I can say that…because I was both lazy and stupid yesterday, and what it all rounded up to is a whole lotta extra work.
Yeah, I’m super proud of my poor decision making yesterday!
Hold on a sec, I need to wipe down the dripping sarcasm off my blog.
There…much better.
So the boys woke up today with less than typical numbers. I know I’m going to be a bit of a Braggy McBragerson when I say that normally the boys wake up in the very low 100’s. So when L woke up with a 250, I knew.
I totally knew he needed a set change.
But that little voice whispers in the back of my head. (Meeeeeeri…he has enough insulin to make it until after schooool. Corrrrrect him…and he will be just fiiiiine.)
Yeah, my little voice is creepy like that.
So I believe this little voice. Even though I KNOW that all the boys are past due for their changes. Especially B… he only had 5 units left. I commissioned J to change out B’s reservoir for me, and I apply the set to his bum.
I sent the boys to school. Knowing.
As they were driving away in my mother in laws car, the OTHER voice…the one that knows what the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS it is talking about…well, THAT voice says…you should have changed L’s and J’s sets too. Well, too little too late smart voice!
The first call came at 10:15. L is 425.
Picked him up. Set change on the side of the school parking lot. His cannula had completely wiggled its way out of his tush. It was bent hard against his skin. Blah.
The second call came at 1:30. J has 3 units left…AND, his pump has died. Battery completely dead.
“But isn’t there an extra battery in your school box? We are SO prepared like that! There has to be a battery!”
Yeah. That would be a negatory.
We finally got things settled by dinner time. I made this recipe recommended by a friend…
The boys sugars were brilliant at their 8:30 bedtime. Tiny amounts of insulin on board, but just right if you ask me…
And then 10:00 comes around…
Lawton alerts.
He was dead asleep a half hour before. But something woke him…and he was alerting.
L: 36
&*&^%$$####$$%^^&&**((((((@@@@!!!!!!
(That is my nice way of showing you my angst.)
The what if’s started flowing freely, along with my tears.
The big miracle of the story is Lawton kinda took December off from alerting. Once the Christmas tree went up, he was like…Oh great! Vacation! And we had lots of family from out of town to visit with…and we were dogsitting for a friend…and we had family staying with us…
But when the tree came down and he still wasn’t alerting, I started to panic.
Last Friday though…LAST FRIDAY…he began alerting again. Just like that.
And there he was last night, in front of me, alerting. Just when I started watching another show. I probably wouldn’t have checked the boys for another half hour.
I feel blessed and frustrated all at once.
The boys woke up with their normal great numbers this morning, and their pumps are full of fresh insulin and their bodies are sporting fresh sets…so I’m ASSUMING that all will be well today.
And as for my bruised ego? And my sad-pathetic-oh-poor-poor-Meri-self…I’m coming out of the fog.
Mostly because I just watched this:
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meri that video is so sad! i teared up..
ReplyDeletehave you ever thought about doing a blog just about lawton? (maybe you have and i just havent read it yet)
Oh Meri... I have so totally been there. This morning maddison woke at 250, as you mentioned, this rarely happens in our mornings but if it does ya know the change must be done!! At first I ignored it and the same little voice you had nagged me too....last minute before school I ended up pulling the dang thing, sad thing is that it should have been done yesterday and I put it off! Ugh! Oh.... Tell Lawton I love him!!
ReplyDeleteOh Boy.
ReplyDeleteSooooooooo...Sugar Boy was high a lot last night. He really should have had a set change last evening. I didnt do it cuz I am trying to get his set and sensor back on the same night. But this morning I KNEW I really needed to do it before going to work. But he wasn't up yet. And I was running late. So I left... didnt do it. Now my mother in law just called to say he is running high. And I will be going home over lunch to do it. Should have just woke him this morning and done it... but noooooooo... my creepy little voice talked me out of it too.
I get you, my friend. I get you.
Do you have a diabetic alert dog? That's so awesome!
ReplyDeleteAs for the set changes, been there, done that. Diabetes is too much for a mere mortal to handle. Sometimes I've let things slide because I was just that burnt out and overwhelmed and I have needs too. Of course, I berate myself for it because I'm a mom. That's what we do ;)
I know I say this a lot, but I am so jealous of you having Lawton. I want a Lawton.
ReplyDeleteAnd you aren't dumb, you were just needing a break. We all do it, we all go through it and your sons will do it to themselves when they get older. It's an all consuming disease, wanting a tiny break is normal. Much love sweets.
Meri, even if you do everything perfectly and don't have any "stupid" moments when you listen to the creepy voice, things still will not be perfect and your boys with have highs and lows. They are not your fault, nor are they a sign that you've done something wrong. They just are. Highs and lows are just a fact of life. And you, my dear friend, are doing an amazing job caring for all four of your incredible boys! You know that tv show No Ordinary Family? I've never watched it, but every time I hear the title of it, I think of your family. If ever there was a real-life family of super-heroes, it would be yours! You're all awesome!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm serious about wanting a Lawton clone! Give him a great big hug and kiss from me for being such a fantastic dog!
Ditto what Cindy said.
ReplyDeleteAny and every time I think about whining - I think of the d-kids and the d-parents.
ReplyDeleteApplause for you for being the best mom possible!
And hugs to Lawton for being a great dog!
Mmmmmeeeeeeerrrrrrriiiii, you had me sympathizing, chortling, researching and crying all within the span of this one post. That is some talented writing stlyle you've got!
ReplyDeleteSympathizing because we don't pump yet, chortling at your inner voices AND the linnk to a Martha fricken' Stuart recipe, researching for a dog just like Lawton and finally, crying over the sadness of seeing that young man suffer complications that could have been avoided with insulin.
Thanks for the ride, my friend!
I certainly wouldn't call it lazy, Meri. :)
ReplyDeleteYay for Lawton!
And yeah - perspective.
Meri...the voices....step AWAY from the voices!!! LOL. Loved your description of the voices; you had me sucked right in.
ReplyDeleteYOU.ARE.NOT.Lazy...NEVER.NO-HOW.NO-WAY! Do you hear me???!!!!
Love you Meri. Lawton is awesomeness on four legs and the video breaks my heart.
I do the same thing but at bedtime. I'll remember at 8:45 that she needs her pump changed and I'll check the alarm and see that she's at 12 units and I'll know that it doesn't work as well once we hit 15 but my little voice reminds me that she hates bedtime changes because she gets scared that it will be a bad set and she'll be sick that night. And I talk myself out of it. Then, at midnight, when we're correcting a 250...and at 2:00 when I'm correcting another 250...I kick myself. Our little voices just need to shut the hell up sometimes! (random swear word thrown in just for you :) )
ReplyDeleteI can't watch the video. Just can't.
And kudos to Lawton - that's awesome!
Stacy
Not lazy. Human! Good job Lawton and ((((hugs)))) just cuz.
ReplyDeleteoh Meri, that video was heartbreaking. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for these children and their families :(
ReplyDeleteAs for the low blood sugars and the "what ifs"??? I have sooooo been there my friend...I have been there.
You are an amazing mom and when I think that I can't handle what life has thrown me, I often think of you...it may sound silly to you but you keep me strong. There are times when I don't think I can do it...managing t1d in both of my girls, keeping it together, being on top of their diabetes management, being a mom, a wife, a homemaker, a friend...all of the "positions" that we hold in our lives and the expectation that we put on ourselves. I have had my "lazy" moments...and of course I give myself hell for it later on, but we are not lazy...we are strong :) You are strong, and I admire all that you do and thank you for your honesty and for giving us a 'glimpse' into your life.
I'm glad the boys are fine and all turned out well. I am like you and always feel like there's some kick in the butt to get me out of dwelling on my mistakes or whoa is me attitude - that video is haunting. It is horrible the variety of medications that are kept from other countries that aren't as "rich" as ours. I know we don't have a single extra dime around our home right now but we definitely have our needs met especially medically. Darn, makes me frustrated about all the insulin we chuck each month since Isaac only uses about 170 units a month. That's it. One of my mother's coworkers has t1d and is an immigrant from Russia, once a year he travels back and brings all the extra glucometers, test strips, lancets, keto sticks etc that he can and delivers them to the clinics that are always running out of supplies in his hometown.
ReplyDeleteTough stuff. Thanks for sharing and reming us all that our cup runneth over!
Oh you poor mummy! I relate with everything there!
ReplyDeleteBut - you did it. Everyone has their insulin on board & batteries & you can start again today.
And thankyou for the grim reminder that we are in fact blessed to have access to a full health system who care for our babies!
Not lazy - totally human!
ReplyDeleteI for one think you are amazing.
Yea for Lawton!!!! Good boy, Lawton - Good boy!! Lots of belly rubs and ear scratches!! :)
Ha! You know what my new LAZY IS?! You'll love it. When the pod "expires" it beeps out and says you will need to change it in 4 hours. Then 4 hours later it beeps again and says EXPIRED CHANGE POD NOW! OOOOKKKkAAaayyyy! But (ha) there is an 8 hour grace period given to the pod. Soooo, if it is 10 or 11pm and I haven't changed the pod, well I just whip out the old fingers and like a damn 3rd grader count how many hours till the pod REALLY expires and if it is after 5am...well I just let her die and beep it's continuous beep and then change it!!! This is a new little gig I've been doing....LAZY I like to call it too! Isn't it amazing how quickly a site change becomes too often? We're all human after all and like water we do tend to take the path of least resistance...sad little creatures at times, but hey think of these little LAZY'S as mild reminders of what needs to be done. At least we aren't putting off letting them breath or testing their blood sugars and then waiting until commercial to get the juice to bring up a low! Ha! By the way, you ain't stupid babe...it takes a shit ton of smarts to manage 3 D's and a handsom non-D!!! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteWe all have "lazy" days like that and then kick ourselves afterwards. Don't beat yourself up over it. I can't count how many times I haven't realized it was time to change a site until we were either out of insulin or the pump alarms were singing at me.
ReplyDeleteSo glad Lawton is back to doing his job again! Good dog!
Welcome Back, Lawton...I know it's hard, but we all have to get back into the real world eventually :)
ReplyDeleteMeri. Meri. Meri.
You are my hero. Thank you for being so honest...now I don't fell so bad :)
I could call you A LOT of things, my dear, but STUPID AND/OR LAZY wouldn't be one of them!
That video breaks my heart. It's the reason why I'm on a mission...more details to come...