Meri says: “If you look for the bad in diabetes, in life and in yourself, expecting to find it, you usually will.”
On the flip side…
Meri says: “If you look for the GOOD in diabetes, in life and in yourself, expecting to find it, you usually will.”
You get what you look for.
My post last week, Finding the Warmth, was the accumulation of weeks of me constantly looking for the bad in myself and the world around me…constantly worrying how things will affect me, constantly worrying how my faults will affect my family….constantly looking at what I am not, rather than what I am.
I got what I was looking for. All the trash built up and I had a bit of a break down last Thursday.
What a difference 5 days makes.
I turned the switch and I opened the door. I allowed myself to let the light in. I wouldn't allow the light in before because I didn't feel worthy of it.
I have so many faults.
I feel so inadequate in my station.
Yet today I know that it is my faults that make up the unique me. Today I realize that nobody is perfect. Everyone has a battle that they are waging...we are all fighting the darkness together. What causes the darkness in our lives may be different, but in the end we are all fighting the same thing.
Those who have read my blog long enough know that I roll this way. I have long stints of happy happy joy joy and then I dive…and I dive hard.
But after the long crash and burn, I get up again.
I get what I look for.
Change is in me. I know if I am miserable it is my job to change my perspective. I am a blessed woman and I have an obscenely long list of things to be thankful for, so it stands to reason that I bring on a lot of the miserableness myself.
One of those things I am thankful for is you. Thank you for your warmth and kind comments, they brightened an old D Mama’s heart! I know I don't struggle with this alone. There is a strong force in the world that messes with our self esteem. It can be so hard to turn away from the voices that say you aren’t good enough.
But, I am good enough.
And you are good enough too. Period.
I'm not even close to perfect…but I have something to bring to the table. We all do. No one else is like me…so I wonder why I want to be like everyone else. That would take away all the parts of me that are different than you…and there is no fun in that.
I’ve decided to embrace who I am, work on the parts I don’t like and love my family so fiercely it knocks them over.
One day at a time.
Baby steps.
Baby Steps! Great movie reference, Meri. So glad to hear you're finding the strength and courage to get back up and again and see the positives. You rock.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been something about Feb because so many people seemed to be down in the dumps. I hated knowing you were there too after your blog last week. I was there and it sucked - and you were and are right. Asking God for help is the first and most important baby step and makes all the remaining baby steps possible. Why we let ourselves forget and have to relearn that lesson a million times is what mystifies me. Thankfully He is always there to listen and point us in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteSometimes in the blog world I think perfection can seem more possible that it really is. Just yesterday, I was yelling at my kids, and I thought...wow, I never write about how I yell at my kids. I just write the good stuff! People have no idea how I handle the craziness sometimes! So, you're right, we're all imperfect, and a lot of us don't like to particularly point that out about ourselves!
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right on!!! You are doing now what we all do, and that, to me, is a comfort to know that we're all in this together!!! Kim
ReplyDeleteThank you Meri for sharing. I love you and needed to here this. From now on, our family is officially no longer acknowledging the month of February. We have decided to extend January. I don't know why, but it always seems to be a tough month for our family, and this year has been really tough. I have been down too. Instead of being brave like you and seeking help and support, I have hidden and alone. Thanks for being brave enough to share.
ReplyDeleteSweet Marvelous Meri! I am so glad you are finding, no make that MAKING yourself again. You know the old quote, we do not need to find ourselves, we need to MAKE ourselves. Welcome back, I have so missed your wonderful spirit, your uniqueness and your views. I celebrate you and all that is you - the good, the 'bad' and the you-know-what that we all share. Baby steps back baby, but I am SO very glad I am sharing this journey with someone like you dear friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean you aren't perfect?! There goes my whole world view ...
ReplyDeleteI second what Penny said. I am glad you are in my life and you are a REAL person. The lows help us really appreciate the highs and all that lies in between. Sending a big ol' English hug to you my friend.
I just <3 you!
ReplyDeleteStay off the elevators...
ReplyDeleteYou're fine. Your kids are fine. Your husband is a great guy.
You, too, will get over this mom bump.
Life is full of ups and downs. And isn't it nice when friends help us go back up, when we're on our way down?!
I am so glad you are feeling the warmth, Meri.
ReplyDeleteYou are truly a special person and one helluva D Mama.
<3
Great post and I love that movie!!
ReplyDeleteYou deserve the light, glad youre finding it!
Great Movie! Great Post! Great Meri! You are wonderfully perfect being "Meri". I heart you!
ReplyDeleteI'm beyond happy that you are finding the light. I love you, Sweet, Sweet Meri and always want to see you happy!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your awesomeness!
Baby steps... got it. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. Is it terrible that I find comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one that struggles? You're awesome Meri. Even on the most terrible of days, you're totally awesome. :)
ReplyDeleteMeri, you help so many of us see the light in our dark moments. You always make me feel stronger and ready to take on the world. Love you!
ReplyDeleteJust what I needed to hear, Meri. Thank you so much!! I have been feeling really (not sure of the right word, but pretty much just what Lora said last week) but overwhelmed and defeated and "light at the end of the tunnel-less". And reading your comment on her blog helped me so much and this post is just what I needed too! I am so thankful that God is apparently using you to help me (and all of us in the DOC) in a BIG way and I am. You are my rainbow today!! ;)
ReplyDeleteIs it possible that you can even know the inspiration you are to everyone else? After just crying over at other blogs and occasionally "grieving" over losing "normal" and wondering, "why him, why us", I go to your blog and am inspired!! Someday God will answer those questions (I hope). But, in the meantime, we have people like you who inspire us and keep us going. God Bless you and your family always, Meri!!
ReplyDeleteIt always amazes me how much influence our thoughts and perceptions have on every aspect of our lives. I am glad you're on the upswing and know you're not alone through any of the highs/lows that accompany life :)
ReplyDeleteSo happy you "turned the switch" and "opened the door"! You are indeed good enough! And I think it's evidenced by the comments above that you are loved by many and this post alone has really touched so many others! I ♥ you!
ReplyDeleteI think you are perfect. You are the perfect person for your family. You are who you are supposed to be. You are perfect in so many ways that I bet that list is as long as your blessings. Wait, add that to the blessings...much love sweets.
ReplyDeleteMeri, Meri....we must be too much alike!! I too am guilty of exactly this! ((HUGS)) We will seek the light again together :)Thanks for the swift kick in the @ss lol
ReplyDelete