Sunday, May 12, 2013

We Are The D Mothers

We are called D Moms.  D Mamas.   Even Type 3's.

Sometimes we get a bad rap.

~We're too "intense."

~We worry too much.

~We are overbearing.

~We over think.

~We over react.

~We over manage.

And I only have one thing to say about all of that...

You are probably right.

I want to tell you that if you are a parent, you can understand.

But that is not true.

I want to tell you that if you have diabetes yourself, you can understand.

But that is not true either...just as I will never fully understand your diabetic life,
you will never fully understand mine.

The only way you would understand what goes on in the swelly brain of a D Mama,
is if you were a D Mama yourself.

We are special.  Chosen for our story, as you were chosen for yours.

We are fighters, and we will fight until our last breath to keep our children safe.

New technologies like fast acting insulin and insulin pumps provide keys for better management, but they also provide a clear and present danger at all times.

We have to be vigilant.

We look into the eyes of our children and we love them with a bright tenderness.  We want more than anything for them to live a life free from restrictions, free from prejudice, free from complications, free from emergency rooms and hospitals.

We feel a responsibility well beyond any bounds of normalcy.  We do not want to live a life of regrets.  One day we will need to look into the eyes of our adult Type 1 Children and we want more than anything to say...
"I did my best."

The mothers of Type 1's spend every day racked with guilt.   Every blood sugar number pierces our heart.  We feel responsible for every high and every low.

An argument can be made that diabetes is responsible for every one of those numbers, but in our eyes...whether a reasonable notion or not, we feel they are a reflection of our efforts.

We may not always admit it to you, or to ourselves...but we take those numbers personally.

The A1C isn't called the mommy report card for nothing.

We do not sleep.  That is a choice.  We choose to keep a close eye on the numbers while the world takes a break.  We don't take breaks.  We know that waking up with a off number can domino to the rest of the day. 

We know honeymooning pancreases can sputter.

We know the soccer game from 5 hours earlier can affect the nighttime numbers.
(Yet we urge them to play.)

We know that Pizza can wreak havoc hours after consumption, and we know that Chinese food for dinner means a sleepless night for us.
(Yet we delight in serving them their favorites anyway.)

We know that diabetes never sleeps.  That is why we don't either.

We know that a 200 can turn into a 52 in 30 minutes flat.

We know that on field trip days our children may spike with excitement, or bottom out from activity.

We know nothing is for sure.

So we check, and constantly ask our children how they are feeling...and we hover...watching every move...looking for changes in our children's faces...changes in their gait...tiny beads of sweat on the back of their necks...we know the signs of lows.  We know our children better than anyone else.

We love hard.

We try hard.

We cry hard.

We hug hard.

We hope hard.

We stress hard.

We are hard on ourselves.

We are D mamas.   

Don't judge us because we fret over the details.  To us...Our Diabetic Life is all about the details.

We are 100% responsible for the well being of children we love more than anything on this blessed green earth.

No, we will not back off.

No, we will not calm down.

No, we will not stop making noise.

As mothers, we know that our children are special.  Diabetes makes them stronger.  It makes them resilient, responsible, amazing.  It gives them a sense of humor.  It makes them grow up too fast, and let's them spread their wings too slow.

We wish we could take away the pain. 

                                                                                      We wish it were us.

                                                                                         We are warriors.

                                                                                         We are D Moms.

Hear.   Us.   Roar.

(An oldie but a goodie.  Happy Mothers Day to some of the most amazing people I know!)


  1. Happy Mother's Day, Meri! I love reading your blog, you are one strong woman and a wonderful mom. Your boys are lucky to have you!

  2. And we (D Kids & D kids who are now grown up) love and appreciate you D Mammas so very much!!!

  3. Thanks for that, it's pretty perfect. Happy Mother's Day!

  4. why does this make me cry so - I will never get over the feeling of appreciation for finding the DOC and especially you, thank you Meri.

  5. A friend just shared this with me. We are still in our first month of this journey! Thank you for this. I'm so thankful to see this blog and look forward to reading it! So thankful to not be alone on this road!

  6. Meri - You are amazing! You could not have said it better.

  7. As a D grandma, let me say that I can relate to everything you said. And also as a D grandma, i want you to know that our heart aches for Our D mamas daughters. We wish with all our mights that this responsibly was not placed on your shoulders. We are proud of the mothers you have become and we love you and our grandchildren. We want to support you as much as possible and are grateful to you for being patient with us when we make mistakes. Happy Mother's Day!

  8. Thanks so much for confirming my feelings about why I do the things that I do. Only we as dMoms know our own child ...and there is no pattern...there's NOT, and that's the thing. Just that, hey, she played and ran a lot today, or she ate some random stuff that is not typical and I don't know how that is going to affect her....but those things rarely turn out the way I think they might. Really, the major factor is that she is a child who is growing and there is no way to know what hormones are going to affect her when and in what way. It feels like a never-ending tennis game...hitting at the lows and highs with carbs or insulin as needed. I will do whatever I can to make sure she is safe and as healthy as she can be and as armed for her own battle as an adult as she can possibly be. ROAR!!

  9. This is just the most honest thing I think I have ever read about this. I am a D MOMA and girl, you NAILED IT!!!! I am going to print it out and share it with others. SOOO happy to have read this. what a blessing to just know we are not alone!!! xo
    Amanda D

  10. I love this post!! As a D-Mama, this is my life and my feelings in a post! Great job!! :) Sara H


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