A post from Ryan.

Going through my emails, I found this blog post that Ryan sent me.  It was written 10 days before he passed away.  I didn't post it then because he wanted to double check he got the names right, and wanted to make sure he mentioned everyone he met...he didn't want to leave anyone out.  Well, things got a bit busy and real...his changes never happened.  So here is his post, unedited.  A little bit of Ryan to brighten your Tuesday:

 

Ok, I think I get it.  It’s addicting.  I haven’t stopped thinking about blogging since I wrote my first official blog to the world.  Well it kinda helped that I caused quite a stir by misspelling Big Kahuna Fred C-U-N-H-A or that fact I combined all the Scotts with Michael Hoskins. I had not realized the satisfaction you can get by getting something off your chest and connecting with another person who you don’t even know, and who lives heavens knows where.  I think this is partly why my wife blogs………..Wow!  I’m a fricken genius.  It only took me 3 years to figure this out!!!

   It got me thinking why don’t I blog more often?  My first attempt was somewhat successful.  So I sat on this for a while and realized why I was shy to jump in again.....to me my wife is a blogging genius.  I get her blog emailed to me.  I open it and start reading and crying automatically.  Am I a wuss?  I don’t think so. She just touches my heart because we think the same way.  I think my main concern is I'm a little intimidated blogging as I'm living with a blogging legend. That would be like Gordon Ramsey's wife cooking a gourmet meal. Yea she can do it, but you know in the back of his mind he's thinking should have added a bit more salt....coulda' have seared it a bit more.....should have broiled instead of baked. But instead he eats and smiles and says "Baby, I could serve this in my one of my restaurants."

    I wanted to share some thoughts from FFL.  We had a challenging time there.  My 14 year old, J, started getting sick already on the plane flight to Florida.  At one point Meri was running down one of the organizers, Jeff, asking his help to get him to urgent care.  They spent several hours there, handed a prescription and went back to the hotel.  We spent the next few days attending classes and enjoying meeting people.  Joe Solo greeted my oldest son, M, and he immediately rattled off his first impression of M's personality (which he nailed, and in the process made M feel really great.)  We also attended his class, which we thoroughly enjoyed.  We also attended a class from Dr Richard Rubins, I got there early and was sitting by myself.  He walked right up to me introduced himself and made me feel like we had been friends for a long time.  We seemed to have a lot in common and there was an instant connection.  His class “Diabetes Overwhelmness” was something I could totally connect with.  He stopped me later on in the hallway to give me his card and said to keep in touch.  Scott Johnson couldn’t have been nicer.  Introduced me to the one of the founders of FFL and made sure to say hi to me every time he saw me.  He made me feel very welcome.  My 2 littles, B and L, enjoyed Leanne Thill's recycled diabetes supply art center.

   On the third night a gaggle of Mother Bloggers got together at the pool with their families.  It was sorta like a family reunion.  At that point I started to feel bad.  As most of you know, I’ve been battling my own health issues.  I was sitting near the pool and the left half of my body, from my face to my toes heated up to the point where my eye was so irritated I could hardly keep it open.  My dad had a stroke at 55 and I was thinking I beat him by 14 years.  I felt worse for the fact I walked away like from the reunion and didn’t say a thing.  I didn’t want to spoil the fun.  That night I was lying in bed and I felt a scary amount of pain in my kidney area.  I told Meri to call for the ambulance, as I was getting ready to throw up from the pain.  She called the front desk and they said there was a town car waiting in the front of the hotel.  I spent several hours with no sign of a doctor then this nurse couldn’t take it anymore and gave me a shot of oxycontin and I was asleep and pain free in 15 seconds.  They highly recommended we end our trip and go home…………which we did.  That night we had promised the kids Chick-Fil-A, a big group of bloggers were up for the task of getting our promise delivered.  Another thing that happened is that group of bloggers surrounded my wife in a circle of prayer and love.  The gesture and connection went far beyond a group of bloggers who share a disease.  It was a group of men and women with the faith of Job trying to heal one of their own.

     Couple of more shout outs to people I enjoyed meeting.  Wendy and Jason Rose and family.  Meet them before but LOVE them.  Mom of Bean, AKA Denise, super friendly and always gave me a smile.  Scott Strange and I sat and talked baseball, not sure how that happened but it was really cool.  K2, Kelly Kunik, gave me a “hey I know you don’t know me but I know you and your family and I love your wife.”  Jess, I thank you for great attitude and smiley face.  Sara and Kim, thanks for all the Polynesian sauce and helping us keep our promise to our kids.  Lora, I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you too.

     After all that, we still felt like we had a vacation, and Meri and I plan on coming to the next CWD conference.

 

The last sentence right there is so Ryan.  That is how he lived.  Always with hope.  Always making plans for the future...and I'm glad he did.  Looking ahead to happiness was our way of life.  Ryan would tell the boys there was never an excuse to not do something, or to not do our best...someone always had it harder than us.  He often pointed out how blessed we were, and that WE had the power to make our futures what we wanted them to be.  I hope I can find a way to carry on his bright light, and show the boys there is a way through our fog of grief and pain.  The future is bright...Ryan always said so. 

I honestly have no choice but to walk by faith, and believe him.