Hoping for a merry little Christmas

I heard this song yesterday and it made me think of all of you.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Troubles out of sight…troubles miles away?

We can hope…right?

I can remember…man I feel old…I can remember YEARS when J’s diabetes didn’t rule our lives. There were years when he was dialed in, years that he didn’t need many basel changes. His insulin to carb ratio was 1 unit for 20g of carbs for almost 4 years. He was checking his own blood sugar…he was blousing himself. I know it is hard to fathom for those of you who have little ones…but honestly, diabetes was no big deal.

Everyone is different. I don’t know you-know you…so I can’t promise the same for you…but I CAN promise that there will come a time when the worry will sit with you, rather than do jumping jacks on your head all the time. (Hello, we’ve all had pounding worry headaches!) Better times are to come. I always say, the first year is the hardest…well the following 3 years ain’t that great either…but things will settle a bit…and life will become life again, not just a diabetic life, but a family life.

Now that I have three diabetics…I yearn for the days of calm. I know they exist…and when I get a week of good numbers I can’t help but sigh, a happy remembering sigh. I remember the calm and I remember the storms…but honestly…my brain is a little fuzzy remembering all the details. When those of you need help…baby diabetes help…my brain is like HUH? I can’t remember…I’ve blocked it out. It is like the pain of childbirth…you know you endured it, but the joy of having a happy child trumps all the bad…all the work…and all the sleepless nights. I personally, try not to dwell on the hard times. I’m probably a hopeless optimistic but I won’t let diabetes make the boys lives miserable…and I make an effort not to let them see me completely miserable simply because diabetes threw us a curve ball. Sure, diabetes can be tragic…but not in my home. In my home it’s like doing the laundry. It’s just something that has to be taken care of.

Was I always this way? No. When I was in the thick of it I cried for months at a time. But I’ve come through that and now I am on the other side. I like it better here. :) I look at it all differently. I try to keep the guilt at bay. I look at my boys and I think, if they are happy…I should be happy.

Maybe I am lucky. Maybe my boys are different. But I don’t think so. As my boys have gotten older, they don’t complain about diabetes. Children have a way of accepting and acclimating…especially those diagnosed early on. The guilt will ebb a little as you see how strong they are. Diabetic children are a special breed. They accept easily…they have empathy for others…they learn responsibility at a young age…they appreciate the little things.

I always say…one day at a time. But don’t stop yourself from looking down the road. The sunrise is always in the distance my friends. Keep an eye towards the horizon…you will find your hope.