J: Squirming in the cushion, "Ow. My set hurts." (He had just changed his set 30 minutes before.)
Me: "Do you want to change it quick before Lisa gets here?"
J: Shock and Awe mode, "See...there! Right there! You would never catch a person with diabetes EVER saying that."
Me: "Saying what? Do you want to change your set?"
J: "Of course that. And of course I don't. If you had diabetes you would be embarrassed you said that."
Me: "But if it hurts..."
J: "Whoa! You don't have diabetes, you don't get it."
Me: "True. But my brain says if it is going to hurt all day, isn't it better to change it quick and have it hurt for just a second...you know, rather than all day."
J: "Mom, it only hurts when I put pressure on it, and what you are forgetting is that I'm not just a person with diabetes, I'm a 'teenager' with diabetes. Maybe when I'm an adult I will answer differently, but as a teenager I would have to say you have no idea how offensive that question is."
Me: "Because I'm asking you if you would like to poke yourself again, or because you are just too lazy to put a new set in."
J: "Both of those. Maybe you do get it."
Me: "Offensive, really? To you as a teenager, or you as a diabetic?"
J: "I'm not really sure...it's all one thing to me right now. All I can tell you is if you ask me any questions regarding extra work in my diabetes care, the answer for the next few years at least...if I have a choice...will be no, and I'm too lazy."
Me: "Are there any other offensive things I say that I should know about. You know...since I'm not a diabetic..."
J: "The only giant one I can think of right now is that one there. You say it ALL the time."
Me: "Hold the phone, I RARELY ask you if you want to change your set!"
J: "If it hurts you do, if you had diabetes you wouldn't even think to ask that."
Me: "I may not have diabetes, but I'm a sympathizer."
J: "I know. It is ok. Just know that if you ever ask me if I "WANT" to change my set...the answer to that one will always be no."
Me: "Loud and clear son...loud and clear."
Meri, I really don't know what to say right now...I feel kinda sad for the both of you :(
ReplyDeleteI (in my non-diabetic brain) thought that it was very nice of you to ask J if he would like his site changed. Cara complains sometimes (a lot) about her site and I tell her "oh your fine, just go play" I think my reaction is a lot worse then yours. Maybe we need to switch kids!! :) What do ya think? Good deal??
Hah! Don't worry-- tell him that his mental calculation is not the result of being a diabetic or a teenager; those are just contextual factors. I know exactly what he's talking about, because I too make the same economic comparison: which is greater, the cost of intermittent set pain, or the cost of getting up and going through the hassle of replacing the set? The cost calculation is where having diabetes and being a teen comes in-- having diabetes means you know pretty well how bad the set is hurting right now, and how loathsome the chore of replacing the set is; being a teenager means that the cost of getting up and doing something is very high, and that the cost of doing so after your mother suggests it is higher still. So, unless the set is hurting really badly, the "wait it out" side of the equation will likely win out. But let's not call it laziness; let's call it "self-preserving pragmatism and efficiency." ;)
ReplyDeleteWow, he's eloquent! And I love the way he is aware of the teenage thing being where he is now and that it might not be forever. Kind of amazing, your boy.
ReplyDeleteTruth time - I would totally ask another PWD if they "wanted" to change their set. :) But I totally get where he's coming from! And I'm glad he's at least sharing how it makes him feel. Some kids would just bottle it up.
ReplyDeleteKarmel- I LOVE your comment! Thank you for putting into that context for me. Makes everything so much clearer to me!!
ReplyDeleteI feel bad I used the word lazy in the post without a giving little background: J has been using the "lazy" excuse about a lot of things lately. (His wording, not mine.) I was playing along with his 'lazy' lingo.
Another word he has been using a lot is "offended." Everything 'offends' him...he says it in a playing way, (sometimes throwing his hands up dramatically and stroming out of the room with a smirk on his face)...but since I remember clearly what it is like to be a teen, I know deep down, he always really is a bit offended. ;)
It isn't easy being a teenager...especially a teenager with diabetes...I SO SO know it! He teaches me new things everyday. This conversation is proof of that for sure.
I'm looking down the barrel at 10 years from now and hoping Luke is half as eloquent! I know he'll be as dramatic. I suspect I'll be equally offensive. ;)
ReplyDeletewow, meri, thanks again for a preview of what i may be dealing with myself shortly. L had cautioned me before about posing something as a question when she really has no choice (obvs he had a choice in this sitch, i'm just drawing a tenuous comparison, i guess). anyway, something for me to keep in mind, for sure. and i'm so glad you guys can have these convos and have them end positively!
ReplyDeleteDo I want to change my set if it hurts or might not be working? Nope!
ReplyDeleteI am probably the most stubborn (and lazy) person out there.
He kinda has a point in the whole "want" issue, but I guess it takes a teenager to actually SAY it.
If you watch some of our tweets and blog posts, you'll notice that he may not grow out of it! ;)
Note to self... DO NOT ASK THAT QUESTION ANYMORE!!! CHECK!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the heads up before we hit the teen years.
Oh snap! Lol.
ReplyDeleteLoved this, teens are awesome. :)
Teens have such a way with words, don't they?
ReplyDeleteKeeps us on our toes!
ha ha... love how real this is!
oh my. teenage boys.
ReplyDeletebut like sara said, i get where he's coming from, kind of. i never want to change my set, but sometimes i may need to. but i wouldn't be offended if someone said want.
but then again, i am not a teenage boy... ;)
Oh wow. I find this hilarious for some reason....
ReplyDeleteIt is SO true, you never want to change a set after you just changed a set! GEEEEZZZZ MOM!! :)
Ive had many of sets that burn with bolusing at first, or are irritated if you bump them the wrong way, and for some reason I'd rather it continue to be annoying than to EVER change it. WEIRD! So true, that boy of yours is just too funny and wise beyond his years!
He has a point on not "wanting" to change a set... most of the time I don't, and that's why I'm probably on some FDA blacklist for not changing sets often enough. But I don't think it'd be offensive to me to be asked that question, especially if it's bugging me or hurting. And I could totally see myself asking that. Then again, like Jess says - can't say I'd have the same response 17 years ago as a teenager. One thing hasn't changed, though: I'm still lazy.
ReplyDeleteI totally get where he's coming from! I wouldn't change a set unless it wasn't working, or fell out. I'm not sure I would say its offensive to ask though....
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, this makes me feel really bad about how I probably talked to my mom about diabetes as a teen. In fact, I remember SCREAMING at the top of my lungs, throwing a huge fit, and stomping away every time she made an endo appointment. Yeah, not my finest hour. So it's not you. It's not him. It's just teenage years. :)
ReplyDeletePS: If my site (or sensor) hurt but are working fine, I usually leave them in too. Not so much to avoid another poke, but just because I don't want to waste d-supplies so I just tough it out. But I wouldn't be offended if you asked about changing it.