It was one of those nights. The kind of night when you look at the clock and see it’s 4:45 and you have nothing planned for dinner.
Options were weighed. Dialog was flowing. Ideas bounced off. And decisions made.
The decision? My husband, my SIL and my oldest 3 boys would ride their bikes 3.1 miles down the road to a restaurant that I had a killer coupon for. L and I would hang back. I would take L on his scooter for a 1 mile loop around the house, and then when we got back we would drive to meet the fam at the restaurant.
It was a good plan.
It was a plan hatched with the best of intentions.
As I left with L out the door I yelled back for everyone to check their sugars before leaving. J was on his way to “The Station,” (my nickname for the hallway cupboards and counter where we keep the boys supplies,) so I felt pretty comfortable about leaving.
You caught that right? I saw J heading to the station…not B. But why would I worry? I totally knew my husband had this.
Unfortunately…my husband totally knew I had it.
When L and I got back from our loop I got an upsetting phone call from my SIL.
“B feels low. He is sitting on the side of the road and he’s pretty upset. I got nothing on me.”
Before I go any further you should know that my SIL ALWAYS has SOMETHING on her. She carries a blood sugar monitor and fast acting carbs in her purse at all times…yeah, she is that great. No kidding, she’s a regular Mary Poppins. But on this day…she didn’t have her purse with her. She had nothing. B wasn’t moving. He knew he had to stay put, and they were by the post office in the industrial district…not a store within a mile or so.
L and I hopped in the car and took off.
I was almost there when my SIL called again, “Are you close? B is crying now.”
Crap. He’s scared. My entire existence axises on keeping my boys NOT scared. And there B was, on the side of the road, frightened. No monitor. No sugar. Feeling all the crap a low has to throw at him…worried for his sweet little life.
Crap on a stick. (Who says that? One of the blogging Mama’s says that.)
It was like a bad drug deal. On the open road…a car drives up and rolls down the window and hands over the goods to get someone high. I wanted him higher. I wanted him higher now.
I was in a no parking zone on a busy street, shunking my son with a needle and giving him the goods to get higher.
The craziness of the moment didn’t escape me.
He drank his juice. He ate his Yogo’s with frenzy, and then stopped long enough for me to check him.
52.
He waited awhile and insisted finishing the trip on his bike.
Diabetes wasn’t going to scare him into stopping. He had all the tools he needed to be safe now; He was ready to go.
As I watched him bike down the road, the title of the country song, “There Goes My Life” popped into my head.
There he went, my entire life. My everything.
We work so hard to keep our kids safe. But we work just as hard to make them FEEL safe.
Let me keep the fear.
Let me nurse the worry.
Let him…just be a kid.
I think it is Hallie...that uses "crap on a stick"...:)
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and "B". It is hard enough trying to ensure their safety and to ensure their perception of safety AND then to try our darndest to let them be KIDS with so many details to adhere to daily. Meri...once again, you inspire and bring a smile to my face with your "d" care, your parenting, and your gift of knowing just how to balance both.
Meri-you have to quit posting things that make me want to cry at work. :)
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I have no words...just sending hugs to a great mama. :)
ReplyDeleteDrive-by carbing. Dealing out sugar like drugs to get your kid's blood sugar higher. I LOVE it! Don't love that you had to do it and big hugs to you for the anxiety and tears that incidents like this bring on! You are one very awesome, very amazing mommy and woman, Meri!
ReplyDelete((HUGS)) as I read my heart began to race and I could feel your inside panic while remaining calm and collected on the outside. What an awesome mom you are!
ReplyDeleteAhhh, crap on a stick... it's been one of my favourites for years! Along with crap sandwich, craptastic, sucktastic, suckalicious, crappa-lappa-ding-dong (although I don't think I've ever used that last one on my blog!).
ReplyDeleteWhat a scary situation, but I'm glad everything turned out okay. Something similar happened to me when Elise was about 16 months and we went on a walk. She started acting weird and thankfully I had the meter. She was 42, but I had no carbs. I had to pick her up and run her about 1/4 mile home. I'm glad B didn't let it stop him from finishing his trip... what an amazing boy!
I should know to grab a few kleenex before reading your blog...you always get me, yes even with the funny things like crap on a stick.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way so often with Isaac...I just want him to enjoy life without those fears or feeling like crap. Great job you drive by carber!
Crap on a stick is right!!! I can't take credit for it, tho. I stole it from Jo cuz I love it that much!!!
ReplyDeleteMeri- you make menlaugh, you make me cry, you make shake me head and say Amen, Sister! Hugs!!
Crap on a stick indeed my dear! You did a great carb-drive-by and poor B, feeling so low. Youare a great mom and teacher for your boys, you always come through Meri. They will grow up so strong from all of this.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet another MARVELOUS MERI MOMENT!
ReplyDeleteI love these moments....thanks for making sure I get enough to make it through my life :)
Crap on a stick, indeed. You just made me cry, too-- because you know ALL of us D-moms want to keep those bad feelings away from our kids. But think about this- he KNEW his family had his back, he KNEW his mom would be there within seconds. Next to completely taking away any fear, knowing that someone is right there to take care of you is the best feeling a kid could have.
ReplyDeleteSuckity!! That what I have to say about it. I am sorry he had to feel that fear. Breaks my heart... as does that song EVERY TIME I hear it. (((hugs))) to you and B.
ReplyDeleteAWWWWWE!
ReplyDeleteI left a comment but Blogger cashed. My apologies if you get 2 comments from me!!
ReplyDeleteCRAPTASTIC!! We got all of the good words from Jo.
Your post made me cry and scared me to death! I'm so glad everything turned out ok.
I love you and yours!!
My little Ellie's favorite phrase, "you scared me out of the crap!" I think Ray and I almost have small strokes when she says it we laugh so hard. Sunday morning Ellie woke up and asked me if she was safe...the question startled me (she's 4). I told her she was and asked her if something was going on. She told me that "she didn't know her body very well". I'm not sure if that was just a 4 year olds brain working overtime, or if that was a little girl with diabetes making sure she was ok...but the latter breaks my heart and I haven't gone 10 minutes with out hearing her statement in my head since Sunday. Giving them the feeling of safety is as important as the actual deal...you did both that day Momma, you had his back and that always matters! Good to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny ...or not so funny...the situations we get ourselves into.
ReplyDelete"Let me keep the fear. Let me nurse the worry. Let him…just be a kid." -- That's a D mama's mantra for you!
What a star your boy was and how beautifully he coped with feeling scared but then just facing it down and getting on with life. He has learnt this from you.
ReplyDeleteHugs from England (we hug with a stiff upper lip and a plum in our mouths! Oh, and a cup of tea in our hands!!)
Hello
ReplyDeleteCongratulations for your blog.
You want to change the wallpaper of your blog, I give you this address: http://artsdco.blogspot.com/
Scary, yet handled so well.
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling, wanting to keep all of the fear and the worry AND the responsibility that D carries with it to ourselves and let our kids just be kids!
Oh my goodness, crying. I can't even imagine. Although I'm sure one day I will when Lovebug gets older. I completely understand the feeling of wanting our kids to feel safe as well as be safe. Especially with our D kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mom!
Oh man you've done such a great job of describing your fear and panic, I think we all felt it.
ReplyDeleteI love love LOVE that B got back on his bike and went the rest of the way. I believe you have helped him feel confident to do that in the way you are raising your kids.
Rock on.
Hi! Reading your blog daily now and it gives me a reminder of how grateful I should be that my parents also went trough all of this when I was young! They really worked hard to make me feel "safe" every day. Just want to tell you that your work will be rewarded, your boys will be just as greatful and happy as adults, you show them the way! Hope you have a nice weekend! Greetings from Sweden=)
ReplyDeleteI'm just now catching up on blogs so I am reading this for the first time and now I am bawling. Oh my gosh, how scary for you all! You are amazing, Meri. You are doing a wonderful job to let your boys just be boys. And good for B for not being too scared to get back on that bike! That right there shows what a great job you are doing with him! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteCrap on a stick is right!! That is scary for a little guy! Glad you got there and became his hero...yet again...and saved the day! Heart you!
ReplyDeleteOh no. How scary for you all! I'm glad he got back on that bike! :O)
ReplyDelete