time in a LONG time!!! Im hoping to feel proud like you soon.....its SO hard to filter through the emotions of what this all means. -Sigh-
ReplyDeleteAnd to Tim....my heart breaks for you, that's a VERY tough situation to be in. Im so sorry.....I hope you can soon find a balance for with your little one helping to lead in his care.
So, what you're saying Meri is someday I too may be where you are at...WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!
ReplyDeleteRight now gettting all the details together for school is feeling overwhelming, but I know all will be fine.
Thank you for being such an encouragement to me. Have a great week at school :)
Our boy was 4 years old when he was diagnosed, he's now 12. We've gone from the heartbreaking reality of having to hold him down for those first few injections to this confident little guy who recently asked, "Should we up my overnight basal? I keep waking up high." There's this sense of panic - what if they do something wrong? - and it's not rooted in a lack of confidence in their ability, but some kind of fear that you've missed teaching them something.
ReplyDeleteHe is so much more brave than I was. These kids are nothing short of awesome.
Thanks for this blog and the way you've shared. Wherever you end up taking this, the words you've left behind will help so many.
Cheers,
@CanadianJames
You have always allowed your children to participate in their diabetes - That is such an amazing and wonderful gift!
ReplyDeleteOwning D on their terms and taking more responsibly - And that's because of you. You have so much to teach others when it does to comes to raising children with diabetes - You teach me every day - And you share with me what my own parents would not - And I love you for it and learn from you, always.
To encourage, lift up, rally, enhearten, praise, buoy, console and applaude. Monumental tasks, lady - Keep up the great work!! Xoxo
It almost sounds like you're taking a moment to bask in the glow of well-earned accomplishments. I hope that's what you're doing. Those kids are handling things on their own because you showed them how.
ReplyDelete