Thursday, March 4, 2010

Trying to find my auto pilot switch...

I’ve spent the last 4 days talking to classes at the boys’ school about diabetes and service dogs. I had my spiel down pat. I aced the “what is diabetes” lessons for the older kids, and scored when it came to “service dog etiquette” for the younger kids. But in true form…I am completely overwhelmed as I sit here with my thoughts. Speeches about our immune system and information about the body’s ability to make insulin are dancing in my head.

Diabetes overload.

Questions. Sweet beautiful questions from students and teachers who want to know more. Everything we have ever dreamed of. A captive audience who has questions!

Questions I have been waiting for people to ask. But at the same time, questions that have answers I don’t want to think about anymore.





What if?

I am overwhelmed friends. I’ve come home from a long day of lectures and I’ve had enough of diabetes. I don’t like thinking this hard about things.

I like to LIVE. Not obsess. And when your mind is stuck skipping like a broken record, diabetes is…diabetes is…diabetes is…You can understand that I just haven’t had it in me to blog.

Which brings me to my next subject. I have been SUCH a downer lately; I just want to slap myself. I know we all need to “lose it” sometimes…but that is not the person I want to be. I want to be positive about things; I want to look at the bright side.

And I do.

I’m just…

Overloaded right now.

So I guess I have to be careful for what I wish for. Because right now I have a school full of teachers and students that have a small idea of what my world is about. And they are feeling for me. And the weight of their knowledge is hanging on my shoulders right now. My life is out there. Explaining our life in simple terms seemed harmless enough…except for the fact that my brain is going to explode.

I need to reboot. I need to trash all the garbage that is going through my head and move on to LIVING again.

Where the hell is my auto-pilot switch????

I don’t want to consciously think about IT anymore!

Actually, right now…I don’t want to think at all anymore.

I want to go to Hawaii. Or Cabo. Or somewhere warm…and sit on the beach…and sleep…for like a month.

I know. Whiner whiner pants on fire. It is what it is.

I am wondering if some of this overwhelmingness (Yes I realize that is a made up word) is due to the fact that I haven’t blogged in almost a week. I'm hoping that now that I have gotten this all down on virtual paper…I’ll be able to get back to normal. Well, my normal anyway.

Not sure how to end this one. So I’ll just say this…

:p~~~~~~~~~~~to brain explosions.

:o) to weekends.


  1. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))
    You have every right to be a whiner, whiner, pants on fire (btw, Im gonna call my kids that the next time they complain!) Diabetes is a draining disease....not only for the kids but for us parents too! I'm tired of IT too! I just vented on my page about insurance crap and I'm sick of busting our asses in the work force while other lazy asses get to mooch off the system and then get told "Sorry, we can't help you because you make too much!" Ahhhhhhhh....sorry for venting more!

    Anyway...I was asked this afternoon to come in to Kacey's class and do a diabetes talk with her class since she's been having these scary lows and the kids can help keep an eye out for her (like the bathroom incident) Why the heck am I so afraid to go talk to a class of 4th graders about diabetes? We face it every day so I know that I'm seasoned with my knowledge. So why am I scared? I'm scared because it brings REALITY into the lives of the children and teachers around her as well as facing my own reality of the possibility of her passing out at school. She's had 2 scares with bad lows....3rd times a charm, or a pass-out, right? ITS SCARY! ITS REALITY! ITS DRAINING! Can I meet you on the island too? I'm emotionally run down and I'm sure I'll be medicating myself soon if I don't get a grip on it :(

    I still admire you! I admire your ability to take care of diabetes x3! YOU ROCK!!! I'm here and I'm listening as you continue to vent :)

    Tell everyone like I do....they always say if you hold in a fart then you will my case, I'll fart but if I hold in my vent then eventually I'll blow up and God help those around me when I do ;) Heehee!!

    Luv ya tons!!!

  2. I think what you are saying Meri is completely and understandably draining and overwhelming. It is constant. It is all-encompassing. Diabetes never takes a vacation to Hawaii or Cabo and lays on the beach. I sure wish it would. Day in and day out, it just is.

    I think blogging is a great way to release. Let it out here, with gals and guys who understand. I empathize with you from afar. You are by no means a whiner. You are a Mom with a lot on her plate. You have a right to whine. Don't let the guilties take you down. Whine and then be done with it. Maybe it feels the whines have held too long, but only you will know when you are done with them. It's ok if they are along for a long ride this time. We have all been there.

    Hang on. Be done when you are done. It's all ok. You are great. You are fabulous. You will reboot and you will keep on keepin' on.

  3. Whiner whiner... what?? The rest of us can ALWAYS count on you for Meri's words of wisdom and encouragment when the damn "D" isn't going our way.
    So you have your moment... You deserve it. "D" SUCKS, but I am glad it brought you into my life :)

  4. have never heard the phrase Liar Liar Pants on fire hanging on the telephone wire?

    I'm glad know you too Lora. You are one of my BFF's in my imaginary world. :)

  5. Yes, I have heard that... I was just disagreeing with you saying "whiner whiner" to yourself because your awesome ;)

  6. Oh, Meri! You're not a whiner! And so what - whine away if you want to - this is your space to say what you want!

    I can see why you're overwhelmed. It's overwhelming - plain and simple. Or plain and extremely complicated.

    I'm sure you're doing a great job! And I hope you're back to feeling better and Living again soon!

    But I'll always meet you on an island - anywhere! We can sit and drink some Pina Colodas and chill and not let D screw up the moment! Awww...


  7. Meri,
    If anyone deserves a moment of "whiner whiner" time, it's you - that's a whine-worthy day right there! We ALL need to get those feelings off our chests once in a while, and it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling that way sometimes. :)

    I'll bet we can get a group rate at a nice little secluded beach someplace....sign me up too!

  8. If only we had an auto-pilot switch!!! Can you imagine??!!

    For the record, I didn't take it as whining at all. D is overwhelming! Blog, vent and get it all off of your chest. Put it out there. We D moms get it! :)

    Yes, :p~~~~~~~~~~~ to brain explosions!!!

  9. Omg I thought I was the whiner of the group no fair you should share that title LOL :) !!!

  10. Whiner Whiner pants on fire! Too funny. I'm totally going to use that on Sophie today.

    You are SO NOT a whiner. You do an amazing job and I am sure that it can get overwhelming at times. You can come here and vent all you want. We are here to listen.

    I love you! DNQ

  11. Whine away! We love listening to you, everything you say is inspirational somehow. I feel like you take the words right out of my head! Although, you say they much better than they actually come out of my mouth!

    Love you Meri!

  12. You are amazing and inspire me. I was just telling our school nurse about you and your 3 boys.

    Thanks for whining a makes me feel a little more OK with the amount I do.

    I LOVE you Meri!

  13. Want some french cries to go with that?

    How 'bout we call the whaambulance?

    (Joe Dirt quotes)

    'the weight of their knowledge on my shoulders'....gulp! That was heavy. Giving them the knowledge you have helps to make them more aware of 'it' and they'll tell 2 friends and so on, and so on. Be proud for the knowledge you are that difference in someone's life! BRAVO!

  14. Meri - Yours was one of the first blogs I read when I found all of you wonderful D Moms. I thought to myself... 4 boys, 3 with T1D... OMG this woman is AMAZING. And you know what? I have thought that more and more with EVERY post you have written. You are a ROCK STAR D MOM, and I am so proud to call you one of my virtual friends. ( I can't believe I have "known" you all such a short amount of time because I feel like I know you all SO WELL!!!!)
    Anyway, what I am trying to say is: Have your whiner time. Have your vent. WE ALL deserve it!!! And we all understand! Thats what this is all about!
    PS - if you make it to that island, you had better take me with!!! ;o)

  15. Thank you for your comment on my blog. (Where Candy is Medicine) If you saw my Trouble With Nursery post, I talked about how hard it was to tell other people about the ins and outs of diabetes, no matter how receptive they are. It's emotionally draining. Almost like if you don't have to say it out loud, it's easier to deal with. I can't even imagine whole classrooms full of people!

    And I also think it's good to have a good meltdown every now and then. Diabetes impacts our lives in new ways all the time, and I think it's okay to have a grief session over whatever it is-- like when it hit me my child was wearing a medical device 24/7-- have a good cry, pick yourself and move on. It's easier than trying to keep it all bottled up inside.

  16.'s ok to break down Meri. You are entitled. And since you have 3 T1 boys doesn't that mean you are entitled to thrice the meltdowns? ;) Anyway I know it's hard...but you are doing good. You are spreading the word so that someday one of those kids might remember what you taught them. They will be more informed because of you...and isn't that one of our goals? You rock!


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