More Than a D Mom

Brainchild of uber awesome Hallie Addington, the “More than a D Mom” series continues this week with a self explorative essay by moi.  Hallie’s epiphany came one night when she realized that her entire self surely couldn’t be summed up by one title: “D Mom.”  There were more layers, or she hoped there were anyway.  She asked me if I would be willing to search my own swelly brain, and try to find what defines me…other than being a mother to three boys with Type 1 Diabetes.

I’m going to go a step further and try to find who I am beyond the word “widow” as well. 

I am more than a D Mom.

I am more than a grieving widow.

(Pregnant pause.)

Whoa.  Pretty powerful putting it out there like that.

Those two things may not be all I am…but they both contribute fully to who I am and why.  They can’t be discounted, that’s for sure.  I am who I am BECAUSE of what I have gone through.  D Mom suits me though.  When the title of D Mom is given, one thinks of love, and dedication…what’s so bad about that? Or at least that’s what “I” think of.  I think some PWD might associate “overbearing” with the title.  But I’m not.  So, I don’t.

The fact remains, there are other parts to me. 

I’ve been so lost these past 8 months trying to figure what those other parts are.  Who am I?  I was a wife.  I was half of a marriage.  Now that I’m one…right now…what makes me tick?  What drives me?  It’s hard to be driven with an underlying melancholy.  I try not to be down, but there is that spiritual organism I spoke about before that has a mind of its own.  I’m still on the road to finding out who I am.  But I can tell you what I know brings me joy…and more than anywhere, I think that is a good place start.

I love connecting with people.  I love lifting people up.  I love going to movies and eating popcorn with M and M’s.  I love taking walks in the evening, and watching the sunset.  (See also: I love the sky.)  I love laughing.  I LOVE laughing.  (Worth mentioning twice.)  I love people-watching.  I love adventures.  I love that Danger is my middle name.  I love that Danger isn’t really my middle name, but I put this in here as an inside joke for some friends.  I love making my kids smile.  I love the entire concept of “hope.”  I love the knowledge that I am more than what you see.  I love knowing that I am a soul…a soul that is older and wiser than this 40-year-old body I reside in. I love smiling.  Smiling's my favorite.  I love when I get an epiphany and I can feel it deep in my stomach.  I love writing.  I love food,  (unfortunately.)  I love beautiful scenery.  I love honesty.  I love all people, all personalities…it makes life more interesting.  I love good conversation.  I love good-natured teasing.  I love simplicity, less clutter.  I love music…all kinds.  I love having something to look forward to.

Huh.  That sounds like some cheesy dating site “about me” intro.  (No.  I’m not on any dating sites…don’t get excited.)

I don’t know if that “love” stuff gives you, or me, a better idea of who I am, (even though if you read my blog regularly, none of it should be a shock to any of you,) but it seems that it all adds up to me being a spunky/spiritual person who is hell bent on being hopeful.  No, I don’t make a lot of sense…but that’s ok.  I’m still trying to figure me out anyway.

And I’m thankful, that while I do…you’re willing to take the ride with me, and accept my dueling personalities in spades.

Now go on…get outta here, and find some joy in your day.  I dare you.  (Apparently, I love bossing my readers around too.)

(PS My lovely, hilarious, fun, awesome D Mom/a-lot-more-than-that friend, Lora, is hosting tomorrow’s “More than a DMom” series.  Check it!)