November 6th

A little interesting fact about our family is that I gave birth to my two youngest on the same day of the year. B and L were both born on November 6th exactly two years apart. November 6th is also my father in laws birthday AND most importantly…it is also the day my husband asked me to marry him.

We were really young…I was 19 at the time and he was 21. He was my best friend and our relationship was easy. I was used to drama and guys ignoring me while we dated, but Ryan was different. He was always thoughtful. He was always kind and polite, and he only treated me with respect.

He called me at Macy’s on November 6th, 1992 and asked for me to stop by after work. I didn’t get off until 9:00 that night but he insisted. I reluctantly agreed and continued on with my day. It didn’t even faze me that my Mom and my sisters came by to say hello. (My Mom wasn’t a big mall shopper.) They had silly grins, but I was clueless. (Ryan had asked for my hand earlier from my father, and of course my father practically THREW me at him. My parents LOVE Ryan.)

His proposal was simple. He changed out of his life and bakery uniform of jean shorts and white shirt into a shirt and tie. He asked me immediately and I (obviously) said yes.

I couldn’t wait to be married to him. We would have a great life. We would be adults. We would make our own decisions. Life was going to be all smiles and adventures. We had love, what more did anyone need?

And as I look back on the past 17 years…WOW!!!!!!!....it has been hard. Really, really hard. With 5 pregnancies, (one that didn’t work out, and one that was especially worrisome,) and the bakery, (that he worked 15 hours a day in,) and diabetes diagnosis, (Four, if you include my brothers,) and cancer, (My husband’s mother survived breast cancer and my husband had a serious Melanoma that required chemo this year,) and everything else that life threw at us…man, it’s been REALLY REALLY hard.

But even through the pain and the stress and the uncertainty of life…love has remained. And as hard as life has been, I still have my best friend beside me. He still wears his jean shorts and white T-shirts and he still dotes over me like when we were first married. And we have 4 beautiful boys…who relish every minute of their lives…and who, because of diabetes, appreciate the little things…like brownies with M&M’s on top for their classes on Friday.

Looking back, would I change anything? Mostly I would change things about me. IF I could relive it all…I would worry less...I would take my frustration out on my husband less…I wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect…or to impress those around me. I would have accepted that my best was good enough and I probably would have let my kids have friends over in a house that was not as neat as a pin.

I would tell myself everyday…that hard times don’t last forever…that there will be good times around the corner…and that life is too precious to waste with constant worry and self loathing.

I would appreciate the little moments more…and I would appreciate all the wonderfullness that I've always had right in front of me...