My Happy Place

I was really inspired today by a post at Six Until Me. She writes of guilt and the perception that complications from this disease lay in our hands alone. I want to write everything she has written, but they are her words and she puts it so eloquently. It is REALLY worth your time to jump over and read what Kerri had to say.

Because, it really hit a chord with me.

If you read our story, you would know that our family used to own a bakery. My in laws opened it when my husband was 8 years old. My husband had a job to do there from day 1 and eventually took over the business with his sister after his father’s stroke.

J and L were diagnosed while we owned the bakery. This little fact didn’t help the perception of diabetes. I guarantee, many people thought it was the donuts doing that my children were cursed with diabetes. Many people assumed that Type 1 and Type 2 came from the same roots, and assumed that their diagnosis were a result of our poor judgment. Never mind my kids were never chubby. Never mind they got to go to the bakery once a week. We owned a bakery, my husband and I were not small and thin, so naturally they were struck with horror when they found out we had two children with diabetes. B was diagnosed just a couple months after we closed the bakery. It was just more of the same. ‘Good thing you closed the bakery, it’s best for the boy’s health.’

It is for that very reason that whenever I tell someone we have three diabetics…they also get a long lecture of what Type 1 is, and the many reasons that I am not responsible for it. (Well other then maybe passing along something genetically wonky.) I take it to heart that it is a sensitive subject for me, so when people make insensitive remarks I try not to take them personally. I try to educate instead of defend. Sadly, it always feels good to say that my oldest is not diabetic. He is my save. People that are stupid seem to take solace in the fact that one is not diabetic. For some reason they are more understanding because of it. (Yes…I am totally knocking on every piece of wood in the house now!)

The problem is…it really hurts me. I already have enough guilt as it is, to have someone think less of me, and even further BLAME ME for my children’s unrelenting heartbreaking condition…it’s just too much. It is just way way too much. The saddest part is, usually the worst comments come from people you really respect, or a family member…or people who should know better, like doctors or pharmacists.

But it’s different here. Here in bloggy world. Here, you guys see it totally differently. It is such a breath of fresh air. There is no guilt here. There is no blaming here. I am doing the best I can. I am not judged harshly for my son running high or running low. You all so understand...it’s my special place. My safe haven. We might not all agree on everything. My boys got the H1N1 vaccine today, and many of you are passing…but that’s ok. We all see both sides of it and that is what matters. We are all making decisions that fit best within our lifestyle. We get that diabetes is personal. That it isn’t a one size fits all disease…that although we can give advice and try to help, we are not offended if what we did, doesn’t work for another.

I love that we are all different. I love that we are people that may not have given each other a second glance otherwise. I love that I get to see the heart of people from all walks of life, and to know that we are all connected in purpose.

This is my happy place.

And I am so thankful for it…and for you.