Hope.

I’ve been away.

The Diabetic Life has laid dormant inside of me while I’ve been swept up in other things.

I don’t put the hours in worrying anymore, and I certainly don’t work overtime to make sure basals are succinctly dialed in like I used to.

There are only so many minutes in a day, and I have the immediate need to graduate early so I can move across the country, and get married, and start my career. Other things have taken precedence, so I’ve reverted to inevidable "Diabetes autopilot." Even though Diabetes is still a very important part of our lives, it isn’t the most important part of our lives, and it certainly isn’t where it needs to be on the priority list.

Basically, it has been: They are alive at the end of the day. It’s a win. 

We are surviving, not thriving.

Tonight though…

Tonight.

Tonight I attended the JDRF Hope Gala in San Francisco at the generous invitation of special friends. Listening to words like “hope” and “cure” and “breakthrough” and promises for change stirred up the complacent advocacy particles that have settled deep in my soul. The juices began to flow, and the floodgates opened.

I am a D Mom.

My kids need a cure.

I never allowed myself to believe in one fully. Mostly because I believe it's important to be content with the cards we are dealt now.  But tonight the man that is the head of the encapsulation team looked me personally in the eye and said, “It’s coming. For your children. It will happen.” And when he showed me cells on his cell phone bursting with the ability to produce insulin, it was like I was witnessing the impossible…and then…believing in it.

And as the bids came around the room, one in particular for $100,000 (yes I hugged their neck,) the gratitude ran so deep it was hard to contain it all inside my frame. Because even if there never comes a cure, these people were there tonight working for it anyway. Working hard on behalf of MY boys, for a future that I wasn’t brave enough to envision, but they are stubborn enough to fight for in spite of my complacency. They fearlessly move forward raising money to fund research for change, and many of them will until the day they die, or until the cure does come. It was humbling to witness such generosity, some people whom have no familial relation to diabetes.

My heart runneth over.

Tonight, driving home from the gala, I made the decision to allow myself to hope, and not let myself, or my boys, settle for a future of “same ol’ same ol’”

Now here it is, almost 2 am and I find myself coercing fruit snacks into my sleeping 11 year old's mouth. My boys need a cure. If there are people in the world willing to work towards that end, I will be honored to stand next to them and dream with them. Hope with them. Lead with them. Fight with them.

It was an honor just to be in the same room with them tonight.

My name is Meri Schuhmacher.

And I’m all in.

What are D-Moms made of?

We are a complicated concoction.  

D Moms are made of Glue:  We hold the entire family unit together.   Our children's challenges stick resolutely to us as we work to find solutions and wash away the unpleasant sticky residue of diabetes.

D Moms are made of Fire:  The bad blood sugar day our children had yesterday?  We burn it away into ash and begin the day anew.  Every day is the rebirth of new numbers.  The old worries are burned away and in its wake come new saplings of hope.

D Moms are made of Ice:  We can numb the pain...the sadness...with our love, our bear hugs and our empathy.

D Moms are made of owls:  At 2am we can see the smallest speck of blood in the darkness of our child's bedroom.   We are wise enough to make life saving decisions in the dead of night.  We bring food and drink to our child's cozy bedside nest to keep them safe.

D Moms are made of wind:  We are invisible as we check a blood sugar while our child watches their favorite show.  Other than the breeze from our departure, our presence is undetectable. 

D Moms are made of crystal balls:  You ate that plate before I could see it?  70 carbs.

D Moms are made of dark chocolate:  We may have a bit of bitterness buried deep inside us, but the notes of smooth sweetness comes through more than anything else.  We are pretty comforting to have around.

D Moms are made of Cheetah: We are fast.  23 blood sugar?  We are up and to the snack cabinet before you can even blink.

D Moms are made of Diamonds: We shine through the hardest times.  We can stand insurmountable pressure.  That twinkle in our eyes when we look at you?  Nuff said.

D Moms are made of Bologna:  You know when our children are high with large ketones and we say, "No worries!"  We are really good at being calm and making you think that everything is ok, even when our insides look like an active pinball game.

D Moms are made of Bob the Builder:  Can we fix it?  YES WE CAN!

D Moms are made of encyclopedias:  Information?  We have retained it.  We are the go-to information source for our children's health.  We are the experts.  Yes...you can site that.

D Moms are made of butter:  We melt easily.  Give us those eyes and yeah...you can have that cupcake.

D Moms are made of steel:  We can be bent, dinged and manipulated...but we will not break.  We support the skyscraping circumstances with ease.  The world on our shoulders?  We can hold that.

D Moms are made of tears:  It is our breath of life.  Releasing the tears is the only way to keep the delicate balance within our complicated eco system of ingredients. 

D Moms are made of crock pots:  In the morning we cook up life by throwing together love, kindness, routine, determination and loyalty, and then letting it simmer all day long into a feast for our family by day's end.

D Moms are made of swords:  We live to conquer.  We were built to defeat what stands in our way.  Don't mess with a D Mom on a mission.  We will cut you.

D Moms are made of silver:  We may look frazzled and tarnished sometimes, but give us some TLC and we will shine so bright you'll need sun glasses to take us in.

Sure...we are complicated.  How can one exist by being fire and ice?  Butter and steel?  

It is a delicate balance...one not everyone can negotiate.  

That is why we were given this calling.

We are D Moms.

It is our job to make it work.


Happy Mothers Day to my fellow D-Moms-in-arms!