Run Meri, RUN!

Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Sounds pretty much like the two weeks before every endo appointment to me…

Maybe it is because my senses are more heightened, maybe it’s because I know that once that endo appointment comes I will be held accountable for each and every number…whatever it is, those two weeks of anticipation are like acid to my soul. (If you would have dabbed litmus paper on my brow last week, it would have turned red…hand to god.)

Why? Why does it all go South on me EVERY TIME? Inevitably someone gets sick, a pump site will fail, a child will forget to bolus for breakfast…TWO DAYS IN A ROW, and there are unexplainable highs and lows that even Einstein couldn’t figure out on his best day. Every one of those wonky numbers are like a dagger to my heart. By the time I finally make it to the appointment my fragile heart is an unrecognizable pulpy mess.

I’m calling this one…Murphy’s Law lives!

But fortunately, with all the worry and anticipation those two weeks bring…the two weeks following the endo appointment are the polar opposite.

Freedom, sweet freedom!

No watchful eye…no grilling investigation over each and every number. It is like I walk out of those endo appointments a thousand times lighter…feeling like if I had the right running start, I could fly! The relief is all encompassing. My entire body relaxes and I feel like a person again…A PERSON! Not a puffy pink pancreas.

I kinda look at it like running a marathon. (Yes, this comes right on the heels of my baseball analogy…I can compare diabetes to anything…try me.) When I leave the endo, I feel light and ready to conquer the world. I am hopeful and easily sprint through every curvy road diabetes has to offer. As the weeks pass I try to keep pace, I fall behind sometimes, but I’m no quitter so I keep going…every mile, every day. The last two weeks before the endo appointment are like the final sprint to the finish line. A final sprint that is uphill the entire way. Add to that my exhaustion, my holey worn-out shoes, and my decreased lung capacity and you have the whole pathetic picture. Regardless, I run my heart out drawing on every ounce of energy my body has left. I NEED to be successful! But then here is Murphy’s Law…in the form of rocks to trip on and road that runs right off a cliff. The kicker is, no matter what the condition of the road, I must make it to the finish line…there is no other option. There is an APPOINTMENT for goodness sakes! It doesn’t matter what the road had in store for me…the endo appointment is non-negotiable.

I drag my pathetic war torn body in every three months…and collapse in the office. And then I walk out of these appointments relieved and ready to sleep for a week.

But the thing is…the next marathon starts within days. The relaxation is short lived…we must run again.

And again…

And again…

And again…

Wednesday was our endo appointment. Today I feel great. But I know it isn’t going to last…J goes to six grade camp next week and I will be in the throes of another heart stopping marathon…

Run Meri! Run! Forrest Gump ain’t got nothin’ on me.